by Karen Renee
“Where you headed today, anyway? Gonna paddle the Trout River or somethin’ easy like that?”
I didn’t really want to tell him where I was headed, but kayaks weren’t a dime a dozen or anything, so I felt obligated to answer. “No. I’m gonna paddle the Ichetucknee River. Had meant to tube down it this past summer, but time got away from me, you know?”
“Wow. That’s impressive. I didn’t realize you were an avid kayaker. Maybe next—”
I had to shut that down. First of all, I didn’t fish off the company dock, and second of all, I didn’t want things to get awkward. “Sorry, Forrest. Not sure there’s gonna be a next trip out there. Certainly not before July, but I’ll take care of your kayak.”
He looked disappointed, but covered it quickly. Ten minutes later, I was making the ninety-minute trek to the state park.
I had found refuge in nature from an early age. I could thank Uncle Derrick and his child molesting ways for that, but I did my damnedest not to think of him when communing with Mother Nature. Truth be told though, after Momma’s death, I thought I’d see less of Uncle Derrick. Boy was I wrong. He was over before I came home from school. The onset of Daddy’s Parkinson’s disease didn’t help, since it just gave him a reason to checkup on Dad. His presence meant I stopped coming home right after school, even if I wanted to help care for Dad. I’d traipse around the woods by our trailer, catching frogs— and the occasional lizard; those damn things were too fast for me. An older girl from the neighborhood and two boys would be around sometimes and they offered me smokes. Roundaboutly, I suppose Uncle Derrick gave me my addiction to nicotine.
I shoved those morose thoughts out of my head because I loved everything about the Ichetucknee State park, and I wouldn’t let thoughts of my uncle mar that. Going to the springs by myself would allow me to wander the trails and still paddle down the icy-cold spring-fed river while getting my head right.
A group of college guys from the University of Florida, which was a mere forty-five minutes away, or, possibly, they were from Florida State, which was about two hours away, paddled by me on the spring-fed river. They hit on me mercilessly, but I smiled and turned them down. In the back of my mind I could hear Roll complaining about their respective schools. I supposed if I was genuinely going to move on, I’d have to appreciate men who didn’t root for Alabama. My mood had been perfectly peachy until those guys passed by me. Their advances just made me realize how much I loved having Roll in my life, no matter how small a part in my life it happened to be. He was big and quiet, but he was a force unto himself and I didn’t want to go without that force in my life.
So much for getting my head straight, but at least I thought I was doing the right thing, work-wise. I had worked for Walmart for the past nine-plus years now, and I had put my name in the ring for an assistant manager position on four separate occasions. I was turned down all four times, but after the last time the district manager said he was aware of my ambition. Plenty of area stores were open twenty-four hours, so I had started working a graveyard shift in an effort to get used to working when most sane people were sleeping. I figured if I landed an assistant manager position without a degree, then I’d definitely be working nights.
I trudged from the last river take-out area back to the parking lot, hauling the kayak over my shoulder. I could have paddled past the drop-off point, but I wasn’t up for paddling back against the strong current of the river. Those springs weren’t just cold; the current created by the spring was a serious force to reckon with even for a two-person canoe team. The day was moderate temperature-wise, but it didn’t take a meteorologist to know the humidity made it feel much warmer. I carefully watched my step as I made my way to my car.
Setting the kayak down, I dug my keys out of my pocket and bleeped the locks on my Vixen, but then I heard a throat clear. I looked up, and could have been knocked down with a feather, because Roll was leaning on his Harley parked behind my car. A lit cigarette dangled from his lush lips.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, with more attitude than I meant to, because the muscles in my arms and legs were burning! It also didn’t help that I had quit smoking. I’d had my car for almost a year and had not smoked in it once. I was determined to keep it that way, but the smell of smoke wafting from him gave me a serious craving for a hit.
Maybe this was something I could work with. I had no intention of starting up again and his love of Marlboros might make me hate him on principle.
He smirked at me and righted himself from his bike. “Could ask you the same thing. You come out here all on your ownsome-lonesome regularly?”
Using the key fob, I popped the trunk, and grabbed a water canteen. After a long drink, I shrugged in answer to his question. “If I feel like it, yeah.”
He looked at me for a beat, and then his gaze slid down my bikini-top-clad body. Paddling was hard work, even with the strong current helping me downstream. That meant I had removed my shirt two-thirds of the way down the river. Now that I thought about it, maybe that was why those college guys had hit on me. Removing my cargo pants had been impossible in the kayak without capsizing. I was a little uncomfortable from Roll’s gaze, but I’d never let him know that. It irritated me that he never did this when I was dressed similarly at club functions. None of his brethren were around to give him shit about me, so it was like I had an entirely different Roll in front of me.
“Good to know,” he mumbled after I shut my trunk.
“So, what are you doing here? I know you didn’t get some wild hair to drive all the hell way out here for no good reason. Plus, how’d you even know I was here?”
He blew a plume of smoke the opposite direction from me, and stubbed the cigarette out on the ground. “Went into the Walmart. Found the manger, but she was talkin’ to some other employee. He hadn’t moved two steps away when I asked if you were on shift. Your manager said you weren’t workin’ ‘til later. I got three feet from her and that other employee told me he’d loaned you his kayak.”
I kept my facial expression neutral, but it surprised me that Forrest said anything to Roll. A sinister grin split Roll’s lips. “You better watch out for that guy, Trix.”
“What? He’s a coworker.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “Yeah, well, he wants more, that’s for damn sure. But, enough about that scrawny fucker. Want to go to Vamp and Rainey’s wedding with me?” he asked.
My eyebrows furrowed at him. I didn’t know why he was concerned about Forrest being interested in me, but as usual, what little emotion Roll had for me was there and gone in a flash. His desire for me to accompany him to a wedding was a strange subject change. The last time I saw Frankie was at Jackie’s baby shower, two months ago. Even though the event was focused on Jackie, someone had still asked Frankie when she and Vamp would tie the knot. She had every intention of having one helluva blow-out wedding, so she said they weren’t getting married any damn time soon. Asking me now seemed ridiculous.
“They haven’t even set a damn date. Why hit me up now?”
Roll’s large noggin shook at me. “Nope. Vamp’s gettin’ impatient. She don’t get her shit together and set the date, he’s gonna surprise her ass at the courthouse. Bottom line, she’s got until April, to set a date before June. I want you to accompany me to the big event, and with you workin’ retail, I wanna make sure it’s on your radar.”
First the college boys, and now Roll himself, in the flesh, were keeping me from getting my head straight, so I said to him, “I’ll think about it.”
Roll’s thick brown eyebrows drew down toward his narrowed eyes. “What’s there to think about?”
“Hunh?” I asked him lamely.
“It’s a yes-or-no question. Which will it be?”
I nodded slightly and smiled wanly. “Right. I’ll pass.”
His eyes narrowed, and the dark coppery hue glittered like pennies laying in the sun. “You dissin’ my brother?”
I blew out a breath while I shook my head. “No. Y
ou know better than that.”
He canted his head a touch and asked, “This got something to do with Mal bein’ in the wedding?”
That made me mad. “I’m not that damn petty you know that. It’s nice to hear you think so highly of me. I like Mallory since I’ve gotten to know her.”
No sooner had I finished speaking than he said, “So come with me.”
With a sigh I looked down at my feet. “I’ll think about it.”
Roll’s strong, thick fingers tipped my chin up, and he asked, “What’s changed, Trix?”
“Not a damn thing, Roll. That’s the problem.”
He ran a hand through his shoulder length brown hair. “You know how it is, babe. I’ve told you since the very first time how it would be.”
I nodded at him. “Yeah. I’m getting’ older and not any thinner. Time for me to move on.”
“Just like that?” he asked me, those copper eyes boring into me.
I shrugged.
“Shoot pool with me tonight, for old times sake.”
“Can’t,” I said.
“Can’t or won’t?”
I took a deep breath and said, “I work seven to four tonight.”
“What the fuck for?” he asked in a growl.
I chuckled. “To make money, try to advance. I get an assistant manager position, it’s pretty certain I’ll be graveyard for some time. Better to get used to that now.”
His eyes gentled, and I’d have said there was pity there, but it was similar to the first time he kissed me. His awe and admiration of me always resembled pitiful glances from anyone else.
After a moment he muttered, “That’s why you ain’t been around much.”
“Not exactly, but that’s part of it.”
***
My eight-hour shift was especially grueling that night. I left Ichetucknee with enough time to drop the kayak off to Forrest, and sure enough, he started hinting at going kayaking together the next weekend. Closing my eyes, I took in a deep breath and let him down as easily as I could. Something told me he would be persistent, though. Then I ran home for a two-hour nap. Spending time in the sun, no matter what season of the year, always left me feeling drained, even if I caught a nap.
A smile tugged at my lips as I left the Supercenter because I was thinking about climbing into my bed in about half an hour. Approaching my car, I noticed a burly figure in a leather cut leaning on it. I felt hope surge through my chest. I hadn’t ever thought Roll would show up unannounced at Ichetucknee, but there he’d been this afternoon. I couldn’t imagine what would garner a late night, or very early morning visit to my workplace, but I wouldn’t knock it either.
I was five feet from my car when I realized the back of this man’s cut was not the Riot MC patch. It was a devil holding a lance.
Shit, what the hell was a Devil Lancer doing next to my ride? I hadn’t had anything to do with the Devil Lancers in over ten years. As I continued to approach, I thought to myself, Ok, fine. Well, not fine, but one Devil Lancer I could handle.
Then I heard more footsteps from the other side of the parking lot, and realized more Devil Lancers were moving toward me. Dread settled into my gut. I pivoted on my heel to go back inside, but Iggy, the asshole I screwed once a decade ago, was right behind me. He was not aging well. How had I forgotten how big his nose was? Tiny veins snaked along his nose from drinking too much, and it looked like he had a knife scar on his left cheek. Jesus, what had I been thinking back then? I was surprised I even remembered his name.
“Where’s Roll?” he snarled at me.
I was scared, but hell if I’d let these assholes know it. My voice was steady when I said, “Don’t know. I’m not his keeper.”
The world spun because a Devil Lancer whirled me around. His cut indicated his name was Heathen and he was their president. His hazel eyes were openly eye-fucking me, but I didn’t dare respond to it.
“You’re his piece of ass. Where’s he at?”
I arched an eyebrow at him. “You know I’m his piece of ass, then you know he doesn’t have an old lady. I don’t know where the hell he is, last I saw him was in Ichetucknee this afternoon.”
“I don’t believe her, Prez. That place is only open in the summer,” one of the men beside me said.
Heathen narrowed his eyes at me. “I believe her. That asshole never let’s anyone tie him down.” A sinister smile lit his face, “You’re gonna give him a message for us, though.”
I was about to say the hell I would, when I caught the flash of his fist in my eye. One of the men behind me caught me before I could fall down, and Heathen hit me again with his other fist. I could feel blood pouring from my nose, and crazy as it seems, I was just happy he wasn’t hitting my mouth. I hated going to the dentist, and I damn sure didn’t want to lose any teeth.
“Grab her arm,” Heathen ordered one of the men.
My left arm was jerked to the side, and calloused fingers shoved my shirt sleeve up. From the corner of my eye I saw Heathen pull out a knife, and couldn’t stop myself from watching him carve an ‘H’ on the inside of my forearm. I didn’t know if it was the sight of the blood or the pain, but I lost consciousness.
***
When I came to, I was hog-tied and laying on concrete. I felt a bug crawling on my face. A bug was crawling on my face! I loved nature, and having a bug crawl on me wasn’t what bothered me. It was that I must have been laying here long enough for bugs to come explore me. I was about to open my mouth to start yelling when a Harley rounded the area. I knew it was a Harley from the sound of the engine. When you’ve spent as much time around bikes and bikers as I had, knowing the sound of certain engines became a talent. Problem was, I didn’t know where I was because my eyes were so swollen. Gray concrete was the only thing I could see. I ached all over, so I had to imagine there were more blows dealt to me after I passed out. I heard another bike approach and prayed I wasn’t at the Devil Lancer compound. That would be bad. I didn’t remember all of the blows I got, but I knew my body couldn’t take any more.
Booted feet stopped near me. “Oh shit! Trixie! What the fuck happened?” Blood asked.
My hands were untied, and then my ankles. “Can you stand?” asked another voice. I thought it was Volt.
“Fuck it, man. I’m carrying her inside,” Blood said and he gently scooped me off the concrete and took me to a couch in the common room.
Good to know, I was at the Riot compound.
When Blood set me down, he pulled his hands away, and he did a double-take. I saw the blood smeared on his hand and fought against my nausea.
“Shit, you’re bleedin’ Trix. Volt, get me the first-aid kit.”
“Already on it, brother,” Volt said. I heard the sound of a metal box hitting the floor nearby.
I stretched my arm out and both men hissed, but Volt asked, “What the fuck is that?”
“He—” I had to look away from them in order to say, “Heathen. Wants Roll.”
***
My iPod hated my guts. It was afternoon, and my eyes were even more swollen. Watching television was pointless with the ice compress on my face, so I had asked Volt to have someone go get my iPod from my car at WalMart. Ever since a prospect brought it to me, I had been listening to my top-rated songs on a shuffle. My iPod seemed to know I was struggling. I was listening to the fourth song that spoke directly to my physical pain or the pain of my situation with Roll.
It all started with the Doobie Brothers singing “What a Fool Believes.” My momma had loved that song, which was why it was in my top-rated list. Listening to it for the umpteenth time, though, I realized I was the guy in the song. I believed what I foolishly wanted to about me and Roll, for well over nine years. There was no talking me out of it, and having that little bit of Roll in my life was better than having nothing at all. How could I be so stupid?
Tears welled up in my eyes. Thinking about Momma always made me cry, but on top of that I wondered what she would say to me about this. Would she have like
d Roll? I always thought she would have, because he was a straight-shooter, but now I wasn’t so sure.
Then Aretha Franklin started singing in my ear about being part of a “Chain of Fools.” Well, that was obvious to me, too, and it was why I was putting distance between me and Roll. The Queen of Soul made me stop thinking about my momma and stop crying.
My girl Joan Jett and the Blackhearts came at me with “I Hate Myself for Loving You,” which truly should have been the theme song for me and Roll.
Then, to needle me some more, the stupid iPod went and played “Broken” by Lifehouse. That was when I started sobbing.
I heard footsteps shuffling around me when the song ended, and then I heard high heels clacking on the floor. A weight settled on the couch near my hip, and a cool, delicate hand touched my bicep. It started rubbing back and forth. I plucked the earbuds out of my ears and slid the ice compress away to see Mallory sitting with me.
She tried to hide her wince, but it was too late. I sighed.
Her eyes closed and she said, “I’m so sorry, Trixie. Did they take you to the E.R.?”
“I thought you were with it now, Mallory. Bikers did this to me, and Riot isn’t about to call in the cops. A trip to the E.R. means reporting it to the authorities. Blood stitched me up, and luckily my nose isn’t broken. I’ll be black and blue for a while, but this is nothing compared to–”
I cut myself off before I said it was nothing compared to the pain of pushing Roll out of my life. That was going to happen. Now more than ever. But pushing Roll out meant I was going to have to shove all the Riot family out of my life. It sucked, but wasting my life on a man who didn’t feel the same for me was not happening any more. “Fake it ’til you make it.” That was a crock of shit.
“It’s nothing compared to what?” Mallory asked in a whisper.
I shook my head. “Nothin’. What time is it? And what are you doin’ here? Shouldn’t you be at work?”
Mallory chuckled, “It’s three-ish. Cal said there had been an emergency with you, and he thought you might like a girlfriend around. Told my boss I had a family emergency to deal with and I cut out early. I got here thirty minutes ago, and thought you were sleeping. Some of the guys heard you sobbing, and well, needless to say, bikers don’t know how to deal with a sobbing woman. So, they came and got me.”