Keep Her

by Faith Andrews

  My body certainly loved his touch. It was magical, and I never wanted it to end. I never wanted this to end. And the more I thought about what was happening, the more I realized that as badly as I wanted Beck to fuck me over and over again, I craved the effortlessness in our lovemaking too.

  That’s what we were doing. There was a definite difference between the reckless wildness of the other night compared to the tenderness and warmth between us tonight.

  As our bodies moved together in a passionate dance, I felt the need for him to be even closer. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him tighter. I never wanted to let go. I had no idea it could feel this good. I guess it was all about being with the right person.

  Was Beck that right person? God, it certainly seemed that way. I wanted to tell him, to let him know that these moments of intimacy between us were some of the best of my life. And I wasn’t just talking about sex. It was the connection—feeling for the first time that I was totally in sync with someone who knew me on so many levels. “So good,” I hummed, not wanting to make any confessions just yet. He didn’t need to know what I was thinking—that I wanted to be with him, really be with him, all the time, more than I’d ever wanted anything.

  “It’s perfect. Not just good, baby. Perfect.” It came out in a throaty whisper that caused my insides to contract. He felt it too. His words were my validation that I wasn’t on this crazy ride of emotions alone.

  The idea of us being perfect together swam through my brain and traveled through my veins as the friction between us grew more and more intense. I allowed the powerful combination of internal emotions and physical sensations to flood my body. It was unbelievably liberating, yet astonishingly terrifying. I wanted to give myself fully to this man whom I’d only been with twice. To a man I’d once known as a boy, as a lifelong friend, as someone else’s boyfriend. Did any of that matter anymore? Did it matter who Beck was in the past? Or was it about who he could be in my future?

  “Look at me, baby,” he demanded softly, breaking me from my internal analyzing. Even during amazing sex I couldn’t shut off my brain. Stupid brain! Stupid heart! Let me enjoy the moment!

  I shook off the thousands of thoughts ruining my focus on the incredibly skillful man anchored to me. Bringing my eyes to his, I smiled, realizing that all those thoughts had a rightful place in my head. I was staring into the eyes of someone who had the ability to make me happier than I’d ever been. He could fill the void by being mine. I just wanted him to be mine.

  He smiled back at me; his warm chocolate eyes had turned darker and coal-like. Gliding in and out of me so that I could feel every solid inch of him as he did, he dug his hands into my thighs and closed his eyes. “I never want to stop, Riles, but…” I didn’t want to hear a reason for him to stop. Ever. My mind jumped to silly conclusions, but catapulted back to my happy place when he continued. “Oh, God… I’m gonna come, baby. Are you close?”

  I wasn’t—not that his performance was at fault. It was my damn head, making me think instead of feel. Stop thinking, damn it! I wanted to do this together.

  Inching myself up on my elbows, Beck helped to pull me upright and I draped my legs over his in a sitting position. Gazing into his eyes, I wrapped my arms around his neck as I lifted my body up and down over his, forcing him deeper and deeper.

  He groaned and his head fell back as I sped up the pace. I leaned down to kiss his neck, lingering over his Adam’s apple and feeling the gentle vibrations of his growls beneath my tongue.

  Rocking faster and faster over him, I felt him stiffen and pulsate inside me. Feeling the incredible signal of his impending rupture was all I needed to fall over the edge myself. I tangled my fingers into the hair at the base of his neck and pulled him to me. Our mouths crashed together and our tongues tangled wildly as we rode out the explosions our bodies created together.

  “So fucking good, Riley,” he sighed against my lips.

  “So fucking perfect,” I corrected him, resting my forehead against his and trying to catch my breath.

  It was in that heated moment, damp with sweat and clinging to each other, spiraling back down to reality, that I knew he was the one for me. I didn’t want to admit my feelings, but it was impossible to hold them back. “Beck?” I finally spoke, my voice still shaky.

  “Mmmmhmmm?” he hummed against my neck, still embracing me in his warmth.

  “I want to be with you.”

  Lifting his head, he looked at me with a sly grin. “You’ll have to give me a few minutes, sweet thing. That was intense.”

  Moving off his lap and lying beside him on the bed, I rolled my eyes. Such a guy. “That’s not what I meant, silly.”

  “Oh, no?” he asked playfully, spooning me and tracing his fingers along my neck.

  “I meant outside of the bedroom, B. I want to be with you. As in, be your girl.” I was starting to get nervous. I was glad I couldn’t see his face. I didn’t want to know what he was thinking before he said it. Trying to calm my nerves and lighten things up before I got my heart stomped on, I blurted out, “Is it too soon? Am I acting like a crazy clinger thinking that we could be more than just great sex?”

  “Just great? I thought that was fan-fucking-tastic!”

  Swiveling around to face him, I smacked him on the shoulder and he laughed, rubbing the spot I’d hit. “Focus here, Beck. Unless of course, you don’t want to. I’m sorry I’m letting it all flow like some verbal brain vomit, but I just felt… I don’t know… that was so different… special, almost.”

  His eyes went wide and I was afraid he’d think I’d gone postal with my impulsive confessions. “Almost? You really are crazy if you’re going to classify what we just did as almost special.” His words brought on a relief that washed over me and calmed my frazzled nerves. I smiled, bringing my hand up to his cheek. He cupped his hand over mine and kissed me on the tip of the nose. It was so intimate and heartwarming, I felt a tingle spread across my entire body.

  “Riles, with you everything feels special. And not almost special. Definitely special. I know it’s all happening fast and furious and without thinking, but sometimes—sometimes the best decisions are made without thinking everything through. Without pie charts, and spreadsheets, and deep conversations about pros and cons. I’m going to sound so cheesy for saying this, and you better never repeat it because I’ll deny it for as long as I live.”

  I smiled so big that it actually hurt. I loved that he was comfortable like this with me. It made me feel powerful, like he had this draw to me that he’d had to no one else. “Shoot. I won’t judge.”

  He held my hand at our sides, rubbing his thumb along my skin. I relaxed, readying myself for what he was about to say. He swallowed audibly as if he was nervous, but the look on his face was confident and sure as he spoke. “We don’t get to choose who we fall for. Sure, we can try to pick based on appearance, or personality, or compatibility. But sometimes, like in our case, it’s right under your nose and you don’t even know it. Yeah, it’s all crazy and complicated, but who gives a fuck about all that? It’ll take time to work around some things, but I think it will be worth it. What I’m trying to say is, sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants and right now… my heart wants you, Riley.”

  Without giving my brain time to think, I blurted, “Oh, B. You have no idea how happy that makes me!” I kissed him hard, reveling in the moment.

  I never imagined Beck to be such a romantic. He was full of wonderful surprises at every turn. Surprises that had my heart doing somersaults and jumping into my throat. He was right in saying we’d have a lot to work around—my brother and his judgment, Marissa and the unfinished nature of Beck’s relationship with her, the almost irrational speed at which this was all unfolding. But it was worth hurdling those obstacles if it meant Beck was the prize.

  It took everything in my power to sneak out of her bed and leave her side. We’d made love another time, spoken more about what we wanted for our futures, tried to figure out how to work
around the things that would hinder our growth as a couple. But it was getting late and we were still mindful of the sleeping, drunk, angry giant sharing our quarters. If he woke up to find us together he wouldn’t understand, and I didn’t want to have to explain it to him while he was still in a heartbroken-drunken stupor.

  After kissing Riley goodnight and wishing her sweet dreams (this girl was melting me and turning me into the ultimate pussy—I kinda loved it!) I headed downstairs for a glass of water and to check on Marcus. I tried to tiptoe past him, as gracefully as a clumsy man can tiptoe, without waking him, but when I stubbed my toe on the clunky coffee table, it shifted and I muffled an “ow”, causing Marcus to stir.

  Waking from his coma, he grumbled, “Fuck!” He brought his bandaged hand to his head, confused. “Shit, what the fuck… Oh, no! Tessa!” He darted up and off the couch, obviously remembering everything from the night before. “What time is it, bro? I gotta get to her.”

  I walked over to him, clapping my hands on his shoulders. “You’re not going anywhere. It’s the middle of the night. You’re still half-drunk and half-asleep. I told you I’ll help you in the morning.”

  He glared at me, dragging in heavy breaths. “I can’t just sit here and wait and make her think I don’t care. I’ve never told her I love her. I have to tell her, Beck. I can’t live another minute without telling her.”

  The pain showed through his eyes, seeped through his words, and as much as I felt that pain for him, he needed to give it time—at least until the morning—until he went chasing after her.

  “You’ll get to tell her, bro. I promise. Didn’t I promise you last night?”

  He nodded his head, slumping his shoulders. This dude was still not sober and probably emotionally exhausted from having his heart ripped out. I needed to get him back to sleep so he was in a better way tomorrow. “Come on,” I said, ushering him to the staircase. “Go back to sleep. Get a good night’s rest and tomorrow’s a new day. ‘Kay, asshat?”

  Conceding, he held onto the banister and started walking up the steps one by one. When he was halfway up and I was feeling like a champ for getting him to listen, he turned around, shaking his head. “I’ll tell ya one thing, Beck.”

  “What’s that?” I asked, curious. Marcus was never that enlightening, so I could only imagine what he’d taken from all of this.

  “It’s damn near impossible to live without something you love. I learned that lesson the hard way with my mother and I’m in fucking agony right now thinking I’ve lost Tessa. And I know you, man. You’re a good guy. You love with your whole heart. So, be smart. Whatever shit is going on with you and Marissa, fuck it… work it out. I know now how much you love her and need her. Don’t let that slip away.”

  After he was done with his speech, he turned and walked up the rest of the steps, entering his bedroom and shutting the door behind him. I was left at the foot of the stairs, completely baffled.

  Marcus had never given me advice on life or love. He wasn’t a deep thoughts kind of guy. But the one damn time he chose to go all Dr. Phil on me, he had to mention Marissa—and after I’d just put her behind me and decided to move on with his sister.

  It wasn’t that I was having second thoughts about Riley or that I was thinking about getting back together with Marissa. But I was all kinds of worked up by what he’d said. If I announced to him tomorrow morning that Riley and I were together, that we were starting a relationship out of the blue, he would never understand it. He thought I was technically still with Marissa. He would assume I cheated on her with Riley. He’d think I was acting on impulse rather than true emotions. He’d think it was only sex. He’d accuse me of being an asshole for jumping from one girl that I supposedly loved and wanted to spend the rest of my life with up until seven days ago, to his innocent, sweet sister.

  I’d want to kick my ass, too, if the tables were turned!

  If there was one thing I didn’t want to do in all of this, it was hide my feelings for Riley. Oh, that and hurt her. And telling her that we had to hide our relationship and sneak around until we figured out a way to ease Marcus into things—yeah, that was going to sting no matter how pretty I made it sound. “Fuck,” I huffed, exhausted and frustrated and just plain stumped.

  Marcus had made a point with his little speech about not letting what you want slip away. Only thing he was wrong about was the girl. It was good in the hood to encourage me to go after the girl when the girl was Marissa, but would he be so encouraging when he found out who I truly wanted was Riley? Yeah, I didn’t know about that.

  I couldn’t think about this shit right now. It wasn’t the time or place. So instead I went to the fridge and grabbed a water bottle, downing it as I made my way back upstairs to the guest bedroom.

  The bedroom was at the end of the hallway, past Marcus’s, the bathroom, and across from Riley’s. Marcus’s door was closed shut, but Riley’s was open just a crack. I approached the room with trepidation—I wanted to barge in there and crawl back into bed with her, wrapping my arms around her until we woke up together in the morning. Unfortunately, we’d have to delay our adult slumber party until Marcus wasn’t under the same roof.

  I inched closer to the room to check if she was still awake. I told myself it didn’t matter if she was or wasn’t—I couldn’t risk going back in there no matter what. Aw, fuck, who was I kidding? If she was awake, I was going back in there to give her a kiss that would hold us over until we were able to be alone again.

  But luckily, or unluckily, however you decided to look at it, she was sound asleep with her hands tucked adorably underneath her cheek, curled in the fetal position. She was beautiful—and not just beautiful in that peaceful, sleeping angel way. Her presence alone lit up that dim room even as she slept, reminding me of all the things I already couldn’t get enough of.

  The next morning I woke up to the sound of crashing and cursing. It took me a minute to figure out what was going on and where I was, but when my eyes adjusted to the bright light, I remembered everything—and that explained the ruckus going on downstairs.

  Jumping out of bed, I bypassed the T-shirt that lay where I threw it after waking in a sweat from a rather interesting dream—one starring Riley and me as the main characters. Flinging the door open, I flew down the steps.

  Riley sat at the kitchen table with her head in her hands, crying. Marcus was tearing the kitchen apart in search of… something. I wanted to run to her and comfort her and then smack the shit out of Marcus for making her upset. Instead I added to the noise. “What the fuck, man? Look at this mess! What the hell are you looking for?”

  Riley’s head popped up when she heard my voice. Her eyes were wet with tears, her face red and blotchy from crying. She was still breathtaking, even more so after the night we spent together. I gave her a friendly nod when I saw that Marcus was watching me, but when he turned around to continue his tirade, I winked and smiled, bringing a shy smile to her own lips.

  “Where the fuck are they, Riley? What the hell did you do with my fucking keys?”

  Riley sat stoically at the table. She didn’t turn around, she didn’t raise her voice. “She doesn’t want to see you right now, Marcus. I’m not gonna let you drive like a lunatic to go home to someone who’s only going to kick you back out. Give her time. Leave her alone,” she said, as if she’d said it a million times already.

  This only seemed to make Marcus more irate. He wasn’t taking no for an answer, and he was taking it out on the pots and pans. And Riley. “Bitch!” he yelled as he rummaged around. (He was getting closer to the Devil Dog box, dammit). I wanted to run over to him and punch him in the face for talking to her like that when all she was trying to do was protect him. I had to be cool and inconspicuous, but I didn’t have to stand for him talking to his sister that way. “Hey, calm the fuck down. It’s not her fault, so don’t take it out on her.”

  He stormed toward me with his hands clenched at his sides. I’d seen him like this before and there was no reasoning
with him when he was going off the deep end. I didn’t want it to come to blows, especially not in front of Riley. So as he got in my face, cursing and yelling about how I had no idea what I was talking about and that I was being a dick for keeping him from her, I took a deep breath, swallowed my pride, and simply backed away with my hands on his chest. “Dude! I’m not gonna say it again. Calm. The. Fuck. Down.”

  Riley was at my side now, her hand on my shoulder. There was nothing suspicious about the minor physical contact. An outsider would see it as a friend trying to ease a heated situation and prevent a fight. But even the slightest touch of her hand on my bare shoulder had me wanting to reach out and hold it there. I glanced at her, biting my lip to suppress any sound that might escape me, and then quickly looked away.

  Sensing the frustration that not being able to respond to her touch was bringing me, she dropped her hand and stood between me and Marcus. “Enough. Beck. Why don’t you two go for a run or something? I think he needs to exert some of this energy. I’ll clean up his mess—can’t fucking wait—and you talk some sense into him about leaving Tessa be.”

  “I don’t want to leave her be. I want to apologize to her and she’s not answering my fucking phone calls!” He was so tense, a good, sweaty run around the lake was probably the best thing for him right now.

  “She’s right, Marcus. Let’s get some fresh air, sweat out the stress, and then by the time we get back and pack up we can head home, beat the traffic, and maybe Riley will have heard from Tessa by then.” It was like coddling a toddler. I’d bet Luca was easier to talk to than he was.

  Rolling his eyes and raking his fingers through his messed-up hair, he finally calmed down and gave in. “Fine! I’ll be ready and down in ten.”

  He stalked off, ignoring the humongous mess and the sour mood he’d managed to create.

  When he was gone and I heard the door to his bedroom slam shut, I turned to Riley and wrapped my arms around her. “You okay, babe?”