The Decision

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

  Grandma blinked rapidly and tapped her fingers against her chin. “Are you sure? I was certain it was tonight.”

  “No, Grandma. I can show you our appointment book if you like.”

  Grandma shook her head. “That’s okay. I believe you.”

  Elaine drew in a deep breath and released it slowly. She hadn’t told Grandma what the doctor had said about dementia and wanted to put it off as long as she could. Grandma would be terribly upset by this news. Then again, maybe she wouldn’t believe Elaine at all.

  Instead of me telling the doctor last night that I would explain things to Grandma, it might have been best if I’d asked him to give Grandma the devastating news, Elaine thought. But then, Grandma may have become upset with him and gone into denial. Or maybe I should ask Leah to help me tell Grandma. Well, however it’s done, I’m not ready just yet.

  Elaine leaned her head against the back of the sofa and rubbed her temples, reflecting on everything the doctor had told her last night before she’d returned to Grandma’s room. Some of the common signs of dementia included memory loss, impaired judgment, faulty reasoning, disorientation of time and place, and even the loss of some motor skills or balance problems. As much as Elaine hated to admit it, Grandma had already experienced several of those things. Some she’d noticed before Grandpa’s passing, such as repeatedly asking the same questions, having difficulty paying bills, and forgetting people’s names.

  Elaine closed her eyes, fearful that if she didn’t, the tears that had gathered might splash onto her cheeks. So some of the symptoms Grandma’s been having lately may not be related to her diabetes at all. Now we are dealing with two different diseases, both with similar symptoms that could overlap, such as loss of balance.

  “Elaine, are you listening, or have you fallen asleep?”

  Grandma’s question brought Elaine’s eyes open, and she blinked several times. “No, I’m not sleeping. What was it you were saying?”

  “I asked if you wanted to get started on the garden right away, or should we wait till after supper to do it?”

  “Supper’s several hours away, Grandma,” Elaine reminded. “Maybe we should eat lunch first, and then if you’re feeling up to it, we can work in the garden awhile. Otherwise, the weeding can wait until another day.”

  Grandma shook her head with a determined expression. “It can’t wait. The weeds will choke out the garden if we don’t get ’em pulled today. Especially after that rain we had yesterday.” She rose from her seat. “And I’m feeling perfectly fine, so there’s no reason not to do it right away. The weeds will pull easy since the ground is still damp.”

  “You’re right,” Elaine admitted. “All right then, I’ll make our lunch now while you rest here in the living room.”

  “I’m not tired,” Grandma argued. “When they weren’t poking me with needles at the hospital, I slept.”

  Elaine could see by the fixed set of Grandma’s jaw that she was not going to stay here and rest. “Okay. I’ll make a tossed green salad, and you can fix some iced tea. How’s that sound?”

  “Sounds good.” Grandma headed straight for the kitchen. Based on what the doctor had said, Elaine figured the symptoms of dementia would probably come and go until Grandma moved into the next phase of the disease, at which time her memory loss would worsen. He’d also said the changes could occur quickly or slowly over time. Elaine hoped in Grandma’s case that her memory loss and other symptoms came slowly, for she wanted as much time with her as possible. Once Grandma no longer recognized Elaine, it would be unbearable, but she couldn’t allow herself to dwell on that. One day at a time. That was the only way to deal with something like this.

  Following Grandma into the other room, Elaine’s gaze came to rest on the note she’d found tucked inside the screen door when they’d returned from the hospital this morning. It was from Jonah, saying he was sorry he’d missed her and that he would be by again sometime today.

  Oh, how she dreaded having to tell Jonah that she couldn’t marry him, but there was no point in putting off the inevitable. Jonah needed the freedom to plan for his future—a future that didn’t include her. As much as it hurt, Elaine had concluded that it must not be God’s will for her and Jonah to marry.

  Elaine and Grandma had just finished eating lunch when Grandma yawned and said, “Ich bin mied wie en hund.”

  Elaine chuckled, despite her dark mood. “Well, if you’re tired as a dog, maybe you ought to take a nap. I’ll wash and dry the dishes.”

  “What about the garden? I thought we were going to do some weeding.”

  “We can do it after you wake up, Grandma. Getting some much-needed rest is more important than weeding.”

  Grandma yawned again, covering her mouth with her hand. “You’re probably right. I’ll have more energy to work in the garden after I’ve rested a bit.”

  Elaine watched with pity as Grandma ambled out of the room. If only she could do something to make Grandma better.

  She couldn’t solve Grandma’s problem by bemoaning her fate, so Elaine poured dishwashing liquid into the sink and filled it with warm water. Methodically, she washed and rinsed each dish while staring out the kitchen window. A robin landed in the grass and quickly sought out a worm, while one of the barn cats chased an unsuspecting mouse. For the worm and the mouse, their lives were over, but the cat and the bird had been fed, so some good had come from the insect’s and rodent’s deaths.

  “But what good comes from people dying?” Elaine murmured aloud, spiraling deeper into depression. Eventually, Grandma’s body would shut down from the dementia, but worse yet, by then she wouldn’t know who she was or that she’d ever had a granddaughter who loved her so much.

  Tears trickled down Elaine’s cheeks and splashed in the soapy water. Crying wouldn’t change the situation, but she desperately needed the emotional release, so she let the tears fall.

  Sniffling her way through the chore, Elaine managed to finish washing, drying, and putting away the dishes. Then, deciding that she needed to work off her frustration, she went to the utility room and grabbed a pair of gardening gloves and a small shovel. Then she stepped out the back door, closing it quietly so as not to wake Grandma.

  As Elaine worked silently in the garden, she tried to keep her focus on the weeds and not the situation with Grandma. It was difficult, with the doctor’s words still playing over and over in her head. If only there was some way they could stop the dementia in its tracks, or at least keep it from becoming any worse.

  May Your will be done, Elaine prayed. But if it’s Your will for Grandma to get better, then please show us the way. And help me to know when and how I should tell her about the doctor’s diagnosis.

  Elaine had been attacking the weeds for nearly an hour when Leah and Priscilla rode into the yard on their bikes.

  “I’m glad you’re home,” Leah called. “We’re anxious to find out how Edna’s doing.”

  Elaine swallowed hard. Did she dare tell Priscilla and Leah what the doctor had said? She really needed to unburden her soul and talk to someone about this. And who better than her two best friends?

  “You look umgerennt,” Leah said as she and Priscilla parked their bikes and approached Elaine. “Weren’t you able to bring Edna home this morning, like you said when you called and left me a message last night?”

  “I did call our driver, and we brought Grandma home. She’s inside taking a nap.” Elaine groaned, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “And you’re right. I’m upset.”

  Priscilla touched Elaine’s arm. “What’s wrong? Is your grandma’s diabetes worse than you thought?”

  Elaine shook her head. “Grandma has something else, and it’s much worse than diabetes.”

  Leah’s eyes widened. “What is it, Elaine?”

  “Grandma has dementia.” Elaine’s voice faltered, and she gulped on the sob rising in her throat.

  Immediately, Elaine’s two special friends gathered her into their arms, and they wept bitterly. Elaine was cer
tain that Priscilla and Leah understood and even felt her pain.

  CHAPTER 21

  Danki for that delicious meal,” Jonah said, patting his stomach as he pushed away from the table and stood. He’d been invited to his sister’s house for supper again and had enjoyed some of Jean’s crispy fried chicken, creamy mashed potatoes, a tasty fruit salad, and steamed peas, fresh from her garden.

  “You’re welcome, but don’t rush off,” Jean said. “I made a strawberry-rhubarb pie for dessert.”

  Jean’s husband, Nathan, smacked his lips. “That sounds wunderbaar.”

  “It does sound wonderful,” Jonah agreed, giving his stomach another pat. “But as full as my belly is, I’m not sure I could eat any pie right now. Guess that’s what I get for takin’ two helpings of chicken and potatoes.” He looked over at Jean’s daughter, Rebecca, and grinned. “If I’m not careful, your mamm’s good cooking is gonna fatten me up,” he said in Pennsylvania-Dutch.

  The little girl snickered and poked Jonah’s stomach. “You’re not fett, Uncle Jonah.”

  “Jah, well, I could end up being fat if I keep eating like I did tonight.” Jonah smiled at Jean. “I want to stop over and see Elaine this evening, so if you don’t mind, I think I’d better get going. If I hang around here till my stomach’s ready for pie, it’ll be too late to make a call on Elaine, not to mention mowing her lawn, as I’d planned.”

  “No problem,” Jean said. “I’ll put a few pieces of pie in a plastic container, and you can take it along to share with Elaine and her grandma.”

  “None for Edna,” Jonah said with a shake of his head. “She has diabetes, remember?”

  Jean touched her flushed cheeks. “Oh, that’s right, I’d forgotten about that. How would it be if I send some fresh strawberries for Edna?”

  “I’ll bet she’d like that,” Jonah said.

  While Jean put the pieces of pie and a container of berries into a box for Jonah, he took a seat at the table again and visited with Nathan, while Rebecca and her little brother, Stephen, scampered into the living room to play. Baby Zeke snuggled contently in his father’s arms.

  Jonah couldn’t help feeling a bit envious, watching Nathan and his son. It made him wish, once again, that he and Elaine were already married and had at least one child of their own. Hopefully, one day soon, she would accept his marriage proposal.

  “From the way the weather’s been lately, looks like we’re in for a nice summer,” Nathan said, pulling Jonah’s thoughts aside.

  “Jah,” Jonah agreed. “Seems like everyone’s crops and gardens are doing real well.”

  “How’s that new apprentice of yours workin’ out in the buggy shop?” Nathan questioned, patting little Zeke’s back.

  “Real well. Timothy’s a quick learner and seems eager to please. Not only that, but so far, he’s never questioned anything I’ve said or asked him to do.”

  “That’s good to hear. Glad things are working out.”

  “How’s it going with your job at the bulk foods store?” Jonah asked.

  “Pretty well. Seems like everyone came shopping there today. We were busy from the time we first opened till right before closing.”

  “It’s always good to be busy.” Jonah rubbed his chin, wishing he had the beard of a married man, like Nathan.

  “Here you go, Brother.” Jean placed a small cardboard box on the table. “Tell Elaine and Edna I said hello.”

  “I sure will.” Jonah stood and tousled little Zeke’s hair, which was dark and curly, just like his and Jean’s. He gave Jean a hug, shook hands with Nathan, and picked up the box. “I’m going to the living room to say good-bye to the kinner, and then I’ll be on my way.”

  Elaine had just finished the supper dishes and decided to sit outside on the porch awhile to enjoy the fresh evening air. Grandma had already gone to bed, saying she was tired and couldn’t keep her eyes open any longer.

  Grandma needs all the rest she can get, Elaine thought, taking a seat on the porch swing. Trying to sleep in the chair beside Grandma’s hospital bed last night hadn’t given Elaine much quality rest, either. She hoped she would sleep better tonight in her own bed, but with so much on her mind, she wasn’t sure that was even possible. Between concern over Grandma and the dread she felt about telling Jonah she couldn’t marry him, Elaine was a ball of nerves.

  Oh, Grandpa, I wish you were still here to help us during this difficult time. You were so smart and patient; I’m sure you would know just what to do.

  But the reality was, Grandpa wasn’t here, and a lot of responsibility rested on Elaine’s shoulders. She’d made a promise to Grandpa that she would take care of Grandma, and that’s exactly what she planned to do, no matter how exhausting or difficult it might prove to be.

  I have Leah and Priscilla to lean on, Elaine reminded herself. The three of them had been there for one another since they were young girls, and they’d never let each other down. While her friends couldn’t make her problems go away, Elaine felt certain that they would offer her support and help in any way they could. Like today, when they’d mowed the lawn for her. Leah had gone around picking up small branches from the trees that had fallen, while Priscilla did the mowing.

  Elaine lifted her gaze toward the sky, which was just beginning to darken. Please guide and direct me through this, Lord, she prayed. And help Grandma to deal with all the challenges she’ll be faced with as her memory worsens. Give us what we need for each day, and show me what to do about our financial situation.

  She watched as the first fireflies came up out of the grass and began lighting up the trees. Smiling, Elaine continued to gaze as some of the insects soared high above the trees. It was almost as if they’d become part of the twinkling stars overhead. She was tempted to get a jar and catch a few, like she’d done when she was a child. Grandpa had shown her how to cut holes in the lid to give the bugs some air once they’d been caught. He’d also told her to put a few blades of grass inside the jar so the lightning bugs, as they were sometimes called, would have something to crawl onto. What fun it had been, taking the jar of fireflies up to her room when it was time for bed. After Grandma and Grandpa kissed her good night, Elaine would lie in bed for a long time, watching the lightning bugs blink rapidly, until they put her to sleep. The next day, as Grandpa had also taught her, she released the bugs back into the air.

  Elaine put that happy memory aside and thought about her current situation. She and Grandma couldn’t keep hosting dinners for tourists once Grandma’s memory had severely declined. However, they would do it for as long as possible, which would not only help financially, but hopefully give Grandma a purpose in life and keep her focused on something positive.

  Elaine smiled when Patches, who’d been lying at the edge of the porch, meowed as if understanding the anguish Elaine had been facing since Grandma took ill.

  Elaine’s musings halted when a horse and buggy turned up the lane. She recognized Jonah’s horse, Sassy, plodding along at a snail’s pace.

  Tempted to rush out to meet Jonah, Elaine remained on the porch swing, waiting for him to join her. Patches lay watching, and her tail swished back and forth.

  After Jonah secured his horse, he stepped onto the porch, carrying a small box.

  “Guder owed,” he said, smiling at Elaine as he took a seat beside her. “Did you get the note I left for you yesterday?”

  She nodded but was barely able to tell him good evening because her throat felt so swollen. Just the sight of him caused her to feel so many regrets.

  “I came from Jean’s place, and since I was too full to eat dessert, she sent over two slices of strawberry-rhubarb pie for us and some fresh strawberries for your grandma. Thought maybe we could enjoy them together after I mow your lawn.”

  Elaine’s forehead wrinkled as she pointed to the yard full of fireflies. “I think it’s getting too dark for that, Jonah. Besides, Priscilla took care of mowing it when she and Leah were here earlier today. Leah got all the sticks in the yard cleaned up, too
. With all that rain we had, a lot of twigs and leaves had come down from the trees.”

  “That was nice of them. Guess I should have come by sooner, but I was kept busy all day in the shop, and then after promising Jean I’d come for supper, the day got away from me.”

  “It’s not a problem.” Elaine looked at the box of goodies. “A piece of pie sounds good. I haven’t eaten many sweets since Grandma was diagnosed with diabetes.”

  “Guess that must be kinda hard for both of you.”

  She nodded. “It’s harder on Grandma than it is me. She’s always enjoyed eating most anything that’s sweet. Should I take the box inside and put the pie on some plates for us?”

  “Jah, that’d be great. Think now I have room for dessert.”

  Jonah remained on the porch while Elaine went to the kitchen, where she placed the berries for Grandma on the counter and made some tea. As she was putting the slices of pie on the plates, Grandma walked into the kitchen. “Ach, my, that looks so good!” She rubbed her hands together, smiling eagerly. “I’m more than ready for dessert.”

  Elaine jumped at the sound of Grandma’s voice. “You startled me! I thought you had gone to bed.”

  “Thought I was tired, but I couldn’t sleep.” Grandma stared hungrily at the pie. “I heard you moving around in the kitchen and decided to come see what you were up to.”

  Elaine felt bad having to disappoint Grandma, but she needed to be reminded that she shouldn’t eat such things. “Jonah’s out on the porch, Grandma,” she said. “He brought the pie for him and me, and his sister sent fresh strawberries for you.” She motioned to the container.

  “Oh, I see.” Grandma didn’t argue, but took the bowl of berries and ambled out of the kitchen with her head down. She was clearly disappointed.

  “Are you all right, Grandma?” Elaine called after her.

  “I’ll be fine. Just want to find a good book to read while I’m eating these berries.”