by Alex Wolf
I regretted making music encompass my entire life in some ways. Girls and relationships were always on the back burner, something to pass the time between my work. It wouldn’t be fair to start up a relationship.
There was just something different about Bristol. The fact she didn’t know who I was before the concert was refreshing. Her appreciation for me and not the fact I was a “musician” was incredibly attractive and endearing.
It didn’t take long to realize I really cared about her. Every minute we were apart amplified the feelings a thousand-fold.
She actually heard my music when most people just focused on our main single, which happened to be about one-night stands. God, I loved the irony. I wrote it when I was irritated with life, but it had such a hard beat that nobody seemed to understand the song. It sounded commercial, almost to the point of pandering. I stood behind my art anyway. The song had meaning to me, and that was all that mattered, no matter how well it sold.
Bristol picked up on the song I wrote about losing Brandon three years ago. It was one of the hardest things in my life when he committed suicide after being arrested for drunk driving. He was my closest friend along with Jake.
Looking out the window, I felt a tear roll down my cheek. Usually, playing that song was the only time I thought about Brandon. It was my way of honoring his life.
My music was a constant reminder of Bristol.
I missed talking to her, being around her—even more than the sex. I was also insanely jealous and possessive over her. No matter how hard I tried to tell myself I didn’t give a shit, I did. It was a lie, and a true musician confronts the truth in their work.
Jake had to stop me from hopping on a plane when I saw the picture of her and knew she was going out. It was insane, and I’d never tell her the truth about it, but, I didn’t want any other man to get to see her in the outfit. I didn’t want any other man to watch her dance.
The outfit and dancing was meant for me. She was mine. All of her. And she still came for me at the end of the night, like she always would from here on out.
She was intelligent and had goals for herself. She showed that more than she realized, often undermining herself in her words and actions. Bristol was sexy as fuck without trying and I knew I had to have her after that first kiss. After that first night, I never wanted another night without her. I was trying to figure everything out when I had to come here to LA. Our time was cut too short.
I knew it was possible to have a relationship. Some of my friends in the industry had wives and children and made it work. It just had to be so fucking hard. I didn’t know if I was up for it until I met her.
I dropped my notebook on the bed. I couldn’t concentrate while thinking about her. I needed a cold shower and to rub another one out. I walked into the bathroom and turned on the water, standing underneath it as I glared at my erection. I reached down and imagined her plump red lips wrapped around me while I fisted her hair. I thought about the sounds of her moans from our phone call as I fucked into my fist over and over again. It didn’t take long for me to say her name over and over as I came all over my hand.
I woke up closer to afternoon than morning. The guys were scattered around the living room drinking vitamin waters and checking their phones as some show blared from the TV. They all nodded apart from Jake, who glanced over at me. It was weird. He looked worried as I walked to the fridge to grab myself a water. I took a seat next to him. Jake had the laptop open, and I leaned my head toward it as he scowled.
“Did you tell Bristol about the media and how they make shit up?”
I froze up at his question. I didn’t say anything to her.
“No.”
He winced. “I don’t think she’d fuck around on Google, but Valerie might. She’s into the gossip shit. She’s also protective of her friend.” His words were slow and deliberate.
I took them in as I played back what I could from the night before. I was drunk, and it was vague for me, but I was sure I hadn’t done anything incriminating.
“What the fuck?” I leaned over to his computer. “What’s on there?”
He turned the laptop around to face me. I searched the screen and found a series of photos from the party that were taken with me and another up-and-coming artist, Kelly Harrison. She was definitely hot, but she wasn’t Bristol.
From what I could remember, she flirted a little, but I let her down easy with little incident. The pictures made it look way worse, though. She was leaning in close to my face with a palm on my chest. It looked like we were inches from kissing.
Fuck.
Even the look on my face made me look guilty. I was drunk and horny after thinking about Bristol all night. But I didn’t do a damn thing.
I knew it was nothing, but would Bristol know that? I didn’t want her seeing shit like this and getting upset.
The more I thought about it, the harder blood started pounding in my ears. I needed out of the house for a minute.
Technically, we weren’t in a relationship and I had nothing to explain. But, that was the weird thing. I wanted to.
I rose and headed to the beach to walk. I wanted my stomach to stop twisting in knots. Because, if I was being honest with myself, if I saw a picture like that of some dude up on Bristol, I’d lose my shit.
I needed to approach this the right way. I needed to explain to Bristol that managers like to create controversy and gossip. It’s all PR shit. They would start every headline suggesting that I was involved with a different woman. They went after the more suggestive ones to make everything worse.
What was I supposed to do? Never go out or do anything?
I’d dealt with this from friends and family since our first record deal. Girls that were interested in more than a fling complained to me about it, but I didn’t give a shit what they thought. I was always up front.
They either just accepted it, or they were gone.
If she saw this, would she even come see me now? Fucking Kelly Harrison. I gazed out at the water and paused, letting the wind blow around me.
At the same time, I hated being upset with Kelly. She was totally cool once I’d told her I was involved with someone else. It was all music conversation after that, completely professional. We talked for a while because it was refreshing to converse with someone who actually knew something about music outside my bandmates.
What if Bristol wouldn’t come out to visit now?
I had to get ahead of this instead of waiting for her to bring it up.
Bristol
I woke up with a smile the day after I talked to Gage. Everything seemed bright even though he wasn’t here. I didn’t know what would happen with us but felt good about things. If he was with other women I don’t think he would’ve called or did what he did on the phone.
He sounded sexually frustrated, which was a good thing given the distance between us.
It was also another first for me, and I was glad I did it with him the first time. I eased myself up, needing coffee and a shower.
I tugged on a robe and tightened the sash before heading down the hallway to the kitchen. I fired up the single-cup coffee machine and went in search of a mug. I glanced around the living room and noted it was empty as I pushed the button to brew.
Val was nowhere to be seen, but I wasn’t worried. It was a pretty late night. I sat there for a brief moment, enjoying my coffee in the silence, knowing a shower was coming next. It was the little things that relaxed me.
Just slow down. You can take one day off.
I sat another cup to brew and headed for the shower.
I took my sweet time under the hot water as it hit my skin. I never took a long shower because I was generally in a hurry. Today, I washed my hair and body thoroughly, thinking about Gage the entire time.
God, I wished he was here. Taking me up against the wall—pulling my hair. I imagined him coming inside me again. Why did I enjoy that so much? Did it mean that I meant something to him?
After a sel
f-induced orgasm picturing Gage taking me from behind, I exhaled a huge sigh of relief, got out, and dried off enough to throw myself together.
I walked around the apartment and tried to relax on the couch for a bit and even watch TV. It didn’t work. Why was I so restless all the time? I always had to be moving.
It didn’t help I hadn’t heard a word about visiting him since he mentioned it the first time, but it hadn’t been too long since he left. It just felt like it sometimes. Seconds seemed like hours.
I needed to find something to do. Keep myself busy and distracted.
I woke up later in the afternoon and took a deep breath after my nap. Sleeping was the only thing that seemed to take Gage off my mind, and I really needed the rest. It was heavenly. I didn’t have plans for the night, assuming Val would come up with something like she always did. I called out but she didn’t answer back. What was she doing?
I closed my eyes and fell asleep for another hour or two before waking up again. To hell with it. I was entitled after working my ass off the previous semester—hell, the previous three and a half years.
I pulled on some leggings and a t-shirt and walked to the living room. Valerie sat on the couch typing on her phone. She looked worried, and I took off on bare feet to make another cup of coffee. She jumped when I shut the door to the cupboard.
“You okay?”
She brushed her hair back and shot me a panicked look but quickly recovered. “Yeah. You tired?”
I snickered. “Just taking it easy.”
She gave me a skeptical smirk.
I watched as the coffee dripped down into my favorite mug, aware that Val’s weird behavior was killing my laziness high. I grabbed the cup and walked to the living room.
Val pinched the bridge of her nose.
“Migraine?” I took a seat in the over-sized recliner.
“No, it’s…” Her sentence trailed off into nothing.
“What is it?” I frowned.
We both looked to the kitchen when my phone rang on the counter. She raised an eyebrow. The ringing ended just as I started to go pick it up, so I sat back down.
Right when she opened her mouth to say something, the phone rang again.
“You should probably get that.”
I eyed her curiously as I stood and walked over to the counter. Something was wrong. I didn’t like the way she was acting, and my stomach tightened.
It was Gage calling, and my heart raced when I picked up the phone.
“Hello?” I leaned against the cold counter, attempting to sound as sexy as I could and probably failing.
“Bristol. Thank fuck. I was worried. How are you?” His voice was hurried, almost like he was out of breath.
“Uhh, fine. Why were you worried?”
“You didn’t answer the phone.”
“Okay, well… I’m fine. What’s going on?” The words came out in a harsh tone. I didn’t mean for them to, but with him and Val acting weird I didn’t know what to think and it just kind of happened. They were both being weird.
I unplugged the phone with a jerk of my hand, wishing someone would tell me what the hell was going on. Men and best friends were proving to be more trouble than they were worth at the moment.
Gage cleared his throat. “Have you been on the internet already?”
“The internet?”
Valerie’s eyes shifted to the carpet. What the fuck?
“I…”
“Shit. You have.” He said it quickly and his tone sounded defeated. “It’s not what it looks like, Bristol. I swear to you.”
“What? No. I haven’t been on the internet.” I tapped a foot on the ground.
“Oh, okay. Well, I need to talk to you about something.”
“What the hell is going on? You and Val are both acting weird and it’s a little frustrating.”
“There are pictures online. The media.”
“What pictures?” The words came out through my teeth.
Valerie pushed herself up from the couch and headed my way. The room was small, and it didn’t take long for her to make it over to me. She held up her phone with a dark look in her eyes. I looked at the photo of Gage standing close to a beautiful woman at what looked like a bar. Their heads were close, and I saw the profile of her smile through the dim light. It looked like they were about to kiss.
I stood there while Gage kept saying things on the phone, but I couldn’t look away. It looked so intimate. My chest constricted, but Gage and I weren’t anything. Were we?
“I tried to call earlier but you haven’t been answering your phone. I wanted to tell you before you saw it.” His voice was filled with desperation.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “She’s pretty.”
“Fucking Valerie. She showed you, didn’t she?”
I winced at how angry he sounded when he said it. I wanted to say something, but I didn’t know what to think at that moment.
“Surprised she didn’t shove them in your face first thing this morning.”
I took a deep breath. I didn’t want to say anything ridiculous while I was so emotional. I didn’t want to overreact.
“Are you there? Can you say something?”
“Valerie didn’t show me anything until just now. I’ve been asleep all day.”
Valerie was trying to protect me, and he acted like she was ready to throw him under the bus. The more I thought about how he was acting, the more frustrated I became.
“It’s you in the pictures. Don’t get pissed at her.”
I heard him sigh.
I sat on the bar stool as Valerie brought my coffee to me. She took the seat beside me and wrapped an arm around my shoulder.
“Well, it’s not what it looks like.”
“You’re not with me, Gage. So you’re free to do whatever you want.”
“Don’t say that. You know me better…”
“No, I don’t know you that much at all, actually. Look, Gage, I like you. I believe you like me too. But you don’t have to do—this. I’m a big girl.”
“I went to this thing because I had to. We had to show up as a band and it was loud as fuck. She’s a new artist, and we had to be that close to talk, but nothing happened.”
“Why are you even telling me this?” I stared at Val.
I had to admit, part of me was happy that he’d called. It had to mean he cared. Or maybe he was just covering his ass so he could still fuck me when he stopped through Colorado. God, my mind was racing in so many directions.
“I didn’t want you to think anything of it. I have people trying to take pictures of me all the time, Bristol. They’ll do anything to photos to make it look like something that it’s not. I didn’t have a chance to talk to you about this shit before I left.”
“You don’t owe me an explanation. Maybe we should just slow down a little and we can discuss things more when you get back.”
I didn’t know if I’d be able to deal with this kind of thing. In fact, I knew I wouldn’t be able to, so I just needed to slow this whole thing down.
“No.”
My jaw dropped open, then my jaw clenched. “Excuse me?”
“I said no. I’m not slowing shit down.”
“Gage…”
“Look, that girl doesn’t mean shit. You’re the one I want. You’re all I’ve thought about since I’ve been here. I don’t want to slow down. I want to go full throttle even if we run this shit off a cliff.”
My heart pounded a million miles an hour. What the hell just happened?
“Y-you do?”
“Fuck yes, I do. You’re coming out here this weekend. Bring Val with you. I’ll make the arrangements.”
My eyes widened as I looked at her not knowing what the hell to say. He was being so forceful, in charge, like he was on a mission.
“You don’t have to do a thing. I’ll make sure you’re taken care of. Just be on the flight.”
“Or else what?” I must’ve been grinning slightly because Val punched me in
the arm and widened her eyes.
“I’ll fly to Denver and haul your ass here myself.”
Jesus, I don’t think it would’ve been possible to say no. It was so easy to get caught up in the moment with Gage, though. He was dangerous and exciting and beautiful. God, it was like the world was rewarding and punishing me at the same time. “I’ll talk to Valerie and get back to you.”
“Talk about whatever you want, but I want your ass on that plane and in my arms as soon as possible.”
I sucked in a breath. There was a part of me telling me to run away and never look back. Anyone on the outside would’ve told me to get the hell out of Dodge. Don’t give your heart to this guy who’s likely to crush it. But, something about him—I knew he was telling the truth. It didn’t mean I’d just let the pictures and the discussions fly off the radar.
But, I was his. He had me and he knew it.
“Bristol?”
“Yeah?”
“We good?”
“I think so. I’ll call you later.” How I even played it cool without melting into a puddle on the floor was amazing in itself.
I waited a moment before he ended the call and set the phone down on the counter. I took a slow sip of my coffee as I thought about what to say to Valerie.
“What the fuck did he say?”
I had my phone turned down while she’d tried to eavesdrop.
“He wants us to visit next weekend.”
Her eyes narrowed. “What about that picture?”
“It was the paparazzi or something. They take pictures of everything and it wasn’t how it looked.”
Valerie raised an eyebrow.
“They went to an event and had to mingle. He was talking to her like that because it was loud. He said it meant nothing.” I probably sounded like the world’s most gullible idiot right now, but I wanted to have faith in Gage.
“I don’t know. They looked pretty close to me, and she was definitely into him. Don’t you worry about that?” Valerie asked as I shrugged slowly.
“I just… I like him. I don’t want to marry him or anything, but I don’t think I’ve ever had feelings like this for a guy. Isn’t that okay?” I looked at her, feeling uncertain.