by Diana Palmer
“You can’t help what you feel, what you are,” he said quietly. “I wish you’d told me when we first got married. My pride took a hell of a blow.”
“I can imagine.” She breathed harshly. “Well, I’m being blackmailed and there’s nothing I can do except pay her off.”
“The hell there isn’t.” He picked up his cell phone, checked his numbers and speed-dialed one. She listened while he outlined the problem to a private detective, got names from her and gave the man an assignment.
“You’d do that for me?” she stammered. “After the way I’ve treated you?”
“Of course,” he said simply. “I’ll stop her. Don’t worry.”
“It’s the part I always dreamed I could play. I know I can make it in theater. I just need this one chance to prove it.” She stared at him and winced. “I’m so sorry!”
“It’s all right.”
She searched his eyes. “You look miserable. It’s that girl, Niki, isn’t it?” She smiled sadly. “I thought so,” she added when his face gave it away. “You should stop worrying about your age and go get her. She’s been taking care of you for years. Women don’t do that unless they love deeply.”
“I chased her away,” he said curtly.
“Then win her back,” she prodded.
He sighed. “Too late for that, I’m afraid.”
“Blair, if you love her, you’ll find a way to get her back,” she said gently. “You have to at least try.”
He leaned back in the chair. “You’re different now.”
She managed a smile. “I met someone. She’s everything I dreamed of. Sweet and caring and supportive.” She shifted uneasily. “I guess it turns your stomach, to hear me talking like this.”
“No, it doesn’t,” he said surprisingly. “People are what they are. I don’t think we have the right to judge.”
“You really are a nice man,” she said quietly. “I hope things work out for you.”
“Not likely. But I’ll make sure that things work out for you. How about another martini?”
She smiled. “I’d like that. Thanks,” she added.
He shrugged. “What are friends for?”
* * *
LATER, ALONE IN his hotel room, he downed two glasses of whiskey. He’d honestly thought he was sterile. He’d told Niki that a baby would be unlikely. He just didn’t tell her why.
He hadn’t been able to make Elise pregnant. But learning now that she was on the pill changed everything. He’d had unprotected sex with Niki, in the belief that he didn’t need to use anything. What if he’d made her pregnant? He’d hoped to give her a choice, to let her go to someone younger, a man who would be a better bet to give her a child. He’d pushed her away. Again. Now there was every possibility that she was carrying his child, and she wouldn’t tell him, even if she was. Or, worst-case scenario, she’d terminate it to spare him a child she didn’t think he wanted. He hadn’t even told her he loved her, that he wanted her forever, that he wanted a child.
Dear God, he thought miserably. What was he going to do? He made the same mistakes over and over again, trying to protect her. He put his head in his hands and groaned. He had no idea how to try to save the train wreck of his life.
* * *
NIKI FELT HEALTHIER than she ever had. She used her meds religiously, but she started going out again. There was a newly divorced man who worked as a vice president in the company. He was older than she was, but very nice. He loved to tell Niki about his ex-wife. Which was fine, because she loved to tell him about Blair. Not that she mentioned his name. She just told him that there was a man in her past that she’d loved who couldn’t love her back. He understood all too well.
They had supper at a Latin club in Billings. He could do the dances, and he taught her. She blossomed as she got used to being out in the world, taking part in it. All her years in college, she’d hidden in textbooks and studying. She hadn’t wanted to be around people. Blair had accused her of hiding, and he was right.
But she wasn’t hiding anymore. She bought clothes that flattered her slender figure, in colors that suited her, and she wore them to work. Of course, they were a larger size because she seemed to be gaining weight. She had her hair styled and learned to use makeup. She took a class in public speaking, of all things, at the local community college in Catelow. It helped with her shyness and taught her how to debate. She was blossoming. It would have helped, of course, if she wasn’t sleepy all day and getting nauseous at the oddest times. It must be some stubborn virus, she told herself.
“I can’t get over the change in you,” her father said with a grin. “You’ve matured, Niki.”
“It was about time, I guess,” she laughed.
“I like your new friend.”
“Devlin?” she asked, smiling. “Me, too. He’s great company, and he can really dance.”
“So I hear.” He toyed with his coffee cup. “Is it serious?”
She hesitated.
“Sorry, I won’t pry,” he said after a minute.
She smoothed her fingers over her own cup. “There’s only Blair,” she confessed heavily. “If I live to be a hundred, there will only be Blair. But he’s gone back to Elise...”
“What?”
His surprise was obvious. “Didn’t he tell you?” she asked with a wan smile. “He said he’d made a mistake by kicking her out of his life, and he wanted to try again. That’s why he flew to France.”
Her father’s expression was too complex to classify. “Good Lord.” He swallowed coffee, burning his tongue.
“Why do you look so surprised?” she asked.
He scowled. “Don’t you know about her?”
“Know what?” she asked with a faint smile.
He started to tell her what he’d found out from Blair, but it wasn’t really his secret to tell. It should come from Blair, who was positively wallowing in misery and asking all sorts of odd questions about Niki lately.
“He thought someone was blackmailing her,” she recalled.
“Someone was. Blair put a stop to it.”
Her heart fell. “I guess he does still care about her.”
“He cared enough about you to come rushing down here the minute he heard you were in the hospital,” he reminded her. “And he was ready to beat the hell out of Brady.”
“I caused a lot of trouble,” she said. “I’m more sorry than I can say.”
He reached over and patted her hand. “We all understand where your mind was, honey,” he said softly. “You wanted to spare us the trauma of cancer treatment. But as you see, it wasn’t what you thought.”
“I’m so glad,” she said fervently. “I was scared to death. Blair was wonderful to me. Then, when we knew I wasn’t going to die, he shot me out the door like a bullet.”
“He thinks you’re too young for him,” he told her. “I thought like that, too, once, when I loved your mother.” He smiled sadly. “I took a lot of convincing. I even set her up with a colleague of mine, hoping she’d get involved with him. Of course she had eyes for no man except me, but I couldn’t see that.”
She sipped coffee. “My situation is a little different. Blair’s still in love with his ex-wife. Like this nice man I date from work.” She smiled sadly. “I guess we take what we can get from life and try not to want things we can’t have.”
“Things were going well between the two of you, before we went to Mexico.”
She managed not to flush and give the show away. “We were friends then,” she said.
“And now you’re not?”
She glanced deliberately at her watch. “Have to go. Mr. Jacobs is going to be out of the office, and I have to get there early. His phone rings constantly, especially when he’s not there to answer it,” she laughed.
“I try to
lose mine,” he said wistfully. “Oh, the wonderful old days when all phones were connected by a wire to walls. Work is far too portable nowadays.”
“That’s what Mr. Jacobs says,” she laughed. “See you tonight, Dad.”
“Have a good day.”
She climbed into her car and drove to work, trying not to dwell on what her father had said about Blair helping Elise. She wondered when they’d announce their remarriage. She wished she didn’t care so much.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
“WHEN ARE YOU going to see a doctor?”
Niki grimaced as she glanced at Edna from the sink where she was washing her face after being deathly ill again first thing in the morning.
“I’ve just got that virus,” she prevaricated.
Edna walked into the room and closed the door. “You’re pregnant, and you know it,” she said gently.
Niki’s face contorted. Tears rolled down her pale cheeks. “He’s gone back to Elise. What am I going to do, walk into his house and tell him he’s going to be a father, when he’s discussing remarriage with his ex-wife? Wouldn’t that be a fine wedding present!”
“Niki, he cares about you...” she insisted.
“I pushed him over the edge, because he felt sorry for me.” She lowered her eyes to the wet washcloth that she’d bathed her face with. “It’s not his fault. I was scared and desperate. I had some crazy idea that I could have a child before they did surgery and started treating me for cancer. But there isn’t any cancer, and I don’t know what to do now.”
“I thought it might be something like that. He’s a man who loves children, you know,” she added.
Niki drew in a long breath. “He doesn’t think he can father a child, Edna,” she said quietly, staring at the sink. “After all, Elise never got pregnant. He might not believe it was his, even if I told him.”
“He told you that?” she exclaimed.
“Well, no. He told Dad he thought he was sterile, and Dad told me. There’s another problem.” She glanced at the housekeeper while she bathed her wet eyes. “Blair told Dad that Elise had been on drugs and that was why she acted the way she did. She’s back to normal and going to be an actress. You know that Blair was crazy about her.”
“I do,” the older woman said gently. “But honey, it’s his baby. He has the right to know about it.”
“Well, he’s not going to. Not from me.”
“Child, you can’t hide it forever,” Edna said.
“I know that. I’ve thought that I might move down to Colorado or Arizona and get a job with another mining company.”
“You don’t think your father would find out? Or that he wouldn’t tell Mr. Coleman if he did?” Edna exclaimed.
Niki grimaced. “I guess it does sound a little far-fetched.”
She pursed her lips. “Your emotions are all over the place. You aren’t thinking clearly.”
“I’m not really sure that I am pregnant,” Niki said stubbornly. “It takes weeks to tell, doesn’t it?”
“It takes one day, with a blood test. You should see a doctor and make sure.”
“Doctor Fred would call Dad. Then he’d call Blair.”
“You could go to a doctor in another city,” Edna persisted. “Babies need a lot of prenatal care,” she added worriedly. “You need tests and vitamins and regular checkups.”
Niki knew that. She was almost certainly pregnant, but she wasn’t brave enough to tell anyone. Especially Blair, who would hate her if she caused him to lose Elise.
She was going to swear Edna to secrecy when the nausea came back. She assumed the position in front of the toilet and tried not to think of the smell of eggs.
* * *
WHILE NIKI WAS throwing up, Edna went back to the kitchen to make chamomile tea to ease her stomach. Just as she reached the dining room, Blair walked in the door. He was somber and quiet, and he looked as if his world had ended.
“How is she?” he asked Edna worriedly. “She’s all right now, isn’t she?”
Edna had a thought. Her eyes twinkled. “Let me show you how she is, Mr. Coleman. Follow me.”
She led him to the bathroom and cracked the door.
Blair’s expression underwent a remarkable transformation. His sad, hopeless face disappeared and changed into one of absolute exultation.
He put a finger to his lips, went into the bathroom and closed the door. Niki was too sick to be aware of anything. She heard footsteps.
“Edna, can you...wet me another cloth, please?” she asked wearily, leaning her head on her arm over the toilet seat.
Water was running. Then a wet, cool cloth was pressed into her hand. A big, husky man knelt beside her and turned her pale face to his.
“Niki,” he whispered huskily. “Niki!”
She couldn’t even protest. Tears ran down her cheeks. He didn’t look worried or sad. She’d never seen such an expression on his broad, leonine features.
“Blair...oh, God...!” The nausea came back.
He didn’t leave her until she was finally able to get up from the toilet. He helped her to the sink, helped her wash her face and use mouthwash. Then he picked her up like the treasure she was and carried her into the bedroom. He dropped into the big armchair by the fireplace and cuddled her close, holding the cloth to her forehead.
“I didn’t know how to tell you,” she began unsteadily. “Dad said Elise never got pregnant, and you thought you might be sterile. I was afraid you might not even believe it was yours!”
“Of course I know it’s mine, honey,” he said softly. “Elise finally confessed to me that she was taking the pill the whole time we were married.”
She caught her breath. “And she didn’t tell you?”
He shook his head sadly. “We’re going to have a baby.” He drew in a long breath, and his face radiated joy. “I can’t believe it,” he chuckled. “I just can’t believe it! What a delicious surprise!”
She flushed with pleasure. He brushed back her disheveled hair. He smiled tenderly, his black eyes fascinated with her. He smoothed down her blouse and over her still-flat stomach. His big hand rested there with joyous possession.
“You aren’t...mad about it?” she asked worriedly.
He bent and kissed her eyelids, closing them. “Oh, no, I’m not mad, baby.”
She relaxed and let him take her weight. “I’m so sick,” she moaned.
“Have you been to Doctor Fred?”
“I was putting it off,” she said on a weary sigh.
“He can give you something for the nausea. You’ll need vitamins, as well, and tests... A baby,” he whispered huskily, and his whole face contracted. “God, it’s Christmas!”
She searched his face with wide, fascinated eyes. “You really don’t mind?”
He laughed softly. “Do I look as if I mind?”
He didn’t. He looked years younger, full of life and hope.
“Not really,” she said finally.
He curled her close and laid his cheek on her soft hair. “It will have to be a rushed wedding,” he said, thinking out loud. “And nothing public, or we’ll be swamped by the press. I have enough trouble with reporters when they’re not prying into my private life. You’ll need a gown, and I have to get rings...”
Her head fell back on his shoulder. “You want to marry me?” she asked, disbelief on her face.
He traced her soft mouth. “I’ve always wanted to marry you, honey,” he said huskily. “But there was the pesky age thing. Then, when you started talking about children, I remembered that Elise had never gotten pregnant, and I was afraid that I was sterile. I was afraid to take the test.”
“That sounds familiar,” she sighed.
He kissed her tenderly. “We’re both cowards,” he teased.
She laughed softly. Her small hand went up to stroke his hard cheek. “Yes, we are.”
He caught the hand in his and kissed the palm. “We could have the service here, if we can find a minister who’ll marry us. Otherwise, it might have to be a justice of the peace.”
“Why?” she asked, puzzled.
“Some ministers still won’t marry a divorced man to another woman,” he said simply.
“I would really like to be married by a minister,” she said. “But I don’t mind if we have to do it the other way.”
He kissed her palm again. “I’ll ask around. Your father might have some ideas.”
As if on cue, her father suddenly opened the door. “Edna said you were sick...”
He stopped dead at the sight of Niki lying in Blair’s arms in the big chair. He stared at them both, and wheels were turning in his head. All of a sudden, he grinned.
“Morning sickness?” he asked, and beamed at them.
Blair laughed. Niki flushed.
“Well!” Todd exclaimed. “And here I thought I’d never get grandkids! Listen, you two have to get married...”
“That’s just what we were discussing,” Blair said. “We’d like to be married here, by a minister.”
“I have a friend who’s an ordained minister,” Todd said. He’s not overly conventional. Suppose I ask him for you?”
“The sooner, the better,” Blair added when Niki suddenly scrambled off his lap and went running back to the bathroom.
“Sorry,” Blair told Todd before he followed her. “I’m getting into the daddy role as quickly as I can.”
Todd just laughed.
BLAIR DROVE NIKI to the doctor’s office in his luxury rental car and sat holding her hand in the waiting room until she was called back. Even then, he wouldn’t let go.
Doctor Fred pursed his lips at the sight of Blair holding Niki’s hand. He put two and two together with amazing perception.