by Diana Palmer
THEY GAVE HER something for the discomfort, along with antibiotics and the ever-present IV. She fell asleep, exhausted from the day’s trauma.
Hours later she felt a hand on her hair.
She opened her eyes and looked up and smiled wearily. “Hi, Daddy.”
“Gave us a scare, Tidbit,” he said, trying to hide the terror he’d felt when Doctor Fred called and told him what had happened. “Left your phone and your inhaler at home. Bad girl.”
“I was excited about the trip,” she lied. “I remembered it when we got to the hiking trail.”
“Some help it was, then.”
“I guess.”
“I owe that nurse a dinner,” he added. “The EMT told Fred Morris about her. She had strong coffee in a thermos and fed it to you while they waited for the rescue chopper. Saved your life, most likely.”
“She did. She was so kind.” She grimaced. “She gave Dan the devil.”
“I’m waiting for him to show up so I can give him a little evidence of my displeasure,” he said, his blue eyes flashing like ice crystals. “He actually finished the hike without you!”
“He thought I was pretending,” she said.
“My God.”
She studied him. “You haven’t...talked to Blair?” she asked quickly.
He frowned. “I should call him...”
“No!”
He scowled. “Niki, I know you two had an argument, but...”
“No!”
“Honey, he cares about you,” he began.
“He cares about Janet,” she said harshly. “Didn’t you see the magazine? She told me she was going to get him.” She closed her eyes, blind to his shocked expression. “He told me that Janet was worth a dozen of Elise and he wished he’d never broken it off. So no, don’t call him. This isn’t his business. It’s ours.”
He bit his lower lip almost through. “Niki...”
“I mean it.”
He gave in, as he always did when she was insistent. “If that’s what you really want.”
She closed her eyes. “It is. He’d come out of misplaced loyalty to you, but that’s the only reason he’d come. He told me how it was. I’m infatuated with him. It’s demeaning, is how he put it.”
Todd’s face contorted. Blair had dug himself a very deep hole there, and it was going to take a lot more than words to fill it back up again. He knew the man was conflicted, and he knew how he felt about Niki. But he’d apparently done some major damage to her pride and she was running.
Better a man years her senior than a stupid young man who’d almost killed her.
“You’re not leaving the house with Dan Brady ever again,” Todd said curtly. “I mean that. If you push me, I’ll have Blair fire him, and I’ll tell him exactly why he needs to fire him.”
“Daddy!”
His face was as hard as she’d ever seen it. “He needs to go back to where he came from and start a health-food store. Then he can spend all his time advising people with illnesses how to overcome them with methods every researcher on earth never knew!”
Niki had to smother a grin. Her father was eloquent when he got going.
He shrugged. “Hey. You’re my daughter. I love you.”
She did smile then. “I love you, too, Dad.” She drew in a breath, amazed that she could. “Thanks.”
He smoothed back her disheveled blond hair. “For what?”
“For being my dad.”
He fought tears. “Go to sleep, honey. I’ll be right here.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have a thing to be sorry about.”
* * *
SHE FELT EVEN more guilt when she saw how upset her father had been about her misadventure on the hiking trail. It had been a selfish act, what she’d done. She’d thought only of herself, not of her father.
He didn’t know, and she couldn’t tell him, about the stupid decision she’d made out of panic. But she was afraid. She couldn’t share that fear, not after what he’d endured when her mother had gone through the treatment. If he was upset now, he’d be ten times more upset to know what was really going on. She just couldn’t tell him.
She tormented herself with the fear. If it was more than just a spot in her lung, and they did radiation, she could never get pregnant. She’d researched it on the internet. She knew that people had tried to get pregnant afterward, but most attempts ended in miscarriage. If she’d been barren, perhaps it wouldn’t matter so much. But she was certain that she wasn’t.
She couldn’t bear the thought. Her mind went back to the Yellowstone trip with Blair, back in the days when they were happy together. When he smiled at her and liked her and spoiled her. It hurt to recall the last time they’d spoken. It hurt too much for her to want to see him again. He had Janet now. He’d marry her and be happy. It was what she should want for him, if she truly loved him—for him to be happy. It was selfish to want him for herself, especially under the circumstances. She might not even have a future. She turned her head on the pillow, so that her father wouldn’t see the tears.
* * *
DAN BRADY SHOWED up at the hospital that night. Her father had gone downstairs to the cafeteria to get a bite to eat.
Niki stared at Dan with pure fury. She didn’t dare get upset. It would only bring the spasms back, despite the medicine they were giving her. She just glared.
He came into the room and looked around. His hands were in his pockets and he looked oddly hesitant.
“I guess you weren’t faking it after all,” he said slowly.
Niki glared even more.
He moved a step closer. “The others said to tell you they hope you’ll be better soon.”
She didn’t speak.
“Oh, come on, Niki,” he muttered. “This is what happens when you’re overprotected! You can’t even cope with the outdoors at all! If you’d spent more time outside, and if you’d been eating right and boosting your immune system, you wouldn’t even have a breathing issue!”
Niki stared at him and wondered if she could get up just long enough to push him out the window.
* * *
BLAIR HAD JUST made it home from his trip to Frankfurt. He was bone tired and still irritated at Janet’s persistence. He’d cut one of his meetings short mainly to get her off his back. She’d have no reason to trail him back to Montana. If she did, he’d have her arrested for stalking, he promised himself.
He couldn’t stop thinking about Niki. It had hurt her, the things he’d said in the heat of the moment. He’d been doing it for her own good, but that didn’t make it any easier. She was such a gentle soul, so kind and compassionate. A woman like that came along once in a man’s lifetime.
Janet had tried to convince him that Niki had plotted to seduce him, but that had been a lie. He knew better. Niki was no seductress. She hadn’t even known how to kiss properly until he taught her.
He groaned inwardly, remembering all the things he’d taught her, first in Mexico, and then in the forest near the Ashton home outside Catelow. She’d never even tried to resist him. She wanted him as badly as he wanted her. But he’d made her ashamed. He’d told her that what they’d shared was demeaning. He closed his eyes on an inward shudder of guilt. To make a tender, kind woman like that ashamed of passion, oh, that was the mark of a man, all right. He felt the guilt right down to his feet.
Well, he needed to see the Ashtons and find a way to apologize. She might never forgive him, but he had to try. He thought of her new boyfriend, the health-food fanatic, and worried that it might already be too late to make amends. If only he hadn’t been so stupid!
He picked up his cell phone and dialed Todd’s number, but it was cut off. He tried the house phone instead. It rang three times. He was about to hang up when a tired voice came on the line.
“Edna?”
“Oh. Hello, Mr. Coleman.”
“Is Todd there? I can’t get him on his cell phone.”
She hesitated. She swallowed, hard. She wasn’t supposed to say anything about Niki. “He’s not here right now.”
“Is Niki there, then?” he persisted.
“No...” Her voice broke.
He felt his stomach clench as if he’d been struck. “Edna, what’s going on?” he asked curtly.
“I’m not supposed to tell you,” she said, but her voice was so wobbly that he could barely understand her.
“My God,” he whispered, terrified. “Something’s happened to Niki! Tell me! God, Edna, please tell me!”
The desperation in his tone melted her resolve. “Mr. Ashton’s at the hospital, Mr. Coleman,” she said, swallowing tears. “They had to airlift her. That stupid man took her hiking, and she didn’t have her inhaler...”
“Is she all right?” he asked, and his voice sounded as tormented as Edna was certain her own did.
“They stabilized her, but her lungs are messed up again, so they’ve kept her. Mr. Ashton is there, hoping that stupid man shows up so he can beat the living hell out of him. Sorry, sir,” she faltered.
“I’m coming down. Don’t tell them.”
“Yes, sir.” Ten minutes later, Blair was on his way to Catelow in his executive jet. He prayed every step of the way. If he hadn’t behaved like a fool, Niki would never have let that maniac take her hiking. She’d have been at home, or at work, or with him. He closed his eyes on a wave of guilt. He’d been running. Somehow, he was going to make amends. It was time to stand and fight. For the woman he loved.
* * *
“I KNOW YOU don’t think exercise is the answer,” Dan was droning on, “but it makes your body strong. It’s good for your lungs, too. You have to stop babying yourself and letting your father be overprotective...”
Niki’s eyes had grown wide while he was speaking. But he didn’t realize why until he was snapped around and his jaw connected with a big, angry fist.
He ended up out in the hall on his butt, and a man the size of a steamroller went after him, his black eyes glittering like a poisonous snake, his big fists clenched at his sides.
“Get up,” the man said in a voice like thunder.
Dan was on the floor gaping at Blair when Todd Ashton rounded the corner and took in the scene.
“Well, hell, couldn’t you have saved a piece of him for me?” he asked with pure malice.
Blair didn’t answer. He was consumed with rage. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed. “Ed? I want this California maniac out of the office and on a plane back to San Francisco first thing in the morning. That’s right. He can have a shot at saving his job by accepting. If he refuses—” he looked right at Dan Brady “—terminate him!” He hung up, gave Brady one last flaming glare and went into Niki’s room.
“He can’t fire me. Who does he think he is?” Dan asked as he dragged himself to his feet and touched his aching jaw.
“That’s Blair Coleman,” Todd told him. “And your job isn’t all you’re likely to lose if you don’t take that offer.”
“Blair Coleman?” Brady faltered, red-faced. “The Blair Coleman?”
“There’s only one.” He jerked his head toward the stairs. “If I were you, I’d think carefully about giving him any reason to come back out here.”
“I was only trying to help,” Dan said irritably.
“You almost helped my daughter into the morgue,” Todd said flatly. “Out.”
Dan didn’t hesitate. Todd Ashton looked almost as formidable as Coleman had. He moved toward the stairs. “Niki’s never going to get better unless you all stop pampering her,” he began.
Todd took an angry step toward him. Dan ran for the staircase.
A nurse at the desk gave him an amused glance and went back to her computer.
* * *
NIKI WATCHED BLAIR knock Dan Brady out of her room and into the hallway with total shock. She hadn’t known he was back in Montana. She’d never really seen Blair lose his temper that badly, not even when she was assaulted by the football player and he rescued her three years ago.
He talked to someone on the phone, then came back into the room, right about the time her father showed up in the hall and talked to Dan.
Blair’s eyes were still glittering with anger when he paused by her bed. “How are you?” he asked.
She averted her eyes to the blanket. “I’ve been better.” She was still hoarse. “Nobody was supposed...to tell you.”
“Nobody did,” he lied convincingly. “I stopped by to see your father. He wasn’t there and Edna was almost in hysterics. It didn’t take much guesswork to know why.”
“Oh.”
He stuck his hands in his pockets and did his best to get his temper back under control. He felt as if he were still vibrating. “I told Ed Jacobs to get Brady on the next flight to San Francisco.”
She bit her lip. “He didn’t make me go on the hike,” she said weakly.
“No. I did that, didn’t I?” he asked. “I pushed you right into his arms.”
She couldn’t meet his eyes. “It was my decision. My fault. All of it.” She closed her eyes and tried to get a deep breath. It was still difficult.
“He means well. He really does,” she added weakly.
He felt as breathless as Niki sounded, but he was still choking on rage. He turned his eyes toward the window. The sun was just going down.
Her father came back in the room, breaking the awkward silence. “I told Brady to get out or else,” he said. His face was as hard as Blair’s was. “Did she tell you what he did?” he raged.
“Dad, don’t...” she began.
“He left her! She went almost into shock. If there hadn’t been a nurse on the hike who knew what to do and called 911, she’d be dead!”
“Dad, you’re shouting,” Niki protested weakly.
Blair’s face had gone pale. “What?”
“He thought she was faking,” Todd said icily. “The nurse gave her coffee from her thermos to help with her breathing and called for an airlift to get Niki to the hospital. Brady thought she was faking and took off with the other hikers to get to the end of the trail! The nurse stayed with the paramedics and flew in with Niki so that she could tell the emergency room physician what had happened.”
Blair didn’t speak. He couldn’t. He’d never felt such rage in his entire life. If Brady had been close by, he’d have killed him.
“I know,” her father said gently, patting the other man’s shoulder as they both stared at Niki. “I was thinking the same thing. But Niki would have to come and visit us in prison if we kill Brady. Besides, we both look bad in orange.”
Blair took deep breaths. So this was what he’d condemned Niki to, with his coldness, his fear. But for the grace of God, she would have been dead today. He’d thought because of the age difference she’d be stuck with an older man and have to watch him die. How naive and stupid he’d been. Her health was so uncertain that keeping her alive would be the challenge. She needed someone to take care of her, to nurture her. To love her. That idiot health-food fanatic had almost killed her by telling her she was pampering herself, that her father was overprotective! The longer he thought about it, the more the rage grew inside him.
“Blair, if you don’t relax, your muscles are going to atrophy in that position. How about some coffee?” Todd said after a minute.
Blair swallowed. “I could use a cup.”
“So could I. I’ll be back in a minute.” He smiled at Niki and left them alone again.
Niki was left with Blair’s guilt and her own. She picked at the coverlet. “I did a stupid thing. Several stupid things. I won�
�t do them ever again.” She glanced up at his set features and back down again. “You probably should come back another day, when things are less hectic for Dad so that you can talk business.”
“I didn’t come to talk to your father.”
He moved closer to the bed, his hands still in his slacks pockets. “Can’t you look at me?” he asked quietly.
She tried to smile. “Not really.” She swallowed. “I’m tired, Blair.” She closed her eyes. “I don’t want to talk, okay?”
He stared down at her wan, drawn face. He was remembering a happy woman with the sun shining out of her face, teasing and smiling and always upbeat. What a contrast it was now.
“I’ve made so damned many mistakes with you,” he said solemnly. “I don’t know how to begin to apologize for any of them.”
“It doesn’t matter. Not anymore.”
His teeth ground together. “Niki...”
She turned her head away, trying to hide the tears that were seeping out of the corners of her eyes. But she wasn’t quick enough.
She heard the quick intake of his breath, smelled the cologne he wore, the faint clean scent of his cotton shirt. Then she felt his mouth moving over her closed eyelids, sipping away the tears. One big hand rested on the pillow at her head.
“Don’t,” he whispered roughly. “I already want to put a gun to my temple.”
“Not...your fault.”
“Everything is my fault,” he said gruffly. His mouth moved to her cheeks, her temples, and back to her drenched eyes. “I’m sorry, honey. I’m so sorry!”
Which did nothing to stop the tears.
He drew her face into his throat and smoothed her disheveled hair. His face was drawn into such torment that the nurse who’d come in to check on Niki walked right out again.
He held her while she wept. When she calmed, he drew out a spotless handkerchief and mopped up her face.
“I’ll buy you a deer antler necklace to match your bracelet if you’ll stop crying, Niki,” he said softly.
She looked up into sad eyes in a drawn, but smiling broad face. She dragged her gaze back down to his chest before he could see the loving anguish in her face. It was too late. And just as well. He didn’t need to be involved in her life, in what was coming. He was carrying enough guilt already, and it was unnecessary. It wasn’t his fault that he couldn’t love her back.