by Diana Palmer
He let go of her hand and slid his arm around her, holding her close. “On June 25, 1876, it was a very busy place. Echoes of the day of the battle reach even into our time.”
“Dad says we had a cousin who fought here.”
He chuckled. “I had a distant cousin who fought here, as well.” He leaned down. “But mine was Cheyenne. I imagine yours was on the other side.”
She laughed softly. “I imagine so. Cheyenne?”
He nodded. “One of my French ancestors married into the tribe.”
“Were your ancestors fur trappers?”
“That, and mountain men.”
She stared out over the battleground. “I’m glad I wasn’t here when this happened. I can only imagine how the wives felt. And to leave the men lying out here, all that time, away from their families who loved them...” She broke off. “Poor Mrs. Custer, waiting for them to send her husband’s remains back home, and not even sure they had them right.”
“It was a different time, and far away from the sensitivities of people in power.”
“Archaeologists have made a lot of discoveries in the past few years,” she said. “I watched a special about it on television.”
“I don’t watch television,” he chuckled. “I buy DVDs. I hate commercials.”
“But how do you know which products to buy, if you don’t watch the commercials?” she teased, looking up at him. “You could miss out on something earth-shattering!”
He brushed his mouth over her forehead. “I had something earth-shattering last night,” he whispered, and when he lifted his head, he wasn’t smiling. “The most beautiful, erotic experience of my entire life, Niki. I’ll remember it until I die.”
The words touched her. “So will I,” she said, and then recalled that it might not be that long, in her case.
“Don’t worry so much,” he said, tugging her closer. “We’ll handle it. Whatever happens, we’re in this together.”
She laid her cheek on his broad chest and closed her eyes. “Okay.”
* * *
JAMESON DROVE THEM back to the hospital in Billings. Niki was taken to radiology, where she put on a gown in place of her blouse and bra, and the technician went to work. It only took a few minutes.
When she was done, she went back out to Blair in the waiting room. He slid an arm around her. “Finished?”
“Yes,” she said. “I filled out all the paperwork before they took me back,” she reminded him. “They said the doctor would contact me later with the results.”
He grimaced. The next few hours were going to be a nightmare.
They walked around town and went into shops, just looking at things. Blair was preoccupied.
Niki paused at the baby department of a department store and winced. When she saw Blair’s expression, she slid her small hand into his and drew him away from it, back to the sheets and pillowcase aisle. His expression had told her things she didn’t want to know. She wanted a baby, but he was just making the best of it. Nothing had hurt quite so much.
He didn’t say anything, but the set of his features was eloquent as he let her pull him along with her.
She looked at a pretty comforter on the shelf, and suddenly she remembered something he’d told her once, when they were at Yellowstone.
She turned and looked up at him, horrified. “You said Elise smiled, all through it,” she said, flushing. “Your first time together, I mean.”
He nodded. In spite of his misery, he smiled. “And now you understand, don’t you?”
“She didn’t feel a thing,” she said.
“No. I don’t think she ever did. At times, it was like she forced herself to be with me.” His face hardened. “My pride could only take so much of that, so we spent most of our marriage apart.”
Niki couldn’t imagine a woman who wouldn’t want him in bed. He was everything she’d ever dreamed of. The memory of the pleasure they’d shared still echoed in her body as she stood close beside him.
He lifted an eyebrow. “Why are you staring at me?” he teased.
“I was thinking she had to be crazy,” she said.
He lifted both eyebrows. “Why?”
“Not to have stayed with you,” she explained. She averted her eyes to his chest. “You’re a wonderful lover,” she whispered unsteadily.
His chest swelled with pride at the words. He knew that she’d enjoyed him; it had been obvious. But it was nice to hear it, as well. He drew her head to his chest and closed his eyes. “So are you, sweetheart,” he whispered back.
“I didn’t know a thing.”
He lifted his head and searched her soft gray eyes. “What you know doesn’t matter. It’s what you feel that matters.”
She drew in a shaky breath. “I could live on last night for the rest of my life,” she confessed.
He touched her mouth with his forefinger and groaned inwardly. He didn’t want to think about what might lay ahead of them. If he lost her now, he might as well be buried beside her. He had no reason to stay alive if Niki wasn’t somewhere in the world.
“Niki,” he began slowly, just as the phone vibrated madly in its holder on his belt. “Just a sec.” He pulled it out, checked the number, grimaced and answered it. “Coleman,” he said. He waited, hesitated. He stared at Niki as if he’d had a revelation. “Yes. Of course. We’ll be right there.”
He hung up. “It’s Trevor. He wants us to come back to the hospital right now.”
“Oh, dear,” she began worriedly.
“He says he has good news,” he replied. His face lit up. He picked her up and whirled her around in his arms, laughing. “He says it’s not cancer, honey.”
“Oh, my gosh!” she exclaimed.
He kissed her hungrily, right there in the middle of the store. It was such a relief. He put her down quickly, though, before other shoppers paid too much attention to them. He caught her hand. “Let’s go!”
* * *
DR. TREVOR MANNHEIM was waiting for them at the front desk. He took them into the hospital administrator’s office, a courtesy from the administrator himself, and closed the door behind them.
“Okay, this is what we’ve got,” he said, and began to speak. “You’ve got a tiny nodule in your right lung, the size of a BB, which I’ve seen very often in my practice. It’s almost always benign,” he chuckled, “and unlikely to grow. We’ll need to keep a check on it, CT scans annually. But I’d bet my life that it will never be anything to worry about.” He looked at Niki, who was beaming, and shook a finger at her. “And that, young lady, is why we have diagnostic tests, so people won’t worry themselves to death about possibilities.”
She hugged him, shyly. “Thank you for my life.”
He flushed bright red, then laughed. “You’re very welcome.” He shook hands with Blair. “I wish I had time to take you out for drinks and talk about old times.” He checked his watch. “But I have a consultation coming up on a test that had a very different result than this one. I have to head home.”
“My jet’s fueled and waiting at the airport for you,” Blair said. “Thanks, Trevor. You don’t know how grateful I am.”
“Oh, I have some small idea,” the older man chuckled when he saw the way Blair looked at the young woman beside him. “Take care.”
“You, too.”
* * *
BLAIR TOOK NIKI back to the house, with Jameson at the wheel of the limo. They ate lunch in the dining room, but neither of them was talkative.
“I need to take you home,” Blair said quietly.
She looked up, wincing. “What? Why?”
He pushed his plate aside and lifted his coffee to his mouth. It burned his tongue, but the pain made it easier to say what he needed to say. “I got drunk and did something I never should have with you. I’m
sorry. It should never have happened.” He ground his teeth together at her expression. “You’re going to be fine now. You got a second chance. Now you have to do something with your life.”
“You don’t want me?” she faltered.
His eyes closed. “No.” Lying through his teeth. Of course he wanted her to stay. But he was back where he’d been before, with the age difference killing his conscience. That, and the very real possibility that he was sterile. After all, Elise had never gotten pregnant with him. Niki wanted a child so much! He drew in a steadying breath and stared into her eyes. “I’m too old for you. That hasn’t changed, even though I’m over the moon that you don’t have something fatal.”
“I see.” She toyed with her coffee cup. “And you don’t...want something permanent with me.”
“That’s exactly it,” he said. He averted his eyes. “I’ve been thinking about Elise lately. She needs help. I still think she’s being blackmailed. I want to go and see her and find out what’s going on.”
She swallowed the last of her coffee. “You still love her, don’t you?” she accused with her eyes on the table. “But she didn’t want you, in bed...”
“That could change,” he lied. He wanted to make her leave. He had to make her leave. Now she had hope; she had a future. He’d had his one perfect night with her. He could live on it forever. But she was young. She needed a man who was her age. She’d wanted him, been curious about him as a lover. That had been wonderful. But it wasn’t enough. He couldn’t give her a child. She’d tire of him. She’d walk away. He could only give her half a life, and he’d be left bleeding to death inside as he was forced to give her up to someone younger. He knew that was in the cards, even if she didn’t. He had to let her go.
She drew in a long breath and forced a smile to her lips. “Don’t worry, I won’t try to make you feel guilty. Thanks for taking care of me, and for calling Dr. Mannheim in to consult.”
“You’re welcome.”
“I guess I’ll go home and go back to work, then,” she said.
She looked at him with aching need but turned her eyes away before he could see it. She went to the guest room to pack. She tried not to think of what had happened in his bedroom last night, of the terrible, sweet glory of fulfillment. He’d wanted her violently. She’d almost thought it was love. But he’d said once that he could take her and walk away without regret. Maybe she could learn how that worked. She had no other choice.
* * *
SHE WAS BACK at home in hours, driven there by Jameson in the limousine and deposited at her front door. Her father met her at the door and hugged her half to death.
“You idiot!” he raged. “Why didn’t you tell me what was going on?”
“I was scared to death. I didn’t want you to be worried until I knew what I was up against. Blair has this wonderful friend...”
“I know. He called me on the way to France,” he added, “and told me the whole story.”
“France?” she asked.
“He’s going to see Elise.” He let her go and his jaw hardened. “Damned fool. She’ll chew him up and spit him out all over again. He should just leave her alone and let her handle her own problems.”
“He thinks she needs help,” Niki said wanly. “You know how he is.”
“Yes, I do. Well, he’s a grown man. I guess he has to live his own life. I had hoped...” He broke off with a smile. “No matter. I’m just glad you’re home and all right.”
“So am I.”
Edna came out of the kitchen, beaming when she saw Niki. She hugged her. “You should have told us!” she cried.
“Well, I’m fine now, so it’s water under the bridge,” she assured the older woman. “What are you cooking? I’m starved! Jameson fed us a nice lunch, but that was hours ago.”
“I have beef stew and homemade strawberry ice cream,” Edna said smugly. “It’s a celebration, isn’t it? So I fixed your favorite foods.”
Niki hugged her harder. “Oh, it’s so good to be home!”
* * *
IT WAS GOOD to be home. But strange things were happening to her. By the end of the second week, she couldn’t bear to look at an egg, cooked or uncooked. She felt nauseous at the oddest times. And she was so sleepy that she could hardly stay awake.
She was sure it was some virus she’d picked up, so she ignored the symptoms. She went to work during the day and helped Edna at home or watched television with her father in the evenings. A new man had taken Dan Brady’s position in the office. He was nice, but he had a fiancée. Niki was glad. She didn’t want to date anyone anymore. Not at all.
Tex drove her back and forth to work while her car was being serviced.
“You’re sure quiet these days,” he teased.
She laughed. “I’ve grown old,” she returned, gray eyes twinkling.
“Is that what it is?” He stopped to make a turn onto the main highway. “We’re all happy that you got a good diagnosis on that test,” he added. “Lots of worried people around here, until we knew you were going to be all right.”
She smiled. “Thanks, Tex.”
“What are friends for?” he asked.
She leaned her head back with a sigh and closed her eyes. “Wake me up when we get there, if I nod off,” she murmured. “I can’t seem to stay awake these days.”
He laughed. “Lot of that going around. We’ve been moving bulls to summer pasture. Hard work and long hours. Nobody complains about insomnia, that’s for sure.”
“I’ll bet.”
He hesitated. “You been moving bulls to summer pasture, too?” he asked with a grin.
“Feels like it.” She smiled, but she didn’t open her eyes. She was trying not to think about Blair, and failing miserably. He’d made it clear that he didn’t want her. She had to come to grips with the fact that he was never going to want her, except in bed.
Her conscience bothered her about that night. There were extenuating circumstances, but she felt guilty just the same. She’d lived by the rules all her life. Now that she’d broken a major one, she was uneasy. She wished with all her heart that there had been a baby made out of that perfect interlude, but Blair had said it would be a long shot.
It was probably for the best that she didn’t get pregnant, since he didn’t want commitment. It wouldn’t have been fair to force a child he didn’t want into his life. Especially now that he was thinking about going back to Elise.
She remembered how much he’d loved Elise at first, how happy he’d been when they became engaged. Niki thought he’d never really stopped loving her. She knew how that felt. She was never going to stop loving Blair. But she could learn to live without him. She had no choice.
* * *
ELISE STARED AT Blair with horror. “What do you mean, who’s...who’s blackmailing me?” she stammered, flushing.
“You know what I mean. Spill it.”
She bit her lower lip. She was beautiful, and she knew it. Usually she teased and cajoled him, but he’d taken the wind out of her sails the minute they sat down in this exclusive restaurant.
She grimaced. The waiter came to take their drink orders and passed out menus. When he’d gone, Elise looked at him over the table with set features. “It’s a woman,” she confessed miserably. “She’s threatening to go to the producer and, well, tell him things. He’s very religious, rigid in his views...”
“Tell him what things?” he asked. She hesitated. “Come on,” he said quietly. “You know I never tell anything I know.”
She swallowed. The waiter was back with drinks. She took her martini, thanked him and drank the whole thing down in almost one gulp. Blair, nursing a whiskey and soda, stared at her in surprise.
“You must have guessed,” she muttered. “I mean, you had to know that I didn’t really care for it when we went to be
d together.”
“I knew.”
She let out a long breath. “I don’t like men. Not that way. I never have.” She averted her eyes. “I was trying to get someone out of my system. You were smart and rich and sexy, and I thought I’d try it with a man. But I just couldn’t do it.” She sighed. “I wish I could have been what you wanted me to be. I was selfish and cruel.”
He moved his water glass around on the tablecloth. “I hoped you might want to stay with me, at first.” He smiled. “I kept thinking you might get pregnant and it would settle you down.”
“There was no hope of that. I was on the pill,” she confessed, oblivious to his shocked expression. “I don’t want children. I never did. It must have occurred to you that I never missed my monthly while we were together.”
Elise was too absorbed in her misery to see the shock her revelation had caused in the man across from her.
He sipped water that he didn’t even want. “When you never got pregnant, I thought I might be sterile,” he bit off.
“That was unlikely. I just made sure that I couldn’t conceive. I knew we wouldn’t be together for long.” She swallowed. “I don’t like men. I like women,” she confessed without looking at him. “I knew when I was ten. My father beat me up when he found out. He was horrified that someone might know the truth. I had to hide it until I left home.”
He nodded. “You’re a lesbian.”
She was shocked and couldn’t hide it. “You knew?”
“Yes. I hired a private detective to investigate you. The day the divorce was final, he gave me his report.” He didn’t add that he’d gone half-crazy at the revelation and gotten drunk. That was when Niki had come with her father to take him home with them. He’d never told them why he was so upset.
“I couldn’t tell you. I’ve hidden it all my life. I thought I could try to be what my family wanted me to be, with you. But I couldn’t. I just...didn’t feel anything. This woman, I loved her. Loved her more than anything in the world. We were together for two years. Then she got killed in a car wreck and I was lost in my grief. That’s when I met you.” She searched his face. “I’m sorry, Blair. I should never have married you. I started drinking, I tried drugs—I was horrible to you when you were sick because I was stoned out of my mind overseas. I did go to rehab, but it was too late for us. I know you can’t forgive me. I don’t deserve forgiveness, but...”