“Please don’t call her.” Jill got to her feet and headed into her kitchen. She wanted to drown her pain with some expensive scotch but thought better of it and instead grabbed a bottle of water from the cupboard.
Casey figured by the way Jill emphasized ‘her’ that this was another Jackie incident. “What did she do?” Casey’s tone was bearing some irritation that her friend was hurting over that woman again.
“I told her that I loved her.”
“Oh boy…when did you see her? Was she in court today?”
“Yeah, she was filling in for Jeff since he had some type of emergency. That’s where I told her.”
Casey was confused, “At the office?”
Jill quirked an eyebrow, “No…at court! I guess it wasn’t the best timing, but I felt such an urgency…I just couldn’t stop myself.”
“What happened? Did she tell you she didn’t feel the same way? Because if she did, she is a liar.”
Jill’s mouth hung open at Casey’s comment, “What? Did she say something to you?”
“No, I just can tell. I see it in her eyes.”
“Humph….” Jill rolled her eyes, “Well, I thought I did too; guess we were both wrong.” Jill slammed the plastic bottle of water onto the countertop causing a large portion of it to spew from the top. “It almost happened again. It was…” Jill closed her eyes as she captured the moment in her mind. “…amazing, wonderful, beautiful. The way she touched me, kissed me; not like the way Meredith did, it was soft and sensual; it felt like love. Then I saw a picture of her and Suzanne looking all lovey-dovey just sitting right there on her nightstand; like it was something she gazed at every night and would have dreams filled with that bitch.” Jill spun on her heel in a huff and pulled the bottle of scotch from the cabinet, unscrewed the cap and took a large sip straight from the bottle. “You want to know what I think about every night? Jackie! She is the last thought in my head before I sleep and the first thought in my head when my eyes open the next day. But it’s a big waste of time…all this pining for a woman that will never be mine. I’m just chasing the fucking wind and I’m sick of it.”
Casey watched as her friend’s shaky hand lifted the bottle to her mouth again, “I don’t know what to say except I’m sorry, Jill. I gave her the photos my girlfriend took a week ago, handed her the envelope myself. I don’t understand what the hell she’s doing or thinking? How could she still stay with that woman after seeing those pictures?”
“Oh it doesn’t matter anymore. I can’t do this again…I can’t get my hopes up and have my heart stomped on over and over.” Jill placed her hand over her stomach when the tears began to fall again, “Why does this hurt so bad?”
Casey pulled her friend into a consoling embrace, “Because you’re in love and your heart is broken.”
All Jackie wanted to do was rewind the day and do it again. She wanted to tell Jill she loved her too. Her sister was right, she was in love with Jillian Abbott…but also terrified. She really wasn’t sure why she was still holding onto Suzanne or why she hadn’t looked in the manila envelope Casey handed her days ago…she knew exactly what was in it. She had a few of her own intuitive forces and she also knew a while before the proof came that Suzanne was back to her old wandering ways. But what really mystified Jackie was the way she hid inside her own fear and paranoia. Here she was holding onto a woman who was in the process of doing the exact thing she was frightened of the most in a relationship. So why was this difficult for her?
If she had done this earlier, if she had ended it with Suzanne a week ago, even just a day ago and removed that picture from her nightstand, things would be so different right now. And that stupid picture she looked at every night and cursed the day Suzanne Brooks ever came back to New York would have been sitting in the trash. “If only….” she said to herself in disgust. Disgusted by her actions or really her non-actions. She was paralyzed in her fear, worry, paranoia…she was a coward. Jill deserved better and she hated herself for hurting her that way.
But when her mind took her back to moments before the photo was discovered, the sweet scent of Jill’s body, the beautiful sight of her arousal and the mere centimeters she was to placing her mouth on the woman who was exasperating, who irritated the shit out of her…but who was also the one whose voice would give her goosebumps, whose smile made her knees weak, and whose eyes melted her resolve every time she gazed into them.
“What the hell is wrong with me?” Jackie yelled out as she slammed her fists down onto the sofa cushions. Since Joni had returned to her shop, Jackie was left alone with her thoughts and the remorse which was threatening to overtake her emotions. “Why couldn’t I have said something…anything?” She knew she made a huge mistake letting Jill walk out the door. “Oh God, what have I done?”
Jackie jumped up in search of her phone, “Please don’t let it be too late,” she said while frantically scrolling through her phone looking for Jill’s contact information. But when she clicked it, the call went directly to voicemail. Jackie was ready to leave a message, some type of declaration, I’m sorry I let my fear control me, I want you too, I think I love you; everything she was thinking and feeling was bombarding her brain, and when Jill’s message stopped another came on saying the mailbox was full. “Fuck!”
She jumped up and began to pace the floor, “I gotta do something. I need to make this right.”
Still in her baggie sweats and ratty t-shirt, Jackie nearly lept down the flight of steps and burst through the front door. She was frantic and panicked. She had to get to Joni. When she flung the store door open several women milling about in the store stopped and stared at her like she was crazy.
“Jasmine, is she with anyone?”
“No, but…”
That’s all she needed to hear when she rushed toward the back and pushed open the door to Joni’s atelier with an urgency making the door bounce off the adjoining wall.
Joni visibly jumped with a start, “Jackie…you scared the shit out of me! What the hell are you doing? I have a client meeting in about five minutes.”
With tears in her eyes, Jackie rushed over, dropped to her knees and clung to her sister. “Joni please help me. I messed up.”
Jackie was sobbing in Joni’s lap like a child.
Jasmine dashed into the studio trying to stop Jackie from interrupting Joni’s meditation. But when she saw the weeping woman hanging onto Joni, she looked at Joni with a questioning gaze.
“Tell Mrs. Moscowitz I need a few minutes.”
Jasmine nodded and closed the door behind her.
“Jackie, calm down. Tell me what’s going on?”
“I messed everything up. I love her and now I think I’ve lost her.”
Joni closed her eyes and looked past the blackness to Jill’s demeanor when she left her house hours ago. She looked angry and hurt, her aura was a little brown but it didn’t appear to be black. “I don’t think you’ve lost her, Sweetie. I think she is angry and confused, but she definitely loves you.”
“What should I do?” Jackie looked up at her sister with swollen, red eyes.
“You know what you need to do Sweetie. You have to close the Suzanne chapter for good before you do anything else. It’s not fair to Jill if you have this unfinished business, because it will always be a road block between the two of you?”
“I’m afraid…”
“What are you afraid of Jack?”
“Afraid that it will be confirmed, that I was a fool to believe her and go all in again. I’m afraid it will destroy my faith in relationships…in love.”
“Well Jackie, you can’t let something someone else does destroy the inner you. So what she cheated again, I think you kind of knew it would happen. Suzanne being a horrible girlfriend doesn’t mean love sucks.” Joni smiled slightly and wiped the tears from her sister’s eyes. “Let me ask you this, do you love Jill?”
Jackie sat back on her feet and wiped at her nose with the sleeve of her t-shirt, “Yes…I really do.”
“Do you believe she loves you?”
Jackie narrowed her eyes taking in her sister and the costume she was wearing, tan and pink scarf wrapped around her head, large silver hoops dangling from her ears and her dress made of lace and woven chiffon. She smiled, “I love you, ya know.”
Joni shook her head and smiled in return, “I know, answer the question.”
Jackie knew her sister played the part for her clients, they wanted a gypsy…someone mysterious, mystical…someone they could look upon as anything but an ordinary woman. But she also knew that Joni was a gypsy at heart, a strange and enigmatic woman that she admired. “Yes, I have no doubt she loves me.”
“Well then, I don’t know what you are doing here sucking up Mrs. Moscowitz’ time slot. Go and do what you need to do.”
Jackie looked at her with questioning eyes.
“Jack, don’t look at me like that.” Joni rose from her seat and pulled Jackie into her arms. “You have the strength within you…you know this. Now go get a shower, put something sexy on and go get your woman.”
Jackie laughed out loud, “Okay, I’m leaving. Thanks Joni, I love you.”
“I love you too…take care of that other one first,” Joni yelled out to her sister who was rushing out the door.
“Don’t worry, I will.”
As she ascended the steps on her way to the shower, she sent Suzanne a text.
Hey, wanna hang out tonight?
Sure enough, not two minutes later she got it. Sorry Babe, can’t tonight. I’m in preparing a brief for tomorrow. Have a big case. I’ll call ya later this week. Love ya.
“Hmmm, really. Well, at least I know where you are,” Jackie said as she stripped down and stepped into the hot shower spray.
Chapter 24
Jackie had on her favorite and sexiest outfit. Not only was she hoping to catch Suzanne red handed, but then she was going to pledge her love to the woman who had been there all along. Just like her sister had predicted so many years ago. “When you least expect it, you’ll find love right under your nose.” Those were Joni’s exact words. The thought of her sister’s prediction gave her chills and even though she hated the term ‘fortune teller’…Joni certainly earned her clairvoyant crown.
When she walked into the hotel she headed straight for the concierge desk like she had so many other times when she’d meet Suzanne for a late night hook-up. With a giant smile on her face, she greeted the same girl she always had. “Hi Linda, I see they have you on the night shift again. See anyone famous tonight?” It was her staple, but she had to play it up like it was a normal ‘going to see her girlfriend’ night.
“Hi Jackie, um…she didn’t leave a key for you tonight. But I do know she’s in her room, so I’ll buzz her and let her know you’re here.”
“No…no, wait. I’m surprising her tonight. She’s been working too hard and I know she’s preparing a brief for a big meeting tomorrow, but I thought it would be nice to offer up a distraction…even just for a little while,” Jackie rested her elbows on the desk and with a mischievous smile she winked.
The lady behind the desk looked around nervously, then looked into the crystal blue eyes of the blonde giving her best seductive look, “Okay…but if anyone asks, you didn’t get this from me.” She said as she handed Jackie the key card. “I hope Ms. Brooks knows what a great girlfriend she has.”
Jackie smiled as she looked down at the card and then back up at the girl. “Oh, don’t worry. After tonight she’ll know for sure.”
On her ascent in the elevator her legs began to feel like rubber, confrontation wasn’t her favorite thing, but she also felt vindicated. She could have ended the relationship with a text or a phone call. After all, Suzanne didn’t deserve any better, but she wanted Suzanne to know she knew. Jackie wanted to ask why she proclaimed her love like she did when it was all meaningless, she needed to know why Suzanne kept her shelved; not that she would ever admit doing anything untoward…Jackie was sure she would spin this too and it would all be her fault. At least that is how she felt when she left their home in South Carolina months ago.
As the elevator doors opened and Jackie stepped out and headed for Suzanne’s door, she took a deep breath and willed the courage to come. She was doing this, not backing down to that Southern charm anymore. Jackie was going to let that bitch know just what kind of viper whore she thought she was. But how was she going to get in the room? Certainly, Suzanne was entertaining tonight otherwise, she would have said ‘yes’ to the text earlier. If she knocked on the door, would Suzanne even acknowledge it and if she did what would Jackie say, ‘housekeeping…room service?’ It would surely give her away and give Suzanne a chance to come up with an excuse why there was some other chick in the room. What she needed was a diversion, something that could get her in the room and catch them red handed since she knew the key would be useless since Suzanne always engaged the door’s security lock.
When she reached the door, she could hear the music and the giggling which suddenly made her want to hurl. Even though she knew what she knew, hearing it live and in person was different and it hit her in the gut like a baseball bat. “Oh God…give me strength,” Jackie stood by the door sickened by the sounds she heard. “What the hell am I doing here?”
Suddenly she didn’t care anymore and she started to walk away until she saw a room service cart headed her way and smiled as the sight of Suzanne’s ‘sex you up’ spread with a bottle of champagne chilling in a bucket.
“Hey Rick,” Jackie’s smile widened, she had answered the door many times to see an eighteen-year-old boy with a shit-eating grin on his face excited to serve the lesbians. “Um, I guess my phone can wait. Can you believe I left it hooked to my bike?”
He could only smile as the blush crept into his cheeks.
He waited at the door and looked over at her, “Oh shit…I left my key in the room. Just go ahead and knock.”
He looked at her with questioning eyes when he heard more than one woman’s voice on the other side of the door.
Jackie pulled cash out of her pocket, “He’s a hundred to knock on the door.” She handed him every dollar she had in her pocket.
He knocked and yelled out “Room Service.”
“Now walk away,” Jackie heard the lock snap back and the click of the knob.
When the door opened fully, there stood Suzanne in a robe that was barely closed exposing the flesh of her upper thigh and too much breast. But the best thing was the look of complete terror on her face as she smiled and said “Hello Suzanne…I thought I would surprise you.” Then pushed her way into the room.
“You have been working too hard these days and I’m sure you’ve missed seeing me,” Jackie quipped.
As she entered the separate living area her jaw nearly hit the floor. Jackie was not expecting to see who she had just laid eyes on. “Holy shit! Wow…” Then she turned and looked at Suzanne, “You have hit a new low.” Shaking her head, she began to laugh. “So Meredith, guess you got bored with trying to get into the lesbo virgin's pants that you had to shoot straight for the lesbo slut's…huh. Well, be my guest. You can have her.”
Jackie turned to face Suzanne, “You make me sick.”
“Jackie wait.” Suzanne grabbed her arm as she tried to push past, “Wait…please.”
“Wait for what? Another declaration of love…tears maybe. Are you going to beg me to forgive you? Tell me you love me right here in front of her?” Jackie pointed over to the sofa where Meredith was in a robe with her feet tucked under her.
“I’m sorry you had to find out this way.” Suzanne whispered with pleading eyes.
Jackie knew those eyes all too well…the ‘I’ll explain later’ look. She looked around the room; curtains were drawn, clothes were strewn about and what appeared to be Suzanne’s favorite silicon dick sticking out from under Meredith’s robe. She felt stupid, played and nauseated. She couldn’t believe she found herself in the same exact situation as she did when she caught Suzanne
in bed with her best friend. She couldn’t believe she let herself fall for this woman’s wiles again…caught in the same stupid trap and looking like a complete and utter fool. What could she say at this point? She felt as much to blame as anyone in that room considering how she let herself fall again. Was this love? She thought. How could it be love on either of their parts…how could she love Suzanne and fall in love with another woman? It certainly wasn’t love on Suzanne’s part…never was.
Jackie looked over at Meredith, “I hope you don’t have any real feelings for this one.” She gestured toward Suzanne with an extended thumb. “You see, she has to have one like me and a couple like you. I’m pretty sure there’s another one she’s fucking. And I finally realized why…it’s not hot or fun enough unless she is cheating.”
Then she locked her gaze onto Suzanne. “It has nothing to do with me and I’m so glad I finally realize that now. I spent years trying to figure out what was wrong with me, why didn’t you love me enough to be faithful…what I could do better. But every time you said it was a mistake, it was over, it meant nothing…I believed you and was foolish enough to trust you again. Then I couldn’t understand why you came back here, why you wanted to move to New York, why you wanted me back. Now I know, it’s all for this sick and twisted game. Thank you for showing me your true colors again before I missed out on the best thing in my life…truly being in love.”
The look of shock on Meredith’s face seemed genuine and Jackie felt bad that she was another victim of Suzanne Brooks.
As Jackie quickly made her way toward the door, she could hear Suzanne spinning and twisting everything, “Don’t listen to her, she’s just trying to get revenge because I broke up with her.”
“No she didn’t and I have the texts to prove it. Run Meredith…run fast and don’t look back,” Jackie yelled down the corridor before she slammed the door.
Suddenly she felt a desire to get to Jill’s making her practically sprint to the elevators. Pressing the button frantically until the doors opened, she rushed on and pressed the lobby button over and over until the doors closed. “Come on!” she yelled. But was she really going to show up at Jill’s condo and say what? I realize that I love you. Jackie shook her head with a slight giggle as she paced the elevator anxiously waiting for it to reach the lobby.
Without A Pail Page 26