Word Nerd

by Susin Nielsen

  ‘Hey, me too. I mean, I’m still growing up. But I play with my mom.’

  He nodded. ‘My sister would go to the parties, and I’d stay home with Mother and play. I wasn’t invited to the parties. But that was OK.’

  I suddenly had a very clear picture of Larry as a kid. I could see him being picked on and being called names, like Larry Smells.

  ‘And who do you play with now?’ I asked politely.

  ‘Mother. And the West Side Scrabble Club, once a week. But Mother, mostly. I can’t work because I have a lot of, um, health issues. So I still live at home.’

  ‘Oh,’ I said. Larry must have been at least forty.

  ‘Scrabble’s my life. I play Scrabble and, when I’m not playing, I study words. Or watch TV. I love TV. Especially “CSI.”’

  Maybe it was mean, but suddenly I didn’t want to talk to Larry anymore. I thought about what Cosmo had told me, about the paths we choose in life, and how it’s easy to make a wrong turn. When I looked at Larry, I got this uneasy feeling that if I made a wrong turn, I could wind up just like him.

  These were pretty deep thoughts and I wasn’t in a deep mood, so when the out-of-town lady got up to use the bathroom, I excused myself and slipped back in beside Cosmo. Amanda sat to his left, and when I bent down to pick up my napkin, I saw that they were holding hands under the table.

  For dessert, I had a big piece of apple pie à la mode, brought to me by our waitress, who assured me it had been made in a peanut-free bakery.

  ‘Most promising newcomer, huh?’ she said, when she saw my trophy. ‘I bet a lot of girls at your school say that about you, too,’ and she gave me a dazzling smile.

  ‘That they do, but I tell them I only have eyes for you, Sandy,’ I replied, quickly looking at the name tag on her big boobs.

  After she’d walked away, Cosmo and Mohammed burst out laughing. ‘Ambrose, you are going to be a lady-killer,’ Cosmo said.

  Mohammed added, ‘If I had daughters, I’d lock them up.’

  When we left, Sandy gave me a hug and there was my face, all up close and personal with her boobs. It felt like the perfect ending to a perfect day, even if she only laughed when I asked her for her phone number. Cosmo was in a great mood, too, because Amanda had accepted his offer of a lift home.

  I got into the back of Cosmo’s car, feeling like a million bucks.

  I had no idea that just five minutes later, everything would come crashing down around me. And that this time the Higher Power was either helping someone else, or he’d gone to bed early.

  Because this time, there would be no miracle.

  This time, I was screwed.

  24

  EUBMRL

  blur, bum, rum, rub, rube, lure, rule, mule, rue

  RUMBLE

  COSMO PULLED UP outside our place just a few minutes later. Amanda got out of the passenger seat and yanked it forward, so I could climb out of the back. ‘Congrats again, kiddo,’ she said. ‘Your mom’s going to be awfully proud of you.’

  Cosmo got out too and gave me a bear hug. ‘You rock, word nerd.’

  Amanda got back into the car. Cosmo was heading around to the driver’s side when a voice came out of the darkness. ‘Cosmo.’

  Cosmo turned. Like some sort of ghoulish phantom, Silvio materialized from behind a tree. And he wasn’t alone. Two other tough-looking guys flanked him, one on either side. They looked like the Three Stooges – only older, bigger, uglier, and way, way scarier.

  ‘Silvio,’ said Cosmo calmly. ‘This isn’t a good time.’

  ‘That’s the problem, my friend. There never seems to be a good time.’

  ‘I’ve been busy—’

  ‘I want my money.’

  ‘And you’ll get it. I’ve already given you three hundred bucks.’

  ‘That’s not even paying off the interest.’

  ‘C’mon Sil. I just got full-time work—’

  ‘What’s going on?’ Amanda had gotten out of the car and was walking toward us.

  ‘Amanda, wait in the car,’ said Cosmo.

  ‘Who are these people?’

  ‘Just a little misunderstanding.’

  Silvio sneered. ‘This your lady friend?’ He turned to Amanda. ‘What does a sweet thing like you see in a scumbag like him?’ He reached out to touch her arm and Cosmo whacked his hand away.

  ‘Don’t touch her.’

  Silvio’s eyes flashed with anger. ‘She know about your previous occupation?’

  ‘Yes, I do,’ Amanda said, trying to sound calm, but I could hear the quaver in her voice.

  ‘And still she stays with you. Contrary to what some of your ex-girlfriends told me, you must be great in the sack.’ His buddies laughed.

  ‘Shut up,’ I said. Actually I only meant to think it, but it popped out of my mouth.

  Silvio and his goons turned and looked at me.

  ‘What’s with your midget friend, Cosmo? You develop a taste for boys when you were in prison?’

  Cosmo took a step toward Silvio with his fists raised, but Goon Number One quickly moved in and held him back.

  ‘You’re high,’ said Cosmo, looking into Silvio’s eyes.

  ‘F— you,’ said Silvio.

  ‘I’m gonna call the cops,’ I blurted, which, in retrospect, was not the best thing to say because Goon Number Two grabbed my arms and pinned them behind my back. I couldn’t move and it hurt.

  ‘Let him go,’ Cosmo said. ‘Let him and Amanda leave. They won’t call anyone.’

  Silvio laughed. ‘I’ve tried to be generous to you, Cosmo. I’ve given you other options.’

  ‘And I’ve told you. I’m through with that life.’

  ‘Then I have no other choice but to show you how serious I am about wanting my money,’ Silvio said, as he took a step closer to Cosmo.

  Suddenly Amanda stepped right in between them, which I thought was really brave. ‘What does he owe you?’

  ‘Two thousand bucks. With interest, it’s more like twenty-five hundred.’

  ‘I can get you that money first thing tomorrow morning,’ said Amanda. ‘As soon as the banks open.’

  ‘Forget it, Amanda. I’m not taking your money,’ Cosmo said.

  ‘You can pay me back,’ Amanda said. ‘Without interest.’

  ‘I have about a hundred and fifty bucks in quarters saved up,’ I piped in, thinking about my quarter jar. ‘It was supposed to go into my education fund, but you can have that, too.’

  ‘No. No one’s bailing me out.’

  Suddenly, and without warning, Silvio punched Cosmo hard in the gut. Cosmo doubled over in pain. When he straightened up, Goon Number One punched him in the face. Cosmo tried to defend himself, but it was two against one. When Silvio punched him in the stomach again, Cosmo fell to the pavement.

  Amanda screamed. I screamed. Goon Number Two, the guy who was holding me, put a big hairy hand over my mouth. I bit down hard and he let go, and I managed to squirm free. Then I leaped onto Silvio’s back because he was raining down blows on Cosmo, who was still lying on the ground.

  ‘Stop it, stop it!’ I screamed, and I hit his head repeatedly with my MOST PROMISING NEWCOMER trophy. Finally he stood up and twisted his body back and forth, trying to get me off his back. As I hung on for dear life, I could see Goon Number One kicking Cosmo as he lay on the ground, and Amanda whacking the goon with her purse. Then Goon Number Two grabbed me from behind and pulled me off Silvio’s back. I landed hard on the ground and my trophy flew out of my hand and hit the driveway.

  Looking up, I saw the hose coiled up at the side of the house and I had an idea. I crawled over to it, grabbed the nozzle, and turned on the water full blast. I started spraying them all, trying to avoid Amanda and Cosmo, but that was easier said than done. And, if I’m totally honest, even though I was terrified, I felt more alive than I ever had in my whole life.

  Suddenly sirens filled the night air. Next thing I knew, two cop cars pulled up out front. Silvio and his goons actually tried to make a run for
it, but who were they kidding? The cops told all of us to get down on our knees and put our hands behind our heads, just like in the movies. Aside from me and the cops, everyone was drenched. Cosmo was really bashed up. A bunch of neighbors had gathered on the sidewalk to watch.

  And that’s pretty much what things looked like when, seconds later, my mom came home.

  25

  NMTYOIEST

  toniest, noise, noisy, stony, moist, toes, totem, mittens

  TESTIMONY

  ‘Ambrose! Oh my God, what’s going on, what happened?’ My mom was almost screaming as she leapt out of the car. She wrapped her arms around me and held me tight.

  ‘What the hell happened here?’ she shouted at one of the cops. ‘Who are these men?’ I don’t think she recognized Cosmo, with his bruised and bloodied face.

  ‘Ma’am, you’re going to have to calm down,’ said a police officer.

  ‘Calm down? Calm down?’ she shrieked.

  While Mom shouted at one cop, the other officers handcuffed Cosmo, Silvio, and the goons and put them in the backseats of the two cruisers. I guess they decided that Amanda and I weren’t flight risks or hardened criminals because once my mom had calmed down a little, they told her (and Mr Acheson, who’d dropped her off and who now stood on the sidewalk, looking very uncomfortable) that we could drive ourselves down to the station to give our statements.

  Amanda couldn’t drive Cosmo’s car because it wasn’t an automatic, so Mr Acheson had to take us. Amanda and I got into the backseat of his brand-new Prius, a hybrid that ran on a combination of gas and electricity. I would have liked to ask him questions about this, but under the circumstances I decided against it.

  As we drove, following the police cruisers at a respectable distance, Amanda, who was shaken, started talking to my mom.

  ‘Ms Bukowski, I don’t even know where to begin. This is a terrible way to finally meet you.’

  ‘And you are?’ my mom asked. Her voice was ice cold.

  ‘Amanda. Amanda Svecova,’ she said. ‘Director of the West Side Scrabble Club.’

  My mom nodded in the front seat. ‘Huh. Interesting. The club I very clearly told my son he was not allowed to join.’

  ‘But – you signed the consent form,’ Amanda started, then she stopped. She looked at me, hard. I just turned away and stared out the window.

  ‘I did no such thing. What kind of organization do you run, anyway?’ my mom continued. ‘He’s a minor. Did it even cross your mind to check with me?’

  ‘No,’ Amanda said firmly, ‘it didn’t. I took your son’s word that he was telling me the truth.’ I could still feel her eyes boring into me like a drill. ‘I believed I could trust him. Clearly I was mistaken.’

  ‘Well, I can’t imagine that the game of Scrabble had anything to do with what I witnessed tonight. I have no idea what you were doing anywhere near our thug of a neighbor—’

  ‘Surely you’re not referring to Cosmo,’ said Amanda, but my mom just cut her off.

  ‘I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to my son.’

  ‘Mom, Cosmo didn’t do anything wrong …’

  She laughed, but there was nothing ha-ha about it.

  ‘Your son’s telling the truth,’ said Amanda, and I could hear the edge in her voice. ‘Cosmo’s been nothing but a friend to Ambrose. A father figure …’

  Oh, man.

  ‘Don’t you ever call that … that convict creep a father figure.’

  A cold silence fell.

  Finally Amanda said, her voice tight with anger, ‘Alright, I’ll make a deal with you. I won’t call Cosmo a father figure if you won’t call him a creep. He’s working really hard to put his life back on track.’

  ‘Is he your boyfriend?’ Mom asked. ‘If so, I pity your taste in men.’

  I hazarded a glance at Amanda. She looked like she wanted to reach forward and tear out my mom’s hair.

  ‘How dare you say such a thing!’

  ‘I’m just calling it as I see it.’

  ‘Now, Irene, easy does it,’ Bob said, the first words I’d heard him say all evening.

  ‘You stay out of this,’ Mom snapped.

  I felt kind of sorry for Bob, all of a sudden.

  We arrived at the police station. It was a huge building, housing the main division for the whole city of Vancouver. Bob found a parking spot on the street and we all got out of the car. Amanda was so angry, she was vibrating.

  ‘I’m beginning to see why your son has such difficulty telling you the truth, Ms Bukowski. Because it wouldn’t make any difference to you, would it? You’d still believe exactly what you want to believe.’ Then she looked at me and said, ‘Good luck, Ambrose. I can see you’re going to need it.’ She strode off alone toward the cop shop.

  I’d never been inside a police station before. All I knew about cop shops I’d learned from watching reruns of Barney Miller, when we lived in Regina.

  The reality was quite different. This one was much busier than the world of Barney Miller, but big and clean and somehow efficient and businesslike all at once.

  We sat in a large waiting room, with bucket seats and fluorescent lighting and lousy magazines. It was full of people from all walks of life. I saw a man who was passed out over three seats, wearing no shirt, with his fly undone.

  A nice uniformed policeman, whose name tag read SERGEANT JAMES, came and got me. My mom insisted on coming, too. He took us back to a little glassed-in office that overlooked the bustle of the station. Mr Acheson stayed in the waiting area. I got the feeling he wished he could just go home.

  ‘You say you’d been out with one of the gentlemen involved in the altercation – is that right?’ Sergeant James began. He was taking my statement, and I have to admit, it felt kind of cool.

  ‘Yes. Cosmo Economopoulos. I was with him all day.’

  My mom sucked in her breath. ‘Jesus Christ.’

  ‘Where had you been?’

  ‘An all-day Scrabble tournament. I won six of my eight games.’

  ‘Congratulations,’ said Sergeant James, while Mom just stared daggers at him.

  ‘Then we had dinner at Milestone’s on West Fourth. Which was delicious, by the way. I would highly recommend the fettuccine Alfredo, if you ever go there. It’s peanut-free.’ I added that last part for my mom’s benefit.

  ‘Thanks for the tip. When you came home, what happened?’

  ‘This friend of Cosmo’s, well ex-friend, Silvio, was waiting for Cosmo with two big guys.’

  ‘Had you seen this fellow Silvio before?’

  I nodded. ‘A couple of times.’

  ‘What?’ That was my mom.

  ‘Ms Bukowski, please,’ said Sergeant James. ‘Can you tell me about these other times?’

  ‘Well, once I overheard him asking Cosmo for some money he owed him. And another time I didn’t see him, but there was a brick through Cosmo’s front window and we were pretty sure we knew who did it. He was sending a message.’

  My mom sucked in her breath again. ‘You told me that was some neighborhood kids.’

  ‘We didn’t want you or the Economopouloses to worry.’

  ‘We?’

  I knew the heaping piles of you-know-what that I would be in later, but here’s the thing: it was kind of a good feeling to be asked all these questions. To be the center of attention. It was like I was a guest on a talk show, and someone was really interested in what I had to say. Also, he was a police officer and I felt obligated to tell the truth. And even though my mom was sitting right beside me, it was easier to look a policeman in the eye and tell him all this stuff than it ever would have been to look her in the eye and tell her.

  ‘What about the second time?’

  I hesitated. ‘He came knocking on our door one night, when Mom was at work.’

  ‘Oh my God. Oh my God, oh my God,’ Mom started chanting, as she rocked back and forth in her seat.

  ‘Did he threaten you?’

  ‘Sort of. He’d figured out I wasn’t Cosmo�
��s nephew.’

  ‘Cosmo was pretending you were his nephew?’ Mom was practically shrieking.

  ‘No, no, that was just a little something I made up so Silvio would leave the first time I saw him and so Cosmo would drive me to the Scrabble Club. You see,’ I said to Sergeant James, ‘he didn’t want to take me, even though he liked playing Scrabble himself. It involved some convincing. But then he met Amanda, who’s giving a statement to your colleague, I believe, and he was totally googly-eyed about her, so getting a drive was not a problem after that.’

  ‘How many times have you been in his car?’ my mom asked.

  I shrugged. ‘Ten? Twenty?’

  She kind of moaned and sank in her seat.

  ‘So this Silvio threatened you,’ said Sergeant James, trying to bring us back on topic.

  ‘Sort of,’ I said. ‘I mean, it wasn’t anything he said; it was the way he said it. He said to tell Cosmo to pay him what he owes him, or else.’

  ‘So Cosmo owed Silvio money,’ said Sergeant James.

  ‘Yeah. See, Silvio and Cosmo used to work together when Cosmo was a druggie and a thief. They were friends back then. And Silvio loaned Cosmo some money – two thousand dollars – and before Cosmo could pay him back, he was arrested after he tripped on a Labradoodle, but when he got out of jail, Silvio still wanted his money, even though Cosmo took the fall for him in a way because Silvio was also supposed to be in on the Labradoodle job. But Cosmo didn’t have the money because, well, he’d been in jail, and then at first when he got out, he was just lazy. But then he did get a job, but they didn’t give him a lot of shifts at first so he didn’t earn a lot of money, and he was trying to pay Silvio back a little bit at a time, but Silvio didn’t think it was fast enough.’

  Mom buried her head in her hands.

  ‘But Cosmo could have got the money if he wanted to, I’m sure of it. He could have borrowed it from his parents, or from Amanda. She offered to give them the money tonight, in fact, and I offered to give him my quarter collection, which was supposed to go into my education fund.’