the STRUGGLE

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the STRUGGLE Page 28

by Wanda E. Brunstetter


  Hannah grimaced. She’d never said she was going to get a divorce, but one thing she did know: she couldn’t be with Timothy right now.

  A tear trickled down her cheek as she thought about the baby she carried. She wasn’t ready to be a mother again—wasn’t ready to have another baby. She wasn’t even sure she could provide for this child and wondered whether Mom and Dad would be willing to help her raise it.

  Pembroke, Kentucky

  “As time goes on, I become more worried about Timothy,” Samuel said as he dried the breakfast dishes while Esther washed. “When Hannah left three months ago, Timothy hoped she would change her mind and come back to him, but the longer she’s gone, the more depressed he’s become. I really don’t know how much longer he can go on like this.”

  Esther nodded. “It’s sad to think of him living all alone in that big old house, feeling guilty for causing Mindy’s death and longing for Hannah to come home.”

  “I’ve tried everything I know to encourage him, but nothing I’ve said has made any difference.” Samuel reached for another plate. “My mamm tried talking to Hannah several weeks ago, but it was all for nothing. Mom told Timothy that Hannah wasn’t very cordial and she isn’t willing to forgive him or come back to Kentucky.”

  Esther slowly shook her head. “I’ve said this before, Samuel, and I’ll say it again. All we can do for Timothy is pray for him and offer our love and support. What Hannah decides to do is in God’s hands, and we must continue to pray for her, too.”

  CHAPTER 50

  Paradise, Pennsylvania

  Fannie had just entered her daughter’s quilt shop when she spotted Phoebe Stoltzfus’s mother, Arie, on the other side of the room by the thread and other notions. Fannie and Arie had been close friends when Titus and Phoebe had been courting, but after the couple broke up, the two women saw less of each other. Of late, Fannie hadn’t seen much of Arie at all. She figured that was probably because Arie had been busy helping Phoebe plan her wedding, which would take place in a few weeks.

  “It’s good to see you,” Fannie said when Arie joined her at the fabric table. “It’s been awhile.”

  Arie nodded. “I’ve been really busy helping Phoebe get ready for her wedding, this is the first opportunity I’ve had to do some shopping that doesn’t have anything to do with the wedding.”

  Fannie smiled. “I know how that can be. When Abby was planning her wedding, I helped as much as I could. Of course, the twins were still little then, so I couldn’t do as much as I would have liked. But then, Naomi and Nancy helped Abby a lot, so that took some of the pressure off me.”

  “Speaking of your twins, I saw Timothy’s wife the other day,” Arie said.

  “Oh, really? Did you pay her a visit?” Fannie was anxious to hear about it, because she wondered if Hannah had been more receptive to Arie than she had to her.

  “I saw Hannah coming out of the doctor’s office in Lancaster,” Arie said.

  “Has she been grank?”

  “I don’t know if she’s sick or not. I didn’t say anything to Hannah, because as soon as I approached her, she hurried away.” Arie’s forehead wrinkled. “That young woman, whom I remember as always being so slender, has either put on a lot of weight or else she’s pregnant.”

  Fannie’s mouth dropped open. “Are you sure it was Hannah?”

  “Of course I’m sure. Her belly was way out here.” Arie held her hands several inches away from her stomach.

  Fannie frowned. “Hmm …”

  “Have you seen Hannah lately?” Arie questioned. “Do you know if she’s pregnant?”

  “I saw her some time ago but not recently. She’s been staying with her folks for nearly five months, so I don’t see how she could be pregnant. Unless maybe …” Fannie set her material aside. “I’ve got to go. It was nice seeing you, Arie.”

  “Where are you off to?”

  “I’m going to pay a call on Hannah,” Fannie said before hurrying toward the door.

  When Fannie arrived at the Kings’ place a short time later, she found Sally on the porch hanging laundry on the line that had been connected by a pulley up to the barn.

  “Is Hannah here?” Fannie asked, joining her.

  “Jah, but she’s not up to visiting with anyone right now,” Sally said, barely looking at Fannie.

  “She never is. At least not when I or anyone from my family has come by. What’s going on, Sally?”

  “Nothing. Hannah’s just not accepting visitors right now.”

  “Why not?” Fannie’s patience was waning.

  “Well, you know how sad Hannah feels about losing Mindy, and she doesn’t want anyone bombarding her with a bunch of questions. I thought you understood that she needs to be alone.”

  “Wanting to be left alone for a few weeks or even a month after losing a loved one might be normal, but this has gone on far too long, and it doesn’t make sense.”

  Sally’s eyes narrowed. “What are you saying, Fannie?”

  “I’m saying that it isn’t normal for a wife to leave her husband the way Hannah did and then stay cooped up in her parents’ house and refuse to see anyone but them.”

  “Everyone grieves differently.”

  “That may be so, but most people know when they’re going through a rough time that they need the love and support of their family and friends. That should include Hannah’s husband’s family, too, don’t you think?”

  Sally said nothing. She picked up a wet towel and hung it on the line. Then she bent down to pick up another one.

  “Is Hannah expecting a boppli?” Fannie blurted out.

  Sally dropped the towel and whirled around to face her. “What made you ask such a question?”

  “Someone saw Hannah coming out of the doctor’s office in Lancaster the other day, and they said she looked like she was pregnant.” Fannie took a step closer to Sally. “Is it true? Is Hannah pregnant?”

  Sally lowered her gaze. “Hannah’s asked me not to discuss anything about her with anyone.”

  Fannie tapped her foot impatiently. “I’m not just anyone, Sally. I’m Hannah’s mother-in-law, and if she’s carrying my grandchild, I have the right to know.”

  Sally lifted her gaze, and tears filled her eyes. “I really can’t talk about this right now.”

  Fannie stood several more seconds then hurried away. Even without Sally admitting it, she was quite sure Hannah was expecting a baby. It wasn’t right that she was keeping it a secret. Timothy deserved to know, and Fannie planned to call him as soon as she got home.

  CHAPTER 51

  If Fannie suspects I’m pregnant and tells Timothy, I don’t know what I’ll do if he shows up here,” Hannah said after her mother told her about Fannie’s most recent visit.

  “Now, you need to calm down and relax,” Mom said, handing Hannah a cup of herbal tea. “Since I didn’t admit anything to Fannie, she would only be guessing if she told Timothy you were expecting a boppli.”

  Hannah got the rocking chair she was sitting in moving harder and grimaced when the baby kicked inside her womb. This baby was a lot more active than Mindy had been when she was carrying her. It seemed like the little one was always kicking. Sometimes it felt as if the baby was kicking with both feet and both hands at the same time. When that happened at bedtime, it was hard for Hannah to find a comfortable position so she could sleep.

  “Was that Fannie Fisher’s rig I saw pulling out when I came in?” Dad asked, stepping into the living room.

  Mom nodded. “She wanted to speak to Hannah, but I wouldn’t let her.”

  “Any idea what she wanted to talk to her about?” he asked.

  “Fannie suspects that I’m pregnant,” Hannah said. “I…I’m afraid she may tell Timothy.”

  Dad crossed his arms. “That might be the best thing for everyone concerned. I never did think Timothy should be kept in the dark. I’ve been tempted to tell him myself, but I knew if I did, I’d have you and your mamm to answer to.”

  “You’ve go
t that right,” Mom said with a huff. “If Hannah doesn’t want Timothy to know, we need to respect her wishes.”

  “That’s kind of hard to do when I think she’s wrong.” Dad’s forehead wrinkled as he narrowed his eyes and looked right at Hannah. “I think you should forgive that husband of yours and go on back to Kentucky.”

  “I just can’t.” Hannah placed her hands on her swollen stomach, and even though she knew the next words were ridiculous, she couldn’t seem to stop them. “Even if I could forgive him for causing Mindy’s death, how could I trust him not to do something that could hurt this boppli, too?”

  Pembroke, Kentucky

  “How’d things go for you today?” Esther asked when Samuel came in the door around six o’clock.

  “Okay. Timothy and I are almost done with the house we’ve been painting in Herndon. If all goes well, we should be able to start on another house in Trenton by the end of this week.” Samuel slipped his arm around Esther’s waist. “How was your day?”

  “Good. Trisha and Bonnie picked me up, and the three of us went to see Suzanne and the boppli.” Esther smiled. “Little Abe is so cute, and I really enjoyed holding him. Even Jared and Penny were taken with the little guy.”

  Samuel chuckled. “I’ll bet those two would like to have a baby brother or sister of their own to play with.”

  Esther sighed. “Are you disappointed that I haven’t gotten pregnant yet?”

  “ ’Course not,” Samuel said with a shake of his head. “We haven’t been married half a year yet, so there’s plenty of time for you to get pregnant.”

  “But what if I don’t? Maybe I won’t be able to have any children.”

  Samuel gave Esther’s arm a tender squeeze. “Try not to worry. It’ll happen in God’s time, and if it doesn’t, then we’ll accept it as God’s will.”

  Esther smiled. She appreciated her husband’s encouraging words. She was about to tell him that supper was almost ready when she heard several bumps followed by a piercing scream.

  Esther and Samuel raced into the hall, where they found Penny lying at the foot of the stairs, red-faced and sobbing. Leon, Marla, and Jared stood nearby, eyes wide and mouths hanging open; they looked scared to death.

  Samuel dropped to his knees. “Are you hurt, Penny?” he asked, checking her over real good.

  “I…I’m okay, Daadi.” Penny sniffed and sat up.

  “What happened?” Esther asked. “Did you trip on the stairs?”

  Penny turned and pointed to a small wooden horse.

  Samuel’s face flushed. “How many times have I told you kids not to leave your toys on the stairs? Now I hope you see how dangerous that can be!”

  The children nodded soberly.

  Esther knew Samuel’s first wife had died after falling down the stairs, so she could understand why he would be upset, but she thought he was being a little too hard on the children.

  “I’m sorry, Samuel,” she said. “I should have kept a closer watch to make sure that nothing was left on the stairs.”

  “It’s not about things getting left on the stairs,” Samuel said, shaking his head. “The toy horse shouldn’t have been there in the first place.”

  “You’re right.” Tears welled in Esther’s eyes. “I guess I’m not doing a very good job with the kinner these days.”

  “That’s not true,” Marla spoke up. “You take real good care of us.”

  All heads bobbed in agreement, including Samuel’s. “Marla’s right, Esther. You’ve done well with the kinner ever since you started taking care of them, but you can’t be expected to watch their every move.” He gave each of the children a stern look while shaking his finger. “It’s your job to watch out for each other, too, and that includes keeping the stairs and other places free of clutter so you’ll all be safe.” He smiled at Esther. “And I want you to be safe, as well.”

  “I talked to my dad today,” Bonnie told Allen as they sat at the dining-room table, eating supper that evening.

  “What’s new with him?”

  “He’ll be moving here next week.”

  Allen’s eyebrows shot up. “Here, at the B&B?”

  “Only for a little while—until he finds a place of his own. If it’s okay with you, that is.”

  “Sure, I have no problem with that.”

  “He got word that he’ll be managing one of the banks in Hopkinsville.”

  “That’s all good news.” Allen grinned. “Does Trisha know about this?”

  Bonnie nodded. “To tell you the truth, I think she was rather pleased.”

  “Well, who knows? There might be a budding romance ahead for those two.”

  Her eyebrows arched. “You really think so?”

  “Would you be okay with it?”

  Bonnie smiled. “Most definitely. I think Dad and Trisha would be perfect for each other.”

  “Hmm…you might be right about that.” Allen reached for his glass of water and took a sip. “So tell me about your day. Did you get some rest?”

  “I didn’t work, if that’s what you mean. Trisha and I took Esther over to see Suzanne’s baby, and holding little Abe made me even more excited about having our own baby.”

  Allen grinned. “I’m looking forward to that, too.”

  Bonnie handed him the bowl of tossed salad. “And how was your day?”

  “Busy. I bid two jobs in Hopkinsville and then stopped at the house Samuel and Timothy have been working on this week.”

  “How’s Timothy doing?” she asked, reaching for her glass of water.

  “Not very well, I’m afraid. He doesn’t look good at all, and he’s pushing himself way too hard. He probably believes working long hours will help him not think about Hannah so much.” Deep wrinkles formed across Allen’s forehead. “If Timothy’s not careful, though, he’ll work himself to death.”

  CHAPTER 52

  On Friday afternoon after Timothy got home from work, he fixed himself a sandwich. Then he headed for the barn to feed the horses, muck out their stalls, and replace a broken hinge on one of the stall doors.

  Ever since Hannah had left, he’d worked on some unfinished projects—including new screens for all of the windows in the house. His most recent project was the barn. So far, he’d reinforced the hayloft, replaced a couple of beams, and fixed a broken door. Tomorrow, with the help of Samuel, Titus, and Allen, he planned to re-roof the barn. It felt good to keep busy and get some of the projects done that he’d previously kept saying he would do later. It was the only way he could keep from thinking too much about Hannah and the guilt he felt for causing Mindy’s death.

  It was dark by the time Timothy finished up in the barn, and he was so tired he could barely stay on his feet. He shook the grit and dust from his hair and headed for the house, not caring that he hadn’t gone to the phone shanty to check for messages. Stepping onto the porch, he barely noticed the hoot of an owl calling from one of the trees.

  When Timothy entered the house, he trudged wearily up the stairs, holding on to the banister with each step he took. After a quick shower, he headed down the hall toward his room. But as he neared Mindy’s bedroom, he halted. Other than the day he’d replaced the screen in her window, he hadn’t stepped foot in this room. For some reason, he felt compelled to go in there now.

  Timothy opened the door, and a soft light from the moon cast shadows on the wall.

  “Oh Mindy girl, I sure do miss you,” he murmured. “Wish now I’d spent more time with you when you were still with us. If I could start over again, I’d do things differently.” Tears coursed down Timothy’s cheeks as a deep sense of regret washed over him. “If I’d just put a screen on your window when your mamm asked me to, you’d be here right now, sleeping peacefully in your bed, and your mamm would not have left me.”

  Timothy moaned as he flopped onto Mindy’s bed and curled up on his side. With his head resting on her pillow, he could smell the lingering sweetness of his precious little girl. After Hannah had left, he’d thought about chang
ing Mindy’s sheets but hadn’t gotten around to it. Right now he was glad.

  Mindy…Mindy…Mindy … Timothy closed his eyes and succumbed to much-needed sleep.

  “Daadi…Daadi…I love you, Daadi.”

  Timothy sat up and looked around. Had someone called his name? The voice he’d heard sounded like Mindy’s, but that was impossible—she was dead.

  “Daad–i.”

  Timothy blinked, shocked to see Mindy standing on the other side of her bedroom. Her clothes glowed—illuminating the entire room.

  “I…I must be seeing things!” Timothy rubbed his eyes and blinked again. Mindy was still there, moving closer to him. Her golden hair hung loosely across her shoulders, and her cherubic face glowed radiantly.

  “I’m sorry, Daadi,” she whispered, extending her hand to him.

  “Sorry for what, Mindy?”

  “I shouldn’t have been playin’ near the window that day. Don’t be sad, Daadi. It’s not your fault. You work so hard and just got busy and forgot about the screens.”

  Timothy drew in a shaky breath, struggling to hold back the tears stinging his eyes. He reached out his hand until his fingers were almost touching hers. Mindy looked like a child, but she sounded so grown-up. “Mindy, my precious little girl. Oh, I’ve missed you so much.”

 

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