by Alison Ryan
McKenna looked at her mother, mortified.
“Sure thing!” Brent said and with that he was on his way up to the house.
Mr. Holt opened up a rickety beach chair and sat down, his pale legs meeting the sun for possibly the first time in a year. He had on black socks with Birkenstocks, a fact McKenna found atrocious.
“Seriously, Daddy?” she said, rolling her large eyes. “Black socks?”
“What? I don’t want to get sand on my feet,” he said pulling out a newspaper.
Brent came back with Mrs. Holt’s chair and an umbrella from his own house. He not only opened the chair for her to sit in but also dug a hole in the sand behind it for the umbrella.
“This is lovely. What is your name again, sweetheart?” Mrs. Holt sat gingerly in the chair, kicking off her mules.
“Brent, ma’am.” He held out his hand, “Brent Miller. And this is my younger brother Brandon.”
Brandon stood up to show respect and nodded towards Mrs. Holt.
“Good morning, ma’am,” Brandon said.
McKenna and I looked at one another, grinning. The Miller boys’ mother, God rest her soul, had raised these boys very well.
“It’s so good to meet you, Brandon,” Mrs. Holt said. “And Brent, what a sweetheart you are to put this umbrella up for me. Isn’t he, darling?” She looked at Mr. Holt who was reading the half folded sports section.
“Yep. Very polite,” he said eyeing Brent. “Thanks, son.”
“Yes, sir. Let us know if we can run to the house and get y’all anything. Water and such,” Brent offered.
“That’s just fine,” Mr. Holt added. “Appreciate that.”
The awkwardness seemed to dissipate a little after that. McKenna and Brent went into the water, remaining a respectful distance from one another since Mr. Holt was watching them like a hawk.
Brandon and I laid on beach towels, he reading a Sports Illustrated and me trying to finally finish The Firm.
“Good book?” he asked after a while.
“Yeah, really good,” I said, not able to look up. Mitch McDeere was in a pickle and I couldn’t put it down.
“Well, I had something I wanted to ask you.”
I put the book down, looking up, “Yeah? What’s that?”
“I wanted to know if you would help me surprise Brent. “
“Surprise him?” I asked, leaning over in case anyone should hear. “What for?”
“Well, tomorrow is his birthday,” explained Brandon. “He’ll be nineteen and it’s the first birthday without Mom so I know it’s going to be tough. That’s actually why we came to the beach this year, to kind of get his mind off that very thing. But a birthday is still something worth celebrating and my mom always made a really big deal out of them. I don’t want to do anything big but I thought we could maybe decorate the living room, get a cake, that sort of deal. I was thinking maybe McKenna could distract him while we get it all ready. And being that I’m a guy I have pretty much next to zero experience with party planning so I thought maybe you could help.”
I smiled, “I would love to help. And I don’t think McKenna would mind distracting Brent either.”
“That’s what I figured,” Brandon grinned at me. “By the way, do you still have a boyfriend?”
I laughed, “Afraid so.”
“Damn.”
Brandon and I agreed to meet on the beach after dinner to discuss the plan. The Holts took McKenna and me out to Hoskins for dinner. It was a diner about a mile from the house and we completely stuffed ourselves on scallops, shrimp, and rolls. I left feeling like I had gained fifteen pounds. McKenna and I were both moaning in the back seat of the Holts’ car as we drove back home.
“I’m never eating again,” McKenna cried. “Why did we do that to ourselves?”
“Because it was so good,” I replied. “I mean I couldn’t stop eating those scallops. It’s so wrong. Now I know why gluttony is a deadly sin.”
“We’re idiots,” she laughed, leaning against me. “What should we do tonight?”
“Well, I actually need to discuss that with you,” I said. “Did you know tomorrow is Brent’s birthday?”
McKenna’s eyes widened, “No! He didn’t tell me that! I wonder why he didn’t?”
“I think I know why.” I explained to her the circumstances of the Millers, something Brent clearly hadn’t shared with McKenna who was almost in tears after I told her.
“Their mom passed away?” McKenna asked. “That’s so terrible. He didn’t mention anything like that…”
“Don’t take it personal,” I said. “He probably didn’t want to burden you with it.” Something I could understand, though I didn’t say that out loud.
“So Brandon wants to plan a surprise party?” she asked. “And so I basically need to distract him while y’all ready the house?”
I nodded, “Yep. Maybe you could go on a date or something. Dinner. And when you get back we’ll have cake and decorations and a tiny bit of a celebration.” I didn’t mention the alcohol since the Holts were within earshot.
“Okay,” she smiled. “I’d love to help.”
When we got to the house the Holts wobbled upstairs to their bedroom.
“You girls don’t stay up too late,” Mr. Holt advised. “And same rules apply. No entering any bedrooms-“
“We know, Daddy,” McKenna said, rolling her eyes. “You met the guys. They’re good.”
“They’re still guys,” Mr. Holt sighed. “Even the best guy is one not to be trusted with my daughter.”
Once we heard their bedroom door close we walked over to Brent and Brandon’s, knocking lightly. We could hear music being played from our side of the door.
“Sounds like Josh is listening to Dave Matthews again,” McKenna observed. “Poor guy.”
Brandon answered, smiling at me as we walked by him into the foyer.
“Brent’s in the shower,” Brandon said. “I was thinking you and I could go to the store real quick and get what we need for tomorrow. Did you tell McKenna?”
“She told me,” McKenna said. “You guys go. I’ll cover.”
“Josh is coming too,” Brandon walked over to the counter to grab the keys. “He’s got his brother’s old driver’s license for an ID so he can get the beer.”
“Wow,” I leaned against the counter. “Does he look like his brother?”
“Yes. It’s actually kind of eerie. They look like twins that are two years apart,” Brandon explained. “His brother told the DMV he lost his license but really he just gave it to Josh for nefarious purposes.”
“Nice.”
Josh sauntered down the steps at that moment, his face gloomy. He was still in just his swim trunks. I wondered if he had even brought any other clothes with him.
“Y’all ready?” he asked, looking over at McKenna and I. “Hello, ladies. Andrea has that same dress you’re wearing.” He was pointing at McKenna. “It’s my favorite.”
“I’m…sorry?” McKenna awkwardly said.
Josh shook his head, “No. I’m just having a moment.”
It was funny. I never knew guys got like this over break ups. They were as bad as us. Something to keep in mind for any future heart breaks.
It was about nine o’clock when we finally found the Piggly Wiggly. It was agreed that Josh would go in separate from us, as not to arouse suspicion. Looking back I have no idea what we were afraid people would be suspicious of, but it felt wiser to do it that way. Brandon and I sat in the Jeep for a few minutes after watching Josh walk in.
“Still have a boyfriend?” He grinned at me.
“Yep. Still have a boyfriend.”
“Damn.”
We sat there in silence after that. I wasn’t sure what to say.
“Talk to Grandma today?” he asked.
I had, that morning. She had sounded tired and worn out but there hadn’t been any coughing and our conversation had been longer than last time. She had mentioned Rhiannon had called and requested McKenna
and I call her back at our earliest convenience. I imagined Rhiannon was completely bored out of her skull without us back in the Rut. I know I would be.
“Yeah, she’s good,” I said. “Hospice is set up now. They came this morning.”
“I’m sorry,” he looked at me, that handsome, genuine face making goosebumps rise on my arms. If there was no Ryan Kidson, Brandon Miller would be a great alternate for summer fixation.
“It’s okay. This is what she wants.” I looked out at a couple of college aged girls walking by, giggling past our car. “She gets to be home with us at the end and not some sterile hospital room.”
“I’m sorry for you too.” He looked at me. “I’ve never been through hospice but I imagine it’s not going to be easy, watching someone you love so much slowly slip away. I wish there was something I could do to make it easier. Maybe it’s out of place for me to say this and I apologize in advance if that’s the case. But I can see what’s coming for you and it’s a train I wish I could stop. Because no matter how quickly it happens, it knocks you off your feet. For a long time. When you lose someone like your Grandma or my mom, you split into two. There’s the person before it happened, who you are now. And there’s the person you are after. And for the rest of your life, you’re two people living in one body.” Brandon stared down at his lap. “I just wish I had someone to tell me that so because I care about you, I’m telling you.”
If there had been no Ryan, I would have kissed him. Kissed away his grief, and pain. I know it couldn’t have made it go away for more than a moment but I would have done that, just for him. I felt guilty to have that urge but I couldn’t help it. I was sitting next to an open wound. His soul was spilled out over the steering wheel of a Jeep Wrangler in a Piggly Wiggly parking lot and to be allowed to see the inside of a heart is not something I would ever take for granted. People don’t often let you see the soft parts, especially a 6’5 young man. It felt like something special and I wouldn’t forget it any time soon.
There hadn’t been many party supplies to pick from. We ended up getting streamers, party hats, and blowers in an assortment of colors. We also picked up a vanilla birthday cake from the bakery that had been about to close when we arrived. The kind woman behind the counter had even written Happy Birthday, Brent! in thick cursive frosting on top.
“He’s going to like this,” Brandon said as we carried it all out to the Jeep. “I bet he cries.”
“Really?” I said.
“Yeah. Not sure if you had caught on to it yet, but we Miller boys are an emotional bunch. We get it from our momma.” He winked at me and I laughed.
Josh joined us a few minutes later, two cases of beer, one under each lean arm.
“Sweet!” Brandon said, grabbing one of them and placing it in the back of the Jeep. “Thanks, man.”
“Anything for Brent,” Josh said, sliding into the backseat. I caught his eyes for a moment.
“Addie, right?” Josh said. “I feel bad I haven’t been more social with you ladies. I’m actually usually much more charming.”
“Yep, I’m Addie. And it’s completely okay. You are entitled to your break up grief,” I said. “No charm required.”
“Break up grief. I like that. I’m in mourning, Brandon,” Josh said as Brandon shifted into the driver seat. Because of his height he had the seat adjusted back as far as it would go, and he still looked uncomfortable.
“I told you to refer to this trip as your bereavement,” Brandon laughed. “It’s all good, Josh.”
“No, it’s not. I’m a schmuck. What do I always tell people? You only feel as shitty as you allow people to make you feel. As in, you are the one in control of your reactions. But nope! That was bullshit. Because despite Andrea being a cheater and a liar and knowing her deception in the long run will be a gift, I am allowing myself to be devastated and pathetic and run over. I am a hypocrite.” He flopped down in the back seat. “Fuck love, man. It’s the worst thing that ever happened to me.”
Brandon and I exchanged glances. What was there to say to that?
16
“I’m so bummed we only have two days left,” McKenna said the next morning. We were picking through the clothes that were scattered across the floor. Mr. Holt had peeked in earlier and been slightly agitated to see the mess.
“What have y’all done? How are you going to find any clothes to wear? You have a floor-drobe instead of a wardrobe.” He chuckled at his cheesy dad joke.
“We’ll pick it up, Daddy. Promise to leave the room just as we found it,” McKenna said, exasperated. “Now go wear your black socks to the beach and leave us be.”
I was still tired from the prior night. We had stayed up late with the guys playing some game called Beer Pong, a game I actually ended up being quite great at. Brent had said it boded well for my college career.
“The week has gone by fast,” I admitted. I was surprised to find that the thought of leaving kind of bummed me out too. I had started the week feeling like I wanted it to end as quickly as possible. But it ended up being so much more than I imagined it would be. We’d made some great friends in the Millers, our skin was tan, and we’d probably both gained at least five pounds from the heavy dinners the Holts took us to each night. It would have been better with Grandma but it was still pretty fantastic. I was also ashamed to admit this trip had distracted me from what was going on at home and even what was happening with Ryan. But I know that had been Mom’s intention in the first place. Mission accomplished.
“I’m so excited for Brent’s party tonight!” McKenna squealed as she pulled out a blue bikini. “Although I’m more excited about being alone with him. Do you think he’ll fall for the distraction?”
The plan was that tonight after dinner McKenna and Brent would go for a long sunset walk on the beach. While they were gone, Brandon, Josh, and I would decorate the Miller living room as best we could. Streamers everywhere, silly string, toilet paper, the works. And hopefully when they finally got back we’d do the whole “Surprise!” thing and drunken happiness would ensue. The cake had been sitting in the Holts fridge since the prior night with a gallon of Neapolitan ice cream in the freezer to join us later.
“I think he’ll fall for it hook, line, and sinker,” I assured her. “The best birthday present of all will get to be being alone with you. And your father who will probably lurk in the shadows.”
McKenna laughed, “You’re probably right- about Daddy anyway.”
As I sorted through my own mess on the floor I suddenly felt her arms around me.
“Addie,” McKenna said, “Thanks for coming here with me. I know you were hesitant and I know your mind is on a lot of other stuff. But thank you for doing it. And for showing up this summer in the first place. It’s been one of the best times in my whole life and that’s because you’re here. I was really dreading going back to school next month. But now that I have you and Rhiannon, I have a feeling this is going to be a really awesome year! And we’re juniors!”
School. It was something I hadn’t thought of but I realized that, more than likely, I would be going to high school in Virginia this year. With Grandma being so sick, I hadn’t allowed myself to think all that far into the future. Even with Ryan, I just enjoyed the now, the parts where he was present. But after hearing how excited McKenna was for our junior year I suddenly realized that I might actually have a typical high school experience. The thought of that warmed me.
“Come on,” I said to her, brushing off her affections for a moment. “Help me pick out what I should wear today.”
After lunch I called home to check on Grandma and see how Mom was holding up.
“Hey, sweetie,” my mom said, sounding cheerful. “Guess who got flowers today?”
“Who?” I asked, curious.
“You! From Richmond. A Mr. Kidson had them delivered today. Don’t worry, I didn’t read the card,” Mom laughed on the other end of the phone. “And guess what kind?”
“Daisies,” I said, smiling. “Wow. T
hat’s so sweet. Make sure they stay alive until I get back!”
“I sure will. Want to talk to Grandma?”
Grandma sounded a little more upbeat and we talked about the beach and The Firm. It was her copy I was reading but I had yet to finish it.
“That’s good,” she commented. “Means you’re having too much fun to have your pretty little nose in a book.”
“I have to admit, it’s been a fun week.” I told her about Brandon and Brent, their mother, and the party we were throwing tonight.
“Oh, angel, it makes me so happy to hear that you’re having a good time,” Grandma said. “I miss you, sweet child.”
“I miss you more,” I said.
“Oh, your momma wants to talk to you again real quick,” Grandma passed the phone and I could hear shuffling. Then Mom’s voice.
“Rhiannon keeps calling,” Mom said. “She seems to think it’s very urgent you and McKenna call her back. She called again this morning, said she’d be around all day. Give her a ring, okay?”
“Will do,” I said, imagining what it could be that Rhiannon was so eager to talk to us about. Something with Jackson, I assumed. “We’ll call her now.”
McKenna was out on the beach with Brent, her parents a few feet over in their chairs. Brandon and Josh were throwing a Frisbee in the water, laughing as waves hit them causing them to go down. I stood on the deck for a moment, taking the scene in. As much as I missed home, I could have stayed in that spot for a long time. It was one of those times you could feel the memory sticking to your brain.
I ambled down the beach towards McKenna who was giggling at something Brent was whispering in her ear.
“McKenna!” I called to her. “Rhiannon needs us to call her.”
McKenna looked up, I could tell slightly annoyed.
“Now?” she asked. “Can’t it wait?”
“My mom said she’s called a bunch and that it seems urgent.”
“Go call your friend,” Brent said. “I’m not going anywhere.”