Control

by James D. Horton

  “My pleasure,” I respond.

  She walks over to stand behind Calhoun’s chair, one hand resting on his shoulder the other on the back of the chair. Calhoun lights up at her presence and again I look from him to her and back again. I can’t figure it out, how did these two end up together? I feel the affection pulsing between the two of them which is absolutely electric. I feel out for her beast and much like his it is almost non-existent. I can’t even begin to imagine darkness in her, she seems to be made completely of light which makes sense for how else could one person be so gorgeous?

  “Dallas has brought young Lynx to learn dear,” Calhoun says bringing one hand up to rest on top of hers.

  I wonder again at their connection, we’ve all heard of beauty and the beast syndrome but this is insane. No Disney movie can put a tale to this; even in movies the beast is a good looking beast. The contrast between these two, on the surface is dark and light, but as I stare at them I realize I am judging merely on outward appearance and that their connection must be in the nature of their beasts which to me appear so similar, so close to being non-existent.

  I look at Wolf and wonder if we can have a connection like this?

  “Well, that would be wonderful,” she says. “Have you learned much yet?” Miranda looks at me.

  “Well, uh, some. Athene sorta tried to teach me and then the Regent made me go to Griogar.”

  Miranda’s face also darkens at the mention of Griogar but it passes quickly.

  “I really don’t like that man,” she declares.

  “Yeah, well he is certainly different,” I avoid thinking about all the things I did while at his place.

  “Well, I’ve been a scholar,” Calhoun states, “all my un-life.”

  “A very brilliant one my dear,” Miranda adds beaming with pride.

  “Thank you my love,” he pats her hand. “I have learned much, researched more, raised more questions than I’ve answered but I may be able to help you. I don’t know of anyone that knows more about the ways to achieve serenity and the ability to become a Daywalker than I do, though there may be someone out there. One should never rule out the possible until it is done so beyond refute!” He chuckles.

  Looking from Calhoun to Miranda their love is so obvious. I look to Wolf and wonder again why we can’t be together, why I can’t be the one in his world that makes him light up like Miranda does for Calhoun. An ache in my chest defines the moment for me. I want it, palpably; I want him to love me like these two love each other. I can see it in my mind so clearly, Wolf turns to me and his hard lines are lit by moonlight and he reaches out a hand for me, taking my arm roughly yet with tenderness beneath his touch. He squeezes my arm pulling me towards him and wraps his arms around me as his other hand comes up to cup my jaw, forcing my head back as he leans in towards me, closing the distance between us. His lips crush against mine, the arm that pulled me in rests at the small of my back pressing me into him. He breaks the kiss, leans back and puts a few inches of space between us and says in that deep growl of his, “Mine.”

  “Do you need cream or sugar?” Miranda’s musical voice cuts into my thoughts, fading the scene.

  “No, no thank you,” I can’t take my eyes off of Wolf. I see Miranda looking from me to him and then back again, I see the slightest of frowns on her porcelain face. She knows, I know she knows and jealousy stabs into me making the demon stir. I close my eyes to give myself a moment to gather my composure and to focus. When I open them again Miranda is smiling at me so I give her a slight nod and her smile broadens.

  I must accept reality as it is, pining for a man who doesn’t want me is for the weak.

  COMING TO TERMS

  Lily

  CALHOUN SIPS AT HIS CUP OF TEA before setting it down with a clink on its saucer and puts his full attention on me. “What did Griogar teach you and what have you learned for yourself?” he settles into his chair.

  Wolf leans back putting his boots up on the glass table and lowers his cowboy hat to just cover his eyes. I’m not sure how much I want to say here, I don’t want Wolf to know everything I did, some of what Griogar taught me feels so wrong, yet at the same time it works. I purse my lips, thinking it through for a moment before deciding on an approach.

  “I’ve learned that each person deals with controlling their vampiric nature differently. From what I see most of the ways revolve around indulging the nature of the beast in some kind of controlled circumstances. Wolf lives in the wild and lets his animal free there; most seem to express it through vampiric Society to some degree using the social standing to satiate their need for domination. Griogar takes a somewhat more sadistic approach.”

  Calhoun grimaces, or maybe it’s a smile, his face really makes it hard to tell which but I assume grimace. It seems a safe bet. He looks up at Miranda. “Would you bring me the Treatise of Langsley dear?” he asks her.

  She goes over to his writing desk and returns with a collection of papers bound together by a leather strip. It appears to be very old and both of them handle it gently as it passes from one to the other.

  “This Treatise was written over eight hundred years ago. It hypothesizes the idea that there are different ways to manage our condition but fundamentally there are two major Via’s he calls them.”

  I arch an eyebrow at Calhoun having no idea what he is talking about or what this has to do with anything.

  “Nathanial dear, most of us are not scholars,” Miranda reminds him gently. “Lynx is only in her twenties, perhaps you could break that down a bit?”

  I nod to them both, giving Miranda a grateful smile. Wolf makes a sound and I’m not honestly sure if it is a grunt or if he is snoring under that hat. So glad you care.

  “Ah, ahem, yes I apologize,” Calhoun shifts in his chair as if he is uncomfortable. “I do not often get to lecture these nights. Via’s would be the equivalent to, well uhm, paths. Yes that would be a good way to describe it, a means of getting somewhere. The end goal in this case being achieving control of the vampiric nature, maintaining that which is human in us while being, basically, a monster for all intents and purposes.”

  “Okay, that makes sense,” I agree. Again I flash a quick look and thankful smile at Miranda, I want to learn and what he started out with was way over my head.

  “Ah, good! Well, you have two paths, yes, paths. Heh-hum,” he clears his throat. “One is the commonly accepted path though there are many branches within it, lesser paths if you will, which is to indulge the monster in controlled situations, like you said. This is the obvious path and it is also the easiest overall but it comes with its own risks and dangers. Namely that it tends to end eventually with the person losing themselves to their monstrous nature, sooner or later, and then they become a true demon.”

  “Like the beast Dallas and I put down,” I claim partial credit for that kill; I had survived that part of the hunt at least.

  “Yes! Yes exactly like that,” Calhoun’s excitement fills the room, he seems almost ready to bounce out of his chair. “That is the commonly accepted path. There is a second major path, one not often traveled, nor is it an easy one but it can be done. That of the path of love.”

  Everything stops for me.

  “What?” I groan as numbness spreads out from my core. Seriously?

  Calhoun and Miranda both smile, fairly beaming at me.

  “Oh yes, well Langsley did not refer to it as love per se of course, he called it the path of humanity, of holding on to that which makes you human. It is not just balancing the needs of the beast but obtaining full control of it by channeling its powers and ability only towards the highest of good causes. The one variation of it I’ve been able to verify in my research would be one of love. Though I keep trying to get Athene to talk about exactly how she . . .”

  “Nathanial, the topic dear.” Miranda prompts patting him on his shoulder.

  “Ah yes, well, of course. I have found and tests prove this out that the vampiric nature is focused on instant gratific
ation, the fulfillment of basic primal needs. If you can channel the power of it towards a greater good, not just the satisfaction of self, but the well-being of another let’s say then you can over time develop a level of control that mimics and even exceeds the more commonly accepted path.”

  I try to fit this in with what I see when I look at another vampire or even myself. The beast chained and caged, but what is that cage and that chain built of? I realize that my ‘seeing’ is really just my mind assigning some kind of image to a concept. I look at Miranda and reach out to really see her ‘beast’. It takes me a second to actually lock it down but I find it. Athene has a cage of light around hers but Miranda has no cage at all, the monster itself is airy and bright. Her darkness is, well not that dark. It is more light itself not an amorphous shadow like every other ‘beast’ I’ve looked at. I put my attention on Calhoun and his is much the same, except maybe even a little brighter. In a way, it starts to make sense.

  I don’t have it in me to care about myself enough to suppress the monster’s urges most of the time, I give in because it’s easier than fighting it. My thoughts stray to William, for him I would do anything. If it came down to protecting my little brother and making life better for him I feel like the beast’s desires would be nothing in comparison.

  “All right, then what? I have to find someone to care about more than myself? I have to fall in love?” I very carefully keep my eyes from straying to Wolf when I say the last words.

  Calhoun smiles and Miranda gives me an understanding look that is mixed with a touch of sadness.

  “No, that is merely one way,” Calhoun says. “You have to take responsibility for what you are, what you have done, what you will do, and most of all for someone or something more than yourself. That is what the last several hundred years of research have taught me. You have to push yourself to rise above instant gratification. You have to accept what you have done, you’re a vampire you will kill, it will happen. How you deal with it is what matters. Do you become a cold, calculating killer? Or do you spend your nights pining with regret? Or, and this is the secret to this path, do you come to terms with it, not let it shape you completely and become something more? That is the way out of the maze my dear. Well, a path out anyway I believe.”

  I start to speak, to say something but I am interrupted by a buzzer sounding loudly, echoing into the room then dying down. I look around for what the alarm would be indicating, Wolf is on his feet instantly, slightly crouched, ready to spring into action in any direction. Miranda and Calhoun look at each other nonplussed, obviously not expecting the sound.

  “It seems we have become quite popular in recent nights my dear,” Calhoun says. “Please, allow me to look into this.” Calhoun rises from his chair, he moves with difficulty, his body obviously unwieldy. He makes his way over to the hallway we entered from, resting a moment with one hand pressed against the wall just beyond the coat rack or so I think but then the stone he is leaning against slides aside to reveal a television. He looks at it and makes a tsk sound. “Katherine Codman is here dear.”

  “The Keeper? She never comes to see us here!” Miranda exclaims.

  If I had a heart it would be racing, I don’t trust Katherine and would rather she know nothing about me; not where I go, who I see, or what I do. Wolf next to me seems to relax whereas I just feel tense.

  “So it would seem,” Calhoun says. “Do you all mind if I let our newest guest in?”

  I look to Wolf for guidance, personally I prefer not to be in the same room as that sexpot and I don’t want Wolf anywhere near her either but I realize this is just jealousy sounding off and it is not the best way to make a decision. Wolf takes his seat again with a shrug. Wonderful, maybe he just wants to see her hot body again, typical. There is nothing I can properly do so I nod my agreement and Calhoun leaves to go let her in, donning his gear again. Miranda grabs up the silver tray with the tea set and bustles off. I sit down and stew, waiting for Katherine to come. I can hear them entering long before I see them.

  “My god Calhoun, how do you live surrounded by this filth?” her voice grates on my nerves.

  Bitch!

  She walks into the room, inappropriately dressed for the scene but what else do I expect? She is wearing an evening dress that comes down to just past her knees with a slit up the side so that her thigh shows with every step she takes, the front is low cut to the point I feel certain at any moment one large, perfect breast will break free and to top it all off she is obviously not wearing a bra as her nipples are clearly showing through. How do her breasts so large stay so far up without support! They have to be fake!

  Miranda comes back into the room with a freshly filled tray of refreshments, looking delighted at Katherine as she enters. I notice that Katherine’s eyes narrow just slightly at Miranda and I feel a thrill run through me. Looking between the two of them the differences are obvious. Katherine is beautiful but it is a bought beauty; sculpted, doctored, and made one piece at a time which shows in little details where Miranda is just naturally lovely. She doesn’t seem to be conscious of her own looks either, which makes her that much more beautiful. She is not using them as a weapon against the world, she is just her. I suppress the urge to chuckle since there is no point in antagonizing Katherine. I do give myself a mental high five for my level of control and restraint.

  “It’s such a pleasure to have you visit Katherine!” Miranda’s voice is so genuine and filled with such sincerity, the woman is so damn nice you can’t help but like her. Well most people can’t, then there’s Katherine. I snicker on the inside.

  “I’m sure it is; how many visitors can you get in a hovel carved out of the tunnels that flush the shit of the city?” Katherine’s voice is droll.

  “Ahem, Keeper Codman,” Calhoun addresses Katherine formally but obviously upset by her attitude. “I assume there is some service you need from us?”

  “Actually, I came for them,” she nods at Wolf and I. “This just happens to be one of the few places in the City I can be assured of no prying eyes, well outside of yours of course Calhoun.”

  “They are guests in my home Katherine; I won’t tolerate any untowardness here.” Calhoun’s voice grows serious; there is an edge to it that I find surprising. Wolf pushes his hat back from his eyes where he is lounging in his chair, making eye contact with Katherine who for her part meets his gaze without looking away.

  “What?” Wolf asks.

  Leave it to Wolf to sum anything up in the minimum number of words. I bite my own tongue to keep from spitting out any of the vitriol that runs through my mind.

  “There is a situation that is going to come to pass; one I don’t think is good for the City. It needs to be stopped but violence is not my forte, so of course I first thought of you.” Katherine smiles, hand on her hip as she speaks, the slightest thrust forward in her pelvis, while at the same time pushing her pert breasts out. I see Wolf looking and a pang of jealousy stabs into my heart.

  “Yeah?” Wolf drawls.

  Katherine rolls her eyes at him. “I have no idea what in all the seven hells Luna sees in you with your monosyllable conversation, you must be one hell of a lay.”

  My eyes widen and all jealousy is immediately replaced with anger, the beast leaps unexpectedly up and almost it grabs control before I can stop it. My head spins towards Wolf and I feel my fangs extending as I struggle for an instant to regain control; it does not go unnoticed.

  “Oh my, did I spill the beans? My bad, I thought for sure your fresh meat knew about the real Alpha in your world.”

  Wolf growls low in his throat.

  “What is this situation Katherine?” Calhoun is obviously trying to defuse the situation.

  I look over at him and Miranda looks at me with pain in her eyes.

  “Oh, Genosoa is going to try and cast some magic mumbo jumbo and to do it he will need to kill several hundred humans all at once. You know, grand evil schemes and all that jazz.” She waves a hand around but her eyes are wat
ching Wolf and me.

  “Lynx, would you mind helping me a moment in the other room?” Miranda asks.

  I turn towards her with a fast retort on my lips but her eyes and her face are sincere, so obviously trying to help that my words die without ever being uttered. I nod numbly rising from my chair as Miranda gathers up the tray of refreshments which she had never offered anyone since refilling it and heads out of the room. No one speaks again while I can hear. Miranda leads us down a hallway then turns a corner into an area setup as a small kitchen. I wonder again how you turn a section of the City sewer system into a nice set of apartments but that concern passes so far below things of greater importance to me right now I let it go. Miranda sets the tray down then turns towards me and takes both of my hands in hers.

  “You cannot let her hurt you,” she urges.

  “I won’t let her hurt me, now her I might . . .” I trail off and Miranda smiles.

  “You didn’t know about Luna?” she asks and I shake my head.

  “Well, no, not really. Athene said once that Wolf only has eyes for the moon, I thought she meant, well you know, he’s Wolf, wolves love the moon . . .” I fumble the words and Miranda nods, her face very serious.

  “I understand; theirs is a long and sad tale that none of us really talk about, I don’t know that anyone but them know all of it. They are drawn one to another, separating then coming together again, only to separate once more.” She leads me by the hand over to a small table that is set for two and settles me into a seat before gathering the tea service and pouring a cup for each of us. Once the tea is done she sits across from me, softly blowing on her cup to cool it before she sips.

  “Love is a powerful thing,” she says and I nod sipping at my own cup of tea.

  “Who is she?” I ask at last, wondering who my competition is.

  “Oh, I think that is not really a tale for me to tell. I do think you would like her, I know she would like you very much.”

  “She would like me? What?” I arch an eyebrow. How can Wolf’s lover like me, seriously. I not only banged the guy, I was hoping to make him mine alone.