The Boy Who Didn't Want to Save the World
Page 22
‘When?’ demanded Princess Lois.
‘He didn’t moan when I nearly killed him,’ pointed out Capablanca.
‘Only because he was too busy dying,’ countered Beo.
‘Could someone help me up now?’ asked Blart, who felt that they could save this discussion until he was safely sitting on the back of Pig the Horse.
Nobody answered him.
‘But, Princess,’ persisted Blart, ‘you tried to save me from Zoltab before.’
‘Only because I thought you were the only one who could defeat him,’ answered the Princess. ‘Don’t think it was because I like you.’
‘Oh,’ said Blart, feeling hurt.
‘I don’t think we should let him up until we know that he’s a hero,’ said Princess Lois.
‘Right,’ agreed Beo.
There was silence on the horse. Capablanca pondered. Blart dangled.
‘Eureka!’ shouted the wizard suddenly. ‘He is a hero, after all.’
‘How?’ demanded Princess Lois.
‘Because,’ said Capablanca and then, since he was about to show himself to be very clever, he paused for dramatic effect. Blart wished he’d hurry up. ‘Because,’ repeated Capablanca, ‘I’ve just worked out that the reason the guard changed into a dragon was because Blart made a mistake in casting a spell when we were trapped in the clutches of serpents. And without that mistake the dragon would never have landed on Blart’s brother – sorry about your brother, Blart – and Zoltab would have triumphed.’
‘If it wasn’t for that pesky kid my plan would have worked,’ cursed Zoltab in the tiny shrill voice that was his now he had been deprived of his power.
‘Shut up,’ all of them chorused at him once more.
‘Why?’ said Zoltab sulkily. ‘What can you do to me? I’m immortal.’
‘Don’t think I haven’t thought of that,’ said Capablanca smugly. ‘We will build a greater tunnel to encase you and I will cast a great spell and it will be covered by the Cap of Eternal Doom.’
‘You wouldn’t,’ said Zoltab, shocked.
‘I will,’ said Capablanca firmly.
And Zoltab was silenced.
‘My arms are getting very tired now,’ Blart reminded them from below.
‘He’s officially a hero,’ announced Capablanca. ‘You must save him.’
‘Is he really a hero?’ asked Princess Lois desperately.
‘Yes,’ answered Capablanca. ‘He’s possibly the greatest hero there’s ever been.’
‘We’ll have to pull him up, then,’ said Beo reluctantly. ‘Now I’m a knight I have a responsibility to treat accredited heroes with a proper respect. They outrank even knights in the chivalric hierarchy.’
‘I can’t feel my arms at all any more,’ pleaded Blart from under Pig the Horse.
‘But … but … but …’ wailed Princess Lois desperately.
‘But what?’ snapped Capablanca.
‘But if he’s a hero and he’s saved the world then my parents might try to make me marry him. My mother’s always wanted a hero as a son-in-law.’
Blart gulped when he heard this. He was far from sure that marriage to a princess was compatible with pig farming.
‘Ten minutes ago you were due to marry the most evil Lord in the world,’ pointed out Capablanca. ‘Blart’s got to be an improvement on that.’
‘I don’t know,’ said Princess Lois grudgingly.
‘Help!’ cried Blart as he felt his grip on Pig the Horse’s tail begin to fail.
‘Pull him up,’ commanded Capablanca.
And so Sir Beowulf reached down and pulled Blart up on to the back of Pig the Horse, and he even patted him on the back and said, ‘Well done,’ and admitted that he was quite glad he hadn’t cleaved him in two. And Princess Lois said, ‘Thank you,’ to Blart for saving her, and even conceded that she’d probably rather marry Blart than Zoltab. And Capablanca said he’d go down in history and that all peoples of the earth would be for ever grateful to him.
Blart sat on the back of Pig the Horse with his comrades. The world flew by below them. It looked very small and vulnerable as they passed over it. And it had been. But now it wasn’t. Because of Blart. Blart was a hero. Blart had saved the world.
And he never let anyone forget it.
THE END
Acknowledgements
I would like to thank Michael Barker and Nancy Miles for all their help and encouragement during the writing of this book.
Bloomsbury Publishing, London, New Delhi, New York and Sydney
First published in Great Britain in 2006 by Bloomsbury Publishing Plc
50 Bedford Square, London WC1B 3DP
This electronic edition published in January 2013 by Bloomsbury Publishing Plc
Copyright © Dominic Barker 2006
The moral right of the author has been asserted
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eISBN: 978-1-4088-3874-7
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