by Karen Renee
“You out here cryin’?” a deep voice rumbled behind me.
I didn’t need to turn around to know it was Roll. He must think so highly of me if he assumed I was out here boo-hooing. I stifled a growl.
Looking over my shoulder at him I said, “Tears haven’t solved any of my problems in the past ten years. Sure as hell don’t expect that to change now.”
Roll sat down opposite me at the worn picnic table. “What kind of problems could you have possibly had in the last ten years?”
With a small shake of my head, I said, “Puh-lenty. Believe me.”
The look Roll gave me was skeptical at best. “Plenty, huh? Let me hear just one of ‘em.”
I debated which of them to lay on him, but I remembered the saying, “Go big or go home.” I leveled my gaze at him. “My uncle started touching me when I was nine.”
He sighed and growled. “Goddamn son of a bitch.”
I gave a feeble nod, because he was not wrong. Then I said to him, “And that’s just the tip of the fucking iceberg.”
“He take your virginity, too?”
“Yeah, but not before he drove while drunk and high with my momma in the car. The accident killed her, but not him. He hid behind the fuckin’ excuse that she wasn’t wearin’ her seat belt and was ejected. I was a late bloomer. When I bloomed, I thought he’d be done with me, but that was when he said he’d ‘make a woman’ outta me.”
“Goddamn son of a bitch,” he growled again.
The paper plate in my hand was snatched away, flung aside, and then Roll’s hands cupped my face. He was standing and leaning over the table. He looked into my eyes for a beat and I thought I saw pity there. I damn sure didn’t need his pity. Before I could pull away, he kissed me. Well, fuck me running. Here I was, getting just what I wanted, but now I didn’t want it because it was a pity kiss. While I was angry that he was kissing me out of pity, it didn’t keep me from enjoying the coarseness of his mustache and beard around my lips. I was also well aware that he was one of the best kissers I’d come across. Eight weeks ago, Har and Brute were the best kissers I’d ever had, but Roll was blowing them right out of the park. The kiss was so good, my anger slid right out of me.
When Roll broke the kiss and looked at me though, the pity was still in his eyes. My anger sparked hot and fresh.
“I don’t need your pity,” I said. I stood up and moved to the end of the table.
For such a big guy, I was amazed at how quickly he beat me to the edge of the table. He was nimble, and I bet it surprised many adversaries.
“There you go, makin’ assumptions again,” he said, sliding a hand into my hair.
I shook my head at him, but his hand didn’t budge. “It’s not an assumption when I can see it, clear as day, in your eyes.”
His eyes narrowed. “You didn’t see what you thought you saw.”
I pursed my lips. “Really? What did I see then?”
“Awe. Admiration of your strength.”
I didn’t want his admiration either, though it kinda felt nice. I wanted him to want me because of me, not because of anything that had happened to me.
In vain, I tried to shake his hand from my head. “Thanks, but I don’t need you to admire me for that.”
Roll finally dropped his hand from my hair. “He alive?”
I blinked. “Uh, my uncle?”
“Yeah,” he said, adding a curt nod.
I snorted. “No. His sorry ass got shot because he thought he’d defend himself with a knife against a gun.”
“Glad to hear it, and sorry to hear it all at the same time. I’d have liked to have sent him to hell for you, personally.”
Whoa. That might have been the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me. I felt my insides melting for Roll. I might have fallen in love with him a good six months ago, but I found there was no limit to my love for him when he said things like that.
I didn’t know what to say to him, so I mumbled, “Appreciate it.”
I tried to step around him, but Roll put his hands on my hips. “It’s gettin’ cold. You here for the food and drinks or are you here to actually party?”
“Actually party?” I asked, because with MC guys, the definition of a party varied widely.
Roll chuckled. “Party, as in fuck and maybe share a doobie.”
Well, I had had to take a drug test when I was hired for my job, but there weren’t any kind of random tests, so a doobie after getting my rocks off with this man sounded like a great night. I was debating about how honest I should be with Roll, but he spoke before I could make up my mind.
“In case you didn’t hear it in the kitchen, I don’t claim women. Ain’t got any need for an old lady. You look at me like that’s what you’re after, so if we party tonight, you need to recognize it for what it is. You won’t get your hooks in me.”
Maybe it was my youth, but my brain was screaming “You can change that!” I hadn’t ever tried to change a guy before, but I was well and truly hung up on Roll. He had to be mine, and I didn’t care what it took for me to make that happen. I could fake it until I made it, or if the scuttlebutt from Blood was the least bit accurate, maybe I could rock Roll’s world in the bedroom.
I didn’t want to seem overeager, so I asked, “What about your dark-haired friend who was trying so hard to get your attention away from Rainey?”
One of Roll’s eyebrows arched. “You shittin’ me?”
Donning my best sly smile, I said, “I could go for a toke and a poke.”
Roll jerked me forward and I slammed into his body. It was all taut, and at my navel I felt the extremely rigid shape of his cock. My breath hitched at that, and heat grew between my legs. His right hand moved up my back to my neck, and he took my lips in another kiss. His tongue tangled with mine, while his lips moved softly on mine. If I wasn’t careful, he was going to ruin me for all other men because just his kisses were that good. I knew it was risky, but it was a risk I was willing to take. Yes, I would party with Roll and take whatever I could get.
***
The next morning, I woke up in Roll’s bed. The aroma of marijuana was faint in the room. It brought a smile to my lips because Roll and I had partied the night away in the best way. He fit me perfectly, and I couldn’t get enough of his hard edges against my soft curves. In a first for me, he yanked me and my mouth off his cock before he came in my mouth. With a quickness I had never seen before, he rolled a condom on and planted me on his dick. He was rough with me, but not in such a way as to scare me. He had me on top. I thought that would put me in control, but his expansive hands gripped my hips hard, and he controlled my movements. Plus, he may have been on bottom, but he still pistoned his hips into me relentlessly. I threw my head back as sensation built from my tits, down my spine, to my womb. I felt Roll’s warm mouth on my left tit and I moaned. Then he bit down on my nipple and my head jerked forward.
A hotter sight I couldn’t imagine. Roll’s gaze caught mine while he still had my tit in his mouth, and I nearly came on the spot. With my nipple between his teeth, he growled, “Don’t you dare come yet.”
I drove myself down on him in a grinding movement and his guttural groan vibrated around my nipple.
That made me feel so close to triumphant that I couldn’t keep myself from crying out, “Yes! Jesus, don’t stop, baby.”
I heard the spank before I registered the sting of Roll’s hand against my ass, then his mouth left my tit and he shoved me down on my back in his bed. His arms left me, only to pull my legs up at an extreme angle. He drove deeper into me and my back arched against my will. It was against my will because I desperately wanted to watch him pummel into my pussy, but the orgasm he was building in me threatened to be so strong I might feel it for days. Seriously.
His hands shifted suddenly. One went to my clit and he rubbed mercilessly, while the other pressed on the back of my neck so he could kiss me while he reached his climax and I came with him.
Laying in his bed remembering last night, I
was getting a tingle that needed to be alleviated. I rolled over, and faint morning sunlight lit the room, so I saw the bed was empty. My arm snaked out under the sheets, and the other side of the bed was ice-cold. Not only was Roll not there, but he hadn’t been there for quite some time.
I sighed and left the bed for the small bathroom in Roll’s room. After I used the bathroom, I gathered my clothes, which were scattered about Roll’s bedroom, using the ambient light from the narrow windows along the upper edge of the room. Most of the brothers had rooms at the clubhouse, but they didn’t all live in their rooms. It appeared that Roll didn’t reside at the clubhouse. ‘There you go makin’ assumptions again,’ Roll’s words to me from last night rang in my head.
I couldn’t assume he didn’t live here. There were plenty of framed pictures hanging on the walls, most depicting the University of Alabama football team or Alabama coaches. A picture of Bear Bryant with a famous quote from him hung next to the door. “There’s no substitute for guts.” Not only did I love that quote, but I thought it said something about Roll that he had it hanging in his room. In a small corner of my mind, I also thought it was something we had in common, because I had nothing, if not guts. I shook myself from these thoughts because I needed coffee badly, and I hoped I’d find Roll on my way to get my caffeine.
In the kitchen, I found a hot pot of coffee three-quarters of the way full. After looking in two different cabinets, I found a coffee mug and filled it. I turned around and nearly spilled my mug of joe all over the floor. Blood was standing right behind me looking like he needed to tell me my puppy got ran over.
“Jesus! You scared the hell out of me. What’s the problem? You look like you’ve got bad news for me.”
He tilted his head back and forth slightly, then held out a key to me. “Take this. It’s a key to my room. Abby left early for a shift at the hospital. I’m goin’ back to our place to catch a few more winks before I have to go in.”
Shaking my head I said, “I don’t understand. I don’t need a key to your room. I’m heading home soon–”
“I remember you asking if Roll was with us at the party in Mayport. You’ve got it for him, but he’ll never get tied down, hon. I can tell you’re good people. You come ‘round again, you can use my room.”
I sighed. “That’s really kind, but I don’t think giving me a key is a good idea. I mean, doesn’t this break some kind of code of the brotherhood?”
He gave me a shy smile. “That right there is why I know it’s a good idea. I’m VP, so I don’t care if it is breaking a code. My room’s at the end of the hall, across from the President’s room.”
That wasn’t good. I didn’t need the attention of the president.
“No really, I can’t take –”
Blood’s hand grabbed mine and pressed the key into my palm, curling my fingers around it. “You can. Roll left a little after five this morning. Saw him when I walked Abs out to her ride. Go to my room and get some sleep, then you can decide if you’re going home or what you’re gonna do. Abby’s got a bunch of girlie soaps and shit in my bathroom, so at least take a shower or something to feel better.”
A smarter, more self-respecting girl would have been one-and-done with Roll. I wasn’t smart or self-respecting, because I was back at the clubhouse two nights later. Rainey and I were lounging on one of the couches in the common room gabbing about whether or not getting our nipples pierced would be worth it. Roll was missing in action. The president, an older man named Teach, was around.
Teach had the build of a bear. He loomed over most men, but inside the chapter he was a softie. His hair was graying and his beard was fully gray. He had sharp brown eyes that, when trained on you, could make you feel welcome or uncomfortable, they were that expressive.
I walked over to him and asked, “Where’s Roll?”
He leveled his light brown eyes on me. “You his woman?”
“No.”
“Didn’t think so. Ain’t here. He’ll be here when he gets here.”
There was an obvious statement if ever, but respect was paramount in this culture, so I kept my trap shut. I was going to sit with Rainey again, but the prospect she lived with had taken my spot. The two of them were making out on the couch. Teach wasn’t paying me any mind, so I slunk off to Blood’s room. I didn’t feel good about using his room, but I was in denial that I was nothing more than a one night stand for Roll and I couldn’t bring myself to drive home yet.
The next morning I was up with the sun, because of the fabric Roman blinds in Blood’s room. I went to the kitchen, and stopped short when I saw Roll and Cal sitting at a tiny table. Both men looked at me. Cal’s eyes definitely had pity in them, but Roll looked confused.
“Where the hell’d you come from?” he asked, and if I wasn’t mistaken, he sounded pissed.
I ignored his question and went to the coffee pot. When I turned around with my cup, Cal was sauntering back to his room.
Roll leaned back in his chair, and when he spoke he didn’t sound angry. “Teach said you were lookin’ for me last night.”
I shrugged. “Asked where you were, that’s all.”
There was a lengthy silence while he eyed me up and down. “Don’t want to burst your bubble, darlin’, because we damn sure had a lot of fun the other night, but I was serious ’bout what I said. You won’t get your hooks in me, and I’m not settling down. You’re young and beautiful. You need to go out and find a regular man.”
I should have let it go, but my mouth ran away from me. “I don’t want to burst your bubble, baby, but I’ve been takin’ care of myself for a long damn time. I know a regular man ain’t gonna fuckin’ cut it for me.”
CHAPTER THREE
Trixie
Ten years later…
It was pathetic and sad, but nothing with Roll had changed over the years. Happily-ever-afters were not in the cards for me. I didn’t want to leave Florida, so even though Har or Brute, in the Riot MC Biloxi chapter, might have taken an interest in me after a while, it wasn’t worth it to me to make such a drastic change. Roll was nothing if not loyal and true. He wasn’t just loyal and true to Riot and the University of Alabama, he was true to his word. Always. He told me repeatedly that he had no need for an old lady, and that had not changed, not once in the last decade. I still loved him, though, even though it wasn’t good for my self-esteem. I was having frequent mind-blowing casual sex with Roll, but the lack of commitment was getting old. Something had to give, and it needed to give way soon.
Cal had an old lady now, and like Roll, he always said he’d never get tied down either. I had believed Cal more than Roll, because Cal never let women on the back of his bike…until Mallory. I would never forget Mallory’s first morning with us. I pegged her as some yuppie chick sowing some late wild oats, but Cal had heard me talking to her and he roared in my face. It was one of the rare times Roll had been in his bed the morning after we had sex. He came to my rescue with Cal, but with the words those brothers exchanged about Mallory’s behavior, I knew then and there that Melissa had no shot with Cal anymore.
Those days, I was at the clubhouse all of the time. There were instances when visitors would mistake me for a run-of-the-mill sweet-butt, and I’d developed a reputation for being venomous when I rebuked them. Embracing this reputation, I had a custom sticker put on my cherry red Camaro that said, “Venom Vixen.” I was all about the Riot MC brothers, but I would only give up my snatch to Roll.
In the past few years, I had done many things to get more of Roll’s attention. I took the coleslaw wrestling title twice at Bike Week. The five hundred dollars was a motivator for all the women, but none of them needed to impress a man like Roll. Problem was, I realized after Mallory’s situation at Bike Week, Roll still saw me as a piece of ass and nothing more.
I was putting distance between us. It was hard to do, but I had a little bit of dignity left to salvage.
Thinking about my dignity reminded me of Melissa. She and I had been friends, and I t
hought, very close friends since we bonded over wanting brothers who wouldn’t be had. However, I learned that Melissa had slipped over the line. She had become so desperate for Cal she was another person. I got duped by Starla and Melissa because Starla used Melissa’s desperate desire for Cal to get Mallory away from the rest of us. When Riot found out about Melissa’s involvement in the double-cross, they booted her ass out, hard. I didn’t know where she went, but a bitch who doesn’t care how another chick exits the picture ain’t a friend of mine. When I get a man, I want to know I got him fair and square, not through manipulation.
Even though Cal made Mallory his old lady, she was gung-ho about having a wedding, whether it was a biker-style wedding or not. I had gotten to know Mallory over the past several months, and she even invited me to be part of her bridal party. However, Cal had adamantly said there wasn’t any way in hell he’d ask Roll to put on a tuxedo. I ended their conversation by declining the invite. It was another reminder that Roll was someone I would never have, at least not fully.
Remembering that uncomfortable conversation last summer reminded me that I hadn’t done half the things I had hoped to do in the warm weather. Now, it was late January, and my one resolution was to make the most of my free time. This meant I was going to hit Ichetucknee Springs. It was at a state park, and it wasn’t like those jokers closed down just because it was winter. I wouldn’t be able to tube down the spring-fed river, but Forrest, a co-worker, had a kayak, so I called him to see if I could borrow it. He told me he had to work tomorrow, and he would bring it to Walmart. This worked since it was on my way to the interstate anyway.
First thing Saturday morning, I was in the parking lot and transferring the kayak from Forrest’s car to the roof of my car when he came up to help me.