Away From the Spotlight

by Tamara Carlisle

  “These reasons seem pretty valid so why did you say, ‘at first.’”

  “Because I saw him when you were broken up and it was terrible. He started drinking heavily and going out all the time. That would have been worse for his image. We can deal with his being married. He’s been around and successful long enough that he’ll be fine. Besides, I’m better off with a happy client than an unhappy one. We’ve become friends over the years too and I hated to see him so miserable. So I congratulate you and hope that we will be seeing a lot of each other.”

  “I’m sure we will. Thank you for being honest with me.”

  “It’s funny. Being honest is not always in my best interest or that of my client in my line of work, but I don’t think I would get away with less with you, would I?”

  “Probably not.”

  Will cut in at that point and shook Sam’s hand before taking me in his arms to dance.

  “What was that all about?” he asked.

  “I like your manager.”

  Will’s eyes reflected his surprise. “I thought you wouldn’t after I told you he didn’t approve of our engagement.”

  “Is that why you kept him away from me?”

  “Yes.” He looked at the floor briefly as he replied.

  “Well, don’t worry about it. I understand where he was coming from. Besides, he seems pretty happy about us now.”

  “He said that?”

  “Yes. I suspect he believes our marriage is the lesser of two evils plus he’s your friend and wants you to be happy.”

  “Lesser of two evils?”

  “He doesn’t like your Mr. Hyde either. That is more threatening to your career than losing the teen idol image.”

  “I see.” Will fidgeted as if embarrassed at the memory.

  I changed the subject to another unpleasant topic. “I saw you were dancing with Kayla. How did that go?”

  “Fine, I guess. She wished me well.”

  “It wasn’t awkward?”

  “You keep forgetting that it’s been years now. She looks pretty happy with her date tonight anyway. How would you feel dancing with an old boyfriend from university?”

  “Fine, I guess.”

  “Exactly.”

  A few dances later, John asked me to dance. It was a slow dance, but he held me with no improper closeness or touching. My shoulders relaxed in relief.

  “Thank you for inviting me,” John said quietly to start off the conversation.

  I noticed Will watching us intently while dancing with an actress friend of his. I scanned the crowd surrounding the dance floor and saw Max and Daniel staring intently at us as well.

  “You’re welcome. I am glad you’re here. You and I were good friends and I’m so sorry for how I’ve treated you. You don’t know how horrible I feel about it.”

  “I can’t be angry with you. I know you feel guilty about our time together, but I was happy to know what it was like to be with you even if only for a few days, so don’t worry about it. I love you and I want you to be happy. If Will makes you happy, then I’ll have to live with it.”

  “You’re being a lot nicer to me than I deserve.”

  “Maybe. Maybe not. But I want you in my life and I want our foursome at work to go back to the way it was. We had a lot of fun together.”

  “Yes, we did.”

  “That’s settled then. No more weirdness.”

  “Deal.” I smiled, happy that we might be able to be friends after all.

  “So, can I ask you a favor?”

  “Anything.”

  “You think you could ask Will to introduce me to her?”

  I followed his gaze to a striking brunette that was, I think, a publicist named Callie. “Nothing would make him happier I’m sure.” I smiled.

  After Will made the appropriate introductions, casually, of course, John and Callie started dancing together. Will returned to me, smiling triumphantly.

  “Does that make you feel better?” I asked.

  “You have no idea.” He made a show of breathing a sigh of relief.

  “I noticed you watching us. What did you think we were going to do? Run off together?”

  “No, but I can’t help it. Seeing him with you always scares me. I won’t feel better until he has a serious girlfriend. Hopefully, Callie will like him.”

  “Should I tell him you want to continue to play matchmaker for him if he and Callie don’t hit it off?”

  “No, but that doesn’t mean I won’t keep trying.”

  I shook my head and laughed.

  Before the night ended, I along with a number of my girlfriends, including Rachael, Carrie, Pam and Annie ended up dancing together in a big, loud, drunken circle. I had a ball being surrounded by so many good friends.

  As was the case in London, our reception ended up being a perfect evening.

  Chapter Fifty-One

  The day after our reception, we moved into our new house, leaving Stephen and Colin to remain in our former house, only now Kate and Gemma would move in officially.

  Will and I were happy to have held our wedding and the two receptions, and to have moved behind gates before word of our marriage spread.

  The news of our marriage became public the day after our move when we appeared together at the Golden Globes. Will was tapped as a presenter. I had never attended anything like it and I was terrified. I wore a midnight blue designer gown, which Gemma helped me select, and I received jewels on loan for the occasion. Thanks to Kate, my hair and makeup were flawless.

  As Will and I walked down the red carpet, I had to concentrate as hard as I could to erase the deer in headlights look I’m certain would have been present, but for my constant efforts to remove it. Will proceeded to introduce me as his wife to startled interviewers. A few of them recognized me from earlier press reports, but were still surprised in light of the reports of our breakup and the lack of reporting about our reconciliation and marriage.

  Other than asking me who designed my dress and responding to congratulations, I remained silent so that Will could get down to business and steer the conversation to the release of All Castles Are Grey in the spring, Midnight 4 over the summer, and the start of shooting of The Ludlow Conspiracy.

  Once inside, Will and I mingled with the crowd as we headed to our table. Will continued to introduce me as his wife to everyone we met. I can’t say that I was star-struck, but it was disconcerting to have very famous people hugging and kissing me in congratulations as if we had been friends our whole lives. I must have had a little acting skill in me because I don’t believe my discomfort showed. If it had, Will would have said something.

  Upon arriving at our table, Will had to leave to go backstage since he was one of the early presenters. I remained at the table with a number of the members of the Midnight cast and their dates, all of whom I had seen at the reception two nights earlier. Katherine sat next to me and kept me company.

  “So the word’s out, I gather?” Katherine asked.

  “Will introduced me all along the red carpet as his wife, so I would say, ‘yes.’”

  “Nervous?”

  “I’ve been through it before so I kind of know what to expect. We moved into our new house so it will be a little more secure this time and I’m somewhat prepared at work. My nerves are more about being here than the paparazzi.”

  “You’ll be fine.” Katherine patted my hand.

  “I’m just not used to it yet.” I took a deep breath.

  Will looked gorgeous as he walked to the podium and arrived to screams from the audience. I was surprised by the screams since the audience didn’t consist of fans, but primarily of his peers. Will looked down for a second at the podium, ran his fingers through his hair, smiled sheepishly, and then started his presentation.

  Katherine looked at me and laughed. “It still embarrasses him.”

  It took a while for Will to return to the table and, when he finally did, he kissed me. When he leaned away, I noticed a camera pointed at us and wou
ld not have been surprised if the kiss made it onto the telecast. I suspected that news of our surprise wedding would be one of the reported items from the event.

  Afterward, we attended one of the large after-parties. News must have spread like wildfire because we received a barrage of congratulations. I expected to see Will work the crowd a little, but there was no need. As soon as we sat down, people came to him as I had seen at his Midnight cast-mate’s birthday party so many months before. Some were actors, but many were producers and other behind-the-scenes people I did not recognize.

  I turned to Katherine for company, but she was in the same position Will was in, being constantly approached by others.

  After a while, Will grabbed my hand and led me to the dance floor, amid stares as we made our way there.

  “Are you sure you want to do this now? Don’t you have business here?” I asked as he embraced me to dance slowly.

  “I’ve done what I came to do. Now it’s time to have fun.”

  And we did have fun. All throughout awards season, Will did what business he needed to do and still managed to find time to have a good time with me. With each event, I became more comfortable and talkative. By the time the Oscars rolled around, there were people who would approach us to talk to me rather than Will. Will would smile when that happened as if he were not at all surprised.

  Chapter Fifty-Two

  By the time Will and I had been married two years, the furor surrounding us when our marriage was discovered had died down for the most part. It would only rise up again when Will won awards and around the premieres of his films. The release of Midnight 4, the last of Will’s young romantic hero parts, was the last time it was really bad.

  Will was married and starting to get too old for the screaming girls demographic. In addition, since I was not a celebrity, we didn’t have to worry about being on the celebrity couple radar either.

  Our friends started to settle down around us and we were no longer the only married couple among them. Stephen and Kate as well as Colin and Gemma ended up getting married to no great surprise. The stress of a long-distance relationship finally caused Pam and Niall to break up, but Pam met someone who lived in Orange County and settled down with him in Laguna Beach. Carrie and Jeff married as well and bought a home in Irvine. Rachael met someone and moved out-of-state to live with him, keeping in touch regularly via a very entertaining blog. My sister and Matt broke up and she ended up engaged to someone she met at work.

  Life was good and Will and I thought it was time to take the next step and start a family. I wasn’t sure how I was going to work a baby and my career, but I knew we would figure it out somehow. I thought it would take me a while to get pregnant, but it happened almost immediately. Nine months after that, I had a healthy baby boy we named William after his father.

  Even as a baby, William couldn’t have looked more like his father if he tried. He was absolutely gorgeous with thick brown hair and big blue eyes that later turned green.

  We had a little trouble every once in a while with paparazzi trying to get shots of our son, but it could have been worse and had been worse for us in the past.

  To the extent possible between films, Will was a stay-at-home dad, spending every moment possible with his son. We had a nanny, who was rendered largely useless during these times. Will tried to shoot locally as much as possible to avoid traveling and being away from William and me for any protracted period of time.

  A few years later, Will and I decided to try for a girl. I became pregnant almost immediately as I had before. Will was hopeful that this child would be a girl and look just like me.

  Our life was perfect at that point. We loved each other deeply, had a wonderful home, a beautiful four-year-old son, and another child on the way.

  It wasn’t to last. Will and I had been married a little over six years when it happened.

  Every once in a while, Will would be followed by paparazzi even when he wasn’t shooting a film or didn’t have one in release. That night, Will was followed to a meeting with a director in Malibu regarding an upcoming film.

  On the way home, it was a dark and stormy night along PCH. The photographer, who had been drinking while waiting for Will to leave the meeting in Malibu, swerved into Will at very high speed and hit Will’s car on the driver’s side and Will’s car overturned. Will died at the scene. The morning papers read:

  Academy Award winner Will MacKenzie died at approximately 10:30 p.m. last night from injuries sustained in a car accident on Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu. The driver of the other car has not been identified yet by police. That driver was injured in the accident, but is in stable condition at UCLA Medical Center. Sources at the scene describe the driver as a white male in his early 20’s. Drunk driving on the part of this driver is suspected. MacKenzie, 32, received the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor for his turn in the British film, “All Castles Are Grey” and appeared in of some of the most successful films of the last decade, including his starring roles in the popular “Midnight” and “Ludlow Conspiracy” franchises. MacKenzie leaves behind his wife, Shannon, and young son, William.

  Chapter Fifty-Three

  At the time of Will’s death, we were madly in love as always, living in our dream house with our young son, and had another child on the way. Will had hit his stride in his career and I was becoming a successful lawyer. We weren’t merely content, we were happy. We had the perfect life together and, in an instant, it was gone.

  If I had thought that the break-up with Will when we were dating was bad, it was nothing compared to losing him now. This split was permanent and completely out of my control. There would be no reconciliation except in heaven or the next life. I wished then that I had a little more faith in the existence of heaven or the next life.

  However, I couldn’t permit myself to wallow in my pain. There were details to take care of and a son to consider. Rather than give in to my overwhelming grief, I swallowed my pain. I took an immediate leave of absence from work to take care of all of the final arrangements and to comfort William who, at the age of four, was too young to understand his father’s absence.

  I insisted that Will be buried in the U.S. near his son. Will’s parents didn’t argue. Unfortunately, that meant that there would be a media circus whether or not we tried to keep things small and private. I therefore quickly gave up the idea of a small and private service. Will’s funeral in Los Angeles was a massive, star-studded, media event. I was still so numb at that time that I remember little of it other than the herculean effort it took not to break down entirely at the service. Family, friends and bodyguards did their best to sequester William and me from the media. In light of the cause of Will’s death, I would have not been able to contain my anger. Keeping away from them allowed me to maintain some semblance of poise.

  We subsequently held a similarly large memorial service in England. I worried that Will’s family would blame me for keeping Will in the U.S. where such a tragedy could occur. Will’s mother made a particular point of trying to relieve my guilt on that issue. Although my guilt would never be completely abated, I did feel better after the talk. The only other thing I recall about attending the memorial service in England was how painful it was to stay in our flat in Hampstead, each memory of my time there with Will hitting me like a slap in the face.

  Shortly after my return from England, I miscarried. I first had to bear the grief of losing my husband and then I had to bear the additional grief of losing my unborn child. The doctors informed me that a miscarriage in the first trimester was common and more likely due to some abnormality of the fetus than anything else. Nevertheless, I still blamed my circumstances for my miscarriage and also myself for becoming so traumatized, thereby placing my unborn child in peril.

  I became depressed, but did my best to hide it from William. However, I started dropping weight rapidly as my appetite had vanished. My parents visited regularly for a while after Will’s death and my mother finally insisted I see a docto
r about it. Not surprisingly, I was prescribed anti-depression medication and referred to a grief counselor. Between the medication, the counseling and the support of my friends and family, I managed to get by one painful, grief-filled day at a time.

  Paparazzi followed me everywhere for quite a while, trying to get shots of the grieving widow and son. In light of the fact that it was a photographer who killed Will, I did not take it well. I hired bodyguards and tried to stay out of the public eye as much as possible.

  William and I remained in the house in the Palisades. I kept the flat in Hampstead, put a good deal of money in trust for William, and provided for Will's parents and sisters. I then placed some of Will’s assets into a charitable foundation in Will's name.

  After a few months, I proceeded to channel my grief into heading up the charitable foundation. No more running on the legal profession treadmill anymore. I quit the firm, never returning from my leave of absence. I was able to take the communication and organizational skills I had gained in the legal profession and put them to good use. I wanted to ensure something good came of Will's death.

  Large sums of money poured into the foundation from grieving friends and fans. I made sure that the income from this money was well-spent. We also had many individuals willing to volunteer their time to help out in any way they could. Katherine Sullivan was of particular help when it came to further fundraising efforts and events where we needed media attention.

  We lobbied for stronger enforcement and penalties against paparazzi for privacy violations and endangering their victims, and for the liability of the tabloids that published photos and video obtained from paparazzi who crossed the line. Later, we began to provide for families in need that had suffered tragedy as the result of drunk-driving accidents. We eventually branched out into other areas, donating to a vast number of good causes over the years.