A Father's Vow

by Myrna Temte

  “I’m fine,” he said in a gruff voice, though her concern touched him more deeply than he wanted her to know. He pulled his hands free of her grasp and turned off the engine, then the lights. “We’re stuck tight, so we’d better ration our gas as of right now. Good thing I filled the tank yesterday.”

  Julia nodded, then cast a nervous glance toward the windshield. “Yeah. Good thing.” She shivered and gave him a weak smile.

  He reached around her, snagged the edge of the sleeping bag and pulled it back over her lap. “How are you feeling?”

  “I’m scared.”

  “Why? Is it the baby? Are you having pains?”

  “No, I just don’t like being…trapped like this.”

  “Right,” Sam said, rubbing his eyes in an effort to think clearly. According to the odometer, they were only about ten miles from Whitehorn. A blizzard like this one could last for two or three days. If he had to go for help, he’d have a better chance of making it now than later, when he was bound to be colder, hungrier and more tired.

  He looked at Julia and saw her take another nervous glance out the windshield. He didn’t blame her for feeling scared. A person would have to be stupid not to fear that whirling mass of snow out there.

  Taking a deep breath, he turned to face her. “Okay, here’s what we’re going to do. You sit tight and stay bundled up. Don’t run the engine more than ten or fifteen minutes every hour and crack a window when you do. I’ll be back with help just as soon as I can.”

  “Oh, no,” she said, frowning at him. “You’re not thinking of going out there on foot—”

  “It’s the only way I can get you out of here before this storm stops,” he said. “Who knows how long that’ll be? If you start having contractions or something—”

  “I’m not having contractions. And you’re not going anywhere.”

  He let out an impatient huff and picked up his gloves from the dash. “Look, I got you into this, and it’s my responsibility to get you back out. If anything happened to you or the baby because of my stupidity, I—”

  “Hush.” She grabbed the gloves out of his hand and stuck them under her rump. “The storm just moved faster than you expected. Storms do that sometimes. We’re all safe right now. Let’s stay that way.”

  He reached down under the front edge of the seat and found the extra pair of gloves he kept there in the winter. Before he could put them on, Julia grabbed them, too, and stuffed them under her rump with the other pair.

  “Dammit, Julia, give those back.”

  “Dammit, Sam, will you stop being so stubborn?”

  “Me stubborn? Hah! Look who’s talkin’! Miss Mulehead of Montana.”

  “Oh, yeah?”

  “Yeah! Won’t even let a guy apologize for saying stupid things he didn’t mean.”

  “And which stupid things didn’t you mean? You’ve said so many, it’s hard to know.”

  Literally biting his tongue, he counted to ten before responding. “Well, for starters, I’m sorry I threatened to take the baby away from you. That’s not what I really want to do. Now give me the damn gloves, will you?”

  “No.” Her nostrils flared as she inhaled a deep breath, and he suspected she might also be counting to ten. “There’s no way you’d ever make it to town. Do you want to die out there?”

  “Hell, no, I don’t want die, but I will if I have to,” he shouted. Seeing her wince, he lowered his voice to a ragged whisper. “Aw, honey, don’t you know I’d do anything to keep you and our baby safe?”

  “Oh, Sam.” She mashed her lips together and her chin trembled in an obvious effort to control her emotions. The effort failed, however, and her eyes filled with tears that quickly overflowed her lashes and spilled down her cheeks. “You big fraud, you love us. You really do love us.”

  “So?”

  “So?” Swiping at her streaming eyes, she glared at him as if she wouldn’t mind choking the daylights out of him. “So, why didn’t you just say so?”

  “I’ve been trying to show you. I figured you’d have to get the message sooner or later.”

  “That’s not the message I was getting.”

  “I asked you to marry me, didn’t I?”

  “You didn’t ask, Sam. You ordered me to marry you.”

  “Are you always this sensitive?”

  “Yes. And I have never taken orders very well.”

  “I can believe that,” Sam said, giving her a grin.

  She frowned back at him. Silence filled the truck, thick and heavy as smoke. After a few minutes, Sam felt as if he were going to choke on it.

  “What do you want from me?” he finally blurted out.

  “I want to hear you say it,” she said. “If you love me, I need to hear you say it.”

  He looked away from her enormous eyes and gulped at the rising sense of panic clogging his throat. “I…no. I just…don’t say those words.”

  “Will it help if I say them to you first?” she asked. “I do love you, Sam. You know that, don’t you?”

  He gave a jerky nod while an unfamiliar burning stung the backs of his eyes. “I guessed. Well, I hoped you did.”

  “Then why won’t you say those words back to me?”

  “It’s not that I won’t,” he said. “I…well, I just…can’t.”

  “Why?” she whispered, her eyes brimming over with tears. Her voice took on a harsh, almost bitter note that chilled his blood worse than the wind outside. “Is it because you still can’t trust a…half-breed?”

  “No! Oh, God, no. That’s never been it, Julia, you’ve got to believe that.”

  “What else can I believe?” she said. “That’s what you’ve hated about me from the beginning, isn’t it? My tainted blood?”

  He grasped her arms, then released them for fear of shaking her in his own frustration. “It’s not you,” he insisted, curling his fingers into the tightest fists he could make. “It’s not even about you. It’s me.”

  “I still don’t understand.”

  “I’m trying to explain it, but I don’t know if I can.”

  “You have to. Please, Sam, make me understand.” She reached for his hands, but ended up grasping his wrists and squeezing them as if that would somehow communicate the depth of her emotions. “This is what you have to do for me and the baby, don’t you see? If we can just get past this one thing, maybe we can be a family together.”

  The panic surged inside him again, stronger and more violent than ever before. He pulled back, desperately wanting to dislodge her grip, but fearing he would hurt her in his need to escape. The damn, gutsy little woman hung on like a badger with its jaws locked around a nice, juicy rabbit.

  To his surprise and utter horror, Sam felt wetness on his cheeks. He still couldn’t free his hands, but he could turn his head away from her. Damn, he hadn’t cried since he was six.

  “Let me go,” he said, his voice raw with an anguish even he didn’t fully comprehend. “For God’s sake, let go of me.”

  “Not until you tell me why you can’t say you love me.”

  “I can’t love anybody, dammit.”

  “Why, Sam?”

  “Because when I do, they leave me.” Still refusing to look at her, he hunched his shoulders and wiped the tears from his cheeks on his coat, first one side, then the other. “It’s like I’m cursed. I couldn’t stand it if you left me behind, too.”

  “You’re afraid I’ll do that?” she said.

  “Of course. You’re beautiful. You’re smart. You’re educated. You can go anywhere you want and people will love you. And you already have so many ties to the white world, why would you want to spend your life on a lousy, poverty-ridden reservation?”

  She didn’t answer him right away, and the longer she considered her words, the more terrified he felt. Then she got onto her knees on the seat beside him. She rested her hands on his shoulders, waiting until he looked at her.

  “That lousy, poverty-ridden reservation is the first place I’ve ever felt that I abso
lutely belonged,” she said. “It’s the first place I ever had a family who loved me for who I was. It’s a place where I know I can make a contribution that will deeply matter to people I admire and cherish. It’s the place the only man I’ve ever really loved and wanted to marry lives and works his heart and soul out to make life better for everyone around him. It’s a place where my baby can grow up surrounded by love and acceptance. Why would I ever want to leave a wonderful place like that?”

  “Do you mean it?” he asked.

  Her smile should have melted every snowflake in a hundred-mile radius. “Oh, yes, love. Don’t you get it? The last thing I want to do is leave the reservation. Ever since I came to Laughing Horse, I’ve been trying to get in, not out.”

  He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close, drinking in her scent and the feel of her in his arms as if his whole future happiness depended on her. Fear swelled in his chest, even while she hugged him with all her might. He owed her those three words, though, no matter how much they terrified him. He cleared his throat, inhaled a deep breath, then whispered a trial run against the side of her neck.

  “I love you.”

  She pulled back and, with a wariness that made his heart ache with regret, looked deeply into his eyes. “What did you say?”

  “I love you, Julia.” He suddenly felt as if a crushing burden had dropped off his back. “I love our baby, too. All of you. Both of you.”

  They came together in a desperate, hungry kiss that went on and on, until all of the pickup’s windows were completely fogged over. When they finally let each other up for air, Julia was sitting on his lap and they each had their hands inside the other’s coat. Though he knew he was in danger of getting seriously overheated, Sam couldn’t bring himself to stop touching her, and he prayed she would never stop wanting to touch him.

  There was sweet healing in the loving strokes of her hands, in the reassurances that came from her mouth, in the acceptance and joy he saw in her beautiful eyes. Suddenly her eyebrows shot up under her bangs and her mouth formed a perfect little O. Grabbing his hand, she moved it from her breast to her gently rounded belly.

  “There!” She laughed and sheer delight shone in her eyes. “Did you feel that?”

  “Feel what?” Sam asked.

  “The baby. It’s moving.”

  “Really?”

  Sam pressed his palm more firmly against her, but still couldn’t feel anything when she laughed again. His disappointment must have shown, because she smiled and patted his cheek.

  “Don’t worry, sweetie. The baby’s still so little, I’ve only been able to feel it for a week or so. The kicks will get stronger as the baby grows.”

  He wasn’t too sure how he felt about being called sweetie, as though he were one of the little boys in her class, for God’s sake. But right now, she could’ve called him just about anything and he wouldn’t have complained about it. At this moment he held everything he’d ever really wanted and needed in his arms.

  Now if they survived this damn blizzard, he would take her out to the most romantic restaurant he could find, and then ask her to marry him. Smiling at the mental image of himself down on one knee in the middle of some swank restaurant in Billings, he regretfully set her off his lap and zipped his coat back up. He gave her one quick but thorough kiss, and grabbed his gloves off the seat.

  She looked at him with a horrified expression. “Sam, please don’t leave.”

  “I’m just going to make sure the exhaust is clear before we start the engine again and turn the heat on for a while.”

  “You promise?”

  “You bet. You’re sure everything’s okay with you and the little guy?”

  “I think so. I feel just fine.”

  When Sam stepped outside this time, the wind had died down a fair amount and there wasn’t nearly as much snow blowing every which way. It only took a minute to check the tailpipe. When he straightened up again, he distinctly heard the sound of another vehicle approaching.

  He ran back and yanked open his door, jumped in, started the engine, turned on the lights and emergency flashers and pounded the horn until he thought he’d go deaf. Within a few moments there came a loud banging on his window. Sam rolled it down and found himself staring into the face of his old buddy, Wayne Kincaid.

  “Will you stop makin’ all that damned racket?” Wayne shouted, though his eyes glinted with amusement. Leaning down, he looked past Sam and tipped his hat. “Well, hello there, Ms. Julia. Fancy seein’ you out here.”

  “Hello, J.D.,” she said. “By any chance are you headed into Whitehorn?”

  “I’m headed wherever you need to go, ma’am.”

  Sam shot Wayne a warning scowl. “Save the cowboy charm for your own woman, J.D., and just drive us to the hospital, will you?”

  “The hospital? Shoot, why didn’t you say so? Did one of you get hurt when you went off the road?”

  “No. We’ve just got to get something checked out,” Sam said.

  He rolled up his window, shut down everything he’d turned on, then opened his door, stepped back outside and held his arms out to Julia. She slid under the steering wheel, stood up on the running board and put her arms around his neck while he scooped her up against his chest. Wayne led the way back to his own pickup.

  Sam carried Julia out of the ditch, and when they reached the side of the road, he noted with no little surprise that the storm had almost completely passed. The sky overhead had wide blue patches. The wind was little more than a January breeze.

  There was a heck of a lot of snow down in that ditch, but up here, it really didn’t look like there was much of anything to get excited about. It was almost as if that storm had been created just to bring the two of them together. But that would take some mighty powerful medicine. He’d heard about such things happening in the old days, but now? A superstitious shiver went through him, anyway.

  Julia touched his cheek. “Sam? What is it?”

  He looked into her worried eyes and smiled. “It’s nothing. I just had a funny feeling for a second. Let’s get you to the hospital, honey.”

  Julia lay her head against Sam’s shoulder and for just this once allowed him to take charge. All of a sudden she felt too tired to do anything else. Besides, it was kind of nice to have a man fussing over her every little comfort. Especially this man.

  J.D.’s dog, Freeway, was already in the cab, and while it was a tight squeeze to fit the rest of them in, they eventually got settled. Though he was banished to the floor, Freeway insisted on resting his head on Julia’s lap, and she enjoyed stroking his furry head and scratching behind his ears while Sam and J.D. talked. Someday she would have to talk to Sam about getting a dog.

  She was probably just imagining it, but it seemed as if Sam and J.D. knew each other fairly well. In fact, she’d say they acted almost as chummy as if they were old friends. Maybe it was a guy thing. With that settled in her mind, she allowed herself to drift into a state halfway between sleep and wakefulness, secure in the knowledge that Sam would take care of her and their precious baby.

  When they arrived at the emergency room, Sam carried her inside. To her surprise, J.D. showed up at the admissions desk before she’d finished completing the paperwork, saying he’d just hang around and keep Sam company until she’d seen the doctor.

  A nurse whisked her into an examination room. She’d barely changed into a paper gown before Dr. Kane Hunter came in and proceeded to check her out with reassuring, if somewhat embarrassing, thoroughness. When he’d finished, he helped Julia to sit up.

  “I don’t see anything to worry about,” he said with a smile. “But just to be on the safe side, I’m going to order a sonogram. By the time you’re done with that, we should have the results back on your blood and urine samples. Then we’ll talk again.”

  “Is it all right for Sam to watch the sonogram with me?” Julia asked.

  “You bet,” Kane said. “In fact, we like to get the fathers as involved as possible. I t
ake it you two have worked things out?”

  Julia smiled. “I think so.”

  “I’m glad. I grew up with Sam out at Laughing Horse, and he’s a good guy. I’ll send him in.”

  A nurse came to get Sam. J.D. watched his old friend walk away and debated whether to go on about his business or wait and see if Sam and Julia needed a ride back to the reservation. Thank God the doctor’s initial report had been positive. J.D. had never seen poor Sam so scared as he’d been while waiting to hear if Julia and the baby were okay.

  It would be nice to see somebody get a happy ending, for a change, J.D. thought. For himself, he was happy as a calf in knee-high clover that he wasn’t all tied up in knots over some woman or worrying about bringing a kid into this stinking world.

  A phone rang on the receptionist’s desk. She conducted a brisk conversation, then hung up and hit a switch that activated a paging system.

  “Dr. Hall. Dr. Carey Hall, please contact ER. Dr. Carey Hall, please contact ER.”

  J.D. shoved his hands into his front pockets and sauntered closer to the reception desk, pausing to glance at a stack of ancient magazines, hoping he might find something interesting to read. A moment later, Dr. Hall hurried up to the desk, spoke quietly to the receptionist and walked right past J.D. to the pop machine. His pulse jumped, his palms suddenly felt slick and he couldn’t, for the life of him, look away from her.

  As if she felt his scrutiny, she glanced over her shoulder at him and froze in the middle of dropping her coins into the slot. She wore no makeup that he could detect, but she had pretty hazel eyes, a straight little nose and sweet, full lips. Her curly, dark blond hair flowed to her shoulders, arranged in a haphazard style. Her lab coat completely hid her figure, though J.D.’s careful scrutiny detected some inviting curves in all the right places.

  She was hardly what most red-blooded men would call gorgeous or sexy. So why were his hormones in such an uproar? Then she smiled and an adorable set of dimples appeared in her cheeks.

  He’d met her before, all too briefly, and felt that same powerful jolt when she’d smiled at him. Well, damn. He had to know more about this woman. He scrambled to his feet and offered his hand to her.