Wait (Bleeding Stars #4)

by A. L. Jackson

  Niece?

  My brain tried to process the fact of what he was saying, and the question was slipping out, making itself known before I could stop it, the words raw. “You have a niece?”

  My head shouted a thousand questions. How? When? Was it even possible?

  Austin straightened. Discomfort slithered through him as he met the confusion I knew was so clearly written on my face, as if maybe he understood he was broaching a topic so incredibly difficult for me.

  As if he knew how hard it was to stand here and face my past that I’d tried to run so far from, too weak to stand or stay. Now I stood in the dark, a stranger to my family and friends who had become nothing more than a distant, foggy dream.

  Wistfully, he shook his head. “How much back home did you keep up with, Edie?”

  My laughter was fragile. “You know I didn’t.”

  After I’d left, I’d sent one pathetic, excuse of a letter to Ash. Purposefully leaving off a return address with the hopes it would sever the last connection to the past I could no longer cope with.

  In effect, I’d cut off my brother.

  My parents.

  My home.

  My Austin.

  But I had to, because severing my connection with them meant I was snipping that last tie to him. Being in the same city had been something I could no longer entertain. Hatred fisted in my belly, and I pushed it down, aside, because the last thing I wanted was to give him more air time in my thoughts.

  He’d already stolen so much.

  Because of him I’d completely left behind those I loved.

  I hadn’t dared keep in touch. It’d hurt too much to look back and know I was no longer a part of their world that had grown to unfathomable heights.

  The success of Sunder had exploded while I’d hid out in this safe, quiet, secluded town in Northern California.

  It was easiest just to leave it all in the past and pretend as if I didn’t miss it. Them. As if there wasn’t this gaping hole in my soul reminding me of everything I’d lost.

  Regret tweaked at just one side of Austin’s mouth, carrying his own loss. Yet somehow it was still awed and filled with love. Just the longing in his expression was enough to weaken my knees and my resolve and the fortress I tried so desperately to keep erected around my heart.

  God.

  This shaky feeling took me over. I wanted to run and to stay. I wanted to hold on to the hurt and betrayal Austin had scored into my spirit and drop to my knees to offer him all the fragments that remained splintered inside.

  They’d always belonged to him anyway.

  He shook his head. “Baz is married.”

  “You’re kidding me.” It came out on a breath, and I tried so hard to play it off as casual. As if there weren’t tears pricking at my eyes. Tried to stand there in front of the boy who knew me best and pretend it didn’t matter that these people who’d been a huge part of my life had moved on and grown and changed.

  While I’d stayed the same.

  Stuck.

  Stagnant.

  Stale.

  His potent gaze absorbed it all, and there was no missing his own sorrow or the way he did his best to play it off, too.

  “Can you believe that? It was right before I left L.A. Met an ex-country star who already had a little girl.”

  Reverent disbelief seemed to subtly shake his head. “Swooped the two of them up faster than any of us could make sense of it. They have a little boy now, too. Connor. Getting ready to turn two.”

  My throat suddenly felt tight, the weight pressing down on my chest almost too much to bear. I squeezed Heidi’s hand and forced a bright smile. “That’s wonderful. I’m so happy for him.”

  “Yeah. Me, too. Deserves it more than anyone I know.”

  My own eyes traced and learned, taking in the way his Adam’s apple bobbed heavily against his thick throat.

  “Haven’t even met him yet,” Austin admitted quietly.

  I tried to keep my voice from trembling as I drifted in Austin’s unease. Knowing I was prying. Diving into deep waters where I wasn’t certain I could swim. “Why haven’t you met him, Austin?”

  He’d told me he’d been gone for three years. I guess I hadn’t really calculated what that meant or what it might have cost.

  His own demons flickered across his face, a mask of fury and shame, that bright, beautiful boy sinking into the depths of his misery I was certain had cast him out of that world, too.

  Where Austin would forever drown.

  This boy who’d allowed me to dip my toes into the frigid waters of his torment. Never allowing me all the way in.

  His own secrets and shame so profound.

  “Don’t know, Edie. It’s…hard.”

  My mouth curved, a wistful tug at the corner of my bottom lip. “I get it. You don’t have to explain.”

  Time danced around us. Threatening to pull us into the past or thrust us into the future.

  Because in the end, Austin and I had always been so much the same.

  I shook myself off, blinked away the tears. “Tell me about everyone else.”

  Incredulous laughter rolled from him, and he widened his eyes, clearly getting ready to spill on the best kind of gossip, like maybe this topic was a reprieve. “So get this…Lyrik? Dude’s married. Has a baby on the way.”

  My mouth dropped open. “No way.”

  Lyrik West was the biggest, baddest player I knew. With the exception of maybe my brother.

  Austin nodded. “Yeah way. Can you believe that?”

  “No. I really can’t.” I forced the most joking grin onto my mouth, pretending as if I was only playing along, as if he told me otherwise it wouldn’t just about be the final straw that wrecked me. “Tell me Ash isn’t married, too.”

  Grey eyes flashed. Knowing and kind and so onto me.

  As if I could ever keep a secret from him.

  “Nah…as far as I know, your brother is still tearing up the countryside, laying siege to every city he visits. Poor girls don’t know what hit them. The boy just loves to spread the love around, doesn’t he?”

  Playfully, I pressed my hand over my heart. “Some things never change.”

  Those eyes washed over me. Soft, seductive, and sweet. God. He was going to be my ruin. “Yeah, you’re right, Edie. Some things never change.”

  Heidi giggled, dragging me from the spell Austin Stone had me under. “I need to find a dress for my doll…remember?”

  I squeezed her hand, my voice a raspy whisper. “Yeah, baby, I remember.” I looked back to Austin. “So…we…ah…better go. We’re going to find something fun for Heidi and then grab lunch and ice cream…maybe even hit the park if we have time, aren’t we, Heidi?”

  I struggled to inject some excitement into my tone.

  “Yep, yep! Ice cream is my favorite, and chocolate is my favorite, favorite. I can have chocolate, right?”

  “Of course you can,” I whispered.

  Austin’s expression shifted. Waffling on what to say. I could see it, the way his jaw worked and he looked to the ground.

  Tension grew thick. Filling up the space.

  This magnetic boy blindfolding me with all his dark.

  He took a slow step forward. “Go to dinner with me, Edie.”

  Apprehension slicked through my veins, and my tongue darted out to wet my dry lips. “That’s a really bad idea.”

  Just a week ago, I was running from him like I’d seen a phantom. A dark, dark obsession.

  And here he was…pushing a step closer. Encroaching and enclosing.

  And I was letting him.

  Damn. Damn. Damn. How could he do this to me?

  “And why’s that?” he countered.

  I almost scoffed.

  I could give him a thousand reasons, but he already knew every single one of them.

  “You know why, Austin. I’m not…”

  Ready enough.

  Strong enough.

  Brave enough.

  I want to tru
st you. I just don’t know if I can.

  Those eyes dimmed, and his voice deepened. “I just want to know you again. I miss you.”

  “I miss you, too.” The words left me on a tremor.

  God. Had I just admitted that aloud? But was I really that surprised, that this enigmatic man could pluck the truth from me without my permission?

  “Come on, Edie. It’s just dinner between friends.”

  Right.

  Something sly worked its way into his expression, the confident side of this boy I didn’t know, and he turned his regard to Heidi who was hopping from foot to foot at my side. “Heidi, tell Edie here that she has to go to dinner with me. Tell her she’s going to break my heart if she turns me down. My fragile ego can’t handle it.”

  Heidi looked up at me with wide, horrified eyes. “Don’t break his heart, Edie. That’s not very nice. We’re always s’posed to be nice. Remember?”

  I pressed my palm to my forehead, feeling the heat, this steady burn that lit up in my veins, tugging and tugging and tugging.

  Pulling me toward the boy who had been my biggest downfall.

  Austin slanted his gaze my way, all the heaviness from the moment before gone. Vanished. In its place was an expression that was every kind of manipulative and the most dangerous combination of cocky and cute. “She’s right, Edie. We’re always supposed to be nice.”

  Why did he make me this way?

  Giddy and hopeful and excited.

  And completely, profoundly terrified.

  The same conflict he’d always incited in me roared.

  “I shouldn’t.”

  He took another step forward, so close I breathed him in.

  Something masculine.

  Spicy and a little bit sweet.

  Intoxicating.

  I had the urge to bury my nose in his neck. Or maybe in the collar of his shirt.

  Memories assaulted me.

  The smell of fresh laundry stretched across his hard body.

  Warmth.

  Security.

  A rush of dizziness spun through my head.

  His rough voice covered me whole. “You most definitely should.”

  I shook my head again. But this time it was in surrender.

  Austin knew it too.

  He knelt down to Heidi’s level and pushed his fist out her direction. “Score. We make a great team, little one.”

  She bumped him back, making a little exploding noise as he did the same. “Score!” she squealed.

  Oh God.

  What had I agreed to?

  And why?

  Austin straightened to his full towering height.

  Dominating comfort.

  “I’ll pick you up at seven,” he said.

  “Austin.”

  It was a final plea.

  One he totally ignored with the arrogant, self-assured smirk that lit on his face. “Seven.”

  He walked backward, the big bear tucked to his side, his grin so wide while my heart completely thundered out of control.

  What was I doing? What was I doing?

  This had to be one of the most reckless things I’d ever done.

  This, and trusting him in the first place.

  He gave Heidi a little salute, before he spun on his heel and began to walk away. He rounded the end of the aisle then paused just before he disappeared from sight. He leaned back to catch my gaze.

  “Oh, and Edie?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Gonna make sure you don’t regret this. Not again. Not this time.”

  I swallowed around the knot in my throat. I could only pray he was right.

  “Walk with me?” I asked.

  Nervously she raked her teeth over her bottom lip, contemplating, before she peeked up at me and gave me a timid nod. “I’d like that.”

  We both turned, heading down the boardwalk from the restaurant where we’d shared dinner. We’d eaten in this strange, awkward comfort. Like we were giving time to catch up to the fact that we were here.

  Together.

  Our conversation had seemed both easy and guarded. Our laughter only ringing with the safe stories we told. Ones that weren’t hard and didn’t point out our failures or fears.

  Now we walked in silence, both of us caught up in that strange intensity.

  Neither of us quite sure where we stood.

  No doubt, both of us were traversing uneven ground.

  Didn’t mean my entire body didn’t itch with her gliding along at my side, her arm just brushing mine.

  My fingers twitched.

  Fuck it.

  I reached out and took Edie’s hand.

  In surprise, she jumped, before she peeked up at me again then looked down to watch like she was a little bit in awe as I threaded her trembling fingers through mine.

  Shivers rolled through her. Head to toe.

  The breath I was holding left me on a gush of relief while my heart flipped with an erratic beat.

  A goddamned stampede in my chest.

  I had no idea what her reaction to me touching her would be. If she’d push me away. Or maybe run.

  Because the girl had every right to tell me to go straight to hell. Right where I belonged.

  Instead she seemed to contemplate, chewed at that lip before she gave in and nestled into my side.

  God, she felt so damned good.

  We strolled along the boardwalk like we were just another couple lost in the mix. Strands of twinkling lights were strung up around us. Tonight, the old worn wooden planks were packed with people, the night air perpetually cool as it rode in on the waves, the hint of a storm just making itself known in the distance.

  Edie snuggled even closer and released a deep, deep breath. Like maybe she’d been holding it in forever. It swirled around me, filling up my senses with all that sweet and warmth.

  Unable to resist, I released her hand and wound my arm around her shoulders. Pulled her tight against my body that was about five seconds from coming completely unhinged.

  And Edie…Edie just curled into me, her opposite hand coming to rest on my abdomen.

  “This feels so nice.” Her confession was tentative. Maybe insecure.

  I pressed my lips to the top of her head. “It feels like the best thing in the world.”

  “It feels crazy. Impossible,” she whispered, almost as if to herself, like she couldn’t believe she was here.

  “Perfect,” I said in return.

  And then those arms were winding around my waist. Hugging me tight from the side. Clinging and holding and tugging at everything inside of me.

  In silence, we wandered off the boardwalk, wound down and around, veering for the beach.

  Like we were both completely in sync.

  Drawn.

  And I wished upon every damned star in the sky for a second chance.

  For something I could do to truly make it right when I’d done her so fucking wrong.

  To be good enough for this girl who was obviously created for me.

  Inhaling, she lifted that stunning face to the sky I’d just been wishing on.

  It took about all I had not to bury my face in the slender column of her delicious neck, to feel the beat and thrum of the pulse I knew raced underneath all that snowy flesh.

  Desire belted me right in the gut, lust hitting me hard and fast.

  I wanted her so damned bad.

  And that was the problem.

  I always had.

  Wait.

  It seemed patience hadn’t always been my strong suit.

  When we hit the beach, our feet sank into the soft sand. We both slipped off our shoes, carrying them as we trudged across the shore. Further and farther until we were alone in a secluded cove, darkness pressing down and the sky opening up where it went on forever.

  Waves crashed where they toiled, an inciting calm, a crazy sense of solitude riding in on the breeze.

  A tremor of his presence rolled over me.

  The way it always did when I got this clos
e.

  Dangerous, murky waters calling me to the same depths where I’d condemned him.

  Edie unwound herself from me, turned to look out over the sea, crossed her arms over her chest. Her loose-fitted, thin sweater draped around her tight little body just right, caressing every curve, one delicate shoulder exposed, and those long, slender legs were on display in the short frayed jean shorts she wore.

  I sank onto the damp sand, toes dug in deep, arms wrapped around my knees as I watched my girl from behind.

  “It’s gorgeous out here,” Edie said reverently, that striking face lifted toward the heavens.

  In the distance, a flicker of lightning flashed with the building clouds, and a gust of wind blew through the basin, a misty fog gathering low.

  “Sometimes I can’t believe how peaceful it is out here. Makes you feel so damned small.”

  Peace and torment.

  Peace and torment.

  I fought the tightening of my chest.

  She edged forward until her feet were consumed by the slow crawl of the tide.

  Taking one step deeper, she turned to look at me from over her shoulder. “Do you want to wade with me?”

  She’d laced caution into the question, her head tipped to the side as she searched me.

  I could barely croak it out, throat tight and mouth dry. “No, Edie. I don’t.”

  Pain lashed across her distinct features. White, white hair whipped around her, striking in the glow of the full moon shining down.

  Firelight.

  She looked away, gathering herself, before she was staring back at me in compassion, in this overwhelming affection as she leaned down and let her fingertips travel across the crest of a small wave that rose to brush the middle of her calves. “Is this where you feel closest to him?”

  I glanced to the ground, to the glittering pebbles of white sand, forcing out the words. “Yeah. The sea always makes me feel close to him.”

  She said nothing, solemn as she waited for me to continue.

  I roughed an agitated hand through my windblown hair. “It’s like I can’t get too close…but he never lets me get too far away.”

  Understanding flickered through her expression. “Which is why you’ve been traveling the coast.”

  It wasn’t a question.