Before I could answer - in as much as I could answer that - there was a noise from the bushes and Jax, Adrien and Killian joined us.
"What's going on here?" asked Adrien. Was it my imagination or was there a little jealousy in his voice?
"She threw up," said Gage.
"Too much ale?" suggested Killian.
"She found out that the sacrifice is most likely still going ahead," said Gage.
"Who told her?" asked Adrien.
"Damn Viola," muttered Jax, guessing right.
"She has her good points," said Adrien, in a way that made me feel a pang of jealousy in return.
"She's got a big mouth."
"Because she told me the truth?" I snapped.
Jax leveled his hard, blue-grey stare at me. "You still haven't got the basics of being a prisoner mastered, have you? We don't have to tell you the truth. We don't have to tell you anything or show you the least consideration whatsoever. You think the Sudder feed their prisoners meat or give them ale? You think they let them dance? Most of them will be lucky to walk again after what the Sudder do to them." His tone changed a little. "I'm sorry about your friend. But there's nothing we can do. She's a casualty of war."
"But..." I tried to speak.
"There's no more to say." He didn't shout, but Jax had a way of speaking that shut you up just as well.
"There is a case to be made for going back." It was Adrien who spoke.
Jax rounded on him. "We all know why you're taking her side."
Adrien defended himself. "I'm just saying, we didn't finish the mission."
"You think we can just walk back in there again? Remember how difficult it was the first time? And now they'll have redoubled their security."
"Since when did how difficult things are bother us?" asked Adrien.
"There's a lot at stake."
"If we left the girl here in Holm's Rest," to my surprise, Gage now seemed to be taking my side, "then we wouldn't be risking anything."
"Except our lives," pointed out Killian.
"You got a problem with that then you need to find another squad," snapped Gage.
"All I'm saying," Killian countered, "is that our lives might be better spent fighting a battle we can win. We're outnumbered already. Throwing four good soldiers away on a fool's errand doesn't seem like the best use of a limited resource."
"But if we were successful," Adrien pointed out, "then that would guarantee the sacrifice fails. Isn't that worth it?”
Killian shrugged; maybe.
"You've got to weigh the chances of success against failure," said Jax. "The rewards are great but the chance of success is too small. It's like saying, let's attack the citadel of Sudene, because if we win the war will be over - it would, but they outnumber us twenty to one and have better weapons. It would be suicide, so we don't do it. The same applies here." He looked around at his comrades. They had been on many missions together and each would happily trust any of the others with his life, and had done so. "Look, if I thought there was a chance then I would be the first to suggest it; you all know that. If I thought we could end this war by laying down our lives then sign me up, and I know you'd all be there with me. That doesn't mean I'm ready to squander my life for nothing just because some Sudder girl bats her eyelashes." He shot me a look of pure contempt. "Now, since you seem to have some difficulty recalling that you're a prisoner, I think we'd better remind you. Get the rope back on her and find her a room in the keep. Something secure."
"I don't feel well." I didn't know if it was the drink or the fateful outcome of this conversation or Jax's reminder that I was still their captive, but something was making my stomach churn once more.
Jax looked irritated for a moment, as if this had interfered with his hardline attitude. "Alright. Somewhere with a comfortable bed. But still secure. Tomorrow, you will meet our king and I will speak to him about your staying here as a citizen rather than a prisoner. Bear in mind that that is based on you behaving yourself."
I nodded, too upset to do much more arguing now.
"Good." Jax turned on his heel and stalked away as the others moved to carry out his instructions. But as he went, he stopped and turned back to me. "I am sorry about your friend."
There was a catch in his voice that reminded me that he knew what it was to lose someone you cared about.
With a rope around my waist, Killian and Gage marched me up to the stronghold of Holm's Rest. We entered through a heavy pair of wooden gates and crossed a courtyard to a two-story wooden building. Up two sets of stairs, we came to a corridor lined with doors, one of which Gage opened.
"Here's your room," said Gage, tying my rope to the bed's leg.
"What's stopping me from untying it?" I asked.
"Obedience," was all he said, but that was enough; I knew that I wouldn't be untying it. Gage had achieved a level of obedience in me in a few days that the Caretakers had failed to achieve in twenty years.
"I will be right outside the door all night," added Gage. "Me. Not Adrien."
No sex for me tonight.
Killian and Gage left and I sat down on the bed. I was exhausted from the day's journey, and from the party and from throwing up, but mostly from what I had learned. An emotional exhaustion stole over me, leaving me heartsick and lost. I felt as if I could burst into tears there where I sat. It was all just so much to take in. So much to deal with.
They were all right, of course. They knew their business and if they said that there was no way of getting Sadie out of the temple precinct, they were right. They were right that security would be so much tighter since they had managed to get me out. It was impossible.
The thing was, none of that mattered. Sadie was my only friend, the closest thing I had to family, and I loved her in a way I could not even begin to put into words. It wasn't that I thought I could save her, it was that, if I didn't try, I wasn't worthy of the word 'friend'. I would sooner die with her than know that I had done nothing. I would sooner the Norrens all died than lose Sadie. Which wasn't right, or rational, or decent, or kind. It was just the very normal act of a friend.
I got into bed and let sleep creep over me. I would need a good night's rest, because tomorrow I was going to find a way to escape, and then I was going to do everything in my power to save Sadie.
Chapter 12
The Norrens did not go in much for social distinctions, so the inhabitants of the castle ate with the inhabitants of the houses scattered around it. There was no bowing to Lord This or Lady That, a farmer could slap a General on the back and make a joke about the cut of his beard without fear of having his head lopped off where he stood. It was, therefore, a very convivial breakfast to which I was led - still on my tether - by Gage, who showed no signs of tiredness despite his night spent outside my door. I wondered if he had slept; I certainly hadn't dared to check.
Outside the keep, the long tables on which the Norrens had feasted the night before had been moved around and were now laid out for breakfast - which appeared to be leftover meat from the night before - I was learning that the Norrens ate a lot of meat. Standing at the head table, looking really very handsome in the morning light, was Jax, and I was again reminded of the standing that he had in this community. He was more than just a soldier.
Gage led me to Jax and we exchanged good mornings. He seemed in a better mood than he had the night before, though I still did not think it would be a good moment to bring up rescuing Sadie.
He turned to a man seated in the middle of the table. "King Aelric? This is the captive Sudder, Aleah." I wondered when he had learned my name. "Aleah, this is the lord of Holm's Rest and the first among equals of the Norren people. King Aelric."
Obviously, I had never met a king before and I wasn't entirely sure what to expect. What I got was a man in his early forties - I guessed, based on absolutely no experience whatsoever - his hair touched by grey, his face lightly lined but strong. He was solid and masculine, and built like one of my four men, clearly a soldi
er, a fact backed up by the livid scar that ran from the corner of one eye, cutting across his cheek and terminating at his chin. His clothes were plain and unadorned. For a moment, I thought he was wearing a single leather glove, studded with metal, on his left hand, but as I looked, I realized that the hand was not moving. He had lost it in some old battle and now had a false one replacing it. This, was a warrior king.
"Aleah. A beautiful name for a beautiful woman," Aelric said in a rich baritone voice.
"Aelric is nice, too," I replied, and Jax rolled his eyes.
"Thank you. Jax here has spoken to me of your situation in Sudder. I must say, we had no idea that the sacrificial virgins were kept in such complete ignorance. I was rather skeptical when Jax told me about it but he seems convinced of your sincerity and I trust Jax's opinion in all things."
"It doesn't mean that I completely trust her," Jax put in.
Aelric smiled. "And that's why I trust him. No one is more suspicious than Jax. If he believes your story then that's as good as seeing it for myself."
I found myself feeling proud of Jax. What an odd thing to feel.
"This all being the case," Aelric went on, "and again, at Jax's urging. I am willing to grant you the chance to join us as a Norren."
"Really?" Even I was surprised by how much this prospect excited me.
Aelric laughed at my eagerness. "It may interest, and perhaps surprise you to know that several of your people have requested the privilege and now live among us as Norren. Our way of life, simple though it is compared to what your kinsmen may be used to, appeals to them. I think the concept of personal freedom is most tempting. Something largely unknown amongst the Sudder, so I am given to believe."
"And no one minds?" I asked, remembering the way I had been received.
"There is often resistance and suspicion when they arrive," Aelric explained. "And rightly - some of those asking to live with us have proved to be spies, which is why it is not a status that is automatically conferred on anyone. But once they have been officially recognized as Norren then why should there be any animosity? They are one of us."
I nodded. It sounded like a very tolerant system but I noted that he did not mention what happened to the spies.
"So, what do I have to do to prove myself worthy?" I knew that I would not be worthy since I was planning to run away later that day but I had to ask to keep up the facade.
Aelric spread his hands. "Eat with us, drink with us, sit with us and share your stories. Live with us. Obey our laws, follow our customs, treat our people with respect and love. Doesn't seem like a lot to ask, does it?"
"No."
"And yet, not one of your spies was able to do it." He shook his head. "It is my opinion that the manacles that bind the people of Sudder are beneath the skin, and they don't even know that they are there."
Having spent my life amongst girls who did everything they were told simply because they were told to, to the extent that they had no obvious will of their own, I knew exactly what King Aelric meant.
"He likes you," said Jax, somewhat grudgingly, as we took our seats for breakfast.
"I like him."
"This doesn't mean that I trust you."
"I'm well aware of that." I wondered what I would have to do to win his trust. But once again, it would shortly become a moot point.
When the convivial breakfast was over, King Aelric came over. "Come, Aleah. I will show you around Holm's Rest."
"Thank you." I didn't say how helpful this would be in planning my escape. I felt guilty; they were being so nice to me. True, I had a rope around my waist, and Jax never let go of it, but I still felt more welcome here than I had in all my years in the temple precinct. It felt wrong to run away, and in any other circumstances I wouldn't have dreamed of doing it, but Sadie was in danger and that was the end of it.
All that to one side, Holm's Rest was another world. When I thought about it, there must have been blacksmiths and weavers, seamstresses, and carpenters, bricklayers and other artisans somewhere at least nearby the temple precinct to make and maintain the stuff that we used every day. But I had never seen them and so had not really considered their existence. It had been as if nothing in the precinct ever broke and anything we needed was just there. The reality was that somewhere, presumably just beyond the walls, there must have been a whole community of people who worked to make the clothes I wore, the cutlery I ate with and a hundred other things I had taken for granted. And not just for me, but for all of the Chosen, all of the Caretakers, all of the Priests and all of the servants who lived in the precinct. I had felt hard done by every time I was given a chore to do and yet, not so far away, there had been people for whom 'chores' were their daily life. I was being forced to see a lot of things differently, of late.
Needless to say, Holm's Rest felt no need to hide any of its population. Its artisans were every bit as much heroes of the community as were its soldiers, feted for the valuable work they did. And why not? Anyone can pick up a sword and poke it at someone - albeit with varying degrees of success - but to actually make the sword? Most people wouldn't even know where to start.
There was little at Holm's Rest that ranked alongside the spectacle of the temple, with its massive statues and painted walls, but the everydayness of it captivated me. Having grown up in a place where the ethereal was all important and nothing mundane was seen as mattering, it was a revelation to see people who were proud of the menial tasks they performed - taking pleasure in a job well done.
More and more I found myself connecting with the whole ethos of Norren and wanting to be a part of this place. I regretted the necessity of my leaving that would forever drive a wedge between me and a place that felt more like a home after less than a day than the precinct had after twenty years. But that was the reality of my situation, and when King Aelric showed me the stables, filled with thoroughbred stallions, and located near the side gate, I saw an opportunity.
"I wish I knew how to ride properly," I said, trying to keep my voice casual.
"They don't even teach you to ride?" Aelric sounded astonished.
"Sidesaddle," I replied. "But you'd fall off if you went any faster than a trot."
"Citizens of Norren need to be proficient on horseback," Aelric said with determination. "I'm sure we can find someone to teach you at least the basics."
"Killian is the best horseman we have," pointed out Jax.
"And you already know him," agreed Aelric. "The matter is settled. Killian will give you a proper riding lesson."
Knowing how to ride wasn't absolutely essential to my plan but it would make it a lot easier, and, though I felt a little funny admitting it to myself, I was actually quite pleased to be able to spend a bit of extra time with Killian. He was a strange one, not friendly like Adrien or unfriendly like Gage. He was a puzzle, sometimes seeming more at home in the company of the horses than with other people - though he had seemed popular enough with the women of Holm's Rest at the dance last night. He talked to himself from time to time, holding whole conversations under his breath in pleasant chatty tones. Despite these idiosyncrasies - which is the polite way of saying weirdness - he, like the others, had a keen attractiveness to him. An attractiveness which I could now, thanks to Adrien, identify as 'sexuality'. He was handsome, with light brown hair and chestnut eyes that twinkled when he spoke - or so it seemed to me. His body was leaner than that of his comrades, as suited a horseman, but no less strong for that, the muscles tightly wound about his limbs.
"Right," said Killian as he came to meet me by the side gate, leading a pair of horses with him. "This here is Stellar; he's mine. And this lovely lady is Moon Cow; she's yours."
"Why is a horse called Cow?" I asked - probably not the most important question I needed answering on the subject of riding but I couldn't help wondering.
Killian shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe when you get to know her better you can ask her. Now, let's find someplace you can fall off without everyone pointing and staring."
"Why would I want to fall off?" I asked, unnerved.
"I'm sure you wouldn't want to but I'll lay odds that you're going to."
"I suppose everyone falls off when they're learning." I forced a smile.
Killian shook his head. "No. But I think you're going to."
With an effortless grace, he swung up into Stellar's saddle. "Up you get."
"I don't think I can do that," I admitted.
"Of course, you can't. I meant; give me your hand. You can ride in front of me - Moon Cow will follow. Then you can have a go at riding solo."
I nodded and offered my hand to Killian, who hauled me up in front of him.
"Do I need to keep a hold of Moon Cow's string?"
"They're called reins. And no. Moon Cow; come with."
With a gentle movement of his legs, Killian set Stellar moving at a trot and Moon Cow followed obediently behind, apparently understanding every word Killian said.
"They just do as you say," I wondered.
"Uh huh. Never really known why," Killian admitted. "Just got a way with horses. But it cuts both ways. I do everything they say, too. Otherwise, it wouldn't be fair. Although, to be honest, they're not very demanding. Don't often ask me to do stuff."
I really didn't know if he was joking or not and decided not to ask.
We rode a little while and I became disturbingly comfortable seated in front of Killian, feeling his strong body rising and falling behind me with the rhythm of the horse's gait. At first, I tried to resist the hot little messages firing through me - what Adrien had called 'arousal' - but then I wondered why I was resisting. It felt good and that was good. I relaxed back against Killian as we entered an area of sparse woodland that had somehow found a toehold on the inhospitable mountain slopes.
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