Suki's Heart

by Indiana Wake

  Chapter Fifteen

  Sonny had never been so furious and yet, he knew, in part, he didn’t have a right to it. Yes, it was true that Suki hadn’t let him explain how it was he came to be sitting side-by-side with Gracie Thornhill on a hay bale at the barn dance, but did that really make it right that he had not told her that they had shared a dance after she’d left?

  But if she was always going to turn her back at the first sign of trouble, was she not just exactly like his mother? Walking away without a word, never looking back?

  Sonny knew that his view of the world had, in some respects, been shaped by that earthshattering childhood experience. But he knew also that he had done much to overcome it, even finding himself falling in love at last. But as for Suki Shepherd, what explanation did she really have for her curious behavior? She’d grown up in the heart of a fine family, a loving home, no gambling debts, no anger, no fights.

  If he wasn’t so angry with her, maybe he would have given her the opportunity to explain also; the opportunity that she had never afforded him.

  He wandered further into the crowd, searching for any sign of Brad Lowry. Seeing none, he turned slowly to look back in Suki’s direction. She was standing looking at the ground, a lonely figure as her parents involved themselves in everything that needed to be done at the cookout.

  In his heart, he knew that there was something wrong, something that really could be explained if he let her. She looked so forlorn, so lost, that he determined to make his way back through the crowd, take her hand, and ask her what she was so afraid of.

  “Hello, stranger.” When he felt an arm link through his, he turned sharply to see Gracie Thornhill smiling up at him.

  “Not today, Miss Thornhill,” he said, his voice full of warning.

  As he made to pull his arm from hers, he looked up to see that Suki was now staring over at him, her face full of hurt. He shook his arm free a little forcefully and glared at Gracie Thornhill.

  “Will you never give up, woman?” he said angrily.

  “What on earth you talking about? I’m just showing you a little kindness, that’s all,” she said in a wheedling tone.

  The fact that she had not hit back furiously at him and had, instead, continued to try to win him over with her little wiles, made him despise her. What was wrong with her? Why would she not just leave him alone?

  “I don’t want your brand of kindness, Miss Thornhill, not when it’s only goal is to upset someone you don’t like.”

  “Oh, I see.” Gracie’s face was suddenly contorted by a vicious sneer. “She came running to you, did she? Well, I’m surprised you didn’t tell her yourself that we spent the night dancing after she ran off.”

  “You told her that we spent the night dancing?” Sonny asked bitterly. “The whole night? You had the spite within you to say something like that when you know fine well that I danced just one with you and left the barn straight after? And do you know why I left, Miss Thornhill? Because I didn’t want your company. The woman I wanted to spend the evening dancing with had left.”

  “What’s so special about her?”

  “Everything,” Sonny said and realized then that he meant it.

  Whatever Gracie Thornhill’s interference had done, Sonny would do everything in his power to undo it. Not only that, but he would do it there and then.

  However, when he looked for Suki again, it was to find that she had gone.

  Chapter Sixteen

  “Sweetheart, please just speak to us,” Josie Shepherd stood over her daughter’s bed with a look of the deepest concern.

  John Shepherd sat down on a seat he had carried over from the window and reached out to take her hands. He looked grief-stricken by his daughter’s pain and greatly at a loss as to know how to heal it.

  “Is it something to do with Sonny?” her mother persisted.

  “Yes,” Suki said miserably. If they wanted to know it all, she would let them hear it. “He danced with Gracie Thornhill that night at the barn dance and never thought to mention it. He made a fool of me, Mama. And even today at the cookout, when I told him I was angry with him, he did it again. He just walked off and the next I knew of it he was arm in arm with that hateful little woman making a fool of me once more. I hate him,” she said vehemently and began to weep again.

  “You do not hate him, Suki, otherwise you wouldn’t be so upset. Can you not ever give him a chance to explain? You are always so fixed in your thinking that you assume you know what has happened without a single question.” The accusation from her own mother stung.

  “Josie, maybe you’re being a little…” her father began but Suki cut him off.

  “Daddy, I can speak for myself.”

  “I know,” he said sadly.

  “Suki, if you care for this man, let him know it. Gracie Thornhill is a meddler and I have no doubt that’s what is happening here. But if you love him, why not fight for him?” her mother went on.

  “What’s the point?” Suki said sadly. “What is the point in loving somebody only to lose them?”

  “Lose them?” her mother said and was clearly confused.

  “They dance with someone else or leave or die. Whatever happens, your heart gets torn open.”

  “Die?” her father said slowly. “Suki, what made you say that? Sonny Reynolds doesn’t look ready to die, he’s a young man.”

  “But my first mama was a young woman and she died.”

  “That was a long time ago, Suki,” he went on.

  “Not so long ago that you don’t still fear I’ll come to harm. I feel it every day, Daddy. I walk away from you to go about my business and I can feel your fear. Is it any wonder my own heart won’t let me live?” She was sobbing now, and her father scooped her into his arms.

  “What have I done?” he said, whispering into his daughter’s hair as his eyes filled with tears. “I never would have wanted you to see it. I should have known a clever woman like you would, shouldn’t I?”

  “I just don’t know how to live like everybody else. I don’t know how to live with the fear of loss,” Suki said, finally admitting the source of everything which made her so cautious.

  “I am so sorry, Suki. How can you ever forgive me?”

  Chapter Seventeen

  The next couple of days were filled with the rawest emotions Suki had ever experienced. She had talked at length with her mother and father, admitting every fear in her heart until there was nothing left to tell.

  As upsetting as it had been, Suki had felt a tremendous sense of relief when she finally realized the source of her own fear. It had been hard for her beloved father to realize that he had helped to instill it; so many years of his own irrational fears had been easily transferred to an impressionable child, even if they did not manifest themselves in the same way.

  Even though her eyes were still sore from crying, Suki experienced the first tentative feelings of hope. It was as if understanding her fear had been to crush it; not entirely, but certainly enough for life to be looked forward to rather than dreaded.

  “Are you heading out?” her father asked when Suki walked smartly into the kitchen, her dress changed, and her hair tied back neatly in a slim red ribbon.

  “Yes, I’m going down into the town to pick up some new ribbon,” she said, absent-mindedly fiddling with the one in her hair. “Mine are getting old and ragged.”

  “That’s a nice idea, Suki. Maybe you could look at a little fabric too? Choose something nice for yourself and I’ll make you a new dress.” Her mother, trying hard not to fuss over her, couldn’t help trying to make her feel better, nonetheless.

  “Well, maybe I will have a look, thank you, Mama. A new dress would be nice to wear down to the barn dance.” Suki could see the look of surprise on both her mother and father’s faces and smiled. “I might even learn how to dance; Honey would teach me, I reckon.”

  “You’ll be a natural,” her father said with pride and emotion.

  Suki knew it would take him some time t
o forgive himself. He was a good man and the realization had hit him hard. But Suki had forgiven him already; she knew he had never meant to teach her such a negative lesson.

  “Are you taking the wagon?” her mother asked.

  “No, I’m just going to take one of the horses.”

  “Well, why don’t I go and saddle one up for you while you get ready.” Her father was already on his feet.

  “Thank you, Daddy.”

  When she finally made her way outside, it was to see that her father had saddled Dancer. Suki could hardly believe it and she hoped he wouldn’t spend the rest of the afternoon in a pit of worry.

  “She’s ready for learning her way into town,” he said with bright determination. “It will do her good to try it out.” He was trying hard and Suki felt proud of him.

  “Yes, she’ll come on all the faster for getting used to the trip to town.” She let her father help her up onto Dancer’s back. “And she’s been in such a good frame of mind ever since Sonny…” She faltered a little.

  “He’s a good man, Suki. Don’t ask me how I know, I just do. Father’s intuition, only the good kind this time.” He smiled up at her. “Give him a chance.”

  “It might be too late for that,” she said sadly, remembering with a wince just how sharp she had been with him. “But it’s a long life and there’s no reason for me to hide from it anymore. I’ll be all right, Daddy,” she said and gently urged Dancer into motion.

  The truth was that Suki did feel hopeful. She was going to give herself a little time and then go to Sonny Reynolds and be honest with him at last; she would just tell him how she felt and leave the rest up to him. If he rejected her, that was his right. And if he didn’t… Suki smiled and felt a wave of hope and excitement overtake her.

  Dancer walked beautifully into town, seeming confident even as they passed wagons and other folks on horseback. Sonny really had worked wonders with her in no more than a few minutes. Dancer was coming to trust her and maybe, one day, she would believe that Suki would keep her safe.

  Suki drew Dancer up to a halt directly outside the haberdashery where she intended to buy her new ribbons. She had been about to climb down and tether the horse when she saw Gracie Thornhill lurch out of the diner and march towards her with purpose. Suki sighed; she would stay on Dancer’s back and, when the vile little woman had said her piece, she would ride away. Perhaps she would even ride away before Gracie had finished talking. That would teach her a lesson of some sort at any rate.

  “Well, Gracie? What is it today?” Suki asked and grinned at her, letting her know that her hateful words were never going to have an ounce of effect on her ever again. “What bile am I to witness now?”

  “I hate you, Suki Shepherd,” Gracie said in a tone which strongly suggested she meant it.

  There was something in Gracie’s eyes which gave Suki pause for thought and, just as she was beginning to think it would be the wisest thing to turn Dancer and walk away, Gracie raced around to the back of the horse and slapped her hard on the rear flank, screaming incoherently as she did so.

  As far as Dancer had come, any horse would have been made afraid by such a thing and, before Suki had a chance to do anything about it, Dancer had reared up in terror. This time, Suki didn’t have a single hope of hanging on. She hadn’t been thinking about the possibility of being thrown from the saddle, she hadn’t been concentrating on it at all. When the horse reared up, Suki was thrown clear.

  “Suki!” The deep bellow of a man’s voice permeated her thoughts even as the red-hot pain in her ankle began to make her feel a little faint.

  Why could she not simply let herself fall? Once again, Suki had tried to land on her feet and, in the process, had twisted the same ankle which had only now just been returned to normal.

  She looked up to see that Dancer had turned and, while she was fretting a little, she wasn’t anywhere near as nervous as she had been the first time she had thrown Suki from her back. Instead, she tottered slowly towards her mistress, bowing her head as if in apology.

  Rubbing at her ankle and wincing, Suki heard the voice again. This time she looked up to see that it was Sonny Reynolds.

  “Sonny, just tether Dancer for a minute, would you?” she said, beads of perspiration breaking out on her forehead. “And get that rotten girl away from me or I will not be responsible for my actions, twisted ankle or no,” she added, turning fully to look at Gracie Thornhill.

  For her part, Gracie actually looked shocked; no doubt she had not expected Suki to really be thrown from the horse, nor had she expected the angry murmurs from the crowd who were beginning to gather about her. Maybe this would be her biggest mistake.

  “It was an accident,” Gracie said, twisting her head from side to side so that her ringlets bobbed.

  “It wasn’t,” Suki said with poise, despite the fact she was still sitting on her backside in the dirt. “You did it on purpose, you just didn’t expect anybody else to see it.”

  “Now, that’s just…”

  “Be quiet!” Suki said in such a firm voice she surprised herself. “I mean it, Gracie, just go. If you are still here when I get to my feet, you will sorely regret it. Trust me, you and your hateful mother will stay out of my life from now on; do not make the mistake of crossing me again.” Suki began to get to her feet, her ankle so painful she could have been sick.

  However, she had heard enough and, after years of pointless spite, it was time to make it very clear that she wouldn’t put up with another moment of it. And Gracie Thornhill was clearly not as dumb as she pretended to be, for she clearly realized that Suki meant every word. For the first time ever, she looked afraid of the woman she had tormented since the school room. And as for Suki, she had never felt more powerful.

  Without another word, Gracie Thornhill took to her heels and darted away through the crowd which had gathered.

  “Are you hurt, Suki?” the grocer called out as she stood tentatively on one foot.

  “A little, but I’ll be just fine, thank you.” She smiled and realized that she didn’t feel at all foolish.

  Her pretty dress was filthy, her hair was awry, and her horse had thrown her to the ground in front of half the town, but none of that mattered.

  “It’s all right, sir, I’ll get Suki home,” Sonny said, walking over to her with a cautious smile on his face. “If she’ll let me.” He raised his eyebrows.

  “Of course, I’ll let you,” she said and smiled back.

  Chapter Eighteen

  “Are you all right up there?” Sonny asked after lifting her up into the saddle again and slowly leading her horse away.

  “Yes, I don’t think it’s as bad this time as it was last time,” she said, turning her ankle this way and that to test her theory. “And thank you for helping me again. I’m sure that Daddy will drive you back down in the wagon, so you don’t have to walk all the way back.”

  “That’s not really concerning me currently, Suki Shepherd,” he said and turned to look back up at her, his old confident smile firmly in place. “What’s really concerning me is how am I ever going to convince you that I’m in love with you? What can I say or do to have you know it?”

  Suki felt her cheeks flush scarlet and her breath felt heavy in her lungs. It was the very thing she had wanted to hear ever since she’d met him, she knew it was, but she still hadn’t expected it.

  “I’m surprised you’re still interested after the way I’ve behaved,” she said and hoped that her apology would not have to be too long drawn-out.

  She’d come a long way in the last couple of days, but not so far that she found everything as easy as pie.

  “I should have told you about dancing with Gracie Thornhill. And Suki, it was only for a matter of minutes. As soon as I was on the dance floor with that woman, I knew I just wanted to leave. I only ever wanted to dance with you from the minute I saw you on my first night in the town barn. I just don’t know how to make you believe it.”

  “I do believe it, Son
ny. I know you are telling me the truth and I know why you held some of that truth back from me. But my own truth is that I’ve been afraid of this,” she said and shrugged, bobbing this way and that in the saddle. “I’ve been afraid to let myself fall in love with you because all I could ever imagine was losing that love. I know it’s a terrible way to think, but that’s just the way it is. Or the way it was, I should say.”

  “So, you reckon that will be changing then?” he asked as he grinned at her.

  “It’s changing already.”

  “Well, if it’s any consolation, I’ve had some changing of my own to do.” He stared out across the long grass on the edge of the dirt track.

  “Oh, yes?” Suki said with amusing eagerness; she didn’t want to be the only one who had to admit to a personality flaw or two.

  “I’ve never been particularly trusting myself, Suki. My mama turned her back on me when life got difficult and I suppose I have always assumed that every other woman I met would do the same. That’s why I wasn’t very understanding when I should have been. That’s why I didn’t ask any questions, I just walked away. That’s just the way it is. Or the way it was, I should say,” he finished by parroting her own words.

  “Maybe we could learn a thing or two from each other?” Suki said, her stomach fluttering excitedly as she wondered if all of this could really be true.

  “It’s a long life, I reckon we could pick something up along the way.” He shrugged. “I need to lift you down from the horse,” he said, his expression changing altogether.

  They were in the middle of the dirt track with high grass either side and Suki’s heart began to beat fast with expectation. With a soothing stroke to Dancer’s neck, Sonny looked around the side of the horse and reached up to lift Suki down.