The Secret Diaries Of Miss Anne Lister

by Helena Whitbread

  Thursday 6 November [Halifax]

  Before breakfast, looking over the Greek grammar & Bonnycastle’s algebra… Went to Mr Knight at 3. The 1st sum he set me was in algebraic addition. Finding I made light of this [he] set me some sums in algebraic long division & fractions. Gave me a couple of algebraic theorems to work. Very easy, & here my examination ended. He said nothing to this effect but I was evidently much better than he expected. It was agreed that Tuesday & Thursday should be mathematical days & Saturday dedicated to the Classics. I am, however, to take him a Latin exercise every time I go. Went to the library & staid near ½ hour, reading Southey’s letter (about 40 8vo pp.) to Wm Smith, Esq, MP, on the subject of the speech he had made in the House of Commons, that Southey should be prosecuted for republican sentiments contained in his poem entitled ‘Wat Tyler’, written when Southey was about 20 (since which time, he says, he has learnt better) & surreptitiously published without his knowledge or consent. The letter is a severe but a very good one.

  Anne’s plan of serious study with Mr Knight suffered serious interruptions due to the ill-health and eventual death of both her mother and her Uncle Joseph. She was not able to resume her studies until after the New Year, 1818.

  Saturday 8 November [Halifax]

  Before breakfast, from line 36 to 86, Sophocles’ Electra. Thomas8 came up about 9 to say my Uncle Joseph died a few minutes past one this morning. My Aunt Anne went to Northgate immediately after breakfast. My uncle & I followed at 11. Staid till 8 in the evening & returned in a chaise. My Aunt Lister & Aunt Anne had got the meeting over before we got there. My uncle went into the room to them directly, but was so overcome, he was obliged to hurry out again & was several minutes alone in the dining-room before he could compose himself to return. My Aunt Lister has really shewn a great deal of fortitude &, tho’ very much affected, was quite as well as one could expect. She said she liked to talk of my uncle & told us very particularly how he had gone on since yesterday evening. Wrote a few lines to my father by this morning’s post to announce the melancholy event & say, if he could leave my mother, there was no time to be lost, as I feared, from the state in which my Uncle Joseph died, the funeral must be soon… At 3 o’clock Milne, the undertaker, Casson, the joiner, & the sexton came. Matters being arranged with these people… Miss Stead, the mantua-maker came & bombasines & stuffs were sent over from Milne’s & bombasines from Butters. Chose mourning for the 2 women servants from the former place, & from the latter, 50 yds (a whole piece) bombasine at 4/9 for ourselves. The servants had each 8 yds, 6/8 wide twilled stuff at 2/4, & 3½ yds of the same for a petticoat. Once thought of returning home for dinner but a little rain came on & besides, on 2nd thoughts it seemed better to stay. Well I did, as I was the principal person to choose the mourning & give orders to Miss Stead. Just before coming away, Fanny9 went with me to see my uncle. He was laid out in the north room where he died & looked quite as well as he did when I saw him last, about 5 in the afternoon of last Tuesday. It was very rough, windy & stormy at the top of the bank, as we returned… My Aunt Lister told us in the afternoon that, while putting her flannel petticoat over her head, one morning about 2 months ago, as she was preparing to get up, she for a moment saw, very distinctly, a black figure, large as life, standing at the foot of the bed – that the fright made her almost sick, but she had never mentioned it to anyone till now, tho’ she had, in her own mind, from that moment given up all hopes of my uncle’s recovery. She said she had not been thinking of anything of the kind, nor was she just then thinking even of my uncle. She mentioned, however, that just before the death of her brother, Oswald, she as distinctly saw a black figure of the same appearance rush past her, in broad daylight, as she was going along one of the passages in her father’s house at Frimley (about 20 miles from London). This, & the sight of my uncle, literally left such an impression on me, that all the while I was undressing to get into bed, I kept almost involuntarily looking round, as if myself expecting to see some apparition standing by. Whatever people may say, I believe there are few minds at all times capable of resisting impressions of this kind. What must be his terrors whose conscience is forever upbraiding him with acts of villainy? We had hardly got to Northgate this morning before Fanny brought in the melancholy intelligence of the Princess Charlotte of Wales having died a few hours after being brought to bed of a still-born male child on Thursday.10

  Sunday 9 November [Halifax]

  Before breakfast, wrote a couple of pp. to Miss Marsh11 (Micklegate, York) to tell her of my Uncle Joseph’s death… Wrote also 2¼pp. to M— (Lawton) & was just going to seal it when William12 brought me a letter from her saying she had been distracted with the toothache. Durst not let Wolfenden draw the teeth, they were so broken. C— had made her an offer of going to York to have McLean & asking my advice whether to go or not. To this I hastily replied, ‘Self-preservation is the 1st law of nature. I see no objection to your going to York – but remember that you have Louisa at your elbow.’ Added also, ‘The same post has brought a letter from Marian to say my mother has been confin’d to her bed since Tuesday with an inflammation on the lungs. I look at those around me & see that all the fortitude & presence of mind I can command are necessary.’… My uncle & I went to Northgate… Just before tea, had Fanny into the sitting-room & wrote down the following (on a scrap of paper, from which I am now copying it) verbatim as she told it… ‘My Master was very restless till 12, throwing his arms about & saying, “Oh, I’m sick – I’m very ill – talk to me. Is not it what they call drawing away.” About 12 he said, “Off, off – stand off – a little air.” Then my Mrs came in & went up to him & said, “Must I come to you, Joseph?” & my master answered, “Yes! Do!”, putting out his hand. “Oh, I’m very ill” & my Mrs said, “Call up the Lord, Joseph – he’ll hear us – he’ll help us – he’ll comfort us in our time of need, love – he will.” “That’s what I want, to deliver myself up to the Lord.” Then my Mrs said, “Now, Joseph, you’re easier – you’re comforted – are you not Joseph?” & he answered, “Yes.” “Shall I read by you, dear Joseph?” “Do! Do!” Very eagerly & turning on his left side to listen, gave my Mrs such a heavy look & said, “Read slow that I can hear you.” My Mrs then began the prayers for the sick & he made great efforts to say something (to make the responses) but he could not. When my Mrs had read a little he said, “Stop! Stop! I’m all in a perspiration. Have you done? Shut the book.” These were the last words my master said & he spoke them very plainly. This was about 10 minutes after 12. He was ever after quite composed & went off without a groan – one would have thought he was only falling asleep at exactly 5 minutes past 1 by his own watch that was hanging up in the room.’… My uncle Lister & I returned in a chaise & got home a little before 9. During supper, wrote down on a slate my journal of yesterday. Just before going to bed, drank Isabella’s health & happiness, it being her 32nd birthday. [Anne, herself, was twenty-six.]

  Monday 10 November [Halifax]

  My father arrived about 8 this [morning] in the mail from Market Weighton. He & I walked to Northgate between 10 & 11, & my uncle & aunt soon followed (my aunt on horseback). We all dined there… Had mourning sent over from Farrar’s & bought for our own 2 women servants 17¼ yds (the cook being so big takes 9¼ yds) at 4/6 & twill’d stuff at 1/8, it being very good & there being no better. My uncle also ordered at Milne’s the same mourning for his 3 men as he had done for William Weeder & Peter. Thomas is to have the best superfine cloth. Miss Ibbetson just before dinner, & sent hats or rather, bonnets, in the afternoon. She sent Miss Tennant to speak about them. I made a point of being civil to Miss Tennant (whom, by the way, I had never seen before) as being the daughter of Dr Belcombe’s sister.

  Tuesday 11 November [Halifax]

  Got to Northgate before 1. As we were sitting after dinner, my Aunt Lister mentioned her intention of having a hatchment put up.13 My uncle & I staid till after 8 in the evening. They had just got my Uncle Joseph put into his coffin before we came away. My uncle
& I saw him soon after dinner. The discoloration [sic] was more decidedly all round the mouth, & the smell in the room certainly stronger than yesterday. This was, perhaps, occasioned by the closeness of the room; as there has not been a breath of fresh air let into it since my poor uncle died. This, they say, is the practice now, & that the corpse keeps better in a confin’d room than a ventilated one. They have once or twice burnt paper in the room, previously steep’d in a strong solution of saltpetre & water & then dried. This is what the new cook, a Bradford woman, says the doctors ordered to be done in the rooms at Bradford a little while ago to prevent infection from a bad, putrid fever that prevailed. The smell left by this burnt paper was certainly so powerful as to overcome everything else. Besides this, there has been a tarpot in the room every now & then.

  There are pages missing from the journal which cover the period from Thursday, 13 November 1817 to Friday, 21 November 1817. During this time, the funeral of Anne’s Uncle Joseph takes place. Also, her mother dies and Anne has to make a hurried journey to Market Weighton for the funeral. She stays in Market Weighton until 7 December 1817, when she sets off for York to visit her friends there. M— is still at York, at her mother’s, to have some dental treatment carried out.

  Sunday 7 December [York}

  Got into the coach [at Market Weighton] a little before 6. There was only one inside besides myself, a traveller from a house in Birmingham (in the Birmingham trade, iron goods), a civil, intelligent sort of young man who paid me a high compliment on the intelligent kind of questions I asked, & answered them very well. He was on his way from Hull… Speaking of the iron bridge at Sunderland, my companion said that the toll for a foot passenger was 3d. on a week day & 6d. on a Sunday – that the common toll for a gig was 2/6, for a chaise, 4s. & a chaise & 4, I think, 7s. I asked him his travelling expenses. He said that when travelling in his gig, he charged the firm (he himself was a partner, & son to 1 of them) a guinea a day – but that when travelling by coaches, he charged 17s. a day & coach-hire. Breakfast, tea & supper each 1/6, dinner 2s. besides wine, of which every traveller was expected to take at least a pint at 6s. or 6/6 a bottle. Waiter, 6d. a day – chambermaid, 1s. a night, & boots, 2d. For a gig cleaning, 1/6 – 6d. or 1s. a night to the ostler, I think 6d. Keep of a horse would be about 4s., or rather more. Any gentleman might travel on these terms, if he chose to go into the travelling room & was sure of being well received so long as he did not give himself airs, but behaved like a gentleman. Indeed, he said, many gentlemen did travel this way… Stopped at the White Horse, Coppergate [York] a few minutes before 9. Took a chair to Miss Marsh’s lodgings at Hansom’s in Micklegate. She was at Mr Duffin’s & she & Mr Duffin14 came to give me the meeting… Sat up talking about my poor mother15.

  During this short visit to York, Anne had to make an effort to get herself back in favour with the Belcombes. There appears to have been some coolness on their part over Anne’s attitude to M—. People had been somewhat scandalised by the lover-like attentions Anne had lavished on M—. Anne was staying at Miss Marsh’s because the Belcombes had been reluctant to offer her a bed at their house. M— came to see Anne the first morning after her arrival at York.

  Monday 8 December [York]

  M— came about ½ past 9, to breakfast. She came to me into my room as soon as I was dressed. Felt a good deal agitated at seeing her, but behaved very well. A double letter from my Aunt Anne (Shibden) enclosing a £10 Bank of England note, the remaining ½ of the legacy left me by my Uncle Joseph. Mr Duffin came before 11, sat about an hour with us & made us all promise to dine with them at 4.

  Tuesday 9 December [York]

  Breakfasted at the Duffins’… Miss Marsh came in just as I was taking my leave… & we went together to the Belcombes’. Met Dr Belcombe in Micklegate. Called at Todd’s & bought the last & 5th edition just come out, of Thomson’s Chemistry, 4 vols. 8vo. Met Eli16 & Lou rather formally, Nantz17 & Mrs Belcombe cordially. Studiously avoided shewing any warmth to M—. Had a few minutes tête-à-tête with Mrs Belcombe. We got upon the subject of romance. I said I had changed my manners to M— as soon as I was properly told of the folly of them; but that my regard for her was still the same as ever. I am not quite so certain of this. M— & I went out. Ordered Parsons to come [and cut] my hair at 11 tomorrow morning… In the evening I was purposely very civil to Eli, who seemed by no means displeased at my civility… She played some little airs to me & appeared well inclin’d to be agreeable… Mr John Swann drank tea with us & sat by Mrs Milne18 all the evening while she, Mrs Belcombe, Lou & Col. Milne played Boston. Went home in a chair at ¼ after 11. Sat up talking to Miss Marsh.

  Wednesday 10 December [York]

  Nantz, Lou, M— & I walked out of Monk Bar and went as far as the 1st turnpike on the Malton road. Sitting over the drawing-room fire just before dinner, it came out that Eli had been buying ½lb barley sugar kisses. We all asked for some & she refused. M— said she longed & I instantly went & got her a lb (2/6), 2d. abated on account of the quantity taken. Eli refused to take any & look’d ashamed. I again offered her some in the evening & she refused. I mentioned the thing to her just before I came away, & said I was sorry she had refused. I perceive, tho’, we were very good friends – getting rather cordial… Mr & Mrs Bury drank tea with us & played whist with Mrs Belcombe & Col. Milne. I flirted with Harriet then played 3 rubbers with Milne against Mrs Belcombe & Mrs Bury & came off winning 4 shilling points. Mr Duffin & Miss Marsh, returning from a party, called for me to walk home. Fine, soft day.

  Thursday 11 December [York]

  Went to the Belcombes. Nantz took me upstairs to tell me M— had had her three stumps of teeth out soon after breakfast; that Husband, the apothecary, had drawn them exceedingly well; that she had got over it better than she expected, was lain down on her mother’s bed & was to be kept quiet. I was just going in to see her when Mrs Belcombe prevented me. I briefly expressed my opinion that it was not good judgement to prevent my going to her for a minute or two but that I would, at any rate, comply.

  Friday 12 December [York]

  Breakfasted at the Belcombes’… M—’s face bad, worse than yesterday & she had a bad night in spite of 65 drops of laudanum & did not get up till 12. However, a little before l l, she herself suggested our having a kiss. I thought it dangerous & would have declined the risk but she persisted & by way of excuse to bolt the door sent me downstairs for some paper, that she was going to the close-stool. The expedient answered & she tried to laugh me out of my nervousness. I took off my pelisse & drawers, got into bed & had a very good kiss, she showing all due inclination & in less than seven minutes the door was unbolted & we were all right again. Just after breakfast, Mrs Belcombe said as she had just heard that Miss Bland, the friend she had been expecting, could not come, she desired & hoped I would take a bed with them in Petergate. M— & I talked it over. I did not like a bed to myself in the room next the drawing room, on account of Nantz, that is Anne Belcombe. I should petition for the little turn-up bed in M— & Lou’s room. I mentioned this to Mrs Belcombe & would consent to stay with them on no other condition & it was at last so settled.

  Sunday 14 December [York]

  Walked into Petergate… Sat with [M—] till 3 & then went back to Miss Marsh’s to be ready to dine at the Duffins’ at 4… Sat talking till 11 when the chair came to take me into Petergate. Walked to Miss Marsh’s to put up my things. Took all with me in the chair & got to Dr Belcombe’s as the Minster clock struck ½ past 11. The passage door locked. Rapped & rang to no purpose & was just going back again when James19 let us in, Dr Belcombe, accidentally sitting up in the drawing-room reading, having heard us. Apologized for being so late… Slept in the same room with M— & Lou… in the little turn-up bed by myself, M— being afraid of Lou getting cold, as there were not so many clothes on it as she had been accustomed to in sleeping in the great bed with M—. A rainy, wet, dirty, disagreeable day.

  Monday 15 December [York]

  Anne, Eli & Lou went to the ro
oms,20 the 1st time of their being opened this winter on a new plan & a good one, by subscription. To be opened once a fortnight. Stewards, Mr Dixon (the reverend) Mr Tweedy, Junior, etc. Dancing to conclude at 1. They want 70 subscriptions or the rooms would or could not be opened at all, but they got above 100, at a guinea each. There was to be one quadrille set tonight & perhaps they might muster another by & by. M—, not feeling quite well, stayed at home. Dr Belcombe & I had a good deal of conversation about… general subjects at & after tea e.g. the edition of Malthus’s Essay on Population just come out – farming, etc. The girls went home from the rooms (at 1) with Captain & Mrs Wallace, 1st Dragoon Guards. Had a hot supper & did not get back till 3. I slept with M—.

  Tuesday 16 December [York]

  All of us at home this evening. I wanted to read to M—, Nantz & Lou, Cuvier’s theory of the earth, but Mrs Milne, having no penchant for literature on such occasions, M— thought I had better shut the book, & I amused myself by getting Lou to write me down, in pencil, the Hebrew alphabet & asking her questions about it. Mrs Milne, having nobody to talk to but Eli, looked glum. M— was in bed an hour & ½ at least before Lou & me, who sat up talking very cosily.

  Wednesday 17 December [York]

  Lou & I sat perhaps a couple of hours together in her mother’s sitting-room, & she gave me my 2nd lesson in Parkhurst’s Hebrew grammar… The language seems very easy & I think I could soon get a tolerable knowledge of it. Lou is certainly a quick, clever girl & seems remarkably au fait at Hebrew considering the little attention she has been able to pay to it & the few lessons she has had from Mr Jessop, curate to Mr Greyson at St Martin’s Church, Micklegate. She can read a chapter in Genesis by herself with the assistance of a lexicon.

  Thursday 18 December [York]