The Secret Diaries Of Miss Anne Lister

by Helena Whitbread

  Saturday 8 November [Halifax]

  In the stable 20 minutes… At 10½ (in spite of the damp & small rain) off on Hotspur to Halifax… Called at Lowe, the tailor’s. (He punched buckle holes in a pair of new garters) and at Furniss’s. Got the bridle, all new but the steel bits… Got home at 12.35. Gave Hotspur beer & oatmeal & water.

  Sunday 9 November [Halifax]

  From about 2¼ to 4¼, wrote 3pp. & the ends, very small & close, & under the seal, to Mrs Norcliffe in answer to her letter… Not able to tell any news except the following Mrs Veitch told us on Saturday night. Speaking of Mr Henry Slingsby, ‘He would not take his wife’s fortune (it was very small) but, desiring it to be divided among her sisters, settled three thousand a year on her, & begged that from that time, one of those, her sisters, would consider his house her home & live with them always, and require nothing from her family. This offer was wisely accepted (I find the Atkinsons did not leave Manchester with much spice of Manchesterian riches) and Mrs Atkinson, the mother, was almost beside herself, they say, for joy at so great a match for one daughter & so good a home for another, where who knows what matrimonial prizeticket may turn up. As to your friend, Sir William Ingleby, I am told by a lady who saw him in this costume & absolutely took fright at it, that this eccentric baronet walks about Ripley & Ripon too, in his dressing-gown, without smalls or neckcloth on. The absence of the former was luckily disguised by the wrap of the gown, & is alleged on hearsay; but the naked throat, shirt-collar displayed à la milord Byron, had a striking effect, & produced the scarecrow impression alluded to above. Milady, in a pink-striped gingham, rode one white punch-pony on the sands at Scarbro’ & Sir William another.’

  Friday 14 November [Halifax]

  At 10½, off in the gig… Stopt a moment at the door to inquire after the Saltmarshes; took up a tremendously large parcel at Northgate, (drugget, or rather grey drab milled cloth to cover the hall floor). Got home at 1. Gave the horses oatmeal & beer… At four, read the letter I had this morning from Mrs Norcliffe (Langton)… very kind letter. ‘What do you say of Captain Parry’s match being broken off? The true reason is that the young lady formerly, when very young, it was thought, had a penchant for their groom, or coachman. But he was apprised of the fact by her uncle & being fond of her was willing to overlook it so long as it was not generally known. But on his return, finding it had been universally talked of, he declined the connexion. It is rather hard on the young lady, who has behaved very well ever since they were contracted & had never deceived him. His sisters were always against the match. Time, absence & friends will work wonders, & I presume he will be reserved for some Lady Mary or Lady Betty who, if no better than poor Miss Brown, will have title & blood to hide any failings.’ Mrs Norcliffe afterwards hints that the lady was 15 when she had this penchant for the groom. ‘The errors of 15 might, I think, have been forgotten at, let us say, 25.’ Had I loved the girl &, knowing the fact, given her my promise, I would have kept it, but I can’t fancy myself doing either the one or the other, in such a case. The objections of the sisters & friends seem natural enough. I would do my utmost to screen a girl under those circumstances & to keep her in society, but there is a wide difference between this & marrying her.

  Saturday 15 November [Halifax]

  At 8.10, I set off to walk. Went to Bailiff Bridge to see the new road they are making from there to Brighouse & which, when finished, is to extend from Bradford to Huddersfield. It will not be done till next summer or autumn. Under the superintendence of Mr Platt of Bradford; appears from 42 to 45 ft wide… Saw one man at his work breaking stones for which he has 5/– a rood… After stopping to talk to the road-men & Jackman, got home at 11¼. The former say the stones break much better when they are not fresh got, when they have been got 6 months. Jackman was stopt by 3 young men between 11 & 12 last Saturday night at Boylane-end… & robbed of 2 pound notes & ½ crown. They had blue coats & trousers and good hats on. Never spoke when he begged them to spare his life (he was not much frightened), ran away towards Halifax, & were not Irishmen. A man was stopt about the same place some months since, but ran away. The same man had his horse’s bridle reins cut about 3 weeks ago, but still rode off & escaped. In the stable ¼ hour seeing John wash the stable, young James Smith bringing the water for him, not to hinder John from thrashing. They want 2 strikes more wheat to finish sowing the upper Cunnery field. Came in to breakfast at 11½. A basket of game had come from M—, (a pheasant, hare & brace of partridge), with a book (Adam Blair).

  Wednesday 19 November [Halifax]

  From 2.40 till 5, dawdling over 1 thing or other. Assorting my minerals got in Craven & Whitby. Oh, that I was comfortably settled down to my routine of employment! But still I want a day or two more for looking over my papers. Then surely I shall recommence something like study. I will have less trouble about my clothes, etc., in future. I will burn my letters except, perhaps, M—’s & Isabella’s, as soon as answered & will be careful to accumulate no more papers but such as are worth keeping. ’Tis now 5.25 & I have just finished writing all the above of today.

  Thursday 20 November [Halifax]

  Looking over & arranging my box of oldest letters & papers. Burnt several letters… Perhaps if I had waited I should not have made up my mind to part with them. Time, with me, is such a sanctifier of everything. It is a noble effort thus to make room in my writing desk at present & resolve never to cram it in future. It is a prudent effort. Now that I have begun the good fight I hope I shall go on & destroy my letters as soon as answered.

  The destruction of many reminders of her past life was, undoubtedly, a symbolic act. Never again was Anne to be as vulnerable to hurt as she had been in the past. She continued to receive many hurtful snubs at the hands of society, particularly as she began to move in higher circles at home and abroad, but she braced herself against the treatment handed out to her, confiding her hurt feelings to the everfaithful pages of her journal.

  From the autumn of 1823, Anne began to think more and more of living elsewhere than Shibden Hall, although she would not have dreamed of relinquishing the estate or letting it pass, by any other means, out of the Lister family hands.

  Friday 21 November [Halifax]

  This place does not agree with me. My gums are almost always softish and whitish, as if a little ulcerated & would be more so if I did not take a glass of port wine every time they are not so. Elsewhere the house is old & cold & full of air in all directions & damp. The situation also. I will get away as soon as I can & either build some newer rooms or not live here. I should be rheumatic, like my aunt, if I did not sit in my greatcoat & wrap up so exceedingly.

  Monday 24 November [Halifax]

  At 7½, off to Northowram to tell Blamire to come take off Hotspur’s shoe & bleed him in the toe, if necessary… It was one o’clock before I came in. Miss Hudson of Hipperholme then called (Mrs Wm Priestley having taken her in a carriage, called also). They staid ½ hour or perhaps more. Miss Hudson’s call to me – I must return it some time. She laughed & grinned almost all the time. I certainly have no fancy towards her.

  Thursday 27 November [Halifax]

  At 10½, my aunt & I off in the gig. Stopt at Miss Ibbetson’s for my aunt to buy a black veil. Saw several furs. A fur lining for the whole inside of a cloak (hamster fur) 28/–. Fitch fur, (vid. Encyclopaedia, ‘Fitchet, a name given by some to the weasel’).

  Friday 28 November [Halifax]

  Went into the stables to give the horses their oatmeal & water. George shewed me a swelling likely to suppurate on the right of Hotspur’s withers… Poor Hotspur is very unlucky & George is not groom enough to see these things in the 1st instance. Surely he might have known on taking the saddle off whether the horse had been pressed on the withers or not. I must better & better understand, & more & more look after, these things myself. It is the old gentleman’s saddle (not fit to put on any horse) that has done the mischief… At 4¾, read from p.91 to 188 The Art of Employing Time,16 which, from p.134 to where I hav
e left off, I am more particularly pleased. There are several hints for journalkeeping on which I shall think seriously. There is something highly novel in this work altogether, & withal, interesting.

  Tuesday 2 December [Halifax]

  Got home a few minutes before 1… Found Mr Sunderland here by mistake instead of tomorrow. Had my tooth out (one of the right cuspids next to the molaris). It took a desperate pull & splintered the alveola in coming out, but I am glad to be rid of it. The decay, tho’ as yet very little would have injured the neighbouring teeth… Just before Mr Sunderland went, rinsed my mouth with ½ teaspoonful of liquor opii (3 times as strong as laudanum) in ½ wineglass full of water.

  Wednesday 3 December [Halifax]

  Lay in bed on account of my tooth… My face a little swelled today & my gum rather painful, but not much.

  Saturday 6 December [Halifax]

  Mr Sunderland came to see Bridget [the housemaid]. Was of opinion she would be laid up in a rheumatic fever. Might be sent home today or perhaps tomorrow. My aunt came up to me. I advised the poor girl’s being off in a chaise as immediately as possible. Went downstairs at 12½. Mr Sunderland said she was of an inflammatory habit & had probably been imprudent in clothing. He agreed with me, had she been bled & physicked last Monday when she felt the 1st symptoms of the complaint, she might have escaped. Took Mr Sunderland into the stables to see Hotspur. Stated the case. He did not think I had poulticed too long… Recommended a turnip poultice every night for 3 or 4 nights… He thought the best stopping was 2 parts clay and one part cow-dung well mixed up. He said Hotspur would make a valuable horse if properly taken care of…

  Set off to Halifax at 3.20… Called at the vicarage to inquire after Mr Knight, taken ill with an attack of the gallstones last week… On returning, midway the new bank, up came a young man in very good black clothes & asked me how I did. I looked & said, ‘I do not know you.’ ‘My name is Joseph Lister of Shelf.’ ‘But I know nothing about you.’ ‘But you might know if you inquired.’ ‘Which I should not choose to do.’ ‘Oh, very well, ma’am.’ He hung back, dumbfounded. I walked forwards at a smart pace as before. I always feel annoyed at these ignorant impertinences, for I believe the fellows know no better. I never mention these things for impertinent letters have ceased for a long while. Surely they will not begin to come again… Cordingley went home with Bridget (a mile from Mansfield) at 2½, (2 hours going, very bad road) & got back at 8½. Bridget apparently no worse for the journey.

  Sunday 7 December [Halifax]

  Awoke about 5 with a very bad headache. Got up about 8½. Went downstairs & into the stables for a moment or 2; then washed my teeth, etc & got into bed again as fast as I could (a very little before 9). Lay in bed the whole day, scarce able to move my head from the pillow, till 8.25. Then washed, put on my greatcoat & went downstairs till they made the bed & got into bed again at 9. At 1st, thought it must be a bilious headache, but from my not being sick & the pain continuing so long & so bad, I think I must have got cold in my gum yesterday. I felt it very cold to the side of my face & the hot room afterwards seemed to make my head ache a little.

  Monday 8 December [Halifax]

  My head rather better this morning but still very far from well… At breakfast at 9.50. I hardly spoke, feeling as if I had not resolution to open my lips. Came upstairs at 10½. Chilly & musing melancholily over the fire till 11. From then till 3.10, read the whole of (M— sent it to me Saturday 15 November) ‘Some passages in the life of Mr Adam Blair, minister of the Gospel at Cross-Meikle. Wm Blackwood, Edinburgh; & T. Cadell, London 1822. Let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall. St Paul.’… It is a singularly interesting pathetic story, doubly so because told as truth & not improbable. It affords an appalling instance of the fall of a good man & an edifying example of the repentance… I read & roared over this thing till my head ached, tho’ not perhaps worse than it would otherwise have done, & my eyes were as red as ferret’s. The night poor Adam fell, he was starved with his journey & with fatigue. Charlotte had made him take many a glass of wine. Perhaps this as well as the story of insults helped to do the deed… Staid down talking to my aunt… Told her I was poorly & low… & thought the grapes & pears of Paris did me more good than anything. ‘Well,’ said she, ‘perhaps, if we live, you may go next year.’ She is really very good & anxious about me.

  Wednesday 10 December [Halifax]

  My head quite better this morning… At 11.20, walked with my aunt along the road to Lower Brea… In returning, went to Dumb Mill to speak to Jackman, who is finishing some repairs there. Looked over the buildings inhabited by 2 families (all related). Very comfortable place, or may be when made neat all about, having a nice bit of garden. They pay for the whole building (it would easily make 4 good cottages) £7 a year.

  Thursday 18 December [Halifax]

  Having been talking about farming & rents, turned to my paper of memoranda. Added some fresh ones. Adding up & calculating till near twelve. My uncle must have now a clear income of nine hundred & above eighty pounds a year. By the time all centres in me, supposing my aunt to have fifty pounds a year Navigation stock, I can make thirteen hundred a year. It has just struck me, I will make the Cunnery cottages & barn into a farmstead & let off with it fifty out of the hundred & ten days work my uncle has in hands. This will give me another hundred per annum & I will fudge out one more, some way or other, so as to make an income of fifteen hundreds a year.

  Monday 29 December [Halifax]

  Ten minutes in the stable. I have to brush my pelisse & dress myself in a morning, now that Bridget is gone, which makes me longer in being ready to sit down to reading… At 10.40, set off to walk to Halifax. Called for a moment at Northgate. A Miss Plummer (a great, fat, vulgar-looking woman) there from Market Weighton. She & Marian sitting very quietly together at breakfast. Just gave Marian my aunt’s message & hurried off… Got home (returned up the old bank) at 11¾… ½ hour looking at my pistols, powder & ball in case they should be wanting, for highway robberies are taking place close to us perpetually.

  Wednesday 31 December [Halifax]

  A longish letter from [M—] (Lawton)… Praise of Miss Pattison. She & M— are to try botany together. M— in despair about painting on glass. All her glass breaks & the colours do not turn at the proper shade. I have told her it is the too sudden heating of her furnace & not the colours that are in fault… M— means to give me my flannel waistcoats… Chas. Howarth came just before breakfast (which interrupted me a little) to take measurements for the roof of the shed adjoining the barnporch… At 3¾, set off to walk to Halifax… Went down the old bank. Put into the post office my letters… having 1st called at Mr Wiglesworth for a few minutes to ask him to come & talk to my uncle about stopping up the footpath behind our house.

  1824

  The year 1824 can be seen as the year in which Anne’s life took on a different direction. The emotional ties between herself and her two greatest friends, Isabella Norcliffe and Mariana Lawton, had considerably weakened. In Isabella’s case, her physical deterioration, her heavy drinking and unpredictable temper had all served to convince Anne that they were no longer compatible. Despite this, the two remained friends, occasional correspondents and visitors to each other’s houses.

  The emotional dependence between Anne and M—, because of its greater intensity, took longer to die. Anne had been severely shocked by M—’s reservations about Anne’s appearance and also by M—’s antipathy to anyone knowing the true nature of her friendship with Anne. Added to this was the fact that M— was becoming, at least superficially, more settled in her married life. M— was making new friends, taking up new interests and generally arranging her life so that she was not so vulnerable to her husband’s neglect and therefore not so needy of Anne’s love and comfort. Anne began to feel that she need not take on quite so much responsibility for M—’s happiness, although she always retained a residue of love and affection for M—, as M— did for Anne.

  At Shibden, as the heal
th of her uncle and aunt began to decline, Anne began to take on more responsibility for running the estate and dealing with the finances.

  During 1824, she also put into action her plan to travel and live abroad for fairly lengthy periods. On 24 August 1824, she left Halifax for Paris with only her maid, Cordingley, for company. They lived in Paris until 31 March of the following year, 1825, when they returned to Shibden. As business and travel added a veneer of sophistication to her intellectualism, Anne found herself becoming even more distanced from her former friends and acquaintances, particularly in the Halifax area. She came to view them as being rather provincial, apart from Isabella, who was a much travelled woman herself. The beginning of 1824 shows Anne in a quiet but busy period of her life, concerned with making improvements to the estate and laying plans for the future.

  Tuesday 6 January [Halifax]

  In the evening did nothing but talk to my uncle… He seemed satisfied with all I had said & done. Listens more patiently than ever to my little plans about a few improvements at home & appears to have confidence in my being able to manage things. I think I shall, by & by, have all my own way. I certainly felt my own importance more than ever. The feeling of this, while at Yew Trees this morning seemed to invigorate me.

  This mood of optimism seemed to enable Anne to put behind her, so far as she was able, the miseries and humiliations of the last summer and autumn. Writing to a friend, Miss Henrietta Crompton, who was bemoaning the passing of the old year, Anne contradicted her, saying, ‘I am not sure that I sympathize with you in taking leave of the old year with regret. Perhaps I have mourned as little as most people over departed hours. I am certainly happier now than formerly & would not like any part of my life over again, even were it in my choice. Secluded as I am, & must be for some time to come, yet I have never felt to have so many means & instruments of happiness within myself as at present.’1