THE DIRTY ONES

by JA Huss

  “Oh,” I say, taken aback.

  “And it always seems like you had it both ways. All the time. You were in the tower with us, but in a different way. You were at the same school and away from home, but one stupid ferry ride and you could be with your mother. You could be home, if you wanted to. And I couldn’t, I was stuck there. I was jealous of you. How you got to be inside and outside in the same moment and I… I don’t know. I was always miserable that year. Except for the time in the tower with you guys. So that last night when you and Connor were together… I was alone. And I was mad, OK? I was. So I’ve probably carried that with me all these years and I’m sorry.”

  “Everything OK in here?”

  We both turn to see Connor standing in the doorway. He steps inside, closes the door behind him, and sighs.

  “How much did you hear?” Sofia asks.

  “All of it,” Connor says, looking at me, then back at Sofia. “I think everyone just heard all of it. They’re like twenty feet away and the two of you are yelling.”

  “Great,” I say.

  “I guess we should… talk about this?” Connor asks. “Because I don’t want to have any kind of miscommunication. Kiera and I were together last night, Sofia. I want to be with her and give it another try.”

  I don’t even know where to begin deciphering that declaration. He loves me? He wants to date me? He wants to fuck me on the side?

  What is he talking about?

  Sofia crosses her arms, nods her head, and presses her lips together like she’s trying to hold something in. But then she huffs and says, “Well I don’t want any miscommunication either. I don’t want you now, Connor Arlington. I wanted you then. I’m not some sad woman pining over a long-ago relationship like some badly-written heroine, OK?”

  Connor stares at her for a moment. Then he laughs. “Uh… OK. My mistake. I guess.”

  “So why are we even arguing?” I ask. “This is dumb.”

  “I’m sure you do think it’s dumb,” Sofia says. “Because you’re the star of the show. I’m just someone he had to let tag along. And I thought we had something. And we didn’t. But I thought… I thought we had something between us. Like I do with Hayes. I thought—”

  “Hayes?” both Connor and I say at the same time.

  “Yes,” Sofia says. “I mean… I don’t know what I mean. I’m so fucking confused right now. I have all these leftover feelings about you two. And him. And I don’t know anything any more. None of this makes any sense. Not one bit. Not that year, not that book, not my relationships…”

  Connor sighs. “It makes sense, Sofia. It does. It’s just… complicated. But we all know what we mean to each other and that’s all that counts.”

  “Well, I don’t,” I say. “I don’t understand anything about any of you.” Then I look at Sofia. “Hayes? Really? Because—”

  “Connor loves us both, Kiera. But if he has to choose just one, he’s going to choose you. And hey,” she says, looking up. She’s crying for real now. A tear runs down her cheek. “I’d choose him over you, that’s what I was trying to say before. I like you, but he was all I ever wanted up in the tower. So what he just told me isn’t any different than what I just told you.”

  There is so much silence in this room right now. The whole world must be one giant cacophony of loud because this room has sucked all the silence in.

  God, how did life get so fucked up in the span of one day? I don’t understand it. Why now? After ten years, why this day?

  Why not that first year after we left? When everything was still fresh in our minds? Why not just keep it going if whoever did this wanted control? It makes no sense. Because we all left school, went on our way, and managed to even stay friends. I don’t talk to Bennett or Connor much, and no one talks to Louise at all, but we came out of it pretty OK, considering. Sofia and Camille and I are still friends online. Hayes and I are probably what you’d call good friends. Which is why I don’t completely understand what Sofia is trying to say about him right now.

  And that makes me feel guilty because I don’t like Hayes that way. At least I never thought I did. But I sure have spent a lot of time with him. Especially these past few years since my mother died.

  Suddenly my feelings are all messed up.

  I don’t know anything. Nothing is what it seemed. These last ten years have just been one long lie.

  No. Many long lies. And it makes me wonder how we can even look at each other now. After the things we did that year.

  But we can. And there’s friendship there. And maybe even love. Maybe I do love Connor? Maybe I’ve always loved Connor? I don’t know, but if we’ve made it this far and we don’t hate each other then… then… we won that game in the tower.

  So I say that. “We won, you know.”

  Connor is walking over to Sofia now. He sits on the bed next to her and takes her hand in his.

  “What are you talking about?” Sofia sniffles.

  I walk over to the other side of the bed and look at them. I love them both, in different ways. I guess that’s still the same. “Our… situation?” I say, for lack of a better word. “Up in that tower. It was a love triangle. They set us up to fight, ya know. To hate each other. But that’s not what happened. We didn’t fight. We had a good time. So we won.”

  “I guess that’s what I love about you,” Sofia says.

  “What? What do you mean?”

  “Underneath all that I-hate-everyone bullshit, you really are an optimist. Because we’re not fine. We’re so far from fine, it’s sad. Someone wrote a book about us, you guys. We’re in those pages.”

  “We haven’t even gotten to our part yet,” Connor says. “We don’t know—”

  “We do,” Sofia snaps, pulling her hand out of Connor’s. “They had the part about Emily. It’s our initials. This is our book, just told a different way. It’s like… creative non-fiction or some shit. True, but some events and names have been changed to protect the innocent.”

  “Innocent.” Connor actually laughs. “None of us are innocent. What we did at all the parties that year—”

  “Just… no,” I interrupt. “I don’t want to talk about that.”

  “It’s gonna be in the book.” Sofia sniffles. “Everyone’s gonna know. Hell”—she fakes a laugh—“everyone already knows. That stupid book has probably sold thirty or forty thousand copies already. What’s the point of even being here?” She looks at Connor, then at me. “There is no clever plan, no crazy scheme that will fix this, you guys. They’re gonna find out who we are and what we did, and all our lives will be ruined. Why did I even bother using a pen name for my erotica when my real name now has this story attached to it? Everything is fucked up and—”

  Connor places two fingers on her lips to make her stop. “Shhh,” he says, putting his arm around her and pulling her into a sideways hug.

  Sofia turns into him, kisses him on the lips. Connor just sits there, unsure, I think. But that hesitation only last a second or two. Because when the three of us are alone in a room… we know exactly what to do.

  And that’s exactly what he does right now.

  He kisses her back.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN - CONNOR

  I don’t know why I do it.

  That’s a lie. I do it because I like it. I like her. I don’t want to spend my life with her, but Kiera and I in a bedroom with Sofia only ends one way.

  I pull back from Sofia, placing my hand on her cheek as I look over my shoulder at Kiera, who is standing on the other side of the bed.

  She licks her lips, meeting my gaze. Then swallows.

  “Come here,” I whisper, patting the bed. “Come sit next to me.”

  She hesitates. Breathes in deep like she needs courage. And then, instead of walking around the bed, she climbs up on it, crawls on all fours across its width, and sits on her knees, wedged in between Sofia and I.

  Sofia looks up at Kiera, reaching for her breast. Their eyes lock as Sofia makes contact. Her palm cupping first, t
hen lifting her breast up as Sofia turns to get better access.

  I should stop her. I should stop this. I know she’s only doing it to make me happy. To make me want her.

  But the problem is, it’s working.

  “Kiera,” I say. “You don’t—”

  “Shhh,” she says, breaking eye contact with Sofia just long enough to hush me. Then she picks Sofia’s hand off her breast and places it over my cock, making her squeeze me through my pants.

  Fuck. I am so fucked.

  I close my eyes for a moment, and in that moment Sofia swings her leg over mine and sits in my lap.

  “Kiera,” I say.

  “Shut up,” she says. “Shut up and play along. What’s it gonna hurt now? Nothing. It’s not gonna hurt anyone.”

  But us, I don’t add. We’re the ones who are gonna get hurt. We’re the ones hurting ourselves now. Playing this game is dangerous. In so many ways. Things are gonna come out tonight and…

  “Just one more time,” Sofia says, placing both her hands flat on my face. And when I open my eyes again, she’s staring down at me. “One last time, Connor. And we can all move on, OK?” She hums out the words against my lips, kissing me at the same time.

  Kiera, still behind me, reaches around my upper body and loosens my tie until the knot falls apart and she pulls it through my collar with that soft whoosh of friction on fabric. Sofia continues kissing me, one hand lifting up her dress and slipping between her legs, the other working the buckle on my belt.

  Kiera is unbuttoning my shirt. Her face pressed into the side of my neck. Her mouth right next to my ear, whispering something dirty about Sofia’s pussy.

  God, I’ve missed them. Thirty seconds in and I’m rock hard and ready to fucking blow.

  This is why, I think to myself. This is why we went to the tower each month that year. And this is why, two months in, we didn’t need the tower anymore. We fucked everywhere. In our rooms. In classrooms. The library, hallways, the women’s locker rooms, the pool, the chapel, and my parents’ house. That night of their anniversary party.

  We had no right. No right to feel the way we did that year. And I still carry that guilt with me ten years later.

  Sofia has my pants open and she’s pulling out my cock. Pressing it up against the soft silk covering her belly, rubbing it back and forth.

  “Stop,” I say. “I’m gonna—”

  “Shhh,” Kiera hushes me again. “Just one last time.” She echoes Sofia’s earlier plea as she kisses my neck, pressing her breasts up against my back as Sofia lifts her hips up, knees pressing deep into the mattress, and positions herself over my tip.

  I moan when she lowers herself down and the tight lips of her pussy hug the tip of my cock. I slide in easily. She’s so ready and slick.

  And then Kiera, still with her tantalizing mouth up against my ear, is whispering just like she used to. Whispering the words she’ll write down later in the book.

  “What the fuck are we—”

  But Sofia is kissing my protests away before I can finish. And Kiera is dictating, “She’s so wet for him. And he’s ready for her too. His cock thick and engorged with blood as he slides up inside her pussy.”

  I don’t think I can take it. And it’s not fair. Because they know the two of them together make me powerless.

  I grab Sofia’s hips and rock her back and forth in my lap. Trying to find the spot that drives her wild. She’s panting hard now, breathing into our kiss as I begin to rock her harder. Thrusting her forward and back, my cock so deep inside her she squeaks out a small cry of pain.

  “She feels him,” Kiera says. “In her belly. Because he’s deep inside. Deep enough to touch her soul.” Her words pure sex.

  Sofia’s knees grip my hips as she breaks away from our kiss and throws her head back, exposing her throat.

  Kiera picks up my hand and places it there, pressing against her neck. My thumb finds that shallow dip in the top of her breastbone and my fingers squeeze into her soft flesh.

  “His claim of ownership fills her up—”

  Sofia is moaning. Too loud. Because Hayes, and Camille, and Bennett are on the other side of the door and now they’re gonna know.

  She goes still, stiff. And I know she’s close when she holds in her breath, like she’s trying to hold in her climax, and then the explosion of pleasure comes out as a whimpering whine as she bites her lip.

  I kiss her so she doesn’t draw blood and leave a tell-tale mark of what we’re doing. I kiss her hard as Kiera continues to narrate, and just before I come, Kiera pushes Sofia off me with a show of force, takes my cock in her hand, cupping her palm over my slick, wet tip covered in Sofia’s come, and captures me.

  “Fuck,” I whisper, trying to be quiet. Always trying to be quiet because everything we did was a secret. “Fuck,” I say again. Because Kiera is massaging my semen up and down the shaft of my cock.

  I am there again. In that place. In our dorm rooms. In the hallways, and the classrooms, and my parent’s house that night of the party…

  A hard knock at the door jolts me out of the past.

  “One second,” Sofia calls, voice throaty and sexy with lust.

  “Jesus Christ,” Camille says from the other side of the door. She tries the doorknob, but it just jiggles back and forth because I locked it on my way in.

  I knew.

  There is no escape from the past.

  “Come on,” Camille yells. “We’re fucking hungry.”

  Sofia has a towel from the bathroom and she delicately and slowly cleans herself, then cleans me too.

  What am I doing?

  Kiera is buttoning up my shirt, whispering, “They like the danger. They like the idea of getting caught, and when they don’t—”

  I laugh.

  “When they don’t, it just makes them want to try harder.”

  Sofia disappears into the bathroom, and by the time Kiera has knotted my tie around my neck, she emerges, smiling that smile as Kiera slips past her, fingertips trailing along the red silk covering her belly, and disappears into the bathroom to clean up.

  I just stare at Sofia, enjoying her smile. No, I don’t love her. Don’t long for her, don’t dream secret dreams about her. But—

  Kiera emerges and says, “Go,” pointing to the bathroom. “Clean up and we’ll meet you out in the library.”

  I get up and walk forward, leaning in to kiss Kiera. Taking my time as I do it. Placing my hand across her soft cheek.

  “Go,” she whispers into our kiss.

  Kiera closes the door and then I listen as they let Camille in.

  “Fucking perverts,” Camille says loudly. “So tacky, Sofia.”

  And then I hear Kiera’s fading response as she leaves the room. “Fuck you, Camille.”

  I smile as I splash cold water on my face, watching in the mirror as I grab for a hand towel and dry off.

  “What are you doing?” I ask the reflection.

  But the only answer I have is… “What I’m supposed to.”

  It’s a weird response. I think I realize that. But it’s all I’ve got.

  I finger-comb my hair, which is messed up from Kiera’s wandering hands, and straighten my tie.

  Satisfied, I pull the door open and step back into the bedroom.

  “I hope it was worth it,” Hayes says.

  He’s sitting in a chair just off to my right.

  “Jesus Christ, Hayes. What are you doing?”

  He’s sitting casually, one ankle propped up on one knee, head tilted to the side, eyeing me cautiously. “Probably a question you should be asking yourself, don’t you think?”

  “It’s none of your business.”

  “Not yet,” Hayes says. “But it will be soon.”

  “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

  “Just wait,” he says, getting to his feet. “Come on. Dinner’s ready downstairs.”

  “I thought we were eating here?”

  “Camille protested. So we’re going to the din
ing room.”

  “Did they catch Emily?”

  “No. They’re bringing in dogs.”

  “That’s fucking ridiculous.”

  “Well.” He shrugs. “Ninety-seven rooms, Connor. What choice do we have? She could be hiding anywhere. It’ll take days. Believe me, I pulled this trick millions of times as a kid.”

  I picture Hayes as a small, trouble-making boy, playing a solo game of hide-and-seek with his… parents? No. That almost makes me laugh. His nanny. And the other servants. Hell, he probably had the entire kitchen staff looking for him too.

  A mini-manhunt for wild, little Hayes.

  Yes. That’s something that definitely happened.

  “It’s cruel what you’re doing,” Hayes says, hand pausing on the doorknob.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Kiera. Leading her on like this. I heard you, ya know. We all heard what you said to her.”

  “I’m not leading her on.”

  “She’s not yours, Con.”

  I laugh. “She kinda is, dude. Always has been.”

  “No,” Hayes says. “I mean, she’s not your future. Sofia has always been your future. Or someone like her. Do you really think they’re gonna let you settle down with a middle-class woman who writes erotica?” Hayes laughs. Too loud. “You can’t really believe that.”

  “Who?” I ask. “My parents? They want me to find love. All parents want that. And I think I love her.”

  “This has nothing to do with love, Connor. You know that. This is business. This is politics. This is your family name.”

  “They’re not gonna care—”

  “Why do you think we’re all here? So we can just… fall back into old habits?”

  “We’re here because you made us come.”

  “The book, Connor. This is all about you.”

  “Fuck off, man. This is about all of us. Except Kiera. She’s just an innocent bystander caught up in something bigger than she realizes.”