Sugar Secrets…& Scandal

by Mel Sparke

  Developing between us… Maya repeated in her head, aware of the terrible photography pun she’d just made.

  Walking over to the door, she flicked two switches simultaneously, swapping harsh, overhead fluorescent lighting for an amniotic, soft red glow.

  It’s not like I can talk to anyone about how I feel anyway-considering I don’t really know how I feel myself, she agonised, flopping down on a tall stool by the work surface.

  Staring blankly at the film spool in her hand, Maya decided that if she couldn’t trust a friend to analyse the mad train of thoughts jostling for space in her head, there was only one person who could help.

  Herself.

  Maya, when did you first realise you liked Alex?

  From Day One, she answered her cross-examining self. When I first joined the club. He was so friendly and easy to talk to. Not like any teachers I’d ever met.

  Did you feel something stronger than just ‘liking’ way back then?

  No-I don’t think so.

  When did it change for you then?

  I guess it was that moment at the party, when our fingers touched.

  What happened?

  I felt like my whole body had had an electric shock-as if what started as a tingle when my skin brushed against his shot all the way through me, and made my heart lurch.

  Ouch! So, is that the definition of love? An electric shock?

  Sounds stupid, I know. And it can’t just be that-it’s like that corny idea of cupid shooting his arrow, and I don’t buy that.

  Is that what’s bothering you? That you don’t believe in that instantaneous, love-at-first sight kind of thing?

  Yes, I suppose so. I just don’t think it’s possible.

  But it wasn’t love at first sight, was it? her analytical side pointed out. You’ve got to know Alex gradually over the months, been inspired by him, had a laugh with him, got to see what a nice guy he is…

  So what are you trying to say? argued the muddled side of Maya. I mean, I meet nice people I can have a laugh with all the time - and I don’t manage to persuade myself I’m in love with them.

  Ah, but I think you’ve been slowly falling for Alex for a long time… you’ve just never admitted it to yourself. It took that one moment at the party to make the whole thing obvious.

  The muddled Maya sat quietly in the rosy glow of the room, absorbing that thought. It felt true, it felt right. But somehow, it didn’t make her feel any better.

  So, say that I am in love with him-where does that get me? It’s still never going to happen. Not with the job he does, not with the fact that he has a girlfriend, not with the age difference, not with the fact that my parents would totally flip out at the very idea, and apart from anything, he doesn’t even remotely fancy me!

  Hey, said the calmer side of her. Here’s the deal: you’re allowed to love someone-but they’re under no obligation to love you back…

  And that’s supposed to make me feel better?

  Yes - and I think it will. If you just stop doing a Kerry, and worrying yourself to pieces, and just accept things are the way they are, then you’ll be fine.

  Will I?

  Yes. Trust me. Trust yourself…

  Maybe it was her personal heart-to-heart, and maybe it was the soothing red glow of the darkroom lamp, but Maya was aware of how relaxed she suddenly felt.

  Until the sharp knock at the door.

  “It’s OK, you can come in!” she called out, cursing the fact that one of the others had decided to join her. She hoped it wasn’t Ashleigh or Jane; she wasn’t in the mood for their endless chitter-chatter tonight.

  “Sorry, Maya-I just need to grab something out of the drawer,” Alex apologised, a harsh shard of bright light shining behind him.

  The Scottish burr of his deep voice sounded gruff and warm at the same time.

  “It’sit’s, um, OK,” Maya stumbled over her words. She didn’t believe in mind-reading, but couldn’t stop herself praying that he wouldn’t be able to sense what had just been running through her head.

  Alex stepped into the room, closing the door behind him and plunging them both into the red-tinged gloom.

  “Sorry,” he repeated as he moved hazily towards her.

  Sorry for what? she flustered, then realised he was trying to get to the drawer directly behind her.

  “Oh, right-I’ll move,” mumbled Maya, slipping off the stool.

  “No, you’re all right, I can reach from here…”

  Maya tried to step out of his way, but instead, found herself right in it. She felt herself collide with his chest.

  It was a moment for “oops!” and apologies and awkward laughter as they sprang apart, but somehow, that didn’t happen.

  Instead, Maya felt herself freeze-framed, her hands spread out on the wiry muscles of his arms, her eyes drawn in the red dusk to the triangle of smooth skin showing at the unbuttoned neck of his shirt, just a breath away from her. Not that she could breathe; her lungs were temporarily paralysed, caught in the unexpectedness of the moment.

  Then everything began to move in slow rose-tinted motion… Maya tilted her head up and looked into his troubled, searching eyes.

  He wasn’t breathing either, she realised.

  Trembling slightly, Maya stretched up on her tiptoes, then felt him lean down towards her.

  Their kiss was soft and tentative as if neither dared believe it was really happening…

  The sudden hammering at the dark room door was real enough, though-so was the clattering of the stool, as they broke away from each other and sent it spinning to the floor.

  CHAPTER 16

  DOUBLE TROUBLE

  “That’s it-it’s all over!”

  Cat slapped her hand down emphatically on the pub table.

  “I know I don’t say this very often,” said Sonja, looking straight at Kerry as she talked, “but Cat’s right. That’s the end of Stalker Girl.”

  “It’s like all the boy bands-they keep quiet about having girlfriends and wives and forty-two children in case it puts any fans off.”

  Kerry nodded at Cat’s words. She knew what she meant; when that Astrid girl had found out that Ollie had a girlfriend, it would surely have burst whatever romantic bubble she had in her head.

  “Just the way she started crying when she was talking to Ollie says it all. Stalker Girl obviously had this big delusion about going out with a pop star—”

  “—or at least some bloke in a pub band,” Cat corrected her cousin with a snigger.

  “Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Sonja tried to continue, shooting a sideways glance at Cat. “So she has this delusion about going out with the closest thing Winstead’s got to a pop star—”

  “Ollie,” nodded Kerry. She knew this was all for her benefit. The girls - and Ollie-had been trying to reassure her about the strange little encounter in the record shop all week.

  “Yeah, Ollie,” agreed Sonja. “And now that she knows she can’t have him, she won’t show her face round here again.”

  “It’s funny that she didn’t realise you two were together,” Anna pointed out, twirling a beer mat round with her finger on the sticky table. “If Joe’s right and she’s been coming practically every Thursday since The Loud started playing here, she must have seen the way you two are with each other.”

  “Yes, but remember what Ollie’s like,” Maya chipped in. “He’s always fooling around with all of us. If you were just watching from a distance, you might not realise that when he puts an arm round Kerry, it’s any different from when-for example-you and him start larking about, Son.”

  The girls all shrugged and nodded. It was true; Ollie mucked about like a brother with them and was very relaxed and tactile, just like a girl mate would be.

  Glancing over, Maya spotted the resigned smile on Kerry’s face. Her friend might be fed up with the constant discussion about the weird Stalker Girl, but Maya was really glad of it. Because of what had happened, she was sure her face gave her away; sure it had ‘guilty’ w
ritten all over it.

  Brigid, who looked after the junior Joshis till their parents got home form work, had already asked if Maya was all right. And while she’d tried to assure the understanding Irish woman that nothing was troubling her, she’d felt Sunny’s eyes boring into her. Alerted by Brigid’s concern, Sunny had started scanning her older sister for clues, searching for weaknesses she could store up and use against her in the future.

  Maya knew it sounded ridiculous to be so wary of her younger sister, but Sunny had told tales on Maya enough times before for Maya to know to be on her guard.

  “Well, let’s forget about that stupid girl and have a good time tonight. I’m going to get some more drinks before the lads come on,” said Sonja, standing up. “Do you want to give me a hand, Maya?”

  Maya nodded and followed Sonja over to the less crowded end of the bar.

  “Maybe we should move up a bit,” Maya pointed out, nodding up towards the huddle of people waiting to be served by the two men darting about between the pumps and the till. “I don’t think Derek or that other barman will see us to serve us here.”

  “They’ll spot us eventually,” said Sonja, tossing her blonde hair back and leaning on the bar top.

  Of course they will, Maya laughed to herself, watching several pairs of male eyes swivel round and glue themselves to her friend.

  “Actually, I just wanted to have a quick word away from everyone…”

  Maya’s heart sank. What was this going to be about?

  “you’ve been really quiet the last couple of weeks or so, Maya, and-don’t take this the wrong way or anything-but you don’t exactly look great at the moment. Are you OK?”

  Maya knew what Sonja was saying was true; she’d tried to cover up the dark shadows under eyes with concealer, but it was hard to find a good match for her skin tone. Maybe if she hadn’t lain awake all night, going over and over what had happened in the dark room, her skin wouldn’t be telling tales on her.

  “Yes, I’m fine-just starting to get my head round a lot of studying right now,” Maya lied.

  “Your parents aren’t hassling you again, are they?” Sonja asked with concern. It had taken a lot of effort on Maya’s part to win a little more freedom from her mother and father and they were still keen on drumming home the message that hard work was more important than fun to their children.

  “No, no, they’re not too bad.”

  Sonja didn’t look convinced.

  “Billy’s worried about you too,” she announced, sending Maya’s heart lurching into her throat.

  It had been Billy who’d walked in on her and Alex the night before. As he’d peered around the door, Alex busied himself with picking up the stool from the floor; but Maya had felt herself stand wobbling rootlessly, her arms wrapped shyly around herself, with God knows what expression slapped on her face.

  Maya raised her eyebrows questioningly at Sonja, not trusting herself to speak.

  “I was talking to Billy before you arrived tonight and he told me that you had to leave your photography club early yesterday ‘cause you didn’t feel well. He says you looked like you were shivering or shaking or something.”

  “I’d had a headache all day,” Maya shrugged.“Being in the dark room just made it worse, that was all. It’s gone now.”

  “You know something…?”

  Maya was relieved to see a tiny knowing smile spread across her friend’s face.

  “What?” she replied.

  “Billy really cares about you. Y’know, like really cares about you.”

  Maya rolled her eyes to the ceiling: she suspected she’d been discussed in more detail than she’d have liked.

  “I know this is none of my business, Maya, and I don’t want to sound pushy like Cat,” Sonja smiled nervously, “but you could do a lot worse than Billy and he’s told me before that he’s crazy about you.”

  Her suspicions were confirmed. Billy had been gently flirting with her recently and all because he’d heard about her dumb tarot reading from someone in her crowd.

  “Did he send me that Valentine card?” Maya asked point-blank.

  “Welllllll…” squirmed Sonja.

  “In other words, yes. C’mon, Son-you’re spilling the poor lad’s secrets here, so you might as well spill that one.”

  “Don’t sound so annoyed, Maya!” said Sonja, looking hurt. “I only thought you’d be flattered. He said he was thinking of sending you a card and I told him to go for it.”

  Sonja hated to be compared to her cousin, but sometimes-more than she could ever see herself-they were very alike. And subtlety, for both girls, was not always high on their agenda.

  “Look, I like Billy a lot,” Maya sighed, “but not in that way. And the last thing I need is my friends encouraging him to think I might fancy him, OK?”

  “OK! I didn’t mean to—”

  The apology was wasted. At that moment, Maya’s panicked eyes were fixed on a point over Sonja’s shoulder.

  Turning around, Sonja found herself looking up into the gaunt face of Maya’s tutor. The black shadows under his eyes, she noticed, were nearly a match for Maya’s.

  “Maya-I’ve got to talk to you!” Alex blurted out as if Sonja, standing between them, was invisible.

  “What was all that about?” asked Cat, her mascara-heavy eyes wide with curiosity.

  “I don’t know-he wanted to speak to her and they went out. That was it.”

  Anna, Cat and Kerry stared intently at Sonja, desperate for information. She only wished she could give them some.

  “But what did he say exactly?” asked Kerry.

  “He said he had to talk to her.”

  “And what did Maya say?” questioned Cat.

  “She didn’t say anything-she just followed him out,” Sonja explained as best she could. It didn’t make sense to her either.

  “Maybe there’s a problem with the photography club,” suggested Anna, although in the back of her mind she was recalling the conversation they’d had when Maya had stopped by her flat. When she’d mentioned a certain unnamed person…

  “Yeah, maybe the whole building burned down!” gasped Cat in her usual overboard manner.

  “Shut up, Cat. Anyhow, it’s probably something to do with her being ill last night,” Sonja reasoned. “Alex probably just wanted to check she’s all right.”

  “Of course,” nodded Kerry. Although like all the girls, she found it hard to believe. A teacher tracking you down just to check on your health?

  Ollie’s voice booming down the mike interrupted their speculations.

  “Hi, everyone! We’re The Loud!”

  Sonja watched Kerry’s face automatically break into a smile. She knew how she was feeling. All the girls felt a mixture of pride, excitement and nervousness as they watched their boys step on stage. But Kerry, of course, had love bundled into the whole mixture as well.

  Then a shadow fell over their table. The lights of the stage were eclipsed by a slim black cloud…

  “Bitch!” hissed Astrid, practically spitting her venom and spoilt hopes on to a startled Kerry.

  In a second she was gone, lost in the shuffling, anticipant crowd.

  It might have seemed like a bad dream, if the very real tears of shock and hurt weren’t spilling down Kerry’s freckled cheeks.

  CHAPTER 17

  COLD COMFORT

  “I’m sorry-I shouldn’t have…”

  “Shouldn’t have what?” asked Maya, shivering in the cold night air. She wished she’d grabbed her coat before following Alex out of the pub and into the station car park.

  “Last night-I shouldn’t have kissed you!” Alex burst out, looking totally traumatised.

  “Actually, I think it was me that kissed you,” Maya pointed out.

  “But we shouldn’t have done it!”

  “It was a kiss, Alex, that was all. We didn’t run off to Las Vegas and get married or anything!”

  Seeing the stress written over Alex’s face brought out Maya’s natural
instinct to bring calm and good sense to a situation. Her own anxieties slipped away as she tried to soothe him.

  “How can you make jokes?” he said, holding his long arms out at his sides. “This is serious stuff! I couldn’t sleep last night for turning the whole thing over in my head…”

  “I wasn’t making a joke,” Maya tried to explain. “I was just pointing out that—”

  “You must have thought it was serious too or you wouldn’t have left like that…”

  The glow of the yellow street lamp directly above them exaggerated the gauntness of Alex’s face, making him look like some heartbreakingly sad, undernourished stray dog on Animal Hospital.

  More than anything, Maya wanted to grab him in her arms and tell him everything would be all right.

  “I left because I felt… confused,” she explained, resisting the impulse to hug him.

  “And now?”

  Maya bit her lip, her false confidence suddenly ebbing away.

  “I don’t know exactly,” she trembled, holding her arms tightly across her chest. “All I do know is that when I saw your face in there just now, I was… I was so happy.”

  “Oh, Maya,” groaned Alex. “C’mere…”

  Without hesitating, she stepped forward into his embrace. Her hands slipped inside his fleece-lined jacket, wrapping themselves tightly around his waist. She turned her head slightly and laid it against his chest, her eyes tight closed.

  Alex pulled his jacket around her protectively, hugging her close to him in the biting wind.

  “I’m your teacher-this isn’t right…” his voice came from above her as he rested his chin on the top of her head.

  “But you’re not my teacher,” Maya replied, her voice muffled beneath the jacket. She’d never felt so warm and cared for before. She felt she could stay there, snuggled together, listening to his heartbeat, for ever.

  “But—”