The Girlfriend Experience

by Rebecca Dakin

  We’d had an uncomfortable conversation half an hour earlier when he’d asked too many personal questions about my work. I should have steered the conversation towards something safer, but I didn’t, and then he asked if I would go away with him for a few days as ‘ friends’. In other words, after this initial paid trip, he was looking for freebies. He said that I must become friends with my clients, or I wouldn’t be able to provide the level of intimacy that I offer. Guys can find it hard to leave their emotions behind after a date has ended, and some call and email me and think we’ll meet up for coffee and be ‘ friends’. I have to explain that I don’t become ‘ friends’ with my clients and that I kept things separate. I always hate having to explain this as it sounds like I am a cold person , but I’m not – I just haven’t the time to be friends with everyone I see, and the only way I can handle my job is to keep a clear division between my work and personal life. He seemed to think this would be difficult because of the emotions involved in a GFE, but I explained I’d tried it before and let people cross the boundaries and things got confusing for both parties.

  Where do you draw the line? Would he expect sex if we went away as ‘ friends’? Then there’s the awkwardness of always having to ask if any future dates are paid bookings. It doesn’t work, so I never let anyone get that close. I told him that when I had free time, I went away with friends and family; I could tell he was disappointed I wasn’t going to be his ‘ friend’. I despise the ‘F’ word now – it’s so false, and so many guys I meet don’t know the true meaning of the word ‘ friend’.

  He also asked if it was difficult for me to detach from my emotions when I have sex at work. Well, it’s quite easy (and it happens subconsciously), especially as sex is expected of me. However, when someone is ordering me to do something and clearly doesn’t care how I feel, I can’t possibly have any feelings or emotions for that person . If they don’t care enough to want me to enjoy myself as much as them, it creates resentment. And he was certainly no gentleman .

  This was Adam, a guy I’d previously met for a dinner date in Manchester. He demanded I kiss him before I’d even spoken to him! This was our second date and we were to spend two nights in Barcelona . On the first morning, he demanded I stroked him and I told him I wasn’t in the mood. You can’t get more girlfriend-like than that, can you? Two hours later, he demanded that I make love to him. In my mind, you make love with people you love and you have sex with those you don’t. It was clear that he had misunderstood my job description . Clients have absolutely no right to demand sex, hugs, kisses, love or anything at all for that matter. I am naturally a very affectionate person , but only when people are respectful and treat me as a lady.

  He’d promised a relaxing, fun couple of days. He met me at the airport, but even though I was weighed down with my handbag, duty-free purchases and suitcase, he didn’t offer to help carry anything. The hotel was beautiful, though: overlooking the marina on one side and the beach on the other. Looking back, I think he was expecting me to have sex with him when I arrived, which I would never do, even with my regulars. It’s not what I offer. I sell my companionship, and anything that happens sexually is by mutual agreement.

  It was three in the afternoon and I’d been travelling since 8a .m. I looked over the balcony and he put his arms around me and wanted to kiss me. My heart sank and immediately I was on edge. He was going to be ‘one of those’ – someone who wants to be constantly touching me in some way. It’s very exhausting.

  I mentioned I was hungry, as all I’d had was a bag of crisps on the plane. He suggested room service, but after all the travelling I said I’d like to go out and get some fresh air, so we left the hotel and had a wander. He insisted on holding my hand. We settled on an outdoor restaurant – it was exciting to be in Spain with lovely warm sunshine, especially having left a cold and miserable February morning in England. After eating we took a walk around the marina and sat in a café for a drink. He didn’t stop talking, and already I knew that I would find him mentally exhausting. I like to be able to have a break in conversation without any awkwardness, a companionable silence. Without this, I can’t fully relax.

  My head started to throb and the dull headache that had started over lunch progressively worsened. I told him that I needed to lie down for an hour and rest. He seemed fine with that, and went for a walk. I wondered if I was wrong about him – maybe he could be quite chilled after all ? He left me for an hour and a half, but I didn’t sleep as some builders nearby were making a racket. Nevertheless, it was good to just lie down and have some peace and quiet without the pressure of constant conversation . Once the Nurofen kicked in , I was raring to go!

  When he came back, I was in the bathroom. I saw his shadow pass by the glass door and he obviously found the bed and room empty. The light was on in the bathroom and, without knocking, he came to the door and I saw his hand reach for the handle. He was about to come in and he must have known I was in there! I was on the loo and shouted to him that I was in there, so thank goodness he didn’t. A guy should respect a girl’s privacy. I always lock the door if there is a lock because it’s surprising how many times I’ve been away with guys and they’ve just wandered in while I’ve been on the loo, like a married couple. For me it’s simple: door open , it’s OK to enter. Door closed, it’s not. My bathroom time is my bit of privacy.

  We both showered and got ready for dinner. Neither of us wanted to wait until 8.30 to eat, but it seemed that nowhere was open any earlier. We had decided to try the hotel restaurant. The food wasn’t great – it was one of those places that gave the illusion of being a topclass restaurant, but wasn’t. However, Adam’s sea bass looked amazing. I wasn’t keen on the fishcake I’d chosen, so he kindly gave me a piece of his fish. When the waiter saw I had left my dish, he apologised and asked what I’d like instead. After seeing and tasting the sea bass, I asked for the same as James. When mine came with no sauce and some greasy chips on the side, I was frustrated but wasn’t about to complain again , so I made do. As food and dining is a big part of my job, it disappoints me when the cuisine is poor.

  After polishing off three courses, I was enjoying the rest of my wine when Adam asked if I was done. I’m not ‘done’ when I still have a half-glass of wine! It was clear that he was impatient to leave, so I quickly finished off the rest of my wine as he disappeared to the loo. Back at the room we had standard, no-nonsense sex. A few minutes of kissing, I went down on him, he went down on me, then sex for a couple of minutes in missionary. We were both tired so it suited us. It was around 12 when we settled to sleep.

  The room was stuffy and there was no air conditioning. I told him I liked my own space when I sleep, which I think disappointed him, but aside from the nightmares I have, it’s a way of reminding my clients that we are not a ‘real’ couple. I don’t want them getting tempted in the night! But I’m so used to sleeping on my own anyway that I prefer to have my own space and this usually allows me to get a better night’s sleep.

  However, this time I couldn’t sleep and had a restless night because the room was stuffy. In the morning I was exhausted – no way was I up for sex! When he tried, I told him I was tired and not in the mood. It was then that he demanded I stroke him. Demanding things from me is not acceptable at the best of times, especially not when I’m feeling tired and snappy. I told him ‘no’, that I was tired, and then I apologised. I decided I’d have a siesta in a few hours to sort myself out, and I’d make it up to him after that. It was obvious that he was in a mood because I hadn’t given him what he wanted. Tough! We sat having breakfast and that’s when we had the awkward conversation . He seemed in no rush to get out for the day and spent over an hour talking about his ‘ex’ wife and asking me about my job. He then said he needed to make some private calls, so I left him in the dining room and went back to the room.

  It was all very odd, because when he came back he told me about a house he was doing up, in a village 80km from Barcelona , and explained that he needed to ge
t all the piping in place before the plumber arrived. I couldn’t understand what had been so private about that call, if that’s what he’d been talking about, and I strongly suspected he was lying, but I wasn’t sure why. He said he’d have to go and sort it out, and asked if I would be OK. Let me think about that: I have my own suite in a gorgeous hotel, the weather’s beautiful and there’s a spa , beach and marina on my doorstep! I told him I’d be fine. He said he might be able to come back that day, but would have to leave again at six in the morning. I said fine, but told him not to disturb me at 6a .m. There’s no way I’d be in the mood for his demands at that time in the morning.

  That was the point at which I was ordered to ‘ make love’ to him. I wondered if he was pretending that he wasn’t going to be around later, so I’d have sex with him there and then . I half-expected him to have sex with me and then decide not to go to his house, and that would have left me stuck with him, resenting him for the rest of our stay. I did have sex with him, though, because I had to assume he was telling me the truth when he said he was going. Because men can successfully lie to their wives, I think they assume they will be able to lie to me, but I often see right through them. Sometimes I say something and sometimes I don’t – it depends on the situation .

  I don’t distrust men in general, and I’m not paranoid with the boyfriends I have had (all of them have known about my profession), but I can generally spot a liar, probably thanks to the time I spent with my boyfriend James, who was a compulsive liar, years before.

  Anyhow, I digress. My client Adam was paying me for two days and I’d only seen him for one, so at least if I had sex with him I could chill for the rest of the day and evening on my own . But it would still have been kinder for him to ask, rather than demand. He asked me what I wanted him to do for me, but one look at me and he didn’t wait for an answer. I just thought, ‘get on with it’! And it must have shown on my face. I suggested going for lunch before he left, but he decided he was going to go. So he packed up his things, paid me the remainder of the cash for my trip, and we said our goodbyes and he went off and settled the hotel bill.

  Something was extremely odd about it all. I kept expecting him to ‘surprise’ me and come back, and I wasn’t keen on that idea , so I stayed out of the room until 10p.m. I had a wonderfully relaxing day. I sunbathed, went to the spa and treated myself to a facial and massage before going out for dinner at a Chinese restaurant on the marina .

  He texted around 10p.m.:

  ‘Bea… are you OK? Hope you have had a battery-charging day away from my demands (sorry) I am still in the thick of it… always been too ambitious X’

  I was relieved he wasn’t coming back, and texted him to say I was off to bed. I still half-expected him to be in the room when I got there. Again , I didn’t sleep well, partly because I was wondering whether he might just turn up at any moment. It crossed my mind that he might have been spying on me – I was a bit paranoid because the situation seemed so strange.

  I suspected that he was still with his wife, even though he’d said they were separated, and that maybe she was going to the house, so he had to get back there. Alternatively, perhaps he realised that I wasn’t going to be his sex slave and obey his sexual demands. Why else would he pay me so much money and then disappear? Sometimes I find people with money are used to always getting what they want, and I think he was one of those people.

  The next morning I went down for a hearty breakfast and took a leisurely stroll along the beach, before heading back to the airport. So I ended up having a relaxing stay, after all!

  He never contacted me to make sure I got home safely.

  CHAPTER 12:

  Boyfriend number two – Alex

  I joined a scuba group in Nottingham in 2002, to try to make some local friends. Escorting can be very lonely, and although I’d met a couple of other escorts, they weren’t really my type of people so I rarely socialised with them.

  Two clients had raved to me about scuba diving, and whenever I went into town, I passed a scuba school less than a mile from where I lived, so one day I decided to drop by. The owner asked what I did for a living, and I couldn’t think quickly enough to lie, so I told him the truth. He was a friendly guy and didn’t mind at all, so I decided there and then to sign up for a course to get the Open Water scuba qualification.

  At the time I was still with Kenny, and although I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t on the lookout for a new boyfriend. I’d gone to the scuba school to meet some local girls to hang out with, and I came to really enjoy the regular meets on a Tuesday night and our social time in the pub afterwards. I then signed up for a week’s scuba diving in Egypt, where I would complete my qualification.

  When I first met Alex, I didn’t really notice him until one night when we got chatting at the pub. I was instantly drawn to him and very physically attracted too, and I couldn’t understand why I hadn’t noticed how good looking he was before. He was also very funny and friendly. Alex was a couple of years older than me, but not my usual type. He was tall, blond and had an eight-year-old boy from a previous relationship. We clicked and I was really looking forward to my trip to Egypt, as he was going too. He had a girlfriend and I was with Kenny, but I thought a bit of harmless flirting would be OK. I couldn’t wait to go away and spend more time with him, and he never asked me what I did for a living.

  I hadn’t told anyone in my scuba group apart from the owner, Jim, but unbeknown to me he was a huge gossip, and he had spread the word. I just didn’t want people to judge me

  – I wanted them to like me for the person I am. No one ever asked me what I did for a living, and now I know that when people don’t ask, it’s usually because they already know.

  During the holiday Alex and I became very close. He was so charismatic, and I just wanted to be around him all the time. I was sure that the feeling was mutual – we spent hours chatting and it transpired that he too was unhappy in his relationship. He finished with his girlfriend shortly after we came back from Egypt in October, and in December I dumped Kenny. As soon as Kenny realised his free meal ticket was gone, he hounded me and my friends to try and get me to take him back again, but I knew, there and then, that I would never go out with anyone tight again.

  One night Alex came back to mine for a coffee after our Tuesday pool session, and we ended up sleeping with each other. He told me that he knew I was an escort (and that everyone at the scuba centre knew), and that he could never go out with one. I was saddened that he’d waited until after we slept together to tell me this, because I’d thought this was the start of something special. I’d given myself to someone I had real feelings for, and I was really gutted; I felt cheated and used. I spent the night explaining about my work and hoping to change his mind; I told him the sex I had at work was meaningless and that they got my body, but not my heart. I told him that I didn’t even sleep cuddled up with these guys – I’m on the opposite edge of the bed, hanging on for dear life.

  The next week I invited him to visit my uncle’s farm. My brothers and sister were going down too, my cousins would be there and it was a guaranteed fun party weekend. He accepted my offer and we drove down together. The first night, after a few beers, he told me he could easily fall in love with me. I was thrilled because I saw him as a potential life partner – I’d never had feelings like that for anyone previously or, as a matter of fact, since.

  At my suggestion, he moved in with me straightaway. He did need prompting to start paying towards the mortgage and bills, but he was extremely generous, and as soon as I mentioned the mortgage we came to an arrangement. I fell in love with him very quickly and I really thought I had found ‘the one’. At times it was difficult to go out to work, because really, I only wanted to be with him and I started to find the sex part of my work very difficult. I would close my eyes and try to pretend I was with him. I’d nip to the loo when I was working and text to say I loved him and was thinking about him. I’d leave him little notes that he’d find when he went to bed,
wishing him sweet dreams. When I got back from an overnight date I would literally jump on him, if it was the weekend and he was at home in bed. It was almost like my work was foreplay, and I’d ravish him when I got home.

  He used to say he’d try to block out my work, and not think about it, which was fine. Sometimes I’d ask for advice, and sometimes I’d forget I was talking to a boyfriend and perhaps say a little too much, but it never seemed to be an issue. Unfortunately, after about five months we started arguing quite badly. He always tried to persuade me that it was normal for couples to argue, just as Kenny had, so for months I tried to cope with it. My work was never mentioned when we argued, so I don’t think it was an issue for him, but I began to fall out of love because the arguing was making me miserable and I told him so.

  The only argument we had relating to my work occurred when we were due to go on holiday for a week. I was worried about missing out on bookings, so I wanted to leave my phone on and take calls in the UK until we flew out of Gatwick. He argued it was my holiday time and I should switch off, but I said that if I could confirm just one job for when I got back, it would mean I could relax more on holiday: I had nothing in my diary, and I’m uncomfortable spending money when I’m not earning it. I said that when we got on the plane I would switch my phone off, but we argued so much about it that in the end we really weren’t sure whether to go or not. The holiday was an expensive, all-inclusive break, but I don’t like being told what to do. I thought he was being ridiculously unreasonable under the circumstances.

  As it happened, I did get one call and I discreetly excused myself to take it. Alex glared at me, but there was no way I was going to ignore it. The call lasted no longer than a minute and was a waste of time, but it could have been a genuine booking. When I sat back down, it was clear he had the hump. What a great way to start the holiday! Our time away was strained, and when we got back home the arguing continued.