by Dianna Gunn
“If you are to be chosen, the gods will give you a vision of truth,” Veronica said. “Seek only the past, so I know your vision is real.”
“Where is the cleansing bowl?” she asked. She needed to cleanse her hands with water from a quartz bowl before she began.
“Behind the statues.”
Lai took the last few steps towards the altar. At this distance she could see a series of ancient runes carved into its side. The runes glowed bright gold, the light throbbing visibly with power. She leaned over it and glanced first behind Valla, then behind Kalmar. A small quartz bowl filled with water sat on Kalmar’s further hand.
Before she could grab it Kalmar’s torch burst into flames, blocking her path. She jumped backwards, staring at the fire.
“How?” she asked.
“Within every statue is a piece of the God in whose name it was made,” Veronica said.
“But why would he want to stop me from cleansing?”
“He wants an offering. Fire needs fuel.”
Fuel? Lai glanced at her robe. It would burn, but initiate’s robes were to be passed from one generation to the next. Intentionally damaging them was a crime. She had nothing else to burn but the rope that held the silver-framed opal around her neck, and that was too precious.
She bent down to look for something on the ground and a curtain of silver hair fell in front of her eyes. It will burn.
Lai straightened up, holding a lock of hair away from her head. “Should I pull it or cut it?”
Veronica handed her a white seer’s blade as answer. Lai ran a finger along the sharp edge. These blades could cut through almost anything. She cut a lock, held it at arm’s length and sprinkled the hair onto the flame.
The stench of burning hair filled the air. Lai coughed and turned away, her stomach churning. When she turned back to the statue the fire was gone, the quartz bowl now easily within reach. She rinsed her hands and her face. Her stomach settled as the smell of burning hair dissipated.
“May my body be as pure as my intentions,” she whispered, gently flicking excess water off her hands.
A shiver ran down her spine as she returned to the altar. She used her fingers to trace the familiar symbols of protection, blessing and foresight in the air above the scrying bowl. She could almost see herself memorizing them in the temple back home, tracing the writing on the scrolls carefully a hundred times. Perhaps it should have been a thousand.
She dropped the spider-silk into the water in the black bowl, turning the water a light gray, then carefully turned the jar of blue Seersfire upside down and opened it. The ball of flame fell into the water, flaring up dramatically when it hit the surface.
“Take the clouds of judgment from my eyes,
goddess of moonlit skies.”
The flame shrank as she spoke, a ball of smoke forming around it until the bowl became invisible.
“God of sunlit paths,
let me see the truths of the past.”
The smoke cleared and she leaned forward to stare into the water. After a long, painful moment of complete stillness the water started moving, transforming into a landscape, pulling her in.
She was staring at the gates of the ruined city. A richly dressed merchant with extremely pale skin stood near the entrance, surrounded by Lai’s people. He presented Ellanora with chests of fine fabrics, jewels and spices. He came with many friends, each with their own caravan filled with similar treasures. They were allowed to stay within the city.
Day turned to night and the merchant stood in the town square, holding a knife to a priestess’s throat. His friends stood in a circle around the square, all wielding weapons, many holding other priestesses hostage. Her people bent their knees to save their priestesses and the man grinned. His gaze drifted across the crowd and settled on Lai, sending a shiver down her spine.
The vision dissolved and she found herself staring at a bowl of black water. She stared at it until her eyes hurt from the effort of staying open, willing herself to see something else. Something she remembered from a history lesson, even if it was an awful, gruesome tale. Something real.
“What did you see?” Veronica asked.
Her time was up. I failed. She let out her breath in a rush. The words tumbled out of her the same way, so close together she didn’t think Veronica would understand them. “A group of merchants came here. They befriended us, then betrayed us. They kidnapped the priestesses.”
Veronica’s expression remained neutral, but her voice was cold. “You know it to be wrong.”
“Yes.” Even when their people still lived here year round, no such betrayal had occurred.
“Your trials are over. Go now.” Veronica’s tone left no room for argument.
Lai’s steps were slow and clumsy as she exited the hall. It seemed as if the strange colored gods on the floor were laughing at her, as if they knew. It was over. She would never be priestess. She knew she should feel agony, but all she felt was numb. Numb and lost. For the first time in her life, she had no purpose.
That night at the feast, Ellanora announced that Mir and one other girl would go on to the final trial. All around her people cheered. Pa put a hand over Lai’s and Loren stared at her as if she might shatter from the bad news. She pushed Pa’s hand away and left the hall in a daze, all hunger forgotten.
The single floor cabin her family stayed in when they came here was large enough for four, though only three slept in it now that Kaiden was married. It was divided by a thick black curtain—one side for the children, one side for the adults. With her brother gone, she had the children’s side to herself.
Loren had set Lai’s stuff out carefully next to one of the beds. She knew it was Loren because of how organized things were. Pa was a good man, but he was a hurried man. He never did things neatly.
Her corner of the cabin consisted of a bed with almost no padding and a nightstand with two drawers. She grabbed four tall candles from one of her bags and set them up in a circle around her, channeling her rage into four little flames that jumped from her fingertips to the candles. At least the gods had not taken her magic. They had only taken her hope.
She pulled her knees up to her chest and watched the shadows dance around her. Tears streamed down her cheeks. She didn’t bother trying to wipe them away. It should be me. Taelanna even said she passed the test. Her favorite goddess had lied to her. She would never be priestess. I will never be anything.
The cabin door opened and Lai held her breath to listen. The door swung shut with a quiet click. Loren. Pa never took the time to shut the door quietly. Lai wiped her tears away, glad the curtain had kept them hidden.
Loren yanked back the curtain, her face lined with worry. She looked ten years older in the flickering candle light.
“You’re welcome to come live with us,” she said. “I’m sure you’ll have—”
“There is nothing for me but to be a priestess.” Lai turned her gaze towards the back wall. She didn’t want to live with Pa and Loren, but she couldn’t stand the thought of serving other initiates, watching them go on to do what she could not. Or get married.
“Lai, please, you must take joy in the fact that you survived the first trial. In the eyes of the people that is already an honor.”
“It is not enough.” Lai’s chest burned with anger, a welcome distraction from her despair. “My real mother would understand.” She bolted out of the cabin before Loren could respond.
Lai found a secluded corner where she could see the town square and watched the celebrations from the darkness, letting sobs shake her whole body. She didn’t have to be calm anymore. After all, she wasn’t going to be a priestess.
Everyone gathered in the stadium at noon the next day for the final trial. Lai sat in the front row near the center of the arena with Pa on one side and a complete stranger on the other. A large wooden platform had been
set up in the center of the arena, most of its surface covered by an ancient woven rug the same vibrant blue as the cloudless sky above.
Unlike the other trials, this one was overseen by the Elder, Tyrania, who already stood on the platform. She wore an elegant robe of sky blue with silver trim around the edges. Despite her age she stood tall, without the help of a cane. The two remaining contestants stood on either side of her, the image of youth.
Tyrania’s voice was rough, but her speech was elegant, her words perfectly formed. “In my youth, I underwent incredible trials to reach my dream. Had I failed, they would still have changed me, given me the maturity many young girls seek. I succeeded, and so the change was even greater. I became a priestess, a leader.
“Sixteen girls have gone through these same trials in the last few days. Some have been lost to us. Others have grown stronger without reaching their goal. The two girls standing with me do not yet know their fate. It is time for them to call upon the gods and discover their destinies.”
Nobody clapped in the brief silence that followed. This was a moment for contemplation, not celebration.
Tyrania called out the first girl’s name and Lai gritted her teeth. Pa set one hand reassuringly on her shoulder. Despite her inner tension, she smiled. It felt nice to be close to him again, even if it was only for a few days. Where will I live? She pushed the thought down. The temple would surely give her time to figure it out.
As the stage cleared and the girl raised her arms to the sky Lai wanted nothing more than to look away, to leave and find out who won later, but she couldn’t move. She had to see this thing through.
The girl bellowed the ancient language priestesses used to cast spells into the air, calling upon Kalmar. Nothing happened. She tried again and again, each call growing louder and more desperate. Lai’s whole body tensed as she watched. She felt every new twinge of desperation as the girl finished the chant again and again, pausing each time only to see nothing had happened.
After perhaps an hour Ellanora went to remove her from the platform. The girl screamed and clawed her way free. Two guards rushed forward to grab her. They dragged her away, pinning her between them as she tried to kick her way free again.
Her screams turned to sobs as they pulled her across the stadium, finally disappearing altogether.
Lai closed her eyes and took a deep breath. There was only one contestant left. Somebody had to become the new priestess, and now everybody knew who it was. But Mir still had to call down the gods, to prove that she truly was the voice of her year. At least Lai could console herself that it wasn’t one of the girls who hated her. Except somehow this felt worse.
Tyrania returned to the stage, her expression sorrowful as if she ached for the girl who failed.
“It is time for the final initiate,” she said, her voice booming throughout the stadium.
Mir strode gracefully to the center of the platform and bowed to the crowd. She looked older now, as if the trials had already made her a woman.
“I heard she managed to heal old Erandil’s eyes,” a woman behind her said.
“Erandil will never see. She healed the gardens of the shrines,” a man responded.
“Shush, she’s starting,” said the first speaker.
Lai bit back her jealousy like it was bile, balling her hands into fists as she watched Mir sit in the exact center of the brilliant blue rug.
Mir closed her eyes and everyone fell quiet, leaving only the sound of hundreds of people breathing. The breeze grew into a strong wind around them. It howled in Lai’s ears as Mir opened her eyes. They had grown large and turned a deep green, like the trees in the forest of Lai’s dream.
A terrible burning sensation filled Lai’s chest, stretching out through her entire body. The gods had come to her in her dreams, but they chose her best friend to be priestess. A cruel trick. She closed her eyes and wished she could close her ears. Pa tightened his grip on her shoulder, but his touch wasn’t comforting anymore. Nothing was. Why did Taelanna lie to me?
“My people,” Mir said, voice thick with Ravina’s power, “you have done well. Your daughters have given their best, fought valiantly to prove their worth. They deserve to be celebrated for their devotion, their strength, their talent.
“The woman I speak through is now Miran from Mir. Her teachings are mine, her words mine. Respect her as you respect me.”
Mir fainted and Lai’s anger melted away. That was still her best friend. She jumped over the railing separating her from the field and ran to Mir. She picked her up, ignoring the jolt of pain in her arms. Lai lifted her unconscious friend as high as she could and started walking towards the northern end of the stadium and the healing hall beyond it.
Several people offered to help but she refused them all, clinging to Mir as if she might lose her friend forever if she let go. A young initiate opened the door to the healing house and led her to an empty room. She carefully lowered Mir onto the bed while the younger initiate lit several green candles.
Lai sat with Mir for hours, holding her hands. The world became a blur of worried adults, one after another whispering prayers over the new priestess, checking her temperature and fixing the blankets around her. She ignored all of them, unable to think about anything other than her own despair.
Mir—Miran now, she supposed—slept peacefully as if nothing was going on around her, an exhausted smile stretched across her face. A victorious smile. Hot jealousy returned, surging up in Lai’s chest, but this time instead of filling her it seemed to take every ounce of emotion she had left, leaving her empty.
Finally the last of the worried adults left, eager to partake in the night’s feast. The celebration must go on with or without the new priestess. At midday they would begin their journey home.
She tightened her grip on Mir’s hand, grateful that the other girl was unconscious so Lai could be alone with her thoughts, the spiral of jealousy and sorrow filling her body. She hadn’t hurt so much since her mother died.
“Why you and not me? Why only one?” She barely managed to force the words out, her voice shaking like a leaf on the wind. “And what will I do now?” She had never even considered life as anything but a priestess.
Now she listed all the possibilities in her head, and she hated them all, especially the idea of moving in with Pa. He would begin trying to arrange a marriage the moment they got home.
No, she would not be able to build a life back home, not now. But maybe I could in the north. Legend said the northern kingdom of Alanum consisted of half a dozen tribes constantly at war with one another. She could find work there, fighting petty battles and earning enough to buy a house when she grew old. There was little honor in it, but at least she would be free to make her own decisions.
“There is nothing for me here now,” Lai said to Mir. “I must leave, find a new path. Good bye Mir, Miran. I know you will be a wonderful priestess.”
She kissed Miran on the forehead and left.
Everyone was celebrating, so nobody was home to question her when she came for her stuff. She grabbed her belt—red leather with four pouches and clips for her weapon sheaths—and checked the pockets. Her sling and three stones to load it with were still inside. She shoved her half burnt candles from the night before in a bag with her extra riding clothes and hurried out of the house without so much as looking at the half where Pa and Loren slept. She couldn’t hesitate.
With everyone at the festival it was easy to sneak into the warehouse beside the stables. Lai took as much grain and water as she could stuff into Maia’s saddlebags. Getting herself food was too risky. She’d just have to hunt when she reached the northern forest. She had survived two days without food before the trials, she could survive another two now.
Lai left the city and rode north, towards the legendary kingdom of Alanum.
Part Two
Alanum
Chapter Five
For the first few days Lai rode only at night, conserving Maia’s energy during the day and drinking as little water as possible so she could keep Maia healthy. They passed a blackened and crumbled town on the second night. On the third night Lai saw deep scars carved into the land, black marks from war magic. There were similar marks at the edge of Valasharn, but none as deep as these ones. The handful of plants growing around them were twisted, ugly things, unlike any plants she had seen before. What happened here? She wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer.
On the fourth night she began to see healthy plants, and by the end of the night they reached the great forest of Alanum. Lai tied Maia to a tree and set up her blanket a few feet away, using her spare tunic as a pillow.
Moments later she stood in the clearing where she had fought Taelanna, only now it sat empty, the stars hidden behind massive clouds. She could barely see in front of her face. Lai cupped her hands together and concentrated on fire, but nothing appeared. She tried again and again, even separating her hands and trying to conjure a tiny flame with one finger, but nothing happened. Had the gods taken her magic after all? Her limbs grew heavy and cold with fear and she gave up, collapsing in a heap on the ground.
A glimmer of light caught her eyes and she turned to see a sliver of the moon reflecting off of the lake.
She hurried towards it, hoping to find some trace of the gods, some sort of answer, but clouds covered the moon. She froze as darkness closed in around her again, her chest constricting with terror.
Somewhere behind her a woman laughed. Lai whirled around but the laughter had moved, as if whoever was laughing had flown over the lake. She spun again but saw only darkness. The laughter grew louder until she couldn’t hear her own thoughts. Her hands flew to cover her ears. It didn’t help.