by JD Nixon
Daniel immediately noticed. “Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry. I was harsh. I didn’t mean to make you cry. Come here.” He opened his arms and I stepped into them gratefully, resting my head on his shoulder.
“He begged me, Daniel. It made me feel good about myself. It was a real ego boost. It hurt when he rejected me. Especially when it was for someone who can have a baby.”
“I know, sweetie. I know.” He rubbed my back as I sniffled against his shoulder. “But you’re not planning on seeing him again, are you?”
“No. I wish I’d never gone to his house in the first place. Then none of this would have happened and Heller wouldn’t be so angry with me.”
“Hey, we all make mistakes. God only knows I’ve made a million of them in my life and I think I’ve turned out okay.” I managed a watery smile for him – he sure had. “And he’ll cool down. Eventually.”
“How long do you think it will it take?” I asked, sitting down shakily on my lounge.
“Normally maybe a day or two. But with you, who knows? He’s a little . . . intense about you, Tilly.”
“Yeah, I’ve noticed that.” My misery increased. I didn’t want to fight with Heller. He was the most important man in my life.
Daniel sat down next to me and put his arm around me. “Don’t fret about it too much. Heller will get over it. He won’t be able to stay angry with you for very long. Look, I’ll organise someone to mend your walls tomorrow, okay?”
“Thank you. You’re so lovely,” I said, planting a kiss on his cheek.
He stayed with me a while longer until I assured him that I would be all right for the rest of the evening. I cleaned up the broken glass and chards and had a long shower, wondering once more about what kind of madness had led me to sleep with Will again. Why did I do it? I asked myself, as I gladly washed all traces of him down the drain.
Freshly scrubbed and in my pyjamas for an early night, I checked my phone to find three text messages from Will. I read the first – more pleading – and deleted it and the other two without reading them. He’d probably sent them while Penny was making him dinner. That turned my stomach.
Miserable again, I did what any woman would do. I pulled down my secret stash of chocolate biscuits, poured myself a really large glass of wine and rang my favourite girlfriend, Dixie, who I’d known since high school. She was cute, petite, brash and libidinous, loving nothing more than conquering a new man. Though she wasn’t generally too interested in my life, being rather self-absorbed, she had a great interest in Heller.
She didn’t even say hello when she picked up. “You haven’t rung me for ages, Tils. Too busy screwing Heller?”
“You know I’m not,” I replied patiently. “I’ve been working. And you could ring me once in a while, you know. Wouldn’t kill you.”
“Hey, you’re the moneybags. I’m just a poor, struggling artiste.”
“How’s it all going?”
“Terrible. My latest gig is an ad for some crappy Asian-inspired instant sauces. They expect me to use chopsticks in it. That’s so racist! They’re only demanding that because I’m half-Malaysian. I don’t know how to use fucking chopsticks! You know my mum’s idea of high cuisine was extra anchovies on the take-away pizza.”
“Dix, everybody knows how to use chopsticks. Geez, I’ve shown you a hundred times.”
“It’s too hard. My fingers must be too cute for them or something,” she dismissed breezily. She subsequently spent the rest of our conversation switching between complaining about the acting jobs her third-rate agent found her and detailing the many lurid stories about her latest conquests.
I didn’t manage to get a word in about my problems and went to bed, still miserable.
Chapter 11
The next morning I didn’t feel much better. Daniel visited while I was eating my breakfast and sweet-talked me into also making him some. I couldn’t refuse, as he was simply adorable in his pyjamas, his normally fashionable hair a sleepy mess.
“I hope Heller’s not still angry with me,” I moped, washing up afterwards.
He sighed and ran his hands through his hair, making it even worse. “Sometimes I wish I had a love life for Heller to become angry over.” I knew he was just trying to take my mind off my own problems.
It worked.
“We really have to find you someone, Danny darling. You’re such a good-looking guy, it won’t be too hard.”
His fingers flicked automatically to his face to run along the jagged scar.
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t start worrying about that again! How many times do I have to tell you that the right person won’t even see it?”
“So you keep saying, but I’m not convinced. It’s the first thing everyone notices.”
He was so self-conscious of his appearance that he was reluctant to leave the Warehouse, never giving himself an opportunity to meet potential lovers. He hadn’t expressed much interest in sex or relationships since I’d known him, traumatised by his terrible abuse as a child and again as a young teenager on the street. And I guess that kind of childhood made it difficult for him to open up and trust people. But he must have needs and desires just like any other young man.
“Where should we start looking for someone for you, Danny? In the men’s or in the ladies’?”
He smiled briefly and gently punched my shoulder. “I don’t want to pick up someone in a bathroom. That’s unhygienic.”
“You know what I’m asking.” I managed a grin and he smiled back, blushing.
Daniel had always refused to confirm his sexuality, but had given me enough hints to make me fairly sure that he wasn’t really very interested in boobs.
“I don’t know, Tilly. I guess I just don’t want to be categorised. I’ve never had sex with a woman before. When I was a street boy, all my clients were men and I haven’t had sex with anyone for years. So I’d probably feel more comfortable with a man to start with. At least I’d know what I was doing.” He paused shyly. “There’s a new guy in the surveillance team, and he always seems happy to see me.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Do you mean in a ‘is that a surveillance camera in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me’ kind of happy?”
“No!” he blushed furiously. “I mean he smiles at me and always takes the time to chat to me when I go there to see Sid about business.”
“Is he working today?”
“I think so.”
“Excellent! I’ll meet you in the office in an hour and then we’ll pay a casual visit to the surveillance section. I’ll give you my verdict on whether this guy’s interested or not. Yeah?”
“I don’t know . . .”
“I’m an expert in picking up men’s signals. What’s the problem?”
“I don’t know. It seems a little obvious. What if he notices us?”
“That’s what we want, silly. Let him know you’re interested.” I turned him around and gave him a little push. “Now, go get ready. And for heaven’s sake, do something with your hair. It’s an absolute horror.”
That hurried him along and he left me to shower. I was doubly excited because not only might this guy be exactly what Daniel needed right now, but also because I’d never been invited into the surveillance section before and I was bursting with curiosity. Not to mention that it was a welcome distraction from my own troubles. I dressed casually in jeans, a t-shirt and runners, gave my hair a quick blow dry and tied it back in a ponytail.
I walked down the stairs to the office with dread. What if Heller was there? What would he say? I needn’t have worried, because Daniel assured me that he was already out, attending a meeting with a client.
“Do you have a cover story?” I asked him as we trotted down to the first floor where the surveillance section was located. I’d been told in no uncertain terms that it was off-limits to me.
“Yeah, I have to pick up some timesheets from Sid. Don’t know how to explain you though.”
“Oh well, if anyone asks, I’ll just tell them t
he truth. That I’m nosy.”
He used his swipe card and then also needed to punch a code into a keypad to the left of the door to open it. I hadn’t seen that anywhere else in the Warehouse, only reinforcing the secretive nature of the work undertaken within. Excitement stirred in my stomach.
I was immediately struck by the bustle inside the room. There wasn’t a hint of it from the outside. Banks of monitors filled the large main room, and despite the early hour of the day, hordes of men peered intently at the screens, talked on the phone, tapped on keyboards. I noticed that the men working in this section weren’t anywhere near as huge as the security men, but they all still wore the Heller’s uniform. No utility belts though. Guess you didn’t need them if you sat at a computer all day.
A blinking red light on a console drew a crowd of men and a spirited debate between them followed, with much gesticulating and eye rolling. They stopped when they noticed Daniel and me, and I felt fifty pairs of male eyes tracking me across the room as Daniel and I walked over to Sid’s corner office. And if you’ve never had fifty men staring at your butt at the same time, then let me assure you that it’s not as flattering an experience as you might imagine. You worry that those thousands of squats you’ve endured at the gym aren’t nearly enough.
Sid looked up as we entered his office, gave us a quick smile of welcome, before frowning.
“You’re not supposed to be in here, Tilly. This is a restricted area. Authorised staff only,” he said in a stern voice. “Daniel, you know better than to bring Tilly in here. Heller’s going to be furious.”
The last thing I needed was to make Heller even angrier with me.
“Sorry, Sid,” I apologised, shamefaced. “It’s my fault. I forced Daniel to bring me here. I was curious.” And I looked up at him with my biggest, most innocent eyes. “I’ll go right now and scrub the memory from my brain immediately.”
“Well, I suppose you’re here now. Don’t look at anything though,” he warned.
Sid was a big softie at heart and I didn’t think he’d tell Heller. Clive, on the other hand, was another kettle of fish altogether. He would have ejected my sorry butt from the room without thinking twice, and not without some pleasure.
Sid handed over a sheaf of papers to Daniel and they discussed a system problem that had delayed the processing of casual staff timesheets for a while. Daniel promised to talk to the IT and HR staff about it straight away and we left. As we headed back across the room, my butt suffered another comprehensive inspection. I wondered if it passed muster.
“Hello, Daniel,” said a quiet voice from the side. We both stopped and turned.
“Oh, hi Anton. You look busy today,” Daniel said casually, only a faint blush tinging his cheeks.
Behind a mountain of paperwork sat a slender and very cute young man, early twenties, smooth milk-chocolate skin, large dark brown eyes, spiky black hair. He smiled, revealing perfect brilliant white teeth. Someone had spent a fortune on his dental work when he was a kid. Like his colleagues, he was dressed in the Heller’s uniform, but sported a couple of piercings in his left ear and a Celtic-design silver ring on his left ring finger.
“Yeah, it never stops, right? So, do you have any plans for the weekend? There’s that new movie out. The space one. Sounded cool. Thought I might go see it.”
“Oh, sounds interesting. Hope you enjoy it,” Daniel replied. “See you later.”
As soon as we shut the door behind us, I turned to Daniel and started swatting him on the arm as we walked up the stairs.
“You enormous dumbarse! He wanted you to see the movie with him. But what does Daniel say? Hope you enjoy it. Oh my God, how can you be so dense? The guy was virtually asking you on a date.”
“What? Are you sure? I didn’t hear him say that.”
“Why would he tell you what he’s doing on the weekend if he didn’t want you to join him?”
“I don’t know,” he groaned. “I can’t do this, Tilly. I haven’t got a clue about this kind of stuff. I don’t even know if he’s interested.”
“Daniel, my gaydar was beeping off the scale. He didn’t even look at me once. Every other man there checked me out, except him. He was only interested in you.”
“Wow. I really messed that up, didn’t I? What should I do now?”
I thought for a minute. “Give him a call in a couple of hours. Very casual. Tell him you were just reading a review of the movie and it sounds great and would he mind if you tagged along with him and his friends to see it? Make sure you mention his friends, so it sounds as if you’re more interested in the movie than in him.”
“But I hate space movies.”
“Daniel! You don’t have to like the stupid movie. It’s not about the movie – it’s about you looking cool and not desperate.”
“But I am desperate.”
I sighed. “Yes, but you don’t want him to know that. You’re not some easy lay.”
“Yes, I am. God, I’d love an easy lay. I hope he’s an easy lay too.”
“Yes, but . . .” I gave up. “You know what, you’re right. Just go see the stupid movie with him and screw his brains out afterwards. And good luck.”
“Thanks for your help!”
“You better check with Heller first though. He might have a problem with you seeing someone from work.” Or maybe that’s just a rule for me, I thought sourly.
“Will do.” He pecked me on the cheek and bounded off happily up the stairs. I crossed my fingers and toes it would work out for him. I would hate for his fledgling hopes to be crushed before they were even given a chance to leave the nest.
There was no one else in the office when I returned. I didn’t have much to do, not having been allocated any assignment since Felicia. So I Facebooked, read the news online, re-cleaned the already sparkling kitchenette and bathroom, watered the pot plants, dusted every flat surface.
Niq strolled in and sat at his desk. I thought he’d grown during the night, so made him stand up against the wall where I was keeping a record. He’d definitely shot up since I’d measured him the previous month, news that made him grin with pride. In a business full of tall, muscled men, he was painfully conscious of his small build. And though he’d recently turned fifteen, he hadn’t grown much since I’d known him. I wasn’t sure that he’d accepted the obvious fact that he’d never be as big as Heller, one of his secret dreams.
Daniel returned to the office with a huge smile on his face. I raised my eyebrows at him and he gave me two thumbs up, a faint blush creeping across his face.
“It’s on for Saturday evening,” he divulged shyly but happily.
I ran over and threw myself on him in joy, but I was a little over-enthusiastic and he staggered backwards under my weight until we hit a wall. At least it felt like a wall. But it turned out to be Heller, who’d just walked into the office.
He untangled Daniel and me and stalked past us, not saying a word. But the icy look he shot me in passing could have frozen a furnace. Oh dear, I was still in trouble.
It was an unusual sensation for me to be in Heller’s bad books – normally I was the one angry with him. It made me uncomfortable and I couldn’t settle back to work. I soon realised there was only one thing I could do, and that was to go and talk to him. So I plucked up my courage and approached his office, knocking softly on the door. He swung his chair around from his computer to face the door and contemplated me coldly.
“Go away, Matilda. I don’t wish to speak to you.” He swung back to his computer screen and started tapping away on the keyboard, ignoring me.
I guess he needed a bit more time to calm down. I returned to my desk obediently and forced myself to concentrate on my work. I’d try him again later.
When it was time for our regular staff meeting, and despite being the closest to Heller’s office, I waited until Daniel, Sid and Clive all went in before I dared to show my face in there again. The meeting progressed as normal, until Heller spoke.
“I had an enquiry this mo
rning regarding a new assignment. It will require a staff member to be onsite for a period of about four weeks. I’m thinking of sending you, Matilda. We’ll meet with the client tomorrow.”
“Heller, don’t send me away for a month –” I started complaining, but shut up quickly when he turned his ferocious glare on me.
“You’ll do what I tell you to,” he snapped, and I knew then I was being punished.
I sat in sullen silence for the rest of the meeting until we were dismissed. It wasn’t fair. He hadn’t even given me a chance to explain why I’d decided to sleep with Will again. And he knew I hated being away from Niq and Daniel for long periods.
Bastard! I thought angrily to myself as I banged on my keyboard in fury. I continued to mutter obscenities about him under my breath for the rest of the day. Heller looked at me curiously as he walked past, but wisely didn’t approach me.
After work, I was still steaming, so headed straight upstairs to enjoy a solitary peaceful hour and a glass of wine in the hot tub. As I leaned back, the hot water soothed my anger and relaxed my tense muscles. Or maybe it was the alcohol. Whatever. It made me feel better.
I’d just finished my second glass of wine and was feeling a bit pissed, lazily thinking about getting out and preparing some dinner when Heller walked out from the stairwell. That made up my mind for me and I clamoured to exit the hot tub as fast as possible. He pushed me back in the water with a strong hand on my shoulder. I sat there sulkily.
“You wanted to talk to me?” he asked, climbing in opposite me. He appeared to have cooled off a little.
“I did want to talk to you, but now I don’t.”
“It’s not a punishment, Matilda.”
“Then why does it feel like one? I want to know why I should be punished anyway. I haven’t done anything wrong. Not to anybody. You’re the one who’s done something wrong. You’ve broken my wall. And my lamp and clock. I liked that clock!” I said indignantly.