Taming Mr. Flirt

by A. m Madden

  “Aw, you handled it well. ‘I’m fascinated with garment conveyors, Sir.’” She now altered her voice to sound like a high-pitched Mickey Mouse.

  “I don’t sound like that.”

  “You did that day,” she quipped with a grin. When she pulled out a few strands of hay from my tux jacket, her eyebrow arched. “I thought you were going to your friend’s wedding, Kyle?”

  At the sight of the stiff pale yellow straws, my cock sprung to life in my slacks. “I did. It was in a barn.” There was no way I’d think of hay the same way again. Not that I ever thought of it to begin with.

  “Uh huh.” Natasha gave me an all-knowing smile. She started taking inventory of what I’d brought in. “One pair of pants, one vest, one shirt, one suit coat.” Natasha moved the pieces into a bin. “No bow tie?”

  The memory of where that bow tie had been turned my semi into a full-blown hard-on. I stepped closer to the counter to camouflage the issue in my pants.

  Natasha gave me a smirk. “Did you lose it or was it a casual affair?”

  “I guess I must have misplaced it.”

  “Uh huh,” she repeated with a wink that meant she was on to me. She gave me my receipt and said, “It’ll be ready by Friday. In case you have another bow tie-less barn hosted wedding to attend.”

  “No, nothing in the near future. None of my other friends are signing their lives away in marriage.”

  “You’re terrible. You’re going to die a dirty, old, lonely man.”

  “I’ll make you a deal. If we’re both single when we’re eighty, I’ll make an honest woman out of you.” Thinking in my head that her father would be dead by then.

  “Oh, great. That’ll give me fifty-five years to find the perfect dress.”

  “You probably shouldn’t wear white,” I said as I limped away. The chimes on the door did little to hide her laughter.

  A few minutes later, I was back in my apartment in need of food and drink. Not bothering to change out of my work clothes, I opened a beer and began to scarf down a slice of cold pizza. I wondered where that damn bow tie ended up. With half a slice still dangling from my lips, curiosity caused me to dig through my overnight bag that still sat packed in my bedroom. I pulled out boxers, socks, and low and behold poking out the side of the condom box was the black tip of my bow tie.

  “Oh, yeah.” I remembered how and why I had shoved it into the box… which led to remembering Vanessa spread eagle on a mound of hay… which then led to a fierce need to have a quickie with my hand like a teenage boy.

  Luca’s text a few hours earlier commanded I meet him at Dispatch. After a boring week, I jumped at the request. Friday nights usually drew in all the Manhattanite female population for Happy Hour, which put all the guys on alert. Luca beat me there. I approached in time to see him drain a beer and smack the empty bottle onto the worn mahogany table with a thud.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked at the scowl he gave me as a greeting.

  “One of Jude’s huge clients, Waldon, wants my balls on a fucking platter. Whenever Jude isn’t available, a convenient crisis appears. I didn’t give a fuck what he said, I had no intention of contacting Jude on his honeymoon, and because of it the prick has made my life miserable for the last two weeks.”

  “I’m actually surprised you haven’t heard from the Swede. When we sent him away for six weeks…”

  “We? What the fuck? You sent him away for six weeks.”

  “Technically, Brae sent him away for six weeks. She picked the cocky bastard.” I raised my hand to get the waiter’s attention.

  “Well, when he’s with Brae he has a one-track mind, and it’s not focused on Soren Enterprises or Howard-fucking-Waldon. Like last time, he left me at the helm and having to deal with that pazzo.”

  “Please don’t start with the Italian.” The waiter came over and looked at us expectantly. “A Molson for me, please, and another Stella,” I said to the dude before turning my attention back to Luca. “Can you blame him? Would you be thinking about an old, bald billionaire if you were tapping Brae?”

  “If you repeated that to Jude, he’d…” Luca stopped to reach over the table and slap the side of my head.

  “Ow, you fuckhead. You said the same once. You just don’t have the balls to say it to him.”

  “No… I have the brains not to say it to him.”

  Our heads turned simultaneously when two female forms appeared at the end of our booth. “Fancy meeting you here.” The petite blonde said. My eyes instantly looked behind Cassie and Desiree for the brunette I’d been lusting over. When I didn’t see her, Cassie picked up on the disappointment written on my face. “She’s not here.”

  “Who’s not here?” I played dumb.

  Luca’s laugh made me want to punch him. “Yeah, okay. Good try, Cleary.” He turned toward the girls as his ass shifted sideways on the seat. “Join us.”

  Without hesitation, Desiree slid next to Luca, leaving Cassie no choice but to sit beside me. At that moment, the waiter appeared with our beers. “What can I get you ladies to drink?” he asked when he saw they didn’t have anything as of yet.

  “Cosmo,” Desiree said before Cassie added, “A lemon-drop martini.”

  Once we were alone again, Cassie’s face brightened with a smile. “So, Des and I were just discussing ways to surprise the newlyweds when they get home tomorrow. We thought we’d get flowers and scented candles…”

  “Jude hates surprises,” I interrupted. “Plus, those scents will destroy your nasal passages.” They both looked at me like I had two heads. “Truth.”

  Desiree looked toward Luca, her brow quirking up in question. “He’s all about the smells.”

  “I’m afraid to ask what that means,” Desiree responded.

  “I own my own cosmetics lab, specializing in fragrances.”

  That caught their attention based on the wide-eyed, enthusiastic expression on their faces. “Ooh, your girlfriends must love that.”

  “I don’t do girlfriends.” As if my words were attached to a plug that has been pulled, their smiles fell in an almost comical way. I felt the need to apologize. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to disappoint you, are you offering?”

  “No, not offering nor am I disappointed, but your comment makes sense now,” Desiree said. “You and V are two peas in a pod. The term boyfriend would cause her to break out in hives. After a date or two, her attention span significantly plummets. Tonight is date number two for her, and it’s almost time for me to text her and check in.”

  “Check in for what?” Luca asked.

  “We have a texting system. She’ll respond with a yes or no, and if no then we know she’ll be joining us soon.” Cassie lifted her phone and added, “I’ll check in now.”

  My eyes shifted toward her screen, but she angled the phone away from my view. A few seconds passed and a response came quick. “All good,” Cassie said. “Which means we won’t be seeing her tonight.”

  And why the fuck that bit of information annoyed me was unexpected.

  “Now we know Vanessa doesn’t do boyfriends, but why aren’t you two attached?” I took the opportunity to change the subject.

  “Desiree is married to her job, and I just haven’t found my Prince Charming.”

  “Uh oh. I’m guessing you’re the romantic in the bunch.” I took a sip of my beer. “Just like you, Benedetto.”

  “You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Cassie said in a defensive tone.

  “He’s right, I’m a dreamer, and Kyle’s a scientist. His world doesn’t run on emotion, but instead facts and measures.”

  A waitress I recognized appeared with their drinks. “Hey, Kyle,” she said when her eyes noticed me. They roamed from face to face before settling back on mine with a sexy smirk. “How have you been?”

  “Good, you?” Luca did his typical throat-clearing-sarcastic-chuckle thing. “Where’s the dude who was serving us before?”

  “He’s on break. I have mine in fifteen, if you want to catch up.” Her
pink tongue came out and skimmed over her full ruby lips.

  “Is that what they call it,” Luca mumbled. My glare caused the prick to laugh in my face.

  “Maybe another time, Lynn,” I said, thanking God she had a name tag on… because there was no way I would’ve remembered it. “I’m on the early shift tomorrow if you change your mind. Plus, it’ll be my last day.” She winked and walked away while Cassie groaned in obvious disgust.

  “Seriously? I could have been your girlfriend.”

  “Is that a proposition?” I asked with a teasing smile.

  She smacked my arm. “It’s rude… and whore-ish.”

  “Just his type,” Luca shot out.

  The girls both shook their heads, and I felt the need to defend myself. “That’s not true. I have standards.”

  Desiree lifted her Cosmo and said, “Yeah, I can see that,” before taking a sip.

  “He does. I was just busting his balls. Kyle loves a strong, independent woman who is smart as a whip. It helps if she’s cut from the same cloth… facts and measures above candlelight and flowers.”

  The girls’ eyes met across the table and they both said, “V,” at the same time. “Anyway, you two should be there tomorrow night. We’ll bring the food and you bring the liquor,” Desiree suggested.

  “Speaking of, your idea on how to surprise Jude and Brae tomorrow night has a potential to backfire.”

  “Why?” they both asked together.

  “First of all, instead of the flowers and candles maybe you should consider handcuffs and blindfolds. Soren is a kinky fucker, and that may distract from the fact that he can’t consummate his marriage the moment he walks through the door with his bride.”

  “They’ve had two weeks to consummate,” Cassie said with a dismissed wave of her hand.

  “I’m just saying.’” I raised my hands defensively. “We all know what a caveman he is around Brae. He may still be a kinky fucker, but now he’s a fucker in love.” I pretended to shudder, which earned me another smack on the arm.

  I threw my arm around Cassie’s shoulders and planted a soft kiss on her cheek as an apology. “Fine, we’ll be there. Who are we to deny two beautiful women?”

  “Now I know why Vanessa calls you Mr. Flirt.”

  “I could be called worse.”

  “Like dickhead… prick… jackass… Canadian cocksucker…” Luca paused and then quickly added a few more in Italian for good measure.

  “Okay, that’s enough, asshole.” I leaned across the table and kissed Luca in the same way I kissed Cassie. He shoved me away, but I knew he loved me.

  “What’s this?” Cassie pulled out a bright orange flyer that was nestled in the menu holder on the table. “Oh! This sounds like fun, listen.” She cleared her throat. “Join us next Saturday for our first annual Halloween Bash. Awards will be given for best single, couple, group, scariest, funniest, and most original costume.” Luca grumbled. “Oh, hush. It will be fun! Let’s do it!”

  “I hate to break it to you, Miss Festivus, but Soren will not don a costume. When we were in college, he wouldn’t even wear a toga.”

  Cassie smirked. “If Brae asks him to, he will.”

  Luca sighed in defeat. “She has a point, but that doesn’t mean Cleary and I have to.”

  “Oh, come on, we’ll make it interesting. Girls versus boys. If we win a prize, we drink on your tab for a month. If you win, you drink on us.”

  “So if we win, we get to do body shots off you for a month?” I clarified.

  “Um, no. You get to drink free on us, not literal.”

  “Whatever. We can iron out the details later.” I offered Cassie my hand and added, “Game on.”

  “Game on,” she repeated with a firm shake, but Desiree and Luca didn’t look as enthusiastic as we did.

  Chapter 5

  Vanessa

  “Deep breath, in through your nose and out of your mouth.” The yogi’s soothing voice along with the instrumental harp music grated on my nerves. The girls and I met every Saturday for yoga, and it had yet to relax me.

  “Breathe in… hold… exhale. Move into your Downward Dog position.”

  Breathe, my ass. I was not cut out for this shit and only tolerated it once a week to spend quality time with my friends. Ironically, it was Brae’s idea to take the early Saturday class, and then have breakfast at our favorite uptown bistro ala Sex and the City, one of her favorite shows.

  But, the witch had been MIA, more times than not, since the day she set eyes on that Swede. Mr. Wrong-turned-Right barely let her out of his grip, especially on the weekends.

  “Speaking of downward dog,” Cassie leaned over and whispered, “how was your date last night?”

  “Slowly rise… long spine… breathe in… hold… release.” A long exaggerated sigh echoed through the room, and she continued with, “And position, Warrior One.”

  We followed her command and stood like statues on our rubber mats. “Ugh,” I whispered back. “When the dickweed pulled out a condom from his pocket, he sent his wedding band twirling through the air and we watched it land with a clink at my feet.”

  “No fucking way!” Cassie exclaimed.

  “Shh!” Desiree said just as the sound of a gong silenced us, with every head in the room turning to glare. That gong was a rare proverbial slap on the wrist, but somehow we managed to have it hit every week with our antics. It was a miracle we hadn’t been kicked out of this stupid-ass class.

  Undeterred, the breathy voice once again came over the speakers. “Slowly rise… long spine… breathe in… hold… release… and Warrior Two.”

  Once her commands resumed, and we were again being ignored, Desiree looked past Cassie and threw me the evil eye. She was a goody two-shoes, but we still loved her. Cassie came to my defense and whispered, “He was married.”

  “What a dick!” Suddenly, Miss Goody Two-Shoes fell out of Warrior Two pose and landed on her ass, earning us another gong, and all eyes on Desiree’s beet red face.

  “Ugh, this fucking class,” I whispered. “Yogi Wan Kenobi doesn’t even use the gong in the right way. It’s supposed to transport us to peaceful bliss. It just pisses me off.”

  “Shh!” the group of college co-eds in front of us quipped.

  “Oh, fuck you!” I rolled up my mat, bowed to the class, and exclaimed, “Namaste,” before walking out of the room. The bitch at the front desk watched me condescendingly as I grabbed my jacket off the hook, put on my sneakers, and took the walk of shame out the door.

  They left me sitting outside the studio on the sidewalk for twenty fucking minutes. When they finally emerged, each holding a piece of paper, they had the nerve to be pissed at me.

  I looked at the papers they held and said, “Did you get A’s for being the teacher’s pets, you kiss asses? What the friggin’ hell? My grand exit would have been more poignant if my two supposed best friends followed me out!”

  “Oh, no worries,” Cassie said with a tsk. “We’re not allowed back in. Good job, V. This is the second one in six months. You’re making it so we’ll have to travel to Brooklyn for yoga. Brae is going to be pissed.”

  “Fuck Brae. This is all her fault. And if I come near that Yogi Wan bitch again, I’m shoving her gong right up her tight ass.” A few passersby shook their heads at my crass comment. “What is with people today? Are we not in New York?” I asked louder than I needed to. “Not sure if my need to punch Yogi Wan in the face or all that heavy breathing is what made me light-headed. Time for food.” I stalked down the street, hearing their rubber sneakers pattering behind me.

  The aroma of baked goods and coffee lifted my mood a tad. Just as we sat down at the four-top and picked up the menus, a perky waitress approached us. “Hi, my name is Raine and I’ll be your server today. Would you like some green tea or coffee?”

  “We’ll all have coffee,” I said grumpily.

  Raine’s ponytail bobbed. “We have two specials this morning, an egg-white, spinach and kale omelet or…” She pause
d to scrunch her nose. “The chef’s special, a three egg, cheddar, bacon, and sausage frittata served with home fries and…”

  My hand shot in the air. “I’ll have that.”

  “Texas toast,” she finished her spiel.

  “Even better,” I quipped. “Toss in a blueberry muffin while you’re at it. I’ll have that as my appetizer.” The girls placed their orders, choosing the healthy special, and Raine scurried off into the kitchen like a tiny mouse. “That special will taste like ass. What exactly is kale? Brae’s not here to police our meals and you order egg whites with kale?”

  “Some of us need to watch what we eat, Miss Perfect Metabolism.”

  “Sex… it works wonders for your core muscles. Fuck yoga. My plan is better, more fun, and I get to scream as much as I want.”

  “Oh, Vanessa,” Des said in her loving way.

  Coffee arrived, and after adding a healthy dose of cream and two packets of sugar, a few sips later and I felt back to my fun-loving self.

  “Okay, so finish telling us what happened after you found out he was married,” Cassie said before sipping her black coffee, which was vile in my opinion.

  “I fucked him.”

  “You did not!”

  “Of course not! Jeez, what do you take me for? I kicked his ass out.” I should have been pissed at the relief written on their faces. “What did you guys do last night?” I asked, bringing my mug to my lips.

  “We went to Dispatch and hung out with Kyle and Luca.” The sip of coffee sitting in my mouth came shooting out at Cassie in a violent way. A spray of brown dots now decorated her brand new white zip-up hoodie.

  “I’m so sorry, Cass.”

  “What the hell, V! What is wrong with you?”

  “That damn class makes me a nervous wreck,” I lied. Just hearing they spent time with them caught me off guard. “So, how are the guys?” I went for nonchalant, but failed miserably.

  Des smirked with a nod. She was so on to me. “In case you’re wondering, your name did come up.” My eyebrows arched. “Don’t worry, it wasn’t anything bad. We came to the conclusion that you and Kyle are one and the same.”