Dr. Cusack's Secret Son

by Lucy Clark

  Spotting her car sitting in a driveway, he stopped at the kerb outside the large house. He knew it was her car as it had been parked out the back at his private practice. At least…he thought it was her car. He’d better check but he took a moment just to sit there and look at her. Eventually he whispered, ‘Rachael?’

  ‘Mmm?’ She sighed and tried to snuggle into the seat a bit more.

  A slow smiled crossed his face, remembering how wonderful it had felt to have her snuggle into him, his arms securely around her as their heart rates had slowly returned to normal. His Rachael. The smile disappeared. That had been so long ago. He may have thought about her almost every day since they’d parted, but that didn’t mean a thing. They were two different people now…two very different people…who just happened to have a son in common. He didn’t know where his relationship with Declan was going. And Rachael? He was at an even bigger loss.

  He wouldn’t deny the attraction was still there, as potent and strong as ever, but that didn’t mean a thing. Life could change—that was one lesson he’d learned early on. Clearing his throat, he gently put his hand on her shoulder and shook her.

  ‘Rachael. We’re here. Wake up.’

  ‘Hmm?’ She opened her eyes and, without moving, scanned her surroundings. Next, she jolted upright so quickly the seat belt restrained her.

  ‘Take it easy.’ The smile came naturally to his lips. ‘We’re here. At your parents’ house.’

  ‘Oh. Sorry. I must have dozed off.’

  ‘Not surprising.’ He took the keys out of the ignition and climbed out of the car. Rachael grabbed her bag and followed.

  ‘This is a big enough place,’ Joe said softly. ‘Why aren’t you staying here?’

  ‘Because I don’t want to take my parents for granted.’

  ‘I doubt they’d think that.’

  ‘That’s not the point, Joe. They already do far too much for me and my dad’s health isn’t the best at the moment. I didn’t want to add to his stress.’

  ‘Fair enough.’

  They walked across the front lawn and the sensor light came on. As Rachael didn’t have her keys, she knocked lightly on the door and waited for someone to answer it. A moment later, her mother opened the door and beckoned them in. When Joe hesitated on the doorstep, Rachael turned and reached for his hand. ‘Declan wanted to see you.’

  ‘Oh.’ Again, that pleasure and pride filled his heart and he almost felt like puffing out his chest.

  ‘Yes. Come on.’

  ‘Hi,’ Elizabeth said, belting her robe around her waist and yawning. ‘I’m just going to get my slippers,’ she said, and disappeared again.

  Joe closed the door behind him and they walked quietly through the house. ‘Where is he?’

  ‘He said he’d try and wait up but I think he might have given in to sleep. At least, I hope he has.’ She pointed to the lounge room. ‘This way.’

  Sure enough, there was Declan, sprawled out on the couch, the TV still on, headphones on the floor. Rachael headed over to pick them up and turn the set off when she realised Declan was whimpering, his body twitching.

  ‘No!’ All the maternal love she had for her son welled to the surface as the twitching became more insistent. She knelt down and placed her hand on his forehead. ‘He’s sweating. Declan,’ she said in her normal voice. ‘Wake up.’

  ‘Mum!’ His eyes snapped open and he glanced wildly around the room as though he was searching for her. ‘No!’ The sound was wrenched from him and he sat up and hugged his knees to his chest. ‘It’s too much. It’s too much. I can’t do it.’

  ‘Declan.’ Rachael knew she had to keep her cool. ‘It’s all right. I’m here.’ She put her hand on his arm but he flinched. She persisted, focusing all her attention on her son, vaguely registering that her mother had rushed into the room.

  ‘It’s too much,’ he moaned with anguish.

  ‘I know.’ Rachael sat beside him and held him firmly, not letting him push her away this time. ‘It’s all right, darling. I’m here. Let it out. Don’t hold onto it, Dec. Let it out, darling.’

  When the gut-wrenching sobs came, Joe felt his own eyes fill with tears as he watched his son. Rachael was holding him, murmuring soothing words, and slowly the tears subsided. Joe swallowed the lump in his throat as he turned away and walked out of the room.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  JOE’S whole body was tense with a pain he’d never experienced before. He pressed his fingers to his carotid pulse and was surprised to find it pounding fiercely. He raked his fingers through his hair, unable to get the image of Declan’s wild gaze out of his mind. That was his son and his son was hurting. The urge to protect, to take away the pain, to hold his boy was so overwhelming, he thought he’d choke on the emotion.

  Rachael had said Declan had nightmares, but what he’d just witnessed—what he could still hear as Declan continued to sob—was a boy going through pure anguish. What caused them? Why hadn’t he woken up when Rachael had called his name? Joe roughly pushed the tears away and took out his handkerchief to blow his nose.

  ‘Devastating, isn’t it?’ Elizabeth spoke softly from behind him and Joe spun to face her. The woman’s eyes were wet with unshed tears and he realised she was in the same boat as him—onlooker and feeling completely helpless to make any difference. ‘He doesn’t have them as frequently now he’s older, so I guess that’s a positive.’ She held out her hand. ‘I’m Elizabeth.’

  ‘I’m—’

  ‘You’re Joe.’ She nodded. ‘It’s nice to finally meet you. The sobs have stopped, which means he’s settling. Poor child gets awfully embarrassed if anyone sees him like that. We can go back in.’ She headed into the room and Joe was left to follow which he did…hesitantly.

  Rachael hadn’t moved and neither had Declan. ‘He’s gone back to sleep,’ she whispered when she saw them.

  ‘Good. Do you want to stay here for the night?’ Elizabeth asked.

  Rachael shook her head. ‘Thanks, Mum, but Declan wanted to see Joe and then return to the hotel so while it’s more hectic to do that, I think we’ll stick with the original plan.’

  ‘OK, darling.’ She kissed her daughter’s head. ‘You both look done in. Why don’t I make some tea?’ Before anyone could answer, Elizabeth had disappeared into the kitchen.

  ‘Can you grab me that cushion over there? My back’s starting to ache.’

  Joe obliged and put the pillow behind her back so she could lean on the arm of the couch, shifting Declan and herself into a more comfortable position. ‘Thanks. You may as well sit down.’

  ‘You’re not going to wake him?’

  ‘Not yet. If I can get him back to sleep, he usually doesn’t remember them. Do you mind? I’d like to give him another fifteen minutes if possible.’

  ‘Uh…sure. Sure.’ Joe sat in the armchair opposite her and raked a hand through his hair. ‘So was that a mild one?’

  Rachael smiled tiredly at his naivety. ‘It’s not a seizure, Joe, and they’re all about the same intensity. I guess it depends on how long it takes me to get to him.’

  ‘And what if you’re not around?’

  ‘I usually am. Tonight was a one-off and I don’t think he’d been upset for too long.’

  ‘How do you know?’

  ‘Well, for a start, we would have heard him when we walked in the door and, also, it didn’t take me too long to calm him down.’

  ‘So this is the main reason you’ve opted for private practice?’

  ‘Yes. It meant, as a general rule, that I could work normal hours while he was growing up.’

  ‘You would have made a good surgeon.’

  ‘I would have been bored. At least with general practice I get variety.’

  ‘How many varieties of flu are there?’

  Rachael laughed. ‘Good point.’ She sobered. ‘Thanks for hanging around.’

  ‘No problem.’

  ‘Are you all right?’

  ‘Me?’ He waved away her concern. ‘Don�
�t worry about me.’

  ‘It’s scary, Joe. It’s scary to watch your child go through any pain.’

  ‘So I’m beginning to realise,’ he mumbled, giving in to the fact that Rachael could read him like a book. ‘How often does he have them?’

  Rachael shrugged slightly. ‘Usually when too much has happened. I can’t say I’m surprised he’s had one, after the past few days. Meeting you, spending time with you, starting a new school, going to the movie set.’

  ‘The bungee jump, being introduced to so many new people, me thinking he needed more fun in his life.’ Joe hung his head in shame. ‘Rach, I’m so sorry.’

  ‘It’s not your fault, Joe. Declan wanted to do the bungee jump and it’s good for him to meet new people, and he does need to have more fun. Maybe not all in one day…’ She smiled as she trailed off.

  ‘I didn’t realise this would happen.’

  ‘Leave it, Joe. Trust me, there’s no point beating yourself up about the past. Unfortunately for Declan, this is something he needs to learn to manage. He has to realise when he’s overloaded and pace himself.’

  Joe watched as Declan shifted, sprawling out and raising his arm above his head so it fell across Rachael’s face. ‘Dec!’ She laughed and pushed his arm away, then sighed. ‘I hate to think what’s going to happen when girls come into his life.’

  ‘Oh, yeah!’ Joe’s eyes widened. ‘I hadn’t thought of that.’

  ‘It’s the time in a boy’s life when he needs his father, Joe.’

  ‘You want me to give him advice about girls?’

  ‘No.’ Rachael laughed. ‘That’s not what I meant. I just meant…you know…he’ll be needing that male influence and I don’t think my dad’s up to it.’

  ‘Discussing the birds and the bees?’ Joe raked a hand through his hair again and, unable to sit still any longer, stood and walked around the room.

  ‘He knows about the birds and the bees. In fact, we’ve already had some very interesting discussions about…body changes.’

  Joe groaned and shook his head.

  ‘Here’s the tea,’ Elizabeth said cheerfully as she carried the tray into the dimly lit room. Rachael realised at some point her mother had switched off the television, coiled up the headphones cable and turned on a side lamp.

  ‘Perfect timing,’ Joe commented, and Rachael laughed again. She accepted the cup her mother handed her with thanks and watched as Elizabeth fussed over Joe.

  ‘Now, do you prefer to be called Joe or Joseph?’

  ‘Either.’

  ‘Really?’ Rachael was surprised and received a glare for her trouble. ‘I didn’t think you liked Joseph, that’s all.’

  ‘I think it’s a nice name,’ Elizabeth added.

  ‘Then you may call me Joseph,’ he said, still wary of Elizabeth but wanting to do whatever he could to help smooth any future contact he might have with her.

  ‘Excellent.’ They were all talking quietly but not whispering and Declan stirred a little. ‘Oh, he’s such a big lad. I can’t believe how quickly he’s grown.’

  ‘Heavy, too.’ Rachael sipped her tea before holding her cup out of the way as one of Declan’s hands came towards her again. ‘Take this, please, Joe. I think I’ll wake him up before he whacks me in the face.’ She waited until her hands were empty, then kissed the top of her son’s head, glad his temperature had returned to normal. ‘Declan? Honey? Wake up.’ She touched his face and kissed his head once more. Unlike before, he slowly stretched and this time his hand connected with his mother’s face. At the contact, he sat up.

  ‘Mum! Sorry.’

  ‘It’s all right. I didn’t need that cheekbone,’ she joked.

  Declan glanced around the room. ‘Grandma. Joe!’ His eyes widened in surprise. ‘What have you all been doing? Watching me sleep?’

  ‘You do it so well,’ Rachael murmured, glad to have the blood circulating around her body once more.

  ‘What time is it?’

  ‘Just after midnight.’

  ‘Wow. You were a long time at the hospital.’

  ‘You can say that again.’

  ‘You were a long time at the hospital,’ Declan said, smiling at his mother.

  Rachael chuckled and glanced at Joe. ‘See? He definitely has your warped sense of humour.’

  Joe forced a smile. He was still shell-shocked by what had happened to Declan, and now the three other people in the room were behaving as though nothing was out of the ordinary. There was something wrong with his son! He didn’t know how to explain the sudden panic that seemed to constrict his chest, and he wasn’t sure he could sit and make idle chit-chat. His palms began to sweat and he felt as though the room was closing in on him. He stood up abruptly, almost spilling the cup of tea he’d forgotten he was holding, and quickly put the cup back on the tray. ‘I need to go.’

  Rachael frowned at his sudden change. ‘Joe?’

  ‘Uh…early morning.’

  ‘Are you going to be at the movie set again?’ Declan asked eagerly.

  ‘Er…no. I’ll take morning clinic so your mother can have a rest.’ The words tumbled out of his mouth and he realised he’d do or say anything he had to, to get out of there as soon as possible.

  ‘It’s fine, Joe. I’ll be at the clinic at the normal time.’

  ‘No.’ He smiled again and took a step towards the door. ‘You rest. Have a slow morning and come in around ten.’

  Rachael stood and faced him, her back to her mother and Declan. ‘OK. I’ll walk you to the car.’

  ‘Will I see you tomorrow, Joe?’ Declan was beside his mother in an instant.

  Joe looked at his son and felt a pang of paternal love sweep through him. It was such a foreign emotion but one that felt so right, so instantly right. This time his smile was genuine. ‘Sure. We’ll arrange something after school.’

  ‘Can we go to the movie set again?’

  ‘Not tomorrow, but we’ll think of something.’ Something a little less stimulating, he added silently.

  ‘Cool.’ Then, to Joe’s utter surprise, Declan gave him a hug. It was a male hug where only their torsos touched and he gave a few hearty slaps on Joe’s back. ‘Thanks, Dad.’ The words were said softly but clearly, and for the second time in as many minutes Joe felt tears begin to prick behind his eyes.

  Rachael watched them closely, her throat constricting with love. She could see the surprise and struggle Joe was having because the emotions were too new for him to effectively hide them. When Declan released him, she said, ‘Get your things together and help Grandma tidy up.’

  ‘OK.’ Declan beamed. ‘See you tomorrow, Dad.’

  Joe headed to the door and sucked in an urgent breath of air once he was outside. ‘It’s OK, Rach. You don’t have to come out. It’s getting cold.’

  Rachael shut the front door behind her and headed across the grass. ‘What happened, Joe?’

  ‘What?’ He stopped beside the car and turned to face her. ‘Another Spanish Inquisition?’

  She smiled. ‘It won’t work because you’re expecting it. Besides, you already know my secret forms of torture.’ Joe returned her smile and the weight that had settled on her heart lifted. She reached out and took his hand in hers. ‘Parenting isn’t an easy thing to do but the only way to learn is by experiencing everything and making the best of it.’

  ‘You don’t think I’ll stuff him up?’

  ‘Oh, Joe. Is that what’s bothering you?’ Rachael shook her head and took a step closer. ‘I wouldn’t let you near Declan if I didn’t trust you. Those three weeks we spent together were the happiest of my life. I can’t find the words to describe how…magnificent and wondrous it was. We got to know each other on the most intimate of levels and I’m not just talking about our physical relationship.’ She brushed her fingers through the hair at his temple. ‘We touched souls, Joe. We may not have spilled every detail about our pasts but for who we were right at that moment in time, we bonded…And it’s happening all over again.’

&
nbsp; ‘Mmm.’ Her touch was making him crazy and he felt as though he was beginning to drown once more, drown in the reality that was Rachael. Her words were true. The bond they shared had already survived so much, and in the back of his mind were the same doubts he’d had all those years ago. Could he make it work? Would he let her down?

  He shoved the doubts aside…at least for the moment as he gathered her into his arms.

  ‘You’re an incredible man, Joseph Silvermark,’ she whispered close to his ear.

  ‘You’ve changed, Rach. I don’t remember you being this forthright before.’

  She chuckled and the vibrations from her body passed through to him. ‘I’m stronger, Joe. Not necessarily in body, but definitely in mind…and soul.’ She pressed a kiss to his neck before pulling back to look into his eyes. ‘I’m also more determined to fight for what I want.’

  He raised an eyebrow. ‘Is that so?’

  ‘I guess you could say I’ve matured.’

  ‘A word I’ve always hated.’

  ‘Because you were forced to mature way too fast.’ She sighed and hugged him close again, loving the feel of their bodies together. ‘Wisdom, Joe.’ She pressed kisses to his neck, working her way around to his ear. ‘Wisdom and peace come from knowing yourself better, and that’s how I feel at the moment.’ She nipped at his earlobe with her teeth and was rewarded with a groan. ‘Like that, eh?’ She did it again, chuckling when he groaned once more. ‘I like it when you’re at my mercy.’

  ‘And I like being there.’ Becoming impatient, he began his own onslaught and after pressing a few kisses to her exposed neck he worked his way around to her mouth. She allowed him one quick kiss before she pulled back and smiled at him.

  ‘I think we can do better than that.’

  ‘Really? I know we can.’ She laughed, feeling young and free once more as his mouth found hers.

  The kiss wasn’t hot or hungry, it wasn’t sweet and sensual, but more a kiss of…familiarity, and it reminded her just how familiar they’d been with each other in the past. He made her feel safe, comfortable and special. They had affected each other’s lives in such dramatic ways and now they had the opportunity to discover new things.