The Raven Room

by Ana Medeiros

  “I don’t remember exactly what happened after that. All I could feel was Sofia’s body against mine. All I could think was that I had to get her out of that room. I picked her up and I locked myself in the bathroom with her. Sofia was convulsing, throwing up. She was in shock. So much was happening on the other side of the locked door; I heard the voices, the cries, the sirens, Hazel asking me to come out. I sat inside of the bathtub with Sofia and I closed the shower curtain around us. I continued to hug her and I told her everything was going to be okay; that I wasn’t going to let anything happen to her. I told her how much I loved her. That I’d never let her go.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “The firefighters had to remove the door. Hazel was the first to come in. I knew she was telling me they needed to take Sofia, to make sure she wasn’t hurt, but I couldn’t take my arms from around her. She was holding on to me so tightly. She was terrified. They had to pry her from me,” he paused, and Meredith saw he was struggling to speak, “I never saw her again.”

  Meredith was not expecting such an outcome. “Ever?”

  “No. Nor Tatia.”

  “How come?”

  “They were sent to live with her mother’s older sister, somewhere in Massachusetts. The father admitted to sexually abusing Sofia but he committed suicide not long after. I spiraled deeper into drugs and almost ended up dying of an overdose. Eventually Hazel adopted me.”

  “Did you try to contact them?”

  “Their aunt wouldn’t allow it. Hazel was able to keep tabs on them for a while and she would always tell me they were doing well. I hoped when they turned eighteen we would be able to reconnect. At that point I tried to find them but their aunt had died and there was no trace of them. I’m sure they don’t want to be found. Especially by me.”

  “Why do you say, especially by you?”

  “They never reached out.”

  “So?”

  “When they were with their aunt I should have tried harder to see them, to speak with them. Even before that day, before Sofia told me what their father was doing to her, I should have done more. I failed them. I promised Sofia I would never let her go but that’s exactly what I did. They have never forgiven me.”

  “You were sixteen years old, Julian. You did all you could. You were in no better a situation than they were. You can’t blame yourself.”

  “I might agree with you but I feel differently. I always will.”

  “I think talking to them would change how you feel about it. Have you thought that maybe there were other reasons why they never contacted you? Did they know how to find you?”

  “After Hazel adopted me I changed my last name from Lakatos to Reeve. But if they were trying to find me they would know to search for Julian Reeve.”

  “Why would they?”

  “Superman was my favorite TV show. Their nickname for me was Reeve.”

  “Maybe they forgot. They were what, eight years old the last time you saw them?”

  “They wouldn’t forget. Sofia and Tatia were not your average eight-year-old kids.”

  “Did you search under their full names? Under their nicknames?”

  “I did. Nothing came out of it. It has been more than twenty years. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking of all the different possibilities. Not wanting to be found is the only plausible one.”

  “I can’t believe that these two girls were once so important to you and you’re going to go through the rest of your life never seeing or talking to them again. That can’t happen. It’s,” Meredith paused, swallowing hard, “so sad. What was their surname?”

  “Dulgorukova.”

  “Would you recognize them if you saw them now?”

  “I’m sure I would.”

  “Do you have pictures of them? Anything?”

  Julian shook his head.

  “I have witnessed your nightmares…you always cry out in what I assume is Hungarian. What are they about?”

  “Sofia and Tatia. That house. I hear them crying, calling my name. I can’t ever find them.”

  “Part of me wishes you hadn’t told me any of this. It’s a weight on my soul.”

  “I’m sorry, Meredith.”

  “It makes me feel for you.”

  Suddenly Julian looked angry. “Don’t do that.”

  “How can I not?”

  “I didn’t tell you about my childhood and about the twins so you could feel for me. Don’t be one of those women who are compelled to save wounded men. It won’t end well for you.”

  “I’m an eternal optimist. I want you to have some closure.”

  “We can’t always get what we want, Meredith.”

  She rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. She felt Julian’s face on her hair.

  “It’s almost six in the morning. We should get some sleep,” he said.

  “Let’s go to bed.”

  He followed her into the bedroom and Meredith was quick to undress and get under the covers. She hadn’t been able to fully process everything she had learned. She hoped she would wake up in a few hours and know how to handle all of it, without feeling emotionally hungover.

  It was pitch black and she heard Julian removing his slacks, dropping them on the floor. Soon his naked body was pressed against hers and she relaxed into his arms. He moved her hair away from her neck and touched the spot behind her earlobe with his lips.

  “Brunch?”

  “Brunch,” Meredith repeated. “And then you’re going to speak to Alana. You have enough loose ends in your life.”

  “I will.”

  Shortly thereafter the cadence of Julian’s breathing told her he was asleep. The heat of his body was comforting and she felt safe, held tightly in his embrace. Closing her eyes, Meredith missed how things used to be a few months ago, before The Raven Room, before she knew about the murder, before she knew about Sofia and Tatia.

  Chapter 16

  With his hands deep in the pockets of his black winter coat, Julian walked into Bucket O’ Blood Books and Records. It was late, the bookstore would be closing in less than fifteen minutes and there were only two customers browsing the tall bookshelves.

  He saw Alana right away.

  She was talking to the two people, her back to him. Julian picked up a random book off the display table closest to him. He didn’t read fantasy. He had no idea what he was looking at. Flipping the book over he tried to read the back cover blurb. As soon as he came across the word dragon, he put it back down.

  He knew the moment Alana had noticed his presence. The feeling she was watching him was hard to ignore. As usual, her expression was difficult to decipher.

  “Hi Alana,” he said, walking up to the counter. “You once said if I ever wanted to find you, I knew where you worked. So here I am.”

  “I can see that.”

  Julian was on a mission and he wasn’t inclined to spend time on pleasantries. “Would you join me for dinner?”

  “Why should I?”

  “Because we need to talk.”

  It had been almost a month since that evening at his condo. Seeing Alana at the club the night before and now seeing her stand in front of him, Julian realized it had been too long. He should have come to the bookstore the next day.

  “We’ll go after you finish here. I’ll be in the car waiting for you.”

  “Wait!” He heard her say just as he had turned around to leave. He looked at her. “You need to buy a book.”

  “Sorry?”

  Alana left her spot behind the counter and came near him. “Those people over there won’t buy anything and I feel like selling a book before I close for the day. So you’re buying one.”

  “I’m buying a book,” he repeated, sounding uncertain.

  She gave him what he would call a top-notch customer service smile. “You are.”

  He didn’t want to risk her not joining him tonight so he chose to humor her. “Very well, what book should I buy?”

  “I noticed the expression o
f blatant wonder on your face when you picked up this one.” She went to the display table he had been at and grabbed the book about dragons. “I know you can’t wait to read it.”

  “You’re absolutely right. I can’t wait.”

  Alana put the book on the counter. “And, I must say, today is your lucky day. We were sold out of book three in the series, but we just received some copies.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “Oh, it’s part of a series?”

  “It’s a fantasy book. Of course it’s part of a series. I’m assuming you want the complete set.”

  He watched her pick up a heavy stack of books from one of the shelves and drop it beside the other book. “That’s, like, ten books,” he said, wide-eyed.

  “Twelve actually. By the time you’ve read them all you’ll be a dragon expert.”

  “Are they really all about dragons?”

  “Yes. Every single one.”

  He rubbed his forehead. “Jesus.”

  She glanced at the back of one the books. “It’s really just about dragons. Beginning to end.”

  As Alana scanned them and placed the books inside of a paper bag, Julian passed her his credit card. “They will look great on your shelf,” she said, as she gave him the bag.

  “No doubt they will.” He stood, failing to keep a straight face. Alana was audacious, he had to give her that. “I, and my mighty trove of dragon books, will await you in the car.”

  Alana continued to give him a flawless smile.

  Thirty minutes later he found himself still waiting for her. He started to think he had been wrong. He had convinced himself she would welcome his attempt to have her back in his life but maybe she really didn’t want him near her. He had been wondering what to do next when Alana opened the door of his car and sat in the passenger seat. Even though he didn’t show it, Julian felt relief and, more than anything else, reassurance.

  She was wearing a thick purple scarf and a wool jacket that had seen better days. Alana couldn’t have looked more different than the night before at the club. That had been the first time he had seen her wearing make-up and an outfit that didn’t look like it had come from a thrift store discount bin. He had been completely stunned. Alana wasn’t only pretty. She was also what most men would describe as hot. He was annoyed that it had taken him seeing her in a tight dress, high heels and lipstick to realize that.

  “What color is your hair, Alana?”

  She gave him a puzzled glance. “Blonde.”

  “Not red?”

  “Maybe strawberry blonde but no, not red.”

  Meredith had been wrong. Julian wondered if the club’s red lighting had been the reason why she thought Alana was a redhead.

  “If you don’t mind, I’ll pick where we’ll go for dinner. I’m hungry and need real food,” he said.

  “Do I sense disapproval of my food choices?”

  “No, just fear.”

  Alana smiled. “Take us somewhere comfortable.”

  “Define comfortable.”

  “Non-pretentious.”

  He considered their options. “We could order room service at my place. It’s one of the perks of having paid a fortune to live there.”

  “When I said non-pretentious I meant non-pretentious food as well.”

  “If you could go anywhere right now to eat, where would you go?”

  “McDonald’s.”

  He turned his head sharply, looking at her with incredulity. “Are you serious?”

  “Yeah, dead serious.”

  “See, I had reasons to be afraid.”

  “You asked me where I wanted to go and I answered. There’s one at Michigan and Chicago Ave.”

  “Oh my God,” Julian paused, shaking his head, “I’m sure I can also get myself a hooker with my big mac and fries.”

  “You already have me. You just need to get the big mac and the fries.”

  “If we go there we’re buying our food and taking it elsewhere. Would my place be okay with you?”

  “Are you trying to get me into bed?”

  He couldn't stop himself from smiling at her. “I want to talk to you and I’d rather do it at my place than at McDonald’s.”

  Thirty minutes later they were sitting on a large white rug in front of Julian’s living room fireplace. They watched the fire as they lay on several large pillows, the leftovers of their meal still on the floor, next to them. It was the first time he had eaten a burger on the floor of his living room and there was something carefree and youthful about it, which pleased him.

  Julian watched Alana enjoy the heat coming from the fireplace. She had been at the club last night and then at work all day. He didn’t know how she was managing to stay awake. She had her eyes closed and a soft smile on her lips. Julian wanted to reach out to her, undo her ponytail, and watch her hair fall in waves down her back. He still didn’t understand why he was so drawn to Alana but he was determined to find out.

  “What are your thoughts on what happened last time we were together?” he asked, studying her profile. They were lying on their stomachs and seeing the glow of the fire on her face, he imagined how radiant she must look during the summer months, with a sun-kissed tan.

  She was silent and he didn’t move or speak. He waited for her response.

  “I was really upset when you refused to let me out of the car and you brought us here,” she finally said, keeping her eyes closed. “I wanted you to respect my decision not to tell you where I live. That’s information that needs to be given, not taken. But I did enjoy the pain and the sex.”

  Julian was glad she was being candid. He remembered she had never seemed afraid during their argument, just angry. Her acknowledgement that she had enjoyed the pain and the sex brought him a deep and overwhelming feeling of satisfaction.

  “I want to apologize to you for not respecting your decision, Alana. It was wrong of me. Did you mean it when you told me you were leaving for good?”

  “No. But it felt good to say it. Did you mean it when you told me to choose between leaving for good or doing exactly what you told me to do?”

  He couldn’t lie to her. “At the time I did.”

  “Are you happy I am here now?”

  He shifted his eyes to the fireplace, watching the blaze. “Yes, I am happy you’re here.”

  “You need to accept that there are things I don’t want to share.”

  When he turned to look at her he found her eyes on him. “Don’t ask me to accept your involvement with Thompson, a man you’re so clearly afraid of. That will never happen and you should know that,” he replied, sounding brusque.

  “Julian…we’re having a good evening. Why ruin it?”

  They were having a good evening but he wasn’t pleased with what he had seen at the club and he wasn’t going to pretend otherwise.

  “Alana, do you go to the club out of your own free will? Is there anything you do there that you are forced to do?”

  She didn’t reply.

  “Are you two in a romantic relationship?” Julian continued, the incredulity in his voice suggesting he didn’t believe it himself.

  “He’s married.” She spoke like that should answer his question.

  “Did he ask you why you left the room so suddenly? What happened afterwards? Meredith was certain he wasn’t happy.”

  “Who’s Meredith? The woman you were with?”

  “Yes.”

  “Is she your girlfriend?”

  Julian wasn’t expecting her to ask him about Meredith. “No. If she were my girlfriend you and I wouldn’t be here right now.” He kept his eyes on hers. “You didn’t answer my question about Thompson.”

  She sighed. “Let’s make a deal, Julian. Tonight, no more questions.”

  “Does that mean I’ll get answers tomorrow?”

  “No.” She gave him a playful smile. “I’m trying to be better and not say things I don’t mean.”

  He knew that was her attempt to end the conversation about Thompson and the club. Staring bac
k at her, he didn't hide his desire for her.

  “What do I get if I agree to your terms?” he asked, moving closer to her.

  “You get me.”

  “You know I want you.” He touched her hair, running between his fingers a strand that had escaped her ponytail. “Now, what I would like to know is why you approached me that day at the coffee shop?”

  He watched her close her eyes. When she opened them again he noticed how soulful they were. He liked their ambiguous color. It reflected how he perceived her.

  “I thought we agreed to no more questions,” she said, gently scolding him.

  “I haven’t agreed to anything. Yet.”

  “I can answer this one,” she continued, her voice gaining a velvety quality. “There’s the obvious answer. You have sex appeal. But I have been with handsome men before.” As he undid her ponytail and ran his fingers through her hair, she made a small sound of pleasure. “Then there’s the true answer,” she whispered, touching his lower lip with the tip of her fingers. “It was the way you looked at me.”

  “How did I look at you?”

  “As if you saw me. Not the Alana who works at a bookstore, likes colorful socks, lives on junk food, has winter as her favorite season.”

  She turned on her side, facing him, and Julian placed a hand on the small of her back, pulling her closer to his body. His hand moved lower and he made sure he was pressing her tight against his erection. Before she continued, she wrapped her arm around his waist and rested her leg on top of his. Julian wished they had no clothes on. He would have been able to easily slide inside of her.

  “But the real Alana,” she continued, speaking against his lips. “The Alana with a brain full of useless knowledge, who wishes she still had a family, wants to travel and see the world. Who feels arousal by being physically and emotionally dominated by a man who encourages her to explore what exists beyond the limits she has imposed on herself.” She slowly moved the tip of her tongue along the contour of his lips. “You saw me and I knew I would always be understood.”

  Their faces were so close that they were breathing into each other’s mouths.

  “Tonight, are you mine?”

  “Yes. I’m yours.” Her voice was as low as a whisper.