by Thia Finn
“Oh, I remember it well,” Carter said, and I almost jumped off the couch. Walking down memory lane tonight? Hell no.
Carter didn’t add to it, and I wanted to do a happy dance.
Chapter Seventeen
I cannot let this girl crawl under my fucking skin. I’m pissed, but I needed to make the effort to not be a douchebag. Sitting there looking all beautiful with her cheeks glowing a shade of pink from the damn wine buzz she’s feeling, gave my dick a slight zing. I always knew when she’d had enough from that look since wine did that to her every fucking time. Beer didn’t have the same effect, and she wasn’t much for alcohol back then. Who knew now? She’d probably learned to like those little bitchy, foo-foo drinks with flavored vodkas or some shit like that.
“I missed y’alls show tonight. Wish I’d been there to hear the two of you play.” Music had to be a neutral topic we could all play fair with.
“Yeah, it was good. You’ll catch it next time, though,” Hayden assured me. It took all I had in me to not look at her again. Dammit, I flat out wanted to stare, but I couldn’t do it without looking fucking creepy so I leaned forward with my arms bent, elbows on my knees, and dropped my head.
“Cash knew what he was talking about when he said our voices were meant to be together. I think you’ll be surprised, Carter,” she finally spoke directly to me. Ice broken. I could damn sure look at her now.
“Is that right? Well, I know shithead over there can belt out a song in front of an audience. Seems like he was born to do it. I’ll be anxious to hear you perform, and what y’all can do together.” Okay, this grew fucking lame by the second.
“Where’d y’all go after AD finished?” she asked. Change of subject. Good.
Hayden spoke up. “We killed a couple of six packs on the steps and gave the roadies hell about the equipment. Those fucktard clowns are always good for a few laughs, especially with beer involved. We can dole out orders and the best comments to piss’em off.”
“I bet they loved you for it, too.” The smile ghosting her lips reminded me of so many fun times. Damn.
“Yeah. We’re good, though. That bunch’s traveled all over with us so many fucking times, they know every single move to make without anyone telling them. We trust’em to do that shit right.” I added. Not that it was necessary but I needed to keep the small talk going if there might be a chance she’ll stay for a while longer.
“That’s good,” she added. Yeah, lame. She stood and stretched. My eyes immediately honed in on the thin line of milky white skin peeking out from the bottom of her shirt. The memories of how soft that spot felt under my rough fingertips and how it tasted on the flat of my tongue flitted across my mind. The dick twitch happened again.
“Guys, I’m too tired to finish this beer. My eyes won’t stay open any longer, and the bunk’s calling my name.” She yawned behind the comment.
I stood. “Yeah, me too. It’s been a helluva day. Think I’ll find myself one, too, since the two horn-dogs took my real bed.”
“Hey, at least you got to sleep in one some of the time already,” Hayden added but stopped there with his comments that involved women we picked up. I knew having her on the bus would cause some blue balls along the road. Either that or I’d be going to a lot of hotel rooms on my own. That had to be better than causing shit on the bus.
“Yeah,” she said. “I’ll see y’all in the morning. Good night.”
The slide of her curtain closing behind her ended our evening. I looked at Hayden, and he shrugged and smiled. It went okay for a first talk. I could live with it. I peeled off my jeans and climbed into my bunk. Fuck, I forgot how narrow they were.
I laid there thinking about how a girl that used to be my whole world now slept three feet away from me, alone. We’re adults now. We’d handle this fucked-up situation like adults. Hayden and Halo’s immediate success depended on it. Why did I feel left out? I drifted off to sleep wondering where her head was at in all of this.
The bus ride might be harder than I thought. I felt his eyes on me as we sat making small talk which turned out better than I was prepared for. The muscles in his arms bundled to perfection as he leaned forward and looked down. Most of his tattoos had been added after he left. They made his arms look like canvases for an artist. The dark ink added to his smoking-hot look he left the first time with. The man he grew to be caused my body to respond simply by looking him over.
I wondered if I affected him in any way like that. Was that why he seemed afraid to look at me for more than a glance? I caught him through my lashes sneaking peaks in my direction. Did he remember the us from before? Did he see me as a woman now instead of the teenager he left behind?
Stop it, Halo. I needed to get over the idea that a reconnection might happen. His plans never included me, and I only fooled myself into thinking anymore would become of us. He made it clear the first time, and I needed to keep that on the front burner at all times. This slippery slope could cause a cold splash of reality to hit me in the face in the end. I needed to do my best to make sure it didn’t happen.
Now here we both lay feet apart. Before, he would’ve slipped in my bed and made love to me, holding me close when our bodies slowed from the peak we reached. Now, he’s sleeping, dreaming of past lovers who fulfilled his needs after a concert, while I only dreamed of what we could have been. Tears I held back forced a lump in my throat. I turned and faced the wall to silently let them slide away as sleep overtook my troubled mind.
I knew the bus stopped sometime during the night because the constant hum of the tires on pavement no longer filled the silent void inside my head. I opened my eyes for the first real morning of the tour and realized a few things. One, the hangover usually clouding my head didn’t exist today. Good perk. Two, I hadn’t paid attention when Peri told us the schedule so who knew where we were. Neither good or bad perk because honestly, who cared? Three, a beautiful woman with a hot body who inhabited most of my dreams all night camped out across the aisle from me. What should have been the best perk of all, probably wasn’t even close.
I rolled out of the bunk needing to piss like a racehorse. Even without the hangover, I still held on while moving down the wall to the bathroom. I jerked open the door and dense, steamy fog billowed out but quickly dissipated when it the air. Beyond the mist, a vision stood in the translucent, waterfall glass door of the shower.
An image struck my brain, and I knew the morning wood I sported was going nowhere anytime soon. Halo stood facing me with her head tilted back as she washed white clouds of foam from her hair. The lines of soap and water slowly made their way down the enticing curves of her body. It passed over her perfect pink centered mounds to make its way between the roundness of her stomach and soft angles of her hipbones. The soapy bubbles disappeared between her legs and returned around her knees to slide off her feet into the drain.
I needed to shut the door but couldn’t bring myself to do it. I took advantage of the situation like any good voyeur of the female body would. Yeah, the pervert in me wanted to start at the top of her head and watch as another round of bubbles made its way down, down, down. The further it went, the harder I got.
And then she screamed. Not a little yip kind of scream. A full-on blood-curdling scream. A wake-the-dead kind of scream. In this case, the kind of scream to wake the entire bus. All I could bring myself to do was cover my junk which was hard to do when my brain’s caught up in a beautiful wet- body fantasy. A hurricane force wind wouldn’t bring down my flagpole.
The loud screech brought everyone into the hall to witness my full mast and a fully naked woman. When my brain decided to wake up, I slammed the door.
“I’m so sorry, Halo. I didn’t know you were in there. Why didn’t you lock the door?” I offered through the closed door.
“What the hell, Carter. How long did you plan on standing there staring at me?” The awkward conversation continued through the door.
“I wasn’t staring at you.”
“
Like hell you weren’t, perv.”
“Well, I was trying not to but damn, Halo, what did you expect? You’re all soapy and naked and my sleeping brain didn’t know any better. You can’t blame this all on me.”
“Ugh, go away.” She peeked out the door and saw the group of people standing there. This time she squeaked.
I turned and faced the crowd. “Shows over, folks. Go back to bed.”
Chandler started laughing. “Nice wood, Carter.”
“Chandler,” KeeMac yelled.
“What? It’s obvious he enjoyed his peep show.”
“Thank you, Chan. You can help me take care of it if you want.” I smiled and pointed to it when I said it. “Since the dick’s out of the bag, I didn’t see any reason to hide it any longer.”
“Yeah, fucktard, that will never happen,” KeeMac informed me, but I knew that already. I just liked getting him all worked up about someone trying to get with his little cupcake.
The bathroom door opened and a vanilla scent hit me before a fully-dressed Halo appeared. It captured my thoughts before I could stop it. Memories of the scent filled me; the curve of her neck, the soft underside of her breast, the bend of her knee, the bone on her inner ankle. It penetrated memories safely stored away. Everywhere I’d once touched her, kissed her, ran my tongue over her body came at a full rush in my mind.
I fell back against the door she slammed behind her as the vanilla floated by me, and she climbed into her bunk. The others watched me with curious looks on their faces. I bucked up and fled into the bathroom to escape the stares. What the fuck? I didn’t flee from scenes with women. I wouldn’t allow her to get in my head this way. I had to put a stop to it before any feelings returned for either of us.
When I walked out, she’d gone back to bed which made me happy. I didn’t want to face her right then. Instead, the band waited to see me.
“What time do we have a sound check?” I asked as I pulled a cola from the fridge and took a long drink.
“We’re supposed to be in the auditorium at one,” Chandler informed me. “We’re going to go get some breakfast. You want to come with? Hayden’s going to go, too.”
“Nah, I think I’ll hang out here and have some Cocoa Puffs. I asked Peri for them specifically, and I saw a couple of boxes when I scoped out the goodies she stocked the bus with.” I looked through the kitchen storage because I knew they were there somewhere.
“I wanted to ask Halo to come too, but she didn’t come back out after she went back to bed. I hated to wake her up if she went back to sleep.” Chandler snuck down the hall and listened outside of Halo’s closed curtain putting her finger to her lips telling us to shush. She tiptoed back to the front where we all stood watching her.
“She must be asleep. There’s no noise at all behind the curtain. Let’s just go.” The two guys jumped off the bus, but Chandler turned and looked at me before she headed down them.
“Leave her alone, Carter. She doesn’t need any of your dumbshit to upset her.”
I looked up as I poured the cereal into the bowl. “Me? What would I do?”
“I don’t know, but I do know you and that can only mean trouble. So be good.”
“Oh, my dear little Chan, I’m always good. Just asked the women.”
“Yeah, that’s what scares me.”
“You wound me, Chan.” I clutched my chest. “Deeply.”
“Eat your Cocoa Puffs, dickwad, and leave her alone.” She gave me the fakest smile I’d ever seen and stepped off the bottom step. I sat down at the table with my phone and my cereal and the gallon of milk and scrolled through Facebook while I ate.
The curtain’s rollers scraped with an irritating noise as it moved down the tracks. The gang left about thirty minutes before so I knew the two of us had the bus to ourselves for a while. We needed to talk before they came back, and I figured if her mood had improved since this morning’s incident, now would be a perfect time.
She stood and pulled her hair through a tie a couple of times forming a messy knot on top of her head. The tight yoga pants and tank top hugged her body perfectly. Damn, she’d filled out in all the best places over the years. My staring screeched to a halt when she made a sound in her throat meant to attract my attention.
“Hey. Good morning.” I smiled at her hoping to lighten her mood.
“Hey.” She looked around the empty bus. “Where’s everyone?” Sadly, not even a brief smile graced her face. She looked more nervous than anything else.
“Yeah, they all left to go get breakfast. Chandler whispered through the curtain to see if you wanted to join them, but she didn’t get an answer.”
“I guess I fell back asleep. I didn’t realize I needed that much more. Exhaustion kinda took over.” She glanced around some more. “Is it okay if I make some coffee? Looks like I’m going to be needing it today.” She yawned and stretched arching her back like a cat after a long nap in a warm window sill.
That was a sight worth waiting for. Her tits stuck out, and I couldn’t help but be drawn to them. Visions of their fullness formed in my head, and I knew I needed to find something else to think about fast.
“There’s lots of things to eat in the cabinets and fridge if you want breakfast, too.”
“Looks like you haven’t outgrown your kiddie cereal.” She nodded toward the box of Cocoa Puffs.
I grinned and slurped a spoonful in my mouth. “Guess some things never change.”
“Ain’t that the truth.” A hint of sarcasm accompanied the comment.
“What’s that supposed to mean? I’ve changed a lot since you knew me. You have no idea what kind of adult I am.”
“An adult, huh? I wondered if you referred to yourself that way.” She grabbed a bowl from the cabinet above her head and a box of something resembling horse feed when she poured it. Adding strange-looking milk only made it look worse. I grimaced as she took her first bite.
“Do you eat that shit every day? Looks disgusting and what are you pouring on it?”
“Yes, it’s very good and that’s almond milk which happens to be good for you. It’s tasty and high in protein. I happen to love it.” She took another big bite and crunched down on it.
“I’m surprised it doesn’t break your teeth.” The smirk I gave met a scowl from her.
“It’s much healthier than the pure sugar you’re slurping down.”
“I’ll keep that in mind, but you don’t have to worry about me eating any of it. It’s all yours.”
“Good to know. So what’s everyone doing today? Did we all get a sound check time?” If I didn’t know better, I would swear she was actually trying to make polite conversation with me.
“Yeah, Peri left us a schedule. I haven’t seen Cash since I got up. He must have left early with shit to do. He knows people in almost every city so I guess he’s making connections.” I kept my eyes on my bowl. I stared at her enough when she walked in to look creepy. She needed to feel comfortable around me if we were going to get off the acquaintance level.
“Do you do your own sound checks?”
I looked up and met her eyes. The violet color held me captive longer than necessary before I answered her, and damn, here again, staring at her.
“Yeah, uh, we do. The techs get it all set up, but we still like to double check if we can. Sometimes, it’s not possible but usually there’s time.” I stuck the spoon in my mouth. Damn, her eyes got me every time. The unusual tint drew me in just as it always did, but I didn’t have to allow it. The purple irises fringed with the soft, long dark lashes brought me to my knees more than once in our younger lives.
“Why are you acting so weird, Carter?” She glared at me when I looked up.
“What do you mean? I’m eating breakfast holding a conversation with an old friend. I don’t see anything weird about that.”
“Yeah, but you keep giving me this strange look like you’re afraid to say the wrong thing. It’s like you’re making sure everything you say is the right thing. It’s just m
e. Talk.”
“I want to, Halo. I do, but you’re right. I’m scared to say the wrong thing. I don’t want our time together to add to the problems from before.”
“Problems? Were there problems? Oh yeah, you left town and never looked back. Never called to check whether I was alive or dead. Never bothered to acknowledge I’d graduated or turned eighteen or twenty-one. Did you walk away and forget me? Was it that easy for you to move on?
Chapter Eighteen
The comeback I prepared to give sounded wrong, so I kept my mouth shut for a few minutes. When I did open it, I weighed the words for the damage they might cause.
“Halo.” I stopped. “I wanted to call. I planned to call several times and stuff just kept getting in the way.” I stood and walked to the front of the bus putting some space between us. “A month passed and then it was two, and I felt like maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe it would only rub salt in the wound. The responsibility for continuing to hurt you or make you angry or sad, ate at me. When I realized six months has passed, I decided to let it go. I walked away to keep from hurting you and calling might give you false hopes that I had no intentions of following through on.”
“So kind of you to constantly be looking out for my feelings like that, Carter. I can’t thank you enough.” Sarcasm dripped with each word.
“Don’t be like that, Halo, please. I want us to be friends. I can do this. I hoped you could, too.”
“Friend-zoning me? Will that ease your conscience if I agree so we can get on with our lives?”
Damn, the words didn’t win her over. “I’m not trying to win you over, Halo, but we can be friends while we’re stuck on this road to happiness we’ve stepped on.”
“Happiness, huh?” She smirked at me, but I gave her a full-on smile this time.
“Can we at least make it through a conversation?”
She looked at me hard for a while. Seemed like an eternity.