Destroy All Cars
Page 13
“But what does this mean in our current situation as we stand at the brink of ecological disaster?” you ask.
As long as there were relatively few of us and we didn’t have the technology to do serious harm to our surroundings, we could pretty much do whatever we wanted to each other. Cheat, murder, blackmail, behead. If this was our idea of fun, whatever. We were only hurting ourselves.
Now, though, our love of assholism has consequences. Certain people will make billions of dollars from the oil that is still in the ground. We could possibly save the planet if we left it there and found other forms of energy. But those people don’t want that to happen. They want their billions, and they don’t mind screwing us over to get it.
Meanwhile we stand in awe, as usual. We think: They’re not really going to ruin the earth for all future generations, are they? Just for a little more money? They would endanger all living things? They wouldn’t do that. Nobody is that much of an asshole.
But they would do it. And they will.
Which is why, fellow dorks, losers, and people who wear glasses, this might be a good time to pry yourself away from the computer games…
APPENDIX 3
FROM wastedontheyoung.com/college-applications
THE ART OF THE
COLLEGE APPLICATION:
THE PERSONAL ESSAY
BY JAMES HOFF
First of all, I would like to thank the college admissions board for the opportunity to share with you some of the special qualities that I hope to bring to your excellent institution. As you can see, I am pretty much exactly what you are looking for. For instance:
1. I AM A MAJOR LEAGUE SUCK UP. I really am. I like you. I like your college. I want to learn from you. I think spending four years with you will be the best thing that has ever happened to me. Your influence will change me forever. I can’t wait to grow up and be like you in every way.
2. I AM A REGURGITATION MACHINE. On papers or tests, I don’t like to think too much. Thinking sometimes leads to conclusions that don’t get you an A. I like to remember what my teacher thought and write that down instead. That usually leads to a more positive outcome.
3. I PLAY IT SAFE. I never do weird things. I don’t even sing in the shower. What if my college counselor was walking by and she heard me singing incorrectly and she mentioned on my college applications that I can’t sing? How would I get into the best college and get the best job and make the most money, with such a mark on my record?
4. I ONLY LIKE WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO LIKE. You know that cool new band everyone is talking about? I don’t. That’s because I don’t pay attention to current trends. Why should I? They haven’t passed the test of time. I know that Bob Dylan is good because adults tell me so. Even though he can’t sing and his songs go on forever and he sounds like he has a clothespin pinching his nose, Mr. Dylan is established.
5. I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING RIGHT. Many people think your teen years are a time to experiment, take risks, and discover who you really are. Me, I’ve focused on being perfect. I have memorized my textbooks, never questioned my teachers, and spent all my free time doing pointless, non-threatening extracurriculars like Statistics Club and JV Badminton. After college, I plan to work for a multinational corporation and exploit poor people for my own financial gain. If anyone says I have done something wrong, I will say, “On the contrary, I have done everything right!”
6. NO CHANGES FOR ME. As long as everything stays like it is, I will get a high-powered job, make tons of money, and will live in a huge house protected by iron gates. For this reason I don’t want to change anything. When people say we need to rethink our unsustainable lifestyle, I say, “Oh yeah? And what’s your grade point average?” When they say we have to stop plundering the earth and polluting the air, I say, “Excuse me, but that’s my parking space.” Admitting me to your fine institution will help everything stay the same. And isn’t that what we all really want?
APPENDIX 4
FROM Black Elk Speaks
“Now and then [Crazy Horse] would…have the crier call me into his tepee to eat with him. Then he would say things to tease me, but I wouldn’t say anything back because I think I was a little afraid of him. I was not afraid he would hurt me; I was just afraid. Everybody felt that way about him, for he was a queer man and would go about the village without noticing people or saying anything. In his own tepee he would joke, and when he was on the warpath with a small party he would joke to make his warriors feel good. But around the village he hardly ever noticed anybody, except little children. All the Lakotas like to dance and sing but he never joined a dance, and they say nobody ever saw him sing. But everybody liked him, and they would do anything he wanted or go anywhere he said. He was a small man among the Lakotas and he was slender and had a thin face and his eyes looked through things and he always seemed to be thinking about something. He never wanted to have many things for himself, and did not have many ponies like a chief. They say that when game was scarce and the people were hungry, he would not eat at all. He was a queer man. Maybe he was always part way into that world of his vision. He was a very great man, and I think if the Wasichus had not murdered him down there, maybe we should still have the Black Hills and be happy. They could not kill him in battle. They had to lie to him and murder him. And he was only about thirty years old when he died.”
Acknowledgments
Big thanks to Jodi Reamer and all the Writers House crew, Bethany Strout, Maja Nikolic, and Elena Santogade. Thanks to David Levithan and everyone at Scholastic. Also special thanks to my mom, who read a final draft; my sister Penny, who read early drafts; and especially Sally Cohen, who put the “On Nature” section up on her refrigerator when it looked like the book might never make it to print. Every time I saw “On Nature” on Sally’s fridge, I thought, I gotta finish that book…
Copyright
Copyright © 2009 by Blake Nelson
All rights reserved. Published by Scholastic Press, an imprint of Scholastic Inc., Publishers since 1920. SCHOLASTIC, SCHOLASTIC PRESS, and associated logos are trademarks and/or registered trademarks of Scholastic Inc.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission of the publisher. For information regarding permission, write to Scholastic Inc., Attention: Permissions Department, 557 Broadway, New York, NY 10012.
Excerpts from Black Elk Speaks © 2008 Suny Press Book. Reprinted by permission from
Suny Press.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Nelson, Blake
Destroy all cars / Blake Nelson.—1st ed.
p. cm.
Summary: Through assignments for English class, seventeen-year-old James Hoff rants against consumerism and his classmates’ apathy, puzzles over his feelings for his ex-girlfriend, and expresses disdain for his emotionally distant parents.
ISBN-13 978-0-545-10474-6 (hardcover : alk. paper)
ISBN-10 0-545-10474-2 (hardcover : alk. paper) [1. Social action—Fiction. 2. Consumption (Economics)—Fiction. 3. Ecology—Fiction. 4. Dating (Social customs)—Fiction. 5. High schools—Fiction. 6. Schools—Fiction. 7. Family problems—Fiction.]
I. Title.
PZ7.N4328Des 2009
[Fic]—dc22
2008034850
First edition, May 2009
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of publisher.
E-ISBN: 978-0-545-23004-9