Best Served Cold

by Emma Hart

  “Yes! You don’t get it, do you?” I wanted to tug my hair out. My skin tingled. my entire body was alive, and it was all adrenaline, beat after beat of it flooding through my veins.

  Chase stepped forward. “No, Rae, I don’t. I don’t get it. Tell me now how I never loved you and how I don’t feel a damn thing for you right now and if you’re right, I’ll walk off this beach and never talk to you again.”

  “You’re right. You don’t get it. The store, Chase. It’s always about the store. My ideas, my dreams, my plans. You took the one thing I had left in my life at that point and you took it from me!”

  “You had me!” A vein bulged in his neck. “You had me, and you didn’t even remember it.”

  “You idiot! My parents left, my aunt was dying, and I had an entire business on my shoulders! What did you want me to do? Tell you to wait until I had my shit together again?”

  “No.” He took a deep breath. “No. I would have done it even if you’d told me not to.”

  I wrapped my arms around my waist, watching him as he came closer and I walked backward.

  “I loved you, Rae. Did you think I’d leave you, too? You were wrong. Fuck—I screwed up, okay? I can never apologize for that. Nothing I do will ever make my choices right. It will never excuse or justify what I did. But you pushed me away at the same time. You have to take responsibility for your choices, too.”

  He kept walking to me.

  I kept stepping back.

  Until I tripped on a rock.

  Chase caught me, his hands circling my wrists. I fought him for a second before he let me go and I staggered back, barely able to breathe.

  Everything hurt.

  It was all a swirling mass of emotion and confusion, and I said the one thing I’d wanted to say for so long.

  “You don’t ruin the person you love!”

  Now that—that was poison. It was the poison that’d run through my veins since I’d seen him open his store. It was the one that kept my hatred and hurt alive every day since.

  And now it was tangible. It was real. He could hear it for himself.

  “You don’t ruin the person you love,” I repeated, hugging myself once more. “If you’d really loved me, if you’d loved—”

  “If I’d had half a brain cell I’d never have let you go at all!” He threw his arms out. “I’d have called you ten times a day. I’d have shown up whether you wanted me to or not. You don’t know that I took your aunt soup until the day before she died. You don’t know that I worked wood with your grandpa until we were done on the project. You don’t know that I gave you all the space in the world because I thought that was what you wanted.”

  “So what are you saying? That it’s my fault? That all of this is because of me?”

  “Fuck, and you think I’m stupid.” Chase rubbed his hand down his face then met my eyes with an intensity that sent shivers rippling all over my body. “No, Rae. I’m not saying that. I’m saying everything that I did was because I loved you, no matter how fucked up it all was. No matter how wrong it was. No matter how misjudged my decisions were. And if I have to spell it out for you now—”

  “You do. Go ahead. Write it in the sand. Say it.” I didn’t know what to do with my hands. “Spit it out so we can both move on.”

  “Move on? You think that’s what this is? I’m still in love with you, you stupid woman!”

  I froze, and before I could make another move, he was right in front of me. His body was right there. His words were still sinking in. I couldn’t move, and I couldn’t breathe.

  Chase hesitated, then he cupped my face with his hands, coming even closer to me. “I don’t care if you hate this. I don’t care if you hate me,” he breathed, dipping his face so his mouth was close to my ear. “I know you do, but I want you to listen to me. I know you hate me. I know what I did to you was unforgivable, but that doesn’t change how I feel about you. I love you, Raelynn. I never stopped. And if you want to move on from this, then, fine. You do that. But not before I do this.”

  He tilted my chin up and pressed his lips to mine.

  It was soft. Gentle. Familiar. Warm and comforting and at the same time, teasing. It was everything I’d missed in a kiss, because nothing had ever been his kiss.

  I wanted to cry. The tears that prickled at my eyes were sharp and stinging, but even as one escaped down my cheek, he didn’t move.

  He simply used his thumb to brush it away.

  At that one tiny move, I collapsed against him. My fingers wound in his t-shirt, and I opened myself to the kiss, letting the familiar sensation of having Chase Aarons kiss me work its way across my skin and through my bloodstream.

  There was nothing like it.

  It was home. It was the place I felt the most comfortable. Kissing him was the center of my compass, the single place I felt untouchable, even if I was crying when he did it.

  And I was.

  I was crying.

  I collapsed fully into his arms, pressing my face against his chest. His strong arms wrapped right around me, and one of his large hands cupped the back of my head, his fingers winding into my loose curls.

  He held me as tightly as I held him.

  I didn’t know what I cried for. I just knew there was a tight ball of emotion in me that linked the present with the past that I needed to cry out and let go of in order to be able to move forward.

  So I let it go. And I cried until my eyes were all dried out of tears.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN – CHASE

  There was nothing worse than listening to the woman you loved sobbing into your chest.

  Take it from me.

  It was, after all, happening right now.

  Tonight’s conversation had gone from explosive to emotional to explosive and back to emotional again. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take, not if Rae kept crying the way she was.

  I cupped the back of her head with my hand, holding her against me. My own eyes fucking stung. I guessed that was what happened when you listened to the person you loved being heartbroken and knew you were the reason why.

  I had to tell her, though. She already hated me—even if she never spoke to me again, even if she looked me in the eye in the next few minutes and told me she could never be friends with me, she knew.

  She knew the truth.

  And that was all that mattered to me. Rae had to know the truth behind everything, and she deserved to know that I knew I’d fucked up and that I was taking responsibility for the things I did and the ways I hurt her.

  That didn’t mean this was easy. Hell, I didn’t want this to be easy. I deserved to hear this—I deserved to feel like a piece of shit for making her hurt.

  Even as she reached up between us to wipe her face with her hands as she finally stopped crying. I wasn’t going to lie and say that I wasn’t happy she’d stopped. I hated hearing her, but I also knew she hated crying.

  I could count on one hand the number of times I’d ever seen her cry, and this was by far the hardest.

  She pulled back slightly, and I loosened my grip on her, letting my hand fall down to the top of her arm.

  Rae looked up at me, and I simply stared at her. She wasn’t wearing a damn bit of makeup, and even though her eyes were a little puffy and her face was red, she was still the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.

  Tiny freckles dotted the bridge of her nose and swept lightly down onto her now-patchy cheeks. Her dark brown eyes shone with the remnants of her tears, and her dark lashes were clumped together until she reached up and brushed at her eyes, separating them.

  Gently, I reached up and pushed a strand of hair from her cheek that was stuck where she’d cried. “I don’t want to fight with you anymore, Rae. Not like we have this week. I can’t do that anymore.”

  She opened her mouth, but I lightly set my finger on her lips.

  “Give me two more minutes, okay?”

  She nodded, meeting my eyes.

  “I can’t fight with you anymore. I’d rather nev
er speak to you again than fight with you like this, okay?” I trailed my thumb off her lip to cup her chin. “I’m so fucking sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I did it all over again tonight, but I wanted you to know the truth. I owed you that much. If you tell me right now that we’re done, that you don’t care, that you can never forgive me, and you never want to see me again, then I’ll accept that. It’s nothing less than I deserve, but I respect you enough that I’ll do whatever you want me to.”

  Her chest heaved as she took a deep breath and slowly let it back out. “I don’t know what I want you to do,” she said softly, briefly running her fingers down my side before they fell away. “I have no idea how I feel about any of this—about you. I don’t know if I want to kiss you or punch you in the teeth right now.”

  Fair enough.

  “I’m not—I don’t—” She gave another sharp inhale and let it out fast. “I’m not going to make any decisions right this second. I can’t. I’m sorry. I have to process everything you’ve told me and figure out how I feel. I can’t do that in a split second. That’s a lot of things you told me tonight.”

  “I know.” I kept my voice low. “And if that takes an hour, or a week, or six months—that’s fine. Even if you only decide that we’re friends or just civil to each other. After everything I’ve done to hurt you, I don’t expect for a second that you’ll ever tell me that you love me again. Not because you want to hurt me, but because you deserve more than the way I’ve treated you.”

  She shifted. Her gaze flicked out to the ocean before she brought it back to meet mine. “Well, for what it’s worth, you deserved more than the way I treated you when we broke up. I could have handled everything better, even if I’d only engaged my brain and thought things through.”

  I smiled, but the way she said ‘deserved’ cut into me. I knew I didn’t deserve a damn thing, but I still had the hope that maybe she thought I wasn’t a total fucking asshole.

  “At least we agree on something.” My lips twitched.

  “That’s a start.” Hers did the same thing before they dropped. “I should go. I—I’m glad I came. I think. But I need to go.”

  I nodded slowly. “I understand. And Rae, I meant what I said about you taking time. I’ve waited two years. I’ll wait for another two if that’s how long it takes you to decide where you stand.”

  She picked up her shoes then wrapped her arms around her waist with a gentle bob of her head. “I mean—I just need to think, okay? I’m not saying I’ll never speak you to again, Chase, but I just can’t right now.”

  “I get it.” I put my hands in my pockets and shrugged. “I do. But, if it helps, I’m happy to stand here and let you punch me in the teeth.”

  She placed her hand over her mouth. Her shoulders shook the tiniest bit, and I knew she was doing everything she could to hide a laugh. After a moment, she straightened, but her lips were still twisted to the side in the tiniest curve.

  I hoped that was a good thing for me. I could still make her laugh, even when she wanted to punch me in the teeth.

  Now that was a special kind of skill.

  “I’ll keep that offer open for now.” She let her mouth fully take the gentle smile and walked backward.

  “Keeping me on my toes, eh?”

  “You know it, Chase Aarons.” She spun on the balls of her feet, pausing only when I caught up with her. “What are you doing?”

  “Making sure you get to your car without being ambushed by a serial killer.” I shot her a side look. “I know what you’re thinking.”

  Even in the low light, I could see her blush and look down at the ground. “Yeah, well, you never know.”

  “I think that’s the general idea of being a serial killer. It’d suck if your victim knew you were coming.”

  She reached out and hit the back of her fingers against my arm right as her car came into view.

  “Why’d you park so far away?”

  “So the serial killers didn’t know where I was, obviously.” She turned and pulled her keys out of her pocket. The street lit up when she pressed the button. “Isn’t that your car right there?”

  I looked in the direction she was pointing. “Yeah, and? Serial killers don’t just want hot young girls. I’m quite the catch for a rampant murderer.”

  “You’re a catch for an impulsive one, never mind a rampant one.” She pulled the door open. “Thank you. For walking me to my car.”

  “Anytime.” I tipped an imaginary hat. “Thank you. For tonight.”

  “I wish I could offer the same sentiment.” Her smile was wry. “I’ll speak to you soon.”

  I nodded and waited until she got into her car before walking to mine. She pulled away, and I followed her, detouring through town until I watched her park in her driveway.

  I pulled up against the curb and watched her walk up to the front door. She stopped, her hand on the doorknob, and turned over her shoulder. The security light that had blinked on illuminated her face, and I saw the tiny smile that crossed her face as she looked at my car.

  I held my hand up to say goodnight, and she did the same before she put her key in the door and disappeared inside.

  Blowing out a long breath, I rested my forehead against the top of my steering wheel. My heart was still in the pit of my stomach—at least it felt that way—but the way we’d left things gave me the tiniest hint of hope that even if there was no chance of her ever being mine again, that we could be friends.

  And I’d take any bit of Raelynn Fortune I could get.

  Even if it was her fist in my teeth.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN – RAELYNN

  “Huh.” Grandma sat opposite me, sliding me my second cup of coffee. “I didn’t see that coming.”

  I’d filled her in on everything that’d happened last night with Chase. I wanted her opinion on everything because I’d barely slept thinking about it. Yet, I hadn’t been able to think about anything at all.

  It’d been a total mess of thoughts that all seemed to string together in something that didn’t make any sense to me.

  All I knew was that two things had stood out.

  He hadn’t opened the store to hurt me.

  He still loved me.

  Both of those things went against everything I’d thought for two years and changing that wasn’t going to be easy.

  If I even wanted to change it.

  “What do you think about it?” Grandma opened a banana.

  “If I knew that, I wouldn’t have asked for your opinion.” I sighed and leaned forward, looking down at the table. “I don’t know. On the one hand, I want to tell him to shove his stupid apology and reasons up his stupid ass.”

  Her eyes sparkled. “And on the other?”

  On the other…

  I dropped my head briefly before I looked back up at her. “It’s Chase.”

  She raised her eyebrows. “I know it’s Chase. That doesn’t explain anything.”

  Jesus.

  “No. I mean… It’s Chase.” I tucked hair behind my ear. “You know? It’s Chase. It’s not like he’s someone I don’t know. He’s not a random guy. We have a history and a past and, I don’t know, Grandma. Maybe there is still something there.”

  “Are you saying this because you think it or because he finally told you he’s still in love with you?”

  “What do you mean, finally?”

  “Honey, he’s been coming here every Sunday since you broke up helping your grandfather in the garage. At least two to three hours the way he always used to.”

  I choked on my coffee. “What? Why?”

  She shrugged a shoulder. “Because he wanted to. Your grandpa didn’t mind. He welcomed the company from someone who wouldn’t shout at him about sawdust. I’ve known that boy never got over you.”

  “Is there anything in this town that hasn’t been hidden from me? It’s not like I left and came back. I’ve been here the whole time.” Annoyance filtered through my veins—was there anything I did know?

  “Don’t s
tart a guilt trip with me.” She wiggled a wrinkled finger at me. “What goes on between you two is none of my business. How you feel about each other and what you do about that is between the two of you. Now, unless you know what you want to do with this situation, I can’t help you or offer advice.

  “Would I like to see you two kids get back together? I sure would, but I understand there’s a lot of water under the bridge you’re both standing on right now. I won’t push you in any direction. What you do with the information Chase told you last night is solely up to you, Raelynn. I will be here for you if you need some help, but I can’t look inside you and tell you how you feel about him.”

  I swallowed down the bubble of annoyance. She was right. As much as it pissed me off that my grandparents apparently had a secret friendship with my ex, that really was quite small in the grand scheme of my personal life right now.

  I took a deep breath in and sighed it out, linking my fingers behind my neck. “Okay.” I dropped my hands. “I get that. I just… I don’t know what to do, Grandma. Do I forgive him? We both did wrong. Do we be friends? Do I cut him off? Do I open myself to the potential of a future?”

  “That’s a lot of questions, and none of them have an answer until you decide it, sugar.” She got up to handle the bacon that was spitting in the frying pan.

  “I knowwww, and that doesn’t helppppp,” I whined, slumping forward onto the table. One big huff escaped me, and I sat back up. “I wish someone could come out of the woodwork and tell me what to do with this situation.”

  As if I’d summoned someone, there were three knocks at the door.

  “I got it.” I slid off the chair and walked to the door.

  I twisted the key in the door and unlocked it, and upon opening it, saw a face I hadn’t seen in two years.

  My mother’s.

  A face I most definitely didn’t expect to see.

  “Your father left me.”

  And I most definitely did not expect to hear that.

  ***

  I scrubbed the floor harder than I’d scrubbed anything in my life.