Until Him: Book 3 - Until Then Series
Page 3
“Am I sure that I want to get on a plane that is going to go over the ocean? No.” She looked at me, “Do I want to do anything to make me forget? Yes. A hundred times, yes.”
“Then we will go.”
She kept her eyes fixed on me, “Ok.” She broke her concentration getting up from the table, leaving the kitchen without another word.
I was having a hard time understanding what she was going through. She wasn’t the same, but I knew she had to go through her emotions. It was hard wanting to love her so much, but not being able to love her the only way I knew how. This loving someone from a distance thing was new to me, and hell it was hard. My life has always been so instant. Patience is something I’m learning.
Monday came quickly. We barely did anything at all over the weekend. I was surprised when Sophia packed her own bag, even asking me what I thought about some of her outfits. At least she was showing an interest in something. Still, I was a little worried about this trip.
“Tim said everything is packed up.” Sophia said as she walked back into the house.
I turned off the living room light, “Ok, I was just doing the last few checks around the house. I’m ready.”
She turned around walking back down the steps. I locked the door behind me, taking in a deep breath. She’s normally the nervous one; I couldn’t understand why I felt as if I was.
The plane was ready when we arrived. She looked over at me before stepping out of the car. I clenched my jaw, as I watched her walk toward the plane. Two planes in two weeks, was this a bad idea? Was I making it worse? It was her decision to still go, but I was supposed to protect her. How do I protect her from her own decisions?
I nodded to Tim, as he shut the door. Then I made my way toward the plane behind the attendants. Sophia was already on the plane by the time I reached it.
Sophia
My feet stopped before the stairs to the plane. I closed my eyes for a moment, counting my breaths. I looked back for Stefan, but he was still at the car. I placed my hand on the railing; the flight attendant was staring down at me. I have to do this, by myself; Just one foot in front of the other. First step, second step, third, fourth, fifth...counting the rest of the way, I somehow did it by myself. I looked around the plane, forcing a smile to the flight attendant that had her eyes on me.
I settled down in a seat, taking out the new cordless headphones Stefan had gifted me. Wine was offered to me, but I declined. Where was he? They won’t take off without him. My hands began fidgeting, every few seconds I would glance at the doorway waiting for Stefan to appear. My body relaxed once I saw him enter through the curtains.
He sat down in front of me, “Are you ok?”
“Fine,” I gave him a small smile.
“The pilot told me the weather is perfect for flying.” He glanced up at the flight attendant who appeared next to us, “Seltzer lime, please.”
“The sky is pretty blue out.” I said, once she disappeared.
“I’d try to sleep some. The time difference might throw you off a bit when we get there.”
I looked out the window at the tarmac, “I was going to try.”
Stefan’s drink was delivered shortly after. Moments later the plane started to move. I put my headphones in, closing my eyes, leaning my head against the window. When I woke, the sky had gone dark. Stefan was asleep leaning on his arm. The plane didn’t feel right. My heart skipped a beat.
I shook Stefan, “Stefan what's happening? Are we landing?” I asked nervously.
His eyes opened as he sat up, looking out the window at the dark sky, then to his watch. “Yes, we’re landing.” He took my hand. “You’re ok.”
I squeezed his hand, looking out the window again. Just keep breathing. Keep breathing.
The plane landed with a rough thump. I felt my heart leap out of my chest, a few seconds past and I was ok. I didn’t die. The plane didn’t crash. Maybe I could get past my fear one day?
We stepped out onto the dimly lit tarmac. Even at this hour a car was waiting on us. I couldn’t see much during the drive to where we were staying; a few trees here and there. We drove until we reached a remote area, I could see lights ahead. When we got closer I could make out that it was a home. The driver stopped in front of the house, immediately getting out to open our car doors. Stefan waved him off, walking around the car to open my door.
The sound of the ocean filled my ears when I stepped out of the car. I’ve heard it on TV, but this time it was real. I couldn’t see it, but I could feel it in the air. Stefan took one of my bags over his shoulder, and walked up to the front door to unlock it. We entered the beach house, the driver tailing behind us with the rest of our things.
It seemed as if most of the lights were on in the house. It was very clean and well taken care of. I stood in the first sitting area waiting to be directed where to go, while Stefan spoke to the driver. It was a very modern house; I still didn’t know what city or country we were in. I didn’t bother asking either. Honestly I didn’t care at this point. I just knew I didn’t want to be home.
Shortly after the front door shut, Stefan appeared in the sitting room, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I just didn’t know where to go.”
“Wherever you’d like, it’s your vacation.”
I hesitated, before speaking, “I’d like to go to bed.”
“Oh, ok. The room is this way.” He gestured down the hall. I could tell he didn’t like the answer I gave him, but as much as it seemed that I was doing ok, I really wasn’t.
We walked down the hallway into the bedroom. The room had wall to wall doors opening up into the dark ocean. This was the first time I saw it, it was as dark as I felt inside. I walked over to the doors, sliding them shut, with the curtains slowly behind. Stefan was watching me from the doorway. My emotions came in waves. I was either passionately hurting or it was subtle; the kind of subtle where you don’t want to let others know, but it’s radiating off of you. I left my shoes on the floor, climbing into bed.
Stefan clicked the lights off, and then made his way over to me, placing a kiss on my cheek. He hesitated at the door, but decided against whatever it was that he wanted to say, the door shut behind him.
The sun rose, shining through the cracks of the curtains. Stefan was lying next to me, with his arm above his head, still sound asleep. I took in a deep breath and climbed out of bed. Because that’s all you can do, isn’t it? One foot in front of the other. Keep breathing.
I didn’t want to wake him, so I slipped out of the bedroom into the hallway. When I entered the rest of the house, I noticed how beautiful it really was. Last night I didn’t pay the slightest attention to it. You do that when you feel like this, ignoring the good in the world.
The room was illuminated by the sunrise. I walked barefooted over to the glass doors, staring out at the beach. I thought seeing it would make me feel something, but I felt empty.
“Good Morning.” Stefan’s voice came from behind me.
I pulled my sweater tighter, turning around to face him, “Morning.”
“How did you sleep?” He asked, placing a kiss on my lips.
“Fine.”
He made his way toward the kitchen, “Do you want breakfast?”
“Just some juice. I’m not really hungry.”
He set the cup down slowly on the counter, pausing. “You have to eat, Sophia.” He gave me a sympathetic expression. “You can’t keep refusing meals.”
I sighed, “I’m not hungry.”
He didn’t respond, and continued to pour a cup of juice.
My heart hurt, but I didn’t want to push him away. So I tried. I walked up to the counter taking the glass, “I was surprised to not find staff in the house.”
He started taking things out to make breakfast, “I wanted it to just be the two of us.”
I forced a smile, “I like that.”
“Do you?”
“Yes.” I brought the glass to my lips, turning to walk back to the g
lass doors. “What is there to do here?”
“A lot of things.” His voice was intrigued. “But we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.”
I remained quiet for a few moments, “We could try the beach?” I said, as I watched the waves crash onto each other.
“Ok, we can go out after breakfast.”
I made my way to the room to change into my swimsuit. My suitcase was placed in the corner. I dug through it until I found my red polka dot bikini. After changing I walked back out to where Stefan had just finished eating.
“Let me change, I’ll be right out.” He said, as he passed me.
“Ok.” I opened the glass door, stepping outside onto the deck. The sun warmed my skin almost instantly.
This part of the island was private. We placed a blanket close enough to the water that it wouldn’t get wet. Stefan brought a book that he started fanning through. I laid next to him on my stomach for a while, running the sand between my fingers.
My mind was restless; I got up from the blanket making my way closer to the water. I was captivated by the ocean; feeling the sand in my toes. The wind was blowing through my hair. I could smell the ocean; I never knew you could smell the water in that way.
My entire life I’ve wanted to be here, in this spot. Stefan was still sitting behind me on the blanket; most certainly watching my every move. The way I felt, I can’t explain. There’s numb, but then there’s broken. That’s what I am, broken.
My feet carried me toward the water, slowly wading through the waves, eventually reaching my stomach. Each wave hit me stronger than the last. “Harder.” I whispered, as a tear fell down my cheek. The water reached my chest. I heard Stefan yelling my name, but it was as if a fog had come over me. All of a sudden a wave took me under. I didn’t struggle, as I tumbled under the water. I didn’t even try to come up for air. The salt from the ocean burned my nose. The water spun me around so much that I didn’t know which way was up.
My head reached the surface as I was pulled into someone's arms; Stefan’s arms. My lungs grasp for freedom. My eyes burned from the salt water, but as the tears quickly poured out of me, so did every emotion I had been bottling up.
“Sophia, what the hell are you doing?!” Stefan yelled.
“I want to feel something, I need to feel anything. I miss her. I just miss her.” I cried out in desperation as the tears kept streaming down my face.
Stefan kept one arm wrapped around me; the other he brushed my wet hair out of the way. “You can’t do that, I can’t lose you.” I could hear the fear in his voice.
His fear only confirmed the fear that I was feeling. I didn’t know how to overcome this. I didn’t want to feel like this anymore. My crying increased when I looked into his eyes. He didn’t respond, but pulled me closer. He wrapped both arms around me, picking me up, carrying me out of the water, onto the shore. He continued up the stairs toward the house. He placed me on the bed, wrapping a towel around me. He shut the curtains, and I closed my eyes. Keep breathing.
Chapter Five
Stefan
Sophia slept the rest of the day. I couldn’t help, but worry about what happened. My entire body felt numb when I saw her go under. I was out of my depth here.
I made dinner for the both of us; even though I knew Sophia wouldn’t eat. I cracked the door open to check on her, only to find her still asleep. I poured a glass of red, and then made my way outside. I sat down by the fire I started before dinner. The door slid open, I looked back; Sophia was standing there. She had changed into a loose white dress.
She didn’t say anything as she approached. She sat down in the chair next to me, pulling her legs to her chest. She was staring at the dark ocean, listening to the waves crash onto the shore; The fire illuminating her face. I wanted to make her pain go away, she was hurting and there was nothing I could do to make it stop. I had to try something, anything.
I stood up out of my chair, and walked over to her, holding my hand out. “Dance with me.”
She looked at me confused, “There’s no music.”
“Trust me.” I was still holding my hand out for her.
She finally placed her hand in mine, untangling her legs from under her. I spun her around, her white lace dress flowing around her, then bringing her to my chest. I placed one hand upon her back, the other in her hand. I began humming her favorite Frank song, the one about the Moon, my humming turned into me singing a slow version of the song. She laid her head on my chest, as her hands wrapped around my neck. We danced for a long while, as I hummed the same chorus over and over again.
The fire made our shadows dance. She closed her eyes, as I ended the song. A small tear fell onto her cheek; she reached up pressing her lips to mine.
“I love you, Stefan.” She whispered, resting her head back on my chest.
“I love you too, Little One.”
We sat down on one of the chairs. Sophia curled up on top of my lap, as I put my arms around her. The fire danced in front of us, as the wind blew and the waves crashed. She was perfect, even though she seemed broken. No matter what form she was in, I loved her.
She laid her head on my shoulder watching the fire, “I’m ok. I’m sorry about earlier.”
I leaned my head against her’s, “You don’t have to keep telling me that you’re ok.”
“I think if I keep saying I’m ok, that eventually I will be.”
“You will be.”
“How can you be so sure?”
I kissed the top of her head, “Because you are stronger than you think.”
“I don’t feel strong.”
“You are. It’s one of the reasons why I love you. No normal person would ever try to take on my family straight on.”
“Remind me to thank your Mom for organizing the plane to Nebraska.”
“I told her you were thankful. She’s asked about you almost every other day.”
She popped her head up, “Really?”
“I was shocked at first too. But yes, almost every other day like clockwork.”
“That’s out of character.” She laid her head back down.
We stayed by the fire until well past midnight. She had fallen asleep on my shoulder. I didn’t understand how she could still be tired after sleeping as much as she had, but emotional exhaustion is different from normal tiredness. I carried her to the bed, tucking her under the covers. I laid down next to her, staring at the ceiling, until I fell asleep.
The next morning I woke to an empty bed. Sophia wasn’t next to me. I sat up looking around the room. The curtains were open, the sun shining through. I stepped out of bed, making my way to the main area of the house. I heard a noise in the kitchen. When I turned the corner, Sophia was standing in front of the stove making pancakes. I hesitated going near her, as if she were a bird that would fly away.
She turned back to her mixing bowl, her eyes catching sight of me, “Oh hi.”
“Hi.” I made my way into the kitchen, leaning against the island.
“I’m making pancakes.”
I laughed, “I see that.”
She gave me an annoyed look, “Do you want any?”
“Not if you made them. I don’t want to get sick.” I smirked.
She squinted her eyes at me, throwing flour into my face. I stepped back with my eyes tightly shut, wiping the flower off of my face. When I opened my eyes again, her face was full of shock that she just did that. I reached into the bag of flour.
“No, no, no. I give in.” She stepped back covering her face, just before a handful of flour landed on the back of her hands. “I can’t believe you just did that.” She had a half smile.
I laughed, “I’m sorry,” I picked up a towel, “Here let me…”
“Nope,” She quickly grabbed more flour, tossing it in my direction, as she rushed around the island.
“You just started a war.” I smirked.
“Nooo!” She squealed, trying to get out of the way as I threw another handful of flour.
I laughed, “I can afford new furniture.”
She jumped on the couch, still covering herself with the pillow. I grabbed her waist; she stumbled onto the cushions, laughing as she fell down. I took the bag of flour pouring the entire contents on top of her. A cloud of flour filled the room.
We both coughed, but I wasn’t paying any attention to that. All I could hear was her laugh. It was a deep laugh; that good kind of laugh that comes from your soul. Her eyes were clenched tightly as she coughed through her laughter. I couldn’t help but watch her, I could see the flicker of light coming back.
Her laugh trailed off, “What?”
“Nothing,” I smiled, “You’re perfect.”
She wiped her face, “Thanks.”
“I think we made a mess.”
She looked up at the floating flour, “I think you made a mess.”
“You started it.” I wiped some flour off of her cheek.
“You would say that.” She giggled.
“Do you smell something burning?” I looked around the room.
“Oh no! My pancake!” She pushed me off of her, rushing into the kitchen.
I turned to look; smoke was coming from the pan on the stove. She turned the sink on quickly shoving the pan into the sink. I tried to keep from laughing, as I walked into the kitchen. She turned the water off with a loud sigh.
“I really wanted pancakes. Like the ones from the spot that you took me to after the helicopter.”
“Are you still hungry?” I asked.
“Honestly, very.”
“I have an idea if you’re up for it. It’s not pancakes though?”
She gave me a look, “Maybe?”
Sophia
Stefan had me change for whatever he had planned. I put on a pair of jeans, paired with a loose yellow top. I applied mascara, taking in my appearance in the mirror. I wasn’t sure what it was about yesterday, but today I felt different. Not better, but it felt like I had turned a page. My heart still hurt, but maybe an emotional breakdown was what I needed. That’s what yesterday was, wasn’t it? A break down.