The Girlfriend Experience

by Rebecca Dakin

  Then I excused myself to go to the loo and I noticed he hadn’t even showered: the shower was bone -dry and the towels were in place, apart from a crumpled hand towel on the floor. He’s probably been washing his pits in the sink, I thought – yes, he’s another single man! There was also no soap open , so I knew he hadn’t washed his hands after he’d been to the toilet. So many men don’t, and it’s really quite disgusting. He also has been known to wear the same tight boxers that he’s slept in overnight, two days running. I was quite glad I hadn’t made a move!

  So, we both gathered our things and he gave me my fee, then out we went for lunch. Usually, we eat at the same local restaurant. Thankfully, it wasn’t busy – he has awful table manners, though he’s been getting slightly better with my guidance. Maybe I should charge extra and offer etiquette lessons for manners and hygiene? He always talks about dieting and exercise, but every time we meet he’s the same weight. When choosing his food you can guarantee at least two courses will be unhealthy. He thinks he’s being healthy by sacrificing the bread, but then he has belly pork, a fish dish (ooh, well done him!) and then ice cream to follow. I really don’t mind what people eat, but first, he’s always talking about diet and exercise when clearly he doesn’t do enough of either. And second, he eats with his mouth open, constantly.

  I’ve taught him not to speak with a mouthful of food, but I now need to work on teaching him to eat quietly because it really puts me off. Although he’s a single guy, he doesn’t really suffer from SMS but he lets himself down with the poor table manners and hygiene. He’s such a lovely and genuine guy, though, and when he’s not eating noisily, I really enjoy his company.

  While we were in the restaurant I saw a guy leering over at me and I wondered what he must have thought. We look an odd couple, but I guess we could be business partners or acquaintances. I know many escorts don’t like to be seen with guys, if they’re not flash businessmen , but it really doesn’t bother me – if they eat like a pig, it’s themselves they’re embarrassing, not me.

  Even before our time was up, Jack was ready to leave. He didn’t have to get back to work, so part of me was a little insulted that he wanted to get away, but on the other hand it’s refreshing that he’s not clingy and trying to take advantage by keeping me longer. I think it was purely the fact that we’d both had enough to eat and drink, so it was time to go.

  As we left the restaurant, I gave him a hug and was about to give him a kiss on the cheek when he sneakily swivelled around and got me bang on the lips. Flustered, I looked around to see who was looking... fortunately I didn’t see anyone I knew!

  CHAPTER 16:

  The dreaded question

  ‘So what do you do?’ – it’s the dreaded question.

  I get various reactions when I tell people what I do for a living. Some are totally shocked, because to them ‘escort’ equals ‘prostitute’, and although I’ve nothing against anyone prostituting themselves, I probably wouldn’t be so honest about what I did if all I did was sell my body. The fact is, people pay for me as a package – a ‘girlfriend’ and companion for an evening out or a few days away. But because some people think it’s all the same, I can see them thinking ‘have you no shame?’ The looks of disappointment I get anger me – there’s nothing worse or more patronising than them thinking or saying ‘You could do so much better for yourself’. To me, it shows how judgemental some people are; they know nothing about how I run my business.

  Others are intrigued and ask all sorts of questions. I don’t mind them asking because I like to educate people, and give them a better understanding of how I work and what my job is about.

  My family all know what I do. My mum and dad accept my job, which is pretty cool, but they still don’t like it. I don’t think many parents would be that understanding, though. Dad used to go on about the ‘abnormal world’ I live in, but he is semi-retired and never really does anything or goes out; he doesn’t have a network of friends. It’s my mum that’s like me – a ‘get-up-and-go’ person with a large social circle. So, to me, his life is ‘abnormal’.

  Dad’s a very intelligent man but if it wasn’t for Mum, he wouldn’t socialise at all! He never calls anyone on the phone; in fact, he has never called me or my siblings, ever. I sometimes find him incredibly hard work! Recently, he has changed his view a little since I treated him to a Genesis concert this year and took him on a balloon ride (which a client had paid for, but it was cancelled due to the weather). Lately, he’s been saying that I’ve done so much, far more than many others my age, and that I’ve had some wonderful opportunities. I’m glad he understands my lifestyle a little more now.

  Dad still has his little digs, though. I took my parents and grandparents to see The Lion King in London, and I laughed at my dad, who arrived at the station with a packed breakfast, packed dinner and a flask of coffee! I’d booked us in for a 3 course brunch at 12, so why he even needed breakfast I’ve no idea. He then tried to say, ‘Well, we can’t all afford to buy expensive sandwiches,’ which was a dig at me, saying I was extravagant to even think such a thing. How ridiculous! If Mum was on her own she’d have pushed the boat out and bought something to eat if she wanted. The silly thing was that she made him leave his rucksack at St Pancras and that cost him £6.50, so it would have been cheaper for him to buy those ‘expensive’ sandwiches!

  I’m extremely interested in psychology and I often try to analyse myself and others. I’m also curious about why I made the choice to escort. Being a very sensitive, emotional and affectionate person (this is what makes me different from my parents and siblings) I remember craving attention from my dad from an early age – he keeps his feelings and emotions all tucked up. As a child I worshipped him. I used to love it when he played guitar and sang to us. My favourite was ‘Dream’, a 60s classic song. It would nearly make me cry with happiness and I just wished he would do it every night.

  I often ran away. I remember being so upset once that I took my rabbit down to the woods and wandered around aimlessly. After about an hour I was bored, so reluctantly I made my way home. My dad found me at the bottom of the drive and asked where I’d been. Teary-eyed I informed him I had run away. He laughed and said, ‘Well, you’re back now, so get inside. Your mother and I are going out, and you’re babysitting.’ I was gutted! ‘Yes…but I ran away, you know’…I pleaded for him to take me seriously. He carried on laughing (but not in a nasty way), as he repeated that he’d heard me the first time. His way to deal with emotional things was to make a lighthearted joke out of them.

  My dad chased me across the park once, and that’s when I got him to say he loved me. It’s the only time he ever has. I was running off for some reason…I guess I was about 13. I didn’t want to have to create dramas to get a reaction from him; I just wanted him to be affectionate towards me. He wasn’t affectionate to my mum either – she’d sit on his knee and he would look at us kids and pull a face. We thought it was hilarious, because he was such a joker, but I realise now that he struggles to show affection to anyone.

  More recently, my dad refused to help advise me about buying my apartment because he thought it was ridiculous that I was spending so much money. After a number of conversations with my grandma (my dad’s mum, who I was very close to) she finally got him to speak to me and he did help me, even commenting to the solicitor that he thought it was a good investment, although he had never said anything positive to me about buying it. My grandma told me that my dad loved me very much and said that although she knew he didn’t say it, he was also very proud of me. I wonder if, deep down, getting positive attention from older men on my work dates is in some way a substitute for the affection I crave from my dad.

  Despite our troubles, I have a lot of respect for my parents because neither of them has tried to get me to change my job. They know from experience that it would be pointless, and I’ll always do what I want to do, anyway. None of my siblings has their own property and a successful business. I had bought my place and was runn
ing my own business by the time I was 25, so although I’m the only one without a degree, I know my parents are proud of what I’ve achieved. Occasionally they will tell me that I’ve done well for myself, and I know that I have.

  My brothers are uncomfortable when people ask what their sister does. They both feel embarrassed. I once went to my brother Andy’s work do, and one guy asked what I did. My brother just glared at me, giving me that ‘Don’t you dare tell him!’ look – which I ignored – and he made a real fuss about it. Sometimes he tries to act posh, so he wouldn’t find it acceptable to have a sister who was an escort. Recently, one of his friends asked me why I didn’t speak the same as him – I told him we all went to the same school, but my brother fakes his posh accent. He thought it was hilarious! On the other hand, one of his friends’ mums once asked me if I was a hooker. I said no, wondering why she’d used that derogatory term, before correcting her and saying that I was actually an escort. It transpired my brother thought it would be funny to tell her I was a hooker. I told him I’d remember that, and next time any of his friends asked what I did for a living, I’d say I was a hooker.

  My mum’s friend Margaret found out what I did recently. Margaret has known me and my family for years, and although she’s a bit older than Mum, she is very open-minded. I have always been very fond of her, but I wasn’t sure how she would react when I told her what I did for a living. When I explained to her about my job, she thought it was extremely exciting and told me I was very lucky to have such wonderful opportunities for travel. If I join a new group, I don’t tend to tell people, because I don’t want them to gossip. I may, however, tell a few people I think I can trust as I get to know them.

  No matter how many times I’m asked what I do for a living, I never get used to it. My mind starts whirring and I have to decide in a nanosecond… am I going to tell the truth? If I decide to lie, I go for my standard response – ‘I sell on eBay’ – while praying that’ll be the end of it, but it rarely is. ‘What do you sell?’ they ask. ‘Do you make good money from it?’ I have sold bits and bobs on eBay, but I can’t go into too much detail in case I’m asked questions that I’m unable to answer. But the alternative is to tell the truth and have people think ‘hooker’. Why do they immediately think ‘escort’ means ‘hooker’? It’s like they lose the ability to hear anything after that. That one little word leaves my mouth and suddenly a whole host of ideas enters their minds.

  Yes, I enjoy sex and I’ve been told I’m good at it, but I’m not a nymphomaniac. I wish I was – I could make a fortune! I have no interest in other people’s boyfriends, unless they pay me for their time – only joking! Girls, I’m not out to steal your boyfriends. Finally, I’m not easy. I don’t sleep around outside my work. In the last seven years, I’ve had three long-term boyfriends and six one-night stands; that’s all. Also, I’m not filthy rich: my rates mean I can earn a lot, but I can be without work for weeks at a time, and as I’ve said before, my expenses are extremely high.

  Being a very honest and open person it troubles me to lie, which is why most of the time I tell the truth. The only problem with the truth is that there’s no grey area in some people’s eyes. They think all men pay escorts just for sex, but that’s not the case. Someone once paid me £100 just to sit outside a bar with him and talk to him for 40 minutes. He just wanted people he didn’t know to see me with him.

  Generally, I’m very honest about what I do, because I don’t feel it’s anything to be embarrassed about. I love my job, and I’m good at it. Sometimes there are people I wish I hadn’t told

  – once they know, they act completely differently around me and don’t know what to do. It shouldn’t matter what I do, and I get frustrated sometimes when people judge me; the way I see it, lots of people have sex with colleagues, so what’s the big deal? OK, so I might do it more often, but so what? I know there are single women who sleep with more men than I do!

  I think a lot of women are wary and feel intimidated by me, which I find sad because I’m a very honest, open, generous and loyal friend. Because of people’s attitudes, often I’ve struggled to make and keep friends. Escorting can be a very lonely profession, even more so for those leading double lives. Not working in an office environment means I don’t have local ‘work’ friends. I work from home on my computer and I go out on dates.

  It’s not as if I haven’t tried to make local friends – I joined the gym and met one girl, but she moved away shortly after we met. I joined the scuba group and found myself a boyfriend, but didn’t make lasting friendships. I go to salsa classes, but haven’t met anyone there who has become a friend. Then I joined Aikido and it’s only there, after two years, that I’ve met a couple of people I keep in touch with. I also met two amazing friends a year ago by chance, through a friend of a girl I know from work, I used to see them at least once a week but both of them are now settled into relationships so unfortunately I don’t see them as often as I’d like.

  A lot of Matlock people now live in Nottingham but there’s only one reliable friend, Katie, who I keep in touch with and go out with. Most of my close friends live dotted about in various places around the country – Liverpool, Manchester, London, Leicester, Matlock and Chesterfield.

  Once, I went to collect a book a neighbour had borrowed, and her partner looked like a rabbit in headlights as he opened the door. I didn’t want, or expect, to be invited in; I just wanted to collect my book. He started stuttering about how he was busy working and couldn’t invite me in; it was bizarre. Then my neighbour called that evening and was suspicious, asking why I hadn’t waited for her to get back from work before collecting my book! It was most odd, and I can only think it was because of my job. Some guys that I know socially will often act differently around me when they’re with their partners. This can be frustrating – they look uncomfortable and it makes them look like they’ve done something wrong! Some just ignore me if they’re with their girlfriends; it’s almost as if they expect their girlfriends to have a problem with them speaking to me.

  Some of my close friends seem obsessed with having some sort of male interest in their life, which I find quite sad. Maybe I’m just a bit odd? Probably I’d be celibate if I wasn’t working as an escort – I’m too busy trying to sort my life out to worry about men, and I’m not someone who needs a partner to complete me. I think it’s extremely important to be happy with myself. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to find Mr Right, but I’m not going to go out looking for him. I just get on with my life and if it’s meant to be, I’m sure our paths will cross.

  I also find people think that I lead a different lifestyle from the one I actually live. My uncle’s new wife cracked a joke about me not knowing how to use a vacuum cleaner because she assumes I’m wealthy and no longer do my own cleaning. If only! Once, when I was planning a trip to my uncle’s farm, I found a company that hired out tents, and for an extra £20 they would deliver it, put it up and take it down. As the weather was supposed to be bad, and I hadn’t camped for years, that sounded great. Everyone teased me about being too posh to put up my own tent, and joked it would be a mansion with people feeding me grapes!

  The thing is, I shop in Asda because it’s cheaper than Sainsbury’s, and Primark because it’s less pricey than Topshop; like everyone else, I watch my pennies. I’m not saying I never buy anything designer, but the majority of my wardrobe isn’t exclusive: like most people I love grabbing a bargain. Most of my designer gear John buys me.

  Earlier this year, I went to meet one of my friends, Laura. We ended up meeting her boyfriend in the pub. It was St Patrick’s Day and the place was heaving. A couple of guys stood up so that we could have seats, and then Laura stood up to talk to her boyfriend, so I was left talking to his friend, which I didn’t mind. Then a guy I knew from years ago plonked himself next to me, Timmy. He’s late thirties, but looks older. He used to be quite attractive, but he has a huge nose that has been broken a few times and he slicks his dark blond hair back with Brylcreem. It’
s not a good look. Unfortunately, he sparked up a conversation that went like this:

  Him: So what are you doing with your body nowadays? Me: What do you mean, ‘with my body’?

  Him: Last time I saw you, you were in a top-shelf magazine,

  legs akimbo.

  Me: That was a long time ago. I’m working as an escort now. Him: Oh, you’re still doing that? So how much would it cost

  for me to spend the night with you?

  Me: I’m not going to tell you, it’s none of your business. Him: Well, I might want to book you.

  Me: I’m not working right now.

  Him: OK, but how much would it cost?

  Me: I’m not telling you – I don’t ask you how much you earn. Him: Come on, how much then?

  Me: I wouldn’t sleep with you even if you paid me, so it’s

  irrelevant. Him: Oh, you think you’re so clever!

  At that point he was shouting, ‘Football Face, Football Face!’ at the top of his voice, just as the bullies used to do. It seemed like loads of people were looking at us, but no one said anything to him. I was so annoyed with myself for even talking to him in the first place. That’s one of the downsides of being honest about my job – some people seem to think that just because I’m an escort, they can treat me like that.

  I have to educate new friends about my profession because often they think that when I’m not out on dates, I have nothing to do. In fact, there’s always something. If I’m not working, I’m trying to get work, and if I’m at home during the week I’ll be on my computer until about 12p.m.. Then I go to Aikido, and maybe do some food shopping or any other essential bits and pieces, before going back to my computer until about 6p.m. I’ll cook my tea, and then if I’m having a night in, I’ll watch some TV and be in bed by 9 or 10p.m.; I relish early nights. I have badminton on a Monday and occasionally go to salsa on Wednesdays, and I try to keep my weekends free to catch up with family and friends.