Queen in Exile

by Donna Hatch

  “You look beautiful as always.” He gave her his most disarming smile.

  Some of the anger left her eyes as she sank down in a chair beside him. She studied him and then said quietly, “I’ve missed you.”

  Kai kept his face impassive. “Zayla—”

  “I know. When you left for Arden, you made it clear you were leaving me, too, and that when you came back, you would not be coming back to me. But you have to admit we were happy together. We can be again.” There was a provocative lilt to her voice.

  Kai thought back over their time together. Zayla had more substance than most of his former lovers, but she had started getting too close, and letting himself fall in love was not an option.

  “I hear there was someone in Arden, too,” she stated softly. Her casual tone failed to fully mask her jealousy.

  Kai’s eyes automatically flew to Jeniah, radiant as she danced and laughed with her current partner.

  Zayla followed his gaze. “She’s lovely. Rumor has it that you are going to wed her, but I knew it couldn’t be true.”

  Kai had to draw upon his training to make his lie sound convincing in both voice and face, training that served him in more battles than just those fought with a weapon. “It’s true.”

  Zayla stared at him in clear disbelief, then swallowed and said slowly, “I see. Well, she must be an extraordinary girl.”

  “She is,” he replied truthfully. “I’ve never met anyone like her.” He finally met Zayla’s gaze, and at the hurt he saw there, he felt a sting of regret. “I’m sorry.”

  “No, don’t. You made no promises, and I have no regrets. I knew from the beginning that our time together would be temporary and that I was a fool to hope otherwise.” She stood. “Congratulations.”

  Kai watched Zayla leave, hating himself for lying to her. It had been difficult to part with her, yet even if he’d stayed in Darbor, he would have stopped seeing her. Their relationship had reached a crossroads, and leaving her was the only way out, the only way to protect his heart from a terrifying vulnerability.

  Then he thought of Jeniah, and the beautiful and passionate Zayla faded in comparison. He searched the couples and found her dancing with a new partner. As though called to her side, he wound through the dancers to Jeniah and whisked her away before the final note of the dance music ended.

  “Forgive me, sir,” he said with barely a glance at the startled nobleman. “I have this next dance.”

  Jeniah’s face was flushed from the vigorous dance and her eyes sparkled. “Of course, Sir Kai. I haven’t forgotten.”

  Not certain what he would have done if she hadn’t played along, he possessively wound her hand through his arm.

  “Why Sir Kai, I hadn’t thought you capable of jealousy,” she teased.

  But her comment hit too close and he stiffened. “Merely playing the part,” he ground out under his breath.

  The light in her eyes faded and she looked away. “Of course.”

  Kai mentally kicked himself, then laid his hand over Jeniah’s where it rested on his arm. After a searching gaze that made him feel as if he’d entered a melee without his armor, she turned her hand over and squeezed his. He turned in relief as his friend Garhren approached.

  Garhren flashed a lopsided, boyish grin. “I came to see if your betrothed has changed her mind about you now that she sees you in better lighting.”

  “I’ve been deliberately keeping to the shadows for fear of that very thing, my friend,” Kai replied mournfully.

  Garhren’s gaze swept over Jeniah. “My lady, I had heard Tiraians were beautiful, but you have surpassed all of my imaginations.” He bowed low and kissed her hand. With a sidelong glance at Kai, he added. “Although, I question your judgment regarding men.” He ducked, laughing, as Kai took a playful swing at him. “Good to be back?”

  “It is,” Kai replied wholeheartedly. “Not much appears to have changed while I was gone.”

  Garhren looked offended. “There have been different women.”

  Kai chuckled. “I wasn’t discussing your romantic pursuits, Gar.”

  Garhren shrugged. “What else is there? Yours have obviously changed. And improved.” He grinned rakishly at Jeniah. “Forgive us. We’ve been through much together, not all of it honorable.”

  “Really? Please explain.” Jeniah cast a sly smile at Kai.

  Kai groaned. “Believe me when I say you do not want to know.”

  “Dance with me, my lady,” Garhren said, “and I shall regale you with tales designed to change your mind.”

  Jeniah smiled. “You may tell me anything you like, Sir Garhren, but you shall not change my mind. I’m immovable. However, my next dance is promised to my betrothed.”

  Kai resisted the urge to puff out his chest. Instead, he waved her off. “Go ahead. I’ll wait.” He suppressed another ugly flair of jealousy as his best friend led Jeniah away. He did, however, claim the next dance, and the one after that. He remained by her side all evening, greeting the knights and nobility who came to speak with them. He introduced her to more people than she would probably remember. By the time the celebration came to a close, he became so comfortable playing the part of a betrothed man that he almost began to believe it. As the lights burned low and the music played softly, her nearness stirred an ache in him, and he wondered how he could ever let her out of his arms.

  Then the king rose and bade them all a good night, marking the end of the festivities. Kai escorted Jeniah to her room, with her guards following at a respectful distance.

  “Kai,” she said with a glance back at the trailing guards. She lowered her voice. “When you are with me, they are unnecessary.”

  “I take no chances with your safety, my lady. Neither does the king.”

  “You are better protection than a whole regiment of men. No one else could have brought me here unharmed the way you did.” “I gave you my word that I would not fail you.”

  “I know. That’s what I mean. As long as you are here, nothing could happen to me.”

  Kai stopped walking and gazed deeply into her eyes. The affection he saw there was intoxicating. He took a step closer, his heart pounding wildly. Every nerve in his body came alive.

  He leaned toward her, craving her touch, his lips demanding a taste of hers. She trembled as her lips parted. She lifted her chin and leaned toward him. He brushed his thumb over her lower lip, fascinated with its fullness, then trailed his fingers along her smooth cheek as he bent over her.

  Their lips met. Hers were amazingly warm, soft, pliant. He inhaled her breath spiced with sweet wine and breathed in her fragrance of perfumed soap and oils, combined with a scent that belonged uniquely to her. Her hand curled against his chest and she moved closer. He pulled her in, pressing her soft curves against him. Her kiss was unpracticed, but so willing. She received him and gave more in return. Kai’s very soul stirred. The darkness within shuddered and drew back, making room for light that hadn’t touched his heart since . . .

  What was he doing?

  He pulled away and let out a shaky breath. Jeniah slowly opened her eyes.

  He took a step back. “Forgive me,” he whispered.

  She blinked in bewilderment. “Kai—”

  “Please, don’t say anything, Your Highness. My behavior was inappropriate.”

  “’Your Highness’ again, is it?” she said quietly. “I thought we had gone beyond that.”

  Making no response, Kai carefully kept emotion out of his expression as he continued walking with her down the corridor. At the door to her chambers, he bowed and turned to go, but she caught his arm.

  “Kai.”

  He maintained his invisible armor. “Good night, Lady Illané. Sleep well.”

  Kai bolted down the hallway, trying to escape the fire in his blood. He wanted to fight, to work off this frustration that threatened to drive him mad. He didn’t know how much longer he could restrain himself, but kissing her had only made it worse.

  No. He must resist her. Com
pletely.

  As desire burned in his veins, his heart thudded wildly and he thought he would go mad. Instinctively, he went to the training room. This he could understand. He lit the lamps. Because of the hour, he didn’t find Garhren or some other poor soul to vent his energy on. He tore off his doublet and shirt, then lifted the enormous two-handed broad sword in the armory. He ran though every training exercise he had ever learned and began to slay invisible enemies.

  Kissing Jeniah had sent him flying into the realm of beauty and love. Then reality set in. Having held her like that, tasted her, he knew he was totally and completely hers. Somehow, she had touched the broken pieces of his heart and made them feel again.

  He could not slay these demons. He had no defense against the tireless enemy that threatened to destroy him.

  When his bruised ribs throbbed and he could no longer raise his arms, he dropped his sword. The sound of metal on stone echoed in the empty room. His anger and madness faded, leaving only quiet sorrow.

  Chapter Fifteen

  In Darbor Castle, the morning meal was an informal affair. People simply came and went at will and helped themselves out of trenchers that servants brought out periodically. Every few minutes, a new trencher appeared filled with fresh, hot food for the newest batch of diners to feast upon.

  All around them, green plants and glorious flowers of every description grew in pots and planters, a stark contrast to the white, frozen landscape outside the glass wall. Jeniah could almost forget that they were indoors instead of in a garden in the middle of spring. She bid Lavena good morning, then spied Kai at a table alone near the wall of windows. He stood at her approach.

  “Good morning, my love,” Kai sang out with false cheer as he kissed her hand.

  Jeniah knew the stoic man she loved would avoid discussing the previous night and the obstacles between them. For now, she would allow him that.

  “Good morning, Kai. How did you sleep?”

  “Well, thank you. You?”

  “Wonderfully.” She watched him shrewdly, and even though he kept his eyes averted, it was obvious that he had gotten very little sleep, if any. Sleep had eluded her most of the night as well. It was during the quiet, early-morning hours that Jeniah had begun to understand. She knew now that Kai’s feelings for her did run deeper than a duty to protect her. Yet his honor would forever stand in the way of a marriage between them. It was almost unheard of for royalty—especially an heir to the throne— to marry a commoner. Kai would never cross those boundaries. And although his heritage did not matter to Jeniah, tradition was an unyielding master, and Kai followed an exceptionally strict code of honor.

  There was also a second wall of resistance inside Kai, one she had first glimpsed back in Arden. It caused the momentary flashes of pain to enter his eyes when his guard was down. Clearly, something had hurt him deeply, and he was determined to not repeat it. Which obstacle would prove the most difficult to overcome, Jeniah could not guess, but as she watched him, her love for him grew. She vowed to make whatever sacrifices she must to be with him.

  “This is amazing,” she commented. “I’ve never seen anything like it. A room with glass walls? It’s wondrous.”

  Kai grinned. “I thought you would enjoy it. I believe you will find that there are many new diversions here. I hope to be able to introduce you to a few of the better ones.”

  “I look forward to that, sir,” she replied genuinely.

  “I hope you will forgive me, my lady, but I will be somewhat absent today as I’m required in council. However, ladies often gather here, and I know they would welcome you.”

  The king had told the princess she would be filled in on everything regarding decisions to help free Arden. In order to protect her identity, this would occur in a private meeting. Not even the elders or chief advisors had been advised of her presence.

  “Can we meet later and continue my defense lessons?” She missed working on her newly acquired skills almost as much as she missed spending time alone with Kai. Perhaps the lessons would bring back the Kai she knew during the journey, before he became so closed up.

  Kai’s eyebrows pulled together. “It might raise suspicions. Do you think it is wise to do things that may draw attention?”

  Jeniah’s shoulders slumped. If her mother was an indication, no Tiraian lady would consider learning the ways of a warrior. Going against tradition might be a flaw in Jeniah’s masquerade, which could cause someone to question her identity and discover the truth.

  “No, I suppose not,” she answered quietly. Then she brightened. “But I could blur and look like a squire with an easily forgettable face.”

  Kai considered. “I’ll see what I can do.” Then he stood up and called to two young women, “Ladies.”

  One of the girls looked as though she would faint at the honor of being addressed by the strikingly handsome Sir Kai, but the other hurried over to him, pulling her friend along. They both wore lavishly embroidered gowns cut low in front.

  When Kai put his hand at the small of Jeniah’s back, the simple contact sent swirling warmth through her. “This is Lady Illané of Tirai, my betrothed. Would you please introduce her to the other ladies?”

  “Of course, Sir Kai,” gushed the bravest of the pair. She turned to Jeniah. “Welcome, Lady Illané. I’m pleased to meet you. I’m Nali and this is Carrine.”

  Carrine never managed to drag her eyes off Kai, who seemed completely unaware of his effect on her.

  “We are going to a poetry reading,” Nali continued. “Won’t you join us?”

  Jeniah put on her most gracious smile, although she would have been more enthusiastic if they had invited her to go riding. “I would be delighted, thank you.”

  Kai bowed to them. “I hope you enjoy yourselves.” He took Jeniah’s hand and kissed it. “My lady.”

  Carrine watched him go. “Sir Kai is so handsome.”

  “You are most fortunate, Lady Illané,” added Nali.

  Jeniah couldn’t help answering a bit wickedly, “Yes, he’s not as dull as others I know. I suppose he’s better than some.”

  They both stared. “If I searched the world far and wide I would never find anyone as perfect as he,” declared Carrine.

  Jeniah only smiled, but she silently agreed.

  After Nali introduced Jeniah to the other ladies, they all went to a separate sitting room ,where chairs and benches had been set up facing the fireplace. Jeniah’s lady-in-waiting, Lavena, arrived with several others. When the appointed hour arrived, the poetry reading began.

  As the minstrel began reciting the poem, Jeniah closed her eyes and listened to the words. The poem was about a forbidden love, a couple who defied the odds and sacrificed everything to be together, only to have their love discovered and exploited. Eventually, they conquered all, and they spent the rest of their lives together. The poem was beautifully read, and when it ended, there was not a dry eye in the room. As the attendees sprang to their feet to express their appreciation, the minstrel bowed.

  Jeniah noticed a lovely, tall woman with hair the color of spun gold and a figure that made Jeniah feel childlike. Drawn to the woman, Jeniah made her way toward her, but as she neared, she was met with an icy stare. Undaunted, Jeniah approached.

  Lavena appeared at Jeniah’s side. Indicating the blond women, she said, “Lady Illané of Tirai, may I present Lady Zayla.”

  Zayla inclined her head in greeting, eyeing Jeniah coolly.

  Jeniah smiled, hoping to thaw the ice. “Lady Zayla.”

  “Lady Illané. You must feel most strange here in Darbor.”

  Jeniah got the double meaning but chose to ignore it. “It is different here in Darbor, but lovely.”

  Zayla nodded, her eyes raking over Jeniah. With a contemptuous smile, she turned to speak with another lady, clearly dismissing Jeniah.

  Puzzled and hurt, Jeniah glanced inquiringly at the lady-inwaiting who shrugged and offered an apologetic grimace.

  Later, as the ladies sewed together, Jen
iah made a point to seat herself near Lady Zayla. “My lady, you have the most beautiful hair I’ve ever seen,” she said sincerely.

  “Thank you,” Lady Zayla replied stiffly, her needle nearly flying. Without looking up she said, “I understand you and Kai are to wed.”

  “Yes, we are.” She believed with all her heart that someday that would be true.

  “I’m surprised to hear that.”

  “Oh?”

  “He prefers women, not little girls.”

  Feeling color rise to her face, Jeniah swallowed and answered deliberately, “I may not be as mature as you are, Zayla, but I am of age.”

  Zayla’s gaze slid over Jeniah dismissively. “He’s probably six or seven years older than you. Well, no matter, as long as he’s happy.” Her voice was heavy with forced civility. She stood. “Excuse me, ladies.”

  Lavena turned to Jeniah after Zayla’s exit. “You mustn’t blame her, my lady. She and Sir Kai were romantically involved for over a year before he left for Arden. There was much speculation that he had chosen her.”

  “He shields his heart too carefully,” interjected an older woman.

  Jeniah searched Lavena’s face. “Was he truly a philanderer?”

  The older woman answered, “It seemed that way when he first arrived in the castle. He certainly made a sensation—young and handsome and terribly gifted, a Sauraii and then a knight all before he was even of age. Almost every young lady in Darbor openly pursued him. Not many young men his age would resist all the offers of companionship he received, not that anyone expected him to refuse. He still gets them, I’m sure, but he has grown up. He’s had to. He takes matters of love seriously now. Perhaps too seriously. You must be a very exceptional young lady to have won the heart and hand of Sir Kai.”

  Jeniah knew there was more, but the woman seemed disinclined to divulge it. “I’m fortunate to have him,” she responded fervently. “Truly, I would be lost without him.”

  Kai arrived then and motioned to her. As the ladies giggled and chattered about young love, Jeniah arose, excused herself, and went to him.

  Kai kissed her cheek and whispered, “The high priestess has asked to see you.”