by Diana Palmer
His mouth covered hers. He groaned as he kissed her hungrily. He levered his broad chest over hers. She felt the warmth of his body sliding against hers. The sensations she felt made her shiver with feeling.
“Do you like it? It gets better,” he whispered roughly.
“Can...it?” she gasped, her mouth following his.
“Wait and see.”
She slid her arms up around his neck. “Is it going to hurt?” she asked worriedly.
He laughed softly. “I’m going to remind you that you asked me that, in a couple of hours. But for now...”
He touched her in a way he never had. The shock lifted her off the bed, and she tried to grab his forearm to stop him. But very soon, the skilled motion of his big hand left her no breath for complaints. She cried out softly as stars exploded in her mind.
“And just think, baby, we’ve barely started,” he whispered as his mouth swallowed a warm breast.
* * *
SHE WENT WITH him every step of the way. He felt her body ripple as he touched and tasted it, his mouth on her breasts, her flat stomach, the soft inner flesh of her thighs. She lifted up to him, her nails digging in as the pleasure went from plateau to plateau. She hadn’t even read about some of the ways he touched her, in her most passionate romance novels.
“They never told us...in health class...that it felt like this!” she gasped.
He laughed softly. “They wouldn’t dare.”
She shivered again as his big hands slid under her bare hips, lifting her to his mouth.
She felt his body against hers without any fabric in the way. She didn’t remember when he’d removed the rest of his clothing. She didn’t care that light was still coming in the windows as the sun went down. She looked up into his glittery black eyes with wonder, as desire rode her hard.
“Gently,” he whispered as his hips moved slowly in between her soft legs. “Gently, baby. It’s all right. I’m not going to hurt you. You’re ready for me.”
She didn’t understand what he meant until she felt the slow, soft possession of her body while he looked right down into her wide, shocked eyes. She gasped. Even in her most erotic dreams of him, it hadn’t felt like this.
He moved from side to side, intensifying the exquisite stabs of pleasure. She felt him tense, just a little, and he pushed down.
There was a flash of pain. She bit her lip and turned her head to the side.
“No,” he whispered, his body shuddering. “Don’t look away. Let me see. I’ve never been anyone’s first. Not in my life. I want to remember this as long as I live.”
She turned her shocked face back to his and let him see her eyes. Her short nails dug into his back as he moved again.
“Only a little more,” he whispered, his hips moving very gently. “Yes.” His face clenched. “Yes!”
She felt him possess her completely. Felt the shock of it all the way down her body to her toes. She lay watching him, feeling the crush of his big body lift and fall as he moved deeper inside her.
“How does it feel to have me inside you?” he whispered.
She shivered. “Blair!” she cried, lifting her hips suddenly toward his to coax him even deeper. She shivered again. “Oh, gosh!”
“Yes,” he ground out. “Do that again. Yes. Yes!”
She moved with him, incited him, lifted up and demanded, as the heat of possession washed over her like molten joy. She caught her breath. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t exist without the rhythm he was teaching her. She shuddered with each hard thrust, so enthralled with the sensation that she only lived through him.
He’d never dreamed he could feel something so intense. Never in his life had a sexual experience produced the exquisite pleasure he was feeling. He moved with her until he saw the same explosive passion in her face that he was experiencing.
“Hard and fast now,” he bit off as the sensations became a tension that tore him apart. “Hard, Niki, hard, hard, hard...!”
She opened her legs as widely as she could, her nails biting into his back, as the tension grew and grew and finally snapped in such a maelstrom of pleasure that she screamed out in a voice she’d never heard her throat make. She bit his shoulder, hard, as she felt the first climax of her life.
Blair went with her every step of the way. His big body shuddered over and over again as she satisfied him. He groaned harshly, his hips arched down into hers, his chest lifted, his head thrown back as he shot up into the sky like a rocket.
Niki watched him, fascinated. She was barely able to catch her breath, her body relaxed now in the aftermath of fulfillment as he finally collapsed on her damp body. He was breathing like a distance runner, his big body trembling with the force of their pleasure.
“Wow,” she whispered.
He laughed. He couldn’t help it. He could feel her delight in what they’d shared. He tried to feel guilty, but all he could manage was pride. She’d been a virgin, and he’d given her complete fulfillment her first time.
Finally, he lifted his head and looked down at her flushed, rapt face.
“Wow?” he mused.
She stretched under him, the pleasure echoing in the soft movement of her hips. “Wow,” she whispered. She smiled up at him with her whole heart.
He rested on his elbows and brushed his mouth over her eyes, closing them. “For a first time, it was pretty cataclysmic.”
“Yes, it was.”
He rolled over onto his back and pulled her beside him as he lay trying to catch his breath. She sat up, a little shy as she looked at him, filled her eyes with the incredible masculinity of his big body, his broad chest covered with thick, curling hair, his broad thighs feathered with it. He was glorious to look at.
“Anatomy 101?” he mused.
She grinned.
He laughed and drew her back down into his arms.
She nestled close. He hadn’t used any birth control. She hoped with all her heart that there would be a baby, no matter what the future held. She drew in a long breath. Of course, she’d done something she’d sworn she never would—sleep with a man she hadn’t married. But she loved Blair with all her heart. There could never be another man for her, not like this. So perhaps God would make allowances. Under the circumstances, it might never happen again. She might not live long enough.
“You’re brooding again,” he murmured.
“Sorry.”
He got up, went to the small refrigerator in the room, pulled out a beer and opened it on his way back to the bed. He sipped it and handed it to her.
“I know you hate beer. But it’s cold.”
“Yuck,” she muttered. But she drank several swallows.
He had a few sips himself. He put the can on the bedside table and turned back to her, his eyes dark and quiet.
“There is no tomorrow,” he said as he drew her back into his arms. “Only us. Only tonight.”
She reached up to him. “Yes,” she said softly. “Only tonight.”
He kissed her and rolled her gently onto her back.
* * *
VERY EARLY THE next morning, he drew her into the shower with him and bathed her as if he’d been doing it all his life. She found the new intimacy fascinating. She hadn’t realized what it would be like to be intimate with a man. She looked at him in a new way, felt differently with him than she had before. She looked at him with love in her eyes.
They hadn’t spoken of love. She knew he wanted her. But he didn’t say what he felt. And she didn’t insist. There was no more time for that. Today would bring answers that they might not want.
Wrapped in towels, he blow-dried her long blond hair and let her do the same for his thick, wavy black hair. All the while, he watched her, as if he could never get enough of just looking at her.
; “Do I have warts?” she teased when she was putting away the dryer.
He smoothed back her long hair. “You’re beautiful,” he corrected. “I never tire of watching you.”
She smiled. “Thanks.”
He drew in a long breath. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?”
“About last night,” he said curtly. “I had too much to drink and I couldn’t stop. I didn’t mean for things to happen like that.”
“Oh.”
He tilted her face up to his. “Don’t pretend that it isn’t worrying you, too.”
She swallowed. “This is a time out of time,” she tried to explain. “I don’t know what’s coming. I...thank you, for getting me through the night.”
Was that all it had meant to her? She’d enjoyed him. She cared for him. But he’d hoped there was more. He berated himself mentally. He’d had the one sweet taste of her he’d wanted for years, and now it was time to put his selfish needs aside and tend to hers.
“I phoned Trevor before you woke up,” he said. “He and Morris are arranging the CT scan for this afternoon.”
“I see.”
He brushed his mouth over her forehead. “We have to face it, Niki. Then we’ll do whatever we have to do. All right?”
She bit her lip. “All right.”
“Let’s get dressed.”
She looked haunted.
“What is it?”
“The bed,” she said, flushing as she remembered the tiny smear of blood on the sheets. “Jameson...”
He brushed his thumb over her soft mouth and felt guilty. “Jameson and the maids are paid to be discreet. Nobody is going to talk about it.”
“Okay. If you’re sure.”
He drew her close and rocked her in his arms. “We’ll find out what we’re up against with your health, then we’ll make plans. All right?”
“All right.” She swallowed. “Blair, what if there’s a baby?” she added hesitantly. “Would you hate me...?”
“Hate you? My God!” His broad chest rose and fell heavily. His arms tightened, his eyes closed as his face buried itself in her soft throat. “It would be like Christmas,” he whispered.
Her heart jumped. He didn’t sound as if he was reluctant to have it happen. “Really?”
His mouth smoothed over the soft skin tenderly. “I’d want it with all my heart, Niki. It’s just...”
She swallowed. “Just what?”
He lifted his head and sighed as he met her eyes. “Honey, men lose some fertility as they age.” He grimaced. “And I’ve never tried to make a woman pregnant.” Actually, he’d tried to make Elise pregnant, and he hadn’t been able to. He couldn’t tell her that yet.
She bit her lip.
“Don’t look at me like that,” he said huskily, enveloping her hungrily against him. “We can try. God knows I want it as much as you do!”
The tight knot in her stomach relaxed. Of course a man like Blair would want a child, would hunger for one. She remembered him at the Christmas party the previous year, with the little girl whose father had wanted a boy.
“I don’t care if it takes a long time.” She drew her fingertips over his hard, broad mouth. She winced. “It’s just... I don’t know how long I...well...”
The anguish in his face made her feel guilty.
She pressed close into his arms and hugged him, held him. “It’s all right. If I, well, if the spot is anything...it would be stupid to get pregnant. I’d be putting the child at risk, too.” She lifted her head and met his worried gaze. “I was just afraid and grasping at straws. I don’t want to force you into something you’re not ready for.” She felt guilty for what she’d said. He hadn’t mentioned marriage, and here she was going on and on about a baby. It wasn’t right to put him in that position. She loved him, but it was likely a physical need rather than an emotional one that had led him to carry her into his bedroom. She had to face that. He knew she was desperate for something to hold on to, and he was humoring her. It might be nothing more than that.
He smoothed her long blond hair and felt powerless. He was more than ready for fatherhood; that wasn’t the problem. He started to speak just as his cell phone rang. He let her go and went to the bedroom to answer it.
“Yes?” He paused, listened, glanced at Niki. “Yes, that’s fine. I’ll bring her. Thanks.”
He hung up. “That was Trevor. He’ll meet us at the hospital at one this afternoon.”
She swallowed, her embarrassment replaced by her terror of the CT test and what it might mean.
“All right,” she said.
He took her hand and led her back to her own room. “Get dressed and we’ll have breakfast,” he said. “We’ll face it together, Niki. Okay?”
She nodded. “Okay, Blair.”
He walked away and left her at the door, his heart breaking in his chest. He should never have let things go this far. She’d been a virgin. That gift should have belonged to her husband, to a younger man who could give her a rich and full life. She was terrified, and he was trying to give her reasons to stay alive. He should have talked to her. Just talked to her.
Instead, in the fear of losing her, he’d taken her to bed. He was ashamed of himself.
But he prayed that her young life wouldn’t end so soon. Even if he had to give her up forever, he just wanted Niki to live.
CHAPTER TWELVE
NIKI HARDLY TASTED what she was eating. Blair was quiet and morose. Guilt was written all over him. He blamed himself for crossing the line with her. But she’d invited that. She wanted a child, but only because it would have been his—because she loved him. Perhaps he thought any man would have done for that. She’d never confessed how she felt about him. She was afraid to.
But he didn’t love her. She was sure of it. He’d slept with her not because he was in love with her, but because he’d been drinking and he wanted her. He’d wanted her for a long time. He’d been her best friend. Now he was something else: her lover.
She’d sacrificed all her principles to a man’s lust. She was ashamed of herself.
“You aren’t eating,” Blair said curtly.
She looked down at the perfect omelet with hash brown potatoes and toast. For some reason the omelet turned her stomach.
“I thought you liked omelets,” he persisted. He was having pancakes with bacon. He hated eggs.
“I do. I’m just worried, that’s all,” she assured him.
“At least nibble on the toast, will you?” he persisted.
She drew in a breath. “I don’t want to go do the CT scan.”
“Neither do I, but you can’t run away from life. You have to face it, with all its unpleasantness.”
She managed a smile. “I guess so.”
He sipped coffee, frowning. “We’ve got several hours to kill. Suppose we go out to the battlefield.”
“It’s a long way, isn’t it?” she asked.
He shrugged. “Not so far. We’ll take the limo and give the tourists a treat,” he added with a forced smile. “How about it?”
“I’d like that.”
“Put your inhaler in your pocket,” he said firmly.
She drew in a breath, and her gray eyes smiled at him. “It’s already there.”
He nodded.
* * *
IT WAS A long drive to Hardin, Montana, near where both the Crow Reservation and the Northern Cheyenne Reservation were located, but Jameson made excellent time on the long, lonely road. It was a sunny, pretty day. The scenery, while monotonous in some areas, was beautiful. Neither of them noticed. They were dreading the time ahead.
Hardin was known as the City with a Reason. The reason, given in an early twentieth-century brochure, was progress, due to its being a shipping point for agricu
lture. Niki thought it was charming. The Little Bighorn battlefield was only fifteen miles away.
Blair locked Niki’s fingers into his as they walked slowly up the hill to the Little Big Horn monument.
“After the battle, Custer and his men were hastily buried in shallow graves. Predators and the heat made identification a very messy business. They marked Custer’s grave with a tent and blankets and rocks, but the year after the battle, when his body was to be transferred to West Point, the tent and blankets and other markings were gone. The first time they thought they had Custer’s body, the identification was questioned. The second time they were pretty sure they got it right. A hank of red-gold hair was still attached to the skull, and Libby Custer identified it as exactly the color of her husband’s.
“The bodies were scattered by predators, weren’t they?” she asked, recalling the television special she’d watched.
“Yes. So they allegedly buried Custer at West Point,” Blair pointed out. “But they could only find a few bones, and I think they weren’t even positive that they were all his. So probably pieces of him are still here, along with the men who followed him.”
She turned to him. “What do you think really happened?”
“I think he was killed very early in the battle, probably when he and a few men charged across the river into the village. One of the Cheyenne said that a white officer fell in the river, and his men carried him up the hill, to the last stand. Logically, if the officer hadn’t been Custer, they’d have left him in the river. Natives were charging the soldiers from all sides. It doesn’t make sense that they’d risk being killed to recover a body, unless it was their commander’s and they didn’t think he was dead.”
She nodded. Her eyes swept over the rolling countryside. The wind blew constantly. “It’s so lonely here.”
He smiled, and his fingers tightened around hers. “Not so much,” he teased, indicating dozens of people milling around the monument, taking photos and wandering along the trail that led through the battleground itself.
She leaned against him with a sigh. “It’s still lonely here.”