Endless

by Kaylene Winter

  Dressed to the nines in my sweet black-and-gray pinstriped Hugo Boss suit, my hair pulled back into a ponytail, I hooked my Prada sunglasses on my pocket and entered the modern new building in the middle of the downtown area Seattle affectionately called “Amazonia.”

  Feeling confident and excited, I took the elevator up the twenty-third floor where Carter greeted me in the gleaming, pristine lobby of Finney Cooper, a big law firm that was putting together the paperwork for my non-profit.

  “Welcome home, man!” Carter pulled me into a hug.

  “Finally, I’m so excited to finish up everything and take some time off. I feel like I’m about ninety years old in a thirty-year-old body. I never want to see another tour bus again.” I laughed.

  “I get it, man. Ah, Ty. It’s so good to see you laughing,” Carter said squinting at me. “Hopefully, I will finally be able to make things right.”

  “I have no clue what you are talking about, old man,” I joked, and then got serious. I hugged him again. “I’m so psyched you’re going to help me out with this, I owe everything to you.”

  “Yeah, well—Let’s get in there, they are all waiting.” He blew it off and gestured to the conference room to the left of the reception desk, a large room with floor-length windows overlooking the Space Needle and Lake Union.

  My plan to establish a music program in every public school in Washington state was going to become a reality. I had the idea, the backing, and a great team. All I needed to do was complete the complicated network of paperwork and then kids who did not excel at academics but had a knack for the arts could have permanent programs to fall back on. Kids like me. I was pumped when I opened the door to the conference room.

  “Welcome, Carter. Hello, Mr. Rainier. I’m a big fan, I’m Joe Finney, the founder of Finney Cooper, we have a wonderful presentation for you about the things we have put into place for your foundation. I’d like to introduce you to one of our star associates.”

  I’d have recognized her anywhere. It was like all the cells in my body recognized hers. She was wearing a snug, dark-navy suit that accentuated the curve of her ass paired with a white, fitted blouse with what looked to be a blue-floral pattern. Upon further inspection, the flowers were actually abstract skulls. Her blonde hair as wild and beachy as ever but tugged back into a messy bun. Her lips were tinged dark pink, and blue, polka-dot-rimmed reading glasses were perched on her nose. My heart beat furiously. I stared at her and it seemed like time stood still. She still had the same effect on me after all these years. Fuck. Fuckity fuck.

  “Zoey.”

  At the sound of my voice, she turned from the projector she had been fussing with and we looked at each other for the first time in eight years. The color drained from her face, her eyes wide as saucers.

  “Ty?” she questioned, even though she knew it was me. She blinked rapidly in confusion, but she quickly recovered and steadied herself by palming the conference table. With a strong, confident voice she plugged in the projector. “I didn’t realize that you were part of Carter’s project.”

  Chapter 9

  ZOEY

  When I saw Ty in my firm’s conference room, even more gorgeous than I remembered, long hair pulled back and wearing a friggin’ business suit, my first thought was, “What the hell kind of dream am I having?”

  My second thought was more jumbled along the line of, “Where can I run and hide?”

  Confusion clouded my brain. I wasn’t prepared for this. I’d worked on the presentation based on information Carter provided, but Ty’s name was nowhere to be found. Only Carter’s. When I’d moved back to Seattle I wondered if I’d run into Ty at some point, but certainly never thought it would be at my office. My heart thundered in my chest. Tears threatened to spill. My body and heart lurched at the sight of him. I’d been kidding myself for years.

  I’d never be over this man.

  Nothing had prepared me for the crippling depression that I suffered after leaving Ty that morning eight years ago. For weeks, I could barely get out of bed to go to the bathroom, let alone attend classes. Luckily, my parents were very supportive and withdrew me from school before the LTZ show, and Mom took me to Hawaii to stay in my grandparents’ timeshare for a month. Vaguely, in between insane bouts of crying, I remember floating in the warm ocean, numbly trying to find my equilibrium.

  By the time we returned to Seattle, LTZ’s song Rise had done just that—risen up the charts at breakneck speed. It seemed to follow me wherever I went. My not-to-distant memories of the guys working through the song at band practice, Ty’s hands all over my body in between recording sessions, making love to him. It was too much.

  Of course, no one with a pulse could have escaped LTZ’s meteoric rise to the top of the music world after that.

  Over the first few months, after I left, Ty left me hundreds of messages. I couldn’t bear to listen to any of them. I changed phone numbers. Jace had also reached out through Alex that Ty was frantic to connect with me. I couldn’t do it. It killed me that he was hurting. I wanted nothing more than to hear his voice and to beg him to let me back into his life. Without him, it felt like both my arms and legs had been cut off.

  I also knew if we spoke, he’d drop everything to get to me, which would ruin his career and the band’s success. Since I couldn’t let that happen, I resigned myself to disappear from his life forever.

  For my own sanity, I transferred to a small college in the middle of Texas, far away from Seattle. A place that played only country music. I didn’t know a soul, nor did I really attempt to make any friends or keep up with Alex. Burying myself in academics kept me from facing the truth of what I had done to Ty. It kept me focused and busy. In some ways, I suppose, by depriving myself of the usual college fun and activities, I was also punishing myself.

  As time passed and LTZ achieved more and more success during my undergraduate years, I turned further inward. When Dad told me about Ty’s visit, I agonized about whether I could bear hearing his deep, sexy voice. By that point I was weeks away from starting law school, and I knew that my own future depended on me keeping on track. Late one lonely night I caved and called the number he left. It went straight to voicemail. I left him what I hoped was a heartfelt message and asked him to let me go. Then I promptly bawled myself to sleep.

  I never tried to contact Ty again, even when I knew that Alex sometimes saw Jace and the band during her travels.

  I tackled my next goal of acing the LSAT and getting into Berkeley Law school. I nearly got derailed when LTZ released Z, an album of songs that were clearly about me. I was almost relieved because knowing that Ty hated me gave me the perfect excuse to push my feelings down to finish law school and try to rebuild my life. Other than Alex and a couple of Seattle friends, the band, Carter, and my parents, no one knew that Ty of LTZ had been my first love.

  Suddenly, everyone in the entire world was trying to find out who “Z” was, which sent me into a panic. Alex told me that Jace had assured her that the band—including Ty—wanted to protect me and would keep my identity secret. Being kept out of the spotlight saved me. There was no way to prepare for the insane success of Z.

  Everyone in LTZ were everywhere all the time: television, social media, award shows, tabloids, billboards, advertisements, documentaries, and on and on. I had to learn to live with seeing Ty’s gorgeous face and body plastered wherever I went. There was no escape. Not to mention, the songs were in heavy rotation. Ty’s raw vocals about how I ruined his life were pure anguish. Down became the worldwide break-up rock anthem. LTZ was the new Seattle iconic rock band, and every single one of the guys were the most coveted men in the world.

  Ty had always been beyond hot. But now, the most famous women and men in the world took notice. Hell, I got it. He had gained confidence and swagger that he never had when we were together, and nothing could stop me from trolling him. When he became a cliché rock monster, I couldn’t reconcile the belligerent, snarling fuck-up with the man who loved me so deeply whe
n he tenderly took my virginity. I wondered if I had driven him to behave like the mother he despised.

  Once he cleaned up his act, Ty dated dozens and dozens of beautiful women. One day he would be smoldering in a plaid tux on the red carpet with a Victoria’s Secret Model, the next he’d be in leather pants at some nightclub with an Oscar-award-winning actress. My heart broke when he became serious with Ronni Miller, the most gorgeous woman on TV. People magazine even said so.

  I knew that Carter had been right. He was clearly better off without me holding him back. He’d traded up. He was where he belonged. Yet, in each photo, I noticed he still wore the bracelet I gave him for his birthday on our last night together. And I still wore my butterfly necklace too.

  I never took it off.

  I would never take it off.

  It was all I had left of him.

  Luckily, I didn’t have a lot of time to dwell. Law school was demanding, intense, and competitive, and it taught me how to compartmentalize my emotions to better deal with tough situations. A few guys even caught my eye, and I went on some dates when I allowed myself a rare night off. During my last year, I dated a sweet fellow law student, Nick Martin. He wasn’t my forever guy, but we filled a need for each other until we graduated and went our separate ways.

  Regardless of my hurt and pain about our relationship, Ty’s perseverance and ability to overcome adversity, despite his upbringing, resonated with me on a deep level. I wondered how many kids like Ty had been left behind. It bothered me that so many creative children had limited or no access to music and other arts programs in schools due to lack of funding.

  Honoring Ty and kids like him became my passion. Maybe even my redemption. While not the sexiest type of law, focusing on non-profit corporate work meant I could spend my days giving back to the world. Once I made the decision, it felt so good to have a purpose, to thrive and excel in school, and finally get a little of my mojo back. Graduating summa cum laude meant I had my choice of law firms, and Joe Finney recruited me to join Finney Cooper in Seattle. I was bound and determined to be the best damn lawyer in town.

  When I returned to my hometown, Alex and I picked up where we left off. She had curated such a cool career, visiting locations all over the globe as a travel expert and influencer. With millions of Instagram followers, sponsors sometimes paid her more for one post than I made in a year. Her success at doing something she loved was inspiring, and she was relentlessly persuading me to tag along on a trip, but I was tied to the long hours and grind of firm life.

  Mostly, though, I didn’t travel with her because I couldn’t bear to run into Ty. I was pretty sure Alex had something going with Jace. She always downplayed it, but she didn’t want to hurt me. I was sick of her and my parents walking on eggshells around me, and I certainly didn’t want my own bitterness to affect my BFF’s chance at happiness. Work became my primary outlet.

  After a particularly grueling week at work, I was calculating the hours I needed to bill to make partner in eight years instead of ten. I also created a target list of potential clients to recruit into Finney Cooper, knowing that being a rainmaker would speed up my partnership track even more. When my office phone rang, no one was more surprised than me when Carter Pope was on the line to invite me out for lunch. The timing couldn’t have been better. In Seattle, aside from the LTZ guys—who were clearly out of contention—clients didn’t get bigger than Carter. Landing such a big fish for the firm would catapult my career above all of the other associates I was in competition with.

  I’d never gone down the rabbit hole and blamed Carter for wrecking my relationship with Ty. Sure, I was upset that he had so much influence over my eighteen-year-old self, but I’d realized it wasn’t personal. He loved Ty and wanted the best for him. I had to own up to my own responsibility in our breakup and how poorly I’d handled it.

  Intrigued to have a chance to catch up with Carter, I met him in a small coffee shop close to his home in the Madrona neighborhood. Wearing black jeans, a white, fitted T-shirt, and a black-and-purple brocade jacket, I always tried to push the boundaries of business attire. It was my own personal act of rebellion. Carter wore his uniform of jeans, an LTZ T-shirt, and a baseball cap. He looked older but still very handsome.

  “Zoey, you look lovely.” He grasped my hands. “You’re so grown up.”

  “Thank you, Carter. It was so good to hear from you after all these years.” I kissed his cheek.

  “I was afraid you wouldn’t come. It’s been so long. I was actually surprised you took my call.” He rested his chin on his hand and looked at me pensively.

  “Well, I nearly didn’t, Carter. But, when you mentioned you wanted to set up a non-profit to fund music programs in schools, I couldn’t say no. It’s something I’m personally very interested in.” I smiled. “Tell me more about what you’re thinking.”

  To his credit, he never brought up Ty or LTZ. Instead, for over an hour, we discussed his idea for a non-profit program. He asked if I would set up and represent the company personally. As a young associate, I couldn’t make that call because we had a protocol at the firm, but I knew it was a done deal. Everyone, including Joe Finney, was a Limelight fan.

  Overjoyed at landing my first big client, I was equally excited about working on Carter’s project. Which is why I set up the meeting with Joe. I spent nearly a week preparing and fine-tuning my presentation about Finney Cooper and the services we would provide.

  At the kick-off meeting where my structure and plans would be presented to Carter and his team, never in a million years did I expect to see Ty standing there, hot as fuck, in a business suit. When I heard him speak my name in his deep, melodic voice, goosebumps broke out all over, and I was acutely aware of parts of my body that I’d forgotten even functioned. Remembering where I was, I tried to tamp my primitive reaction and acknowledge him professionally.

  Silently, I agonized. What the hell was Carter thinking?

  Chapter 10

  TYSON

  Every fiber in my body wanted to bolt when I saw her, but Carter smiled at me like he had just given me the greatest present in the world. Then she looked at me.

  She was stunning, so grown up. I was used to the sexy rocker chick with wild hair. She now looked like a hot, naughty librarian, her hair trying to escape whatever she’d tied it back with. I was confused by her comment that my foundation was Carter’s project. I’d only asked him for a recommendation for a good law firm. My expectation for this meeting was an introduction, not a presentation.

  “Look, I think there is a misunderstanding, this is my project, not Carter’s.” I was irritated that I had to correct the situation.

  “Oh, I didn’t know—um. Okay. Carter?” Zoey was perplexed but managed to sneak in a quick glare at Carter.

  “Mr. Rainier, we have a lot of experience—” Joe Finney cut off Zoey in an authoritative tone, which pissed me off. And by the look on her face, it pissed her off too.

  “I’m sure you do, but, um—” I also glared at Carter, willing him to speak. “This is awkward.”

  “Mr. Finney, may we speak with Zoey for a few minutes alone? She and Ty are actually old friends who haven’t seen each other in a while.” Carter reclined far back in a conference chair, chuckling at the confusion. “I’ll clear things up.”

  “Of course, take your time.” Joe was hesitant, but then nodded and stepped out of the room leaving the three of us.

  “Carter, you’re such a meddling fucking grandma.” Zoey scowled, her directness and confidence intense. “You said this was your project.”

  “It’s good to see you, Zoey.” I ignored her outburst and kept my voice calm, even though I was a raging river inside. Zoey looked through her sexy glasses at me with shock.

  “Zoey, Ty and I made up years ago. My delivery sucked ass, but my advice was actually pretty solid. I never, ever expected you to react the way you did. My God, sweetheart, you could give seminars on how to ghost a man! Luckily, I’m here to sort you both out.” Car
ter smiled over at her.

  “I know you only had Ty’s best interest in mind, Carter.” Zoey flopped down in a conference chair, tears brimming in her eyes. “That’s why I did what you asked. I told you I’d never be able to face him again.”

  I stood across from her, staring like a deer in headlights.

  Carter never meant forever, that was all you, butterfly.

  “I never wanted to leave, Ty. As hard as it was for me to stay away, I hope it was the right thing for me to do.” She leveled her gaze at me, one tear escaped from her beautiful hazel eye and rolled down her cheek under her glasses. Although her dad and Jace had told me she had been a mess, this was the first time I could actually see evidence of it myself. It made my heart clench.

  I wanted to take her in my arms and never let go again.

  “Fuck, Zoey.” I sat down across from her at the table. “After all this time, I never in a million years expected to see you today, or really ever again.”

  “Zoey and I had lunch a couple of weeks ago. She’s specializing in working with people and companies who help underprivileged kids, especially in the arts. She’s the perfect person to help you with the foundation. I just hope you can forgive an old, stupid fuck-up and do something amazing together.” Carter got up from his chair, clapped Ty on his back, and headed to the door. “I’m out, I’ll leave you two to talk.”

  The door closing behind him seemed inordinately loud.

  “Hi.” I smiled at her, the electricity in the air palpable.

  “Hi.” She smiled back, and we looked at each other for a few seconds before she nervously broke our gaze to fiddle with the projector cord.

  “So, you did it. You’re a lawyer.” I tried to break the ice but strangely felt as nervous as I did the first time that I summoned the guts to talk to her at The Mission.