A Mother at Heart

by Carolyne Aarsen

  But she knew she had no choice.

  I love him, Lord. I don’t think I ever stopped loving him. Please take care of him. Please—

  She heard the sound of a truck engine, saw the lights sweep across the field as it turned into the driveway, then bob and weave as the vehicle came tearing down the lane, spewing gravel behind.

  She straightened, then felt her mouth go dry as she recognized the truck that rocked to a halt, inches away from the back bumper of her car.

  Her suitcase fell to the ground, her numb fingers unable to hold it, as Jake Steele flung the door of his truck open and strode toward her.

  “Why are you going?” he demanded.

  Miriam swallowed and took a step back. He was angry. She hadn’t expected that.

  She wanted to deflect his anger. “Did you find your mother?”

  “No. And I don’t want to talk about my mother. Right now, it’s more important to me to find out why you keep saying you have to go without telling me exactly why. I know modeling isn’t that important to you, Miriam. You said you came here to finish things off. Your farm isn’t sold, and I know that you still love me. I would say there are a few unfinished things to go yet.”

  Miriam leaned back against the tree, watching him in the pale moonlight, unable to speak.

  “Miriam…” He paused and took a step closer. “I asked you once before, and I’m going to ask you again. I love you dearly. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone. Will you marry me?”

  His words laid aside all the defenses she thought she had built against him. Flimsy barriers, indeed. And for a bright moment she felt as if nothing was insurmountable.

  “I told you I want to marry you,” he continued, his deep voice softly caressing. “I want to take care of you. I want you to trust me. I want your problems to be my problems. I want you for better or worse, richer or poor—”

  “You don’t know what you’re taking on,” Miriam said with a shaky cry. Once again the burden of her debt pulled her down to earth, took away her hope.

  “Then tell me. Tell me what I’m taking on.”

  Miriam looked at him, heard the pain in his voice. He loved her. She knew that as surely as she knew of God’s love. As if from another part of her mind the words of the psalm Tilly read to her came into her thoughts. “You will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth, you will bring me up.” Could these words be true for her? Could she and Jake find a way around this? Would his love withstand it? There was only one way to find out.

  “I’m in debt for a hundred and twenty grand.” The figure, spoken aloud, sounded even larger, even more insurmountable.

  Jake’s silence said more than any words he could have spoken. She wanted to curl up into a ball of misery; she wanted to let her sorrow overwhelm her. But she would have to wait until he was gone.

  She pressed her fingers against her mouth as if to hold back her cries until then. Her eyes were firmly shut. She had watched him leave once, she couldn’t do it again.

  Then warm, hard hands gently pulled her fingers away. She felt his soft, inviting lips on hers. Slowly, gently, Jake pulled her into his arms, one hand curling around her neck, the other clutching her waist.

  Miriam felt a melting begin deep within her, a softening. She slipped her arms around him, her eyes still shut tight, as if she were afraid to open them to reality.

  Jake’s mouth moved slowly, gently over hers, and then, as her arms tightened, with more urgency.

  Miriam felt the warmth of his mouth, hard on hers, his arms holding her tightly against his chest. She kissed him back, unable to hold him close enough, unable to show him adequately what she was feeling.

  He murmured her name against her mouth and kissed her over and over again, his hands caressing her back, her head, his fingers tangling in her hair.

  Finally he drew away, but only to cradle her head against his, to hold her close to his pounding heart.

  Miriam tried to absorb the onslaught of her own emotions as she leaned against his strength, her cheek pressed against his shirt, her arms holding him, his chin caressing her head again and again.

  “Don’t go, Miriam,” he pleaded. “Please don’t leave me again. I don’t think I can go through this a second time.” She felt his chest lift in a huge, shuddering sigh. “I don’t care about the money, about your debt. We can figure this out. It’s not too much to pay for having you with me. Nothing is.”

  Miriam closed her eyes, resting in this momentary haven, letting his words pull her along, beguile and captivate her. She had to trust him, had to believe him. Because if she didn’t, what in life was there for her?

  She lifted her face to look at him, and in the light of his truck’s headlights she saw tears on his cheeks. With a trembling finger she touched them, awestruck at the sight, at the evidence of the depth of his feelings for her.

  As she traced the path of his tears, she whispered his name, her own throat thickened with emotion. “I love you, too, Jake.” She stopped, her voice breaking. Then the words came pouring out of her. “I don’t think I ever stopped. I’ve never stopped thinking of you, wondering how you were, not daring to call because then I would hear your voice and start missing you all over again.” She took a quavering breath. “It hurt so much to miss you. I didn’t think I could go on. And now, to know that you still love me in spite of…in spite of everything…” She couldn’t continue. Laying her head against his chest, she fought for control.

  “Miriam, I have prayed to hear you say that.” He laid his damp cheek on her head. “Say it again,” he whispered.

  “I love you.” The words were muffled, but strong. Then she looked up at him again, her hands cradling his beloved face. “I love you, Jake Steele. And I want to marry you more than anything.”

  He lifted his head and feathered a light kiss over her mouth, his gaze full of wonder, his fingers caressing her neck. “Oh, Miriam, I hardly dared hope. God has been so good.”

  Miriam reached up to touch his hair, her fingers reveling in its thickness. “You might not think so once you talk to your banker.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t want to hear about that.”

  “But it’s so much money,” she couldn’t help but say. “You couldn’t afford to buy my land. How—?”

  The rest of her words were cut off by his mouth covering hers. When he finally pulled away he touched her lips with his finger. “I said I don’t want to hear about it.”

  She let her head drop against his chest as he lowered his hand. “I love you so much,” she whispered. “I know we can get through this.”

  “Because we’re doing it together, that makes it much easier.”

  As Miriam leaned against his chest, she let her prayer of thankfulness drift up to heaven. She had come here to rest, to recoup—and to leave.

  But God had had other things in mind for her.

  And she was grateful.

  “Let’s go home, Miriam,” Jake murmured, giving her another tight hug. “There are a few people who want to know what’s happening.”

  She caught him by the arm. “Jake,” she said quietly. “I don’t want to do the job, but it will pay me a lot of money. And if I don’t do it, I stand to lose other jobs.”

  “So we’ll buy you a plane ticket. That still gives you a couple of days here.”

  Miriam felt as if a huge weight had fallen off her shoulders. “It might work out.”

  Jake gave her a little shake. “You’re not alone, Miriam. Not anymore.”

  He bent over to take her suitcase, and then, his arm around her, hers wrapped around him, as if they were afraid to let each other go, they walked to his truck. Jake tossed her suitcase in the back and helped her in, then pulled her against him as, one-handed, he spun the steering wheel around, and headed home.

  Then he took off down the driveway, barely slowing for the turn off onto the road, and then taking off. He pulled to a halt at his own place, held her close a moment.

  “I love you. I love
you,” he whispered, kissing her once again.

  “I’m nervous, you know,” she confessed.

  “About what?”

  “Taryn, Tilly. Will I be able to do it?”

  “You know, Miriam, I think, deep down, you’re not a model. I think you’re a mother at heart.”

  His words comforted her, and together they walked up the sidewalk. Together they stepped into the house.

  Taryn looked up from the kitchen table, blinked, then grinned as she saw Jake and Miriam.

  “Daddy, Miriam,” she yelled, running and throwing herself at both of them. Jake caught her, Miriam caught an arm, and the three of them held each other as Miriam’s tears flowed freely.

  “Let me guess—you talked her into staying,” Simon drawled, turning around in his chair. He got up, shook Jake’s hand and gave Miriam an awkward hug. Taryn got in the way, squealing with delight.

  Tilly came into the kitchen to see what the commotion was about, and smiled broadly. “My goodness,” she said, pressing a hand to her mouth. She, too, joined in the celebration.

  They explained to Taryn what was to happen, and the child immediately began hugging and kissing Jake and Miriam indiscriminately.

  Later, when Taryn was finally settled into bed, and Simon and Tilly had gone to bed, Miriam and Jake had some time to themselves again. They sat on the couch, Jake’s arms firmly around Miriam as if he didn’t dare let her go.

  Miriam traced circles on the soft hair of his forearm, bemused at the difference ten years had made in this man she loved so dearly. “Jake,” she asked quietly.

  “Miriam,” he replied, his voice teasing.

  “I am serious.” She hesitated, but she needed one more reassurance. “I need to know, Jake—are you sure you know what you’re getting into?”

  Jake sighed, his breath gentle across her head. “Miriam, I’m not worried. It’s only money.”

  “But it’s so much.”

  “It is. I won’t deny it. But if you sold that land to someone else I would have lost it anyway. I’ve been thinking I could sell one of the other quarters of land, by Rock Lake. Then I’d buy yours from you.” He laid his cheek on her head. “The rest of the debt we’ll have to work into the farm debt.” He hugged her again. “I told you already, I’ll do anything to have you stay with me.”

  Miriam bit back her next protest, and relaxed against Jake, reveling in his strength, in the ability to lean on someone for the first time in years. It still felt strange—wrong almost—yet liberating to put all her fears and worries into someone else’s hands.

  Jake nuzzled her head. “Have I told you I love you?”

  “Not for about two minutes.” Miriam turned her face up to him, and Jake kissed her.

  “I used to dream of sitting with you on this couch,” Jake said softly, tracing the line of her eyebrow, the curve of her cheek, the line of her lips.

  “I did, too. I used to dream we could walk down Main Street holding hands, just like all the other lovers do.”

  “Well, it’s taken a few years, but we can.”

  Then on that same couch, Miriam kissed her future husband.

  And sent up a prayer of thanks. Their lives had taken some twists and turns to arrive at this destination, but they were finally here.

  Together, at last.

  Epilogue

  “Now stay close to me, it’s really busy here,” Jake said to Taryn as they made their way through the throng of people in the airport. She clung to his hand.

  Jake had wanted to carry her, but according to her a big girl didn’t need to be carried.

  From speakers overhead a voice announced the arrival of yet another flight as Jake worked his way to the arrival gate.

  People wearing trench coats and suits vied with individuals in blue jeans, sweatsuits and leather jackets for a spot close to the gate where the passengers from flight number 264 direct from New York were to arrive.

  “Is she coming yet?” Taryn asked, clutching the bouquet of flowers Jake had picked up before coming here. “I don’t want the flowers to die.”

  “They won’t,” Jake assured his daughter. “They’ll still be fresh and pretty when you give them to her.”

  Taryn looked up at him, smiling widely. “When I get big I want to fly on a plane, just like Mims gets to.”

  “That would be fun, wouldn’t it?”

  Taryn nodded then buried her nose in the flowers, taking a deep sniff.

  A burst of noise came from the arrival doors and Jake looked up, his expectations making his heart skip. She was coming. After a two-week absence, Miriam was coming home.

  The doors swung open again and there, behind a group of laughing young kids, he saw her.

  She wore a loose apricot-colored crop top over cargo pants. Casual clothing, yet Miriam managed to lend an aura of elegance and style to the simple lines.

  Her hair shone under the bright lights, wisps of it accenting her face, her eyes, scanning the crowd as eagerly as Jake watched her.

  She hadn’t seen him yet, he realized as she paused, frowning lightly, clutching the large, oversize bag she always carried with her as hand luggage.

  He noticed a few men glance her way then stop, their faces showing their obvious admiration. One man elbowed his neighbor who looked her way, then also stared.

  For a moment Jake resented their gaping, but Miriam was unaware of the minor sensation she was causing.

  She stood up on tiptoe, scanning the crowd, frowning.

  Then, the frown melted, her eyes widened and she began to run.

  “Jake,” she called out, totally unselfconscious about her reaction.

  Jake’s heart quickened at the sight of her rushing toward him, her arms wide, laughing.

  “You’re here,” she said.

  He let go of Taryn’s hand for an instant and caught her as Miriam flung her arms around him. He swung her up, holding her close, his head buried against her soft neck.

  “Oh, Miriam,” he murmured, “I missed you, I missed you.”

  They held each other a moment, yet unable to hold each other close enough, hard enough.

  He pulled back and gently lowered her to the ground. They gazed lovingly at each other, then he lowered his head and with reverence kissed her mouth.

  “How are you?” he asked, drawing slightly back, as he noted each dear feature, as if looking for any changes in her.

  “Better. Now.” She reached up and stroked his hair back from his face. “Much better.” Then, she turned to Taryn.

  “Hi, sweetheart.” She dropped to one knee and hugged her tightly. “I missed you, little Pip.”

  “I missed you, too, Mims.” Taryn held out the flowers. “We got these for you.”

  Miriam took the flowers, sniffed them appreciatively and grinned at Taryn. “They’re beautiful. We’ll have to put them in water when we get home, won’t we?”

  Taryn nodded, then took Miriam’s hand. “Daddy can take your bag,” she said imperiously.

  “Yes, ma’am.” Jake saluted, bent over and slung the bag over his shoulder. As he straightened he noticed a few puzzled glances from the men who had been ogling Miriam, as if they were wondering how some guy in blue jeans and a twill shirt managed to snag this exotic-looking woman.

  “What’s the matter, Jake?” Miriam asked, as she stood, holding Taryn’s hand, her flowers clutched in the other.

  “I’m still trying to get used to having all these guys staring at my wife.”

  Miriam frowned, then looked back over her shoulder in the direction Jake was glowering. “What guys?” she asked.

  The men who had been looking, quickly averted their curious gaze.

  “Oh, those guys,” Miriam said, glancing back at Jake with a shrug. “It doesn’t mean anything.”

  “Maybe not. But I don’t like it.”

  Miriam leaned against him, smiling coyly up at him. “But I’m not looking, am I?”

  “I hope not.”

  Miriam’s expression grew serious. “
Jake, I would love nothing more than to stay here every day. To be wearing dirty blue jeans and a shirt smeared with flour. You know that.”

  Jake grinned down at her, his heart overflowing with love for the beautiful woman. “I know that. And only two more jobs and you’ll be done.”

  Miriam sighed and nodded her head in affirmation. “Hallelujah. Goodbye to jet lag, to tight clothes, cranky photographers and temperamental clients.”

  “We did it, you know,” he said as he slipped his arm around her. They began walking toward the exit. “It’s just about done, that insurmountable debt you couldn’t tell me about.”

  “Well, I’m really glad Simon was the one who bought the land. That way I can say I still own my old house,” Miriam said, smiling lightly.

  “Maybe someday we’ll be able to buy it back, but for now I’m happy enough to rent it from him.”

  The automatic doors slid open at their approach, and Jake had to stop Taryn from wanting to go through them again.

  “Miriam wants to go home,” he said to her as they walked across the taxi lane toward the parking garage.

  Taryn skipped beside them, still holding Miriam’s hand. “I have a friend in grade one,” she announced to Miriam. “She has a mommy and a daddy too.” Taryn looked up at Miriam, a slight frown creasing her forehead. “But she doesn’t call her mommy, Mims. You and Daddy said I didn’t have to call you Mommy, but can I? Please?”

  “Oh, sweetheart.” Miriam stopped, and bending over, pulled Taryn into her arms. “Of course you can.”

  Jake watched the two of them, both beautiful, both so very precious to him and felt a fullness wash over him at what Taryn had just asked.

  Thank you, Lord, he prayed. Thank you for my wife, my daughter. My family.

  Miriam stood and as she turned to Jake, he saw her wipe her eyes. She bit her lip and glanced up at him. “Does it get any better than this?” she asked, reaching out to him as well.

  “I doubt it,” he said, pulling her close. He caught Taryn in a hug, lifted her up and with one arm, held her as well.