More Than You Know

by Alexandria Rhodes

  “Just let me explain,” he started.

  I wanted to slap him for his words. “Let you explain?” I laughed, anger fuming throughout my body. “Yes, Tyler. Please explain the last four years to me. I’m dying to know what made you leave me like you did.”

  He stood there silent for a moment, and I let him try to find the words he needed. As much as he didn’t really deserve a chance to explain, I at least deserved answers.

  “I’ve spent the last four years hating myself for what I did to you, Bryn. Nothing I say, nothing I can do, will ever take away the pain I caused you. After everything I promised you, I deserve nothing but to be hated by you.”

  I pressed my lips together to keep from screaming.

  He stepped closer to me, and I backed away, keeping the distance between us great. “After that day I left you my life felt like it ended. I needed to see you but I couldn’t right away. I got away when I could and that night with you in the hospital…”

  “What night?” My eyes widened. “That wasn’t a dream? You were there?”

  Tyler nodded. “I had to see you. I had to know you were okay. I wouldn’t have survived everything I went through if I didn’t know how you were.”

  “Everything you went through? What about me?”

  “I know you deserve an answer, and I want to give it to you someday...”

  “Someday?”

  “Bryn, just let me explain in my own way.”

  I looked at him, bewildered at the words he was saying. In his own way?

  “After all of these years that I’ve been away from you, I have never once stopped loving you.”

  “Screw you, Tyler!” I yelled, unable to hear those words come out of his mouth. It was like my heart was being ripped out all over again. I couldn’t believe that he was telling me he loved me; after all this time.

  “Bryn…”

  “What?” I yelled again, turning back around to face him. Instead of answering me, he stepped closer and everything, all at once, happened so fast. Too fast to make sense of what was about to happen. He was inches away from me, and he pulled me against him, hard and fast before pushing me against the wall with his hand placed on the small of my back. Words were no longer necessary as his lips collided against mine with a force that I found myself welcoming. Everything felt right when I was with him, no matter how hard I tried to deny it. Nothing had changed. This is how we fought: passionate and hard. It was how we did everything with one another.

  “I know things were messed up, but I’ve wanted to do that again for a very, very long time.”

  I opened my eyes and felt the blood rush to my cheeks as his hands rested on either side of them. I took a breath of air, gasping from the kiss. “Me too.”

  “I’m so sorry, Bryn. I don’t deserve your forgiveness or understanding, but all I can ask from you is to give me a chance to explain.” He pulled away slightly, giving me room to stand up straight.

  “I’m not asking you to take me back and to act like nothing had ever happened. I just want to know that you’ll be here to hear me out.”

  I searched his eyes, and I felt myself start to surrender. I would hear him out and let him back in on my own time. Even though he had in a way deceived me so many years ago, I seemed to still trust him. We were only at the beginning of getting to know each other again. But I wanted more.

  “It’s moments like these though that tells me there’s more to us. More to our story and that we’re only just beginning whatever it is we still have.”

  “Can we sit down?” I asked, leading us into the living room and sat on the couch. I touched my lips, the feeling of his still on them. I had started to think that this was a second chance and I could finally get the answers I deserved, mend the relationships that had always meant the world to me. In that moment I knew what I wanted; I knew what I needed in my life. Tyler.

  “Okay,” I replied to his statement about being there for him. No matter what it meant in terms of us, I wasn’t going to lose him again; whatever he would be to me.

  “God I missed you, Bryn,” he said, bringing me into a hug. “We’ll take it slow, okay? Whatever you need.”

  “I missed you too,” I replied as I felt the tears burn my eyes and fall down my cheeks. We sat on the couch for the next hour reminiscing about the good times, not bringing up anything heavy; we’d had too much of that for one day.

  “Charlotte told me to come over this Friday. I think I’m supposed to go out with you guys and then stay the night.”

  “Oh, really? You're coming out with us to Crave?”

  I shrugged. “I guess, if that's the place that Charlotte was talking about. Since when did Savannah get night clubs?”

  He laughed. “I don’t know, maybe they’ve always been there and we were too naïve to notice.”

  “Well, I'll be there.”

  He played with one of my fingers. “I think I should get going.”

  I nodded. “Yeah.”

  Tyler walked me to my front door and kissed my cheek goodnight. I watched as he got in his car and backed out of my driveway.

  Rubbing my shoulders to warm them from the surprisingly cooler Savannah air, I walked inside, locked the door and headed to my room. Since the temperature was somehow bearable, I opened the two windows in my room, welcoming the cool air. For the first time in a while, my head hit the pillow without a million things running through it. And the things that were on my mind were welcomed thoughts.

  The next day I spent looking for job openings around Savannah. It was time I stopped spending all of my time at home and made the money I would need to live on. I was surprised how long the application process took, and before I knew it, it was time for bed again.

  After finishing my nightly routine of washing my face and brushing my hair, I climbed into bed ready for sleep. I woke up what felt like moments later to a tapping noise coming from outside my window. Frightened, I grabbed my phone from my bedside table ready to dial 911 when I heard an all too familiar voice call my name.

  “Tyler?” I asked, rushing over to the window. Sure enough, Tyler was standing below my window. All of the memories of him climbing up for movie nights when we were younger came flooding back to me.

  “Can I come up? Just like old times?” he asked as he shuffled around in the bushes. I knew exactly what he was looking for.

  “The ladder is still down there,” I said, remembering Ashton moving it there after helping me shove things in the attic. Tyler chuckled as he opened and lengthened the ladder, placing it under my window. “Be careful!” I shouted down. I moved my chair away from the window where it usually sat in case he stumbled inside, as he always seemed to manage. Sure enough, with a loud “oomph” Tyler stumbled through my bedroom window.

  “You know that was a lot easier to do when I was younger.”

  I laughed. “Yes, because you’re much older now, right?” I teased.

  “Hey, a lot can change in four years.”

  Nodding, I said, “So what made you decide to climb up here?”

  He started to respond, but his eyes fell on my unmade bed. “Shit, I didn’t wake you up, did I?”

  I crossed my arms around my chest, conscious now of the fact that I was in my shorts and a white cotton tank top that was probably more than see through at this point. “No.” I lied, “I was just reading.” I walked over to the open window to shut it, having enough of the breeze, and realizing a storm must be coming by the sudden weather change.

  “You left your jacket in my car last night,” he said, handing me my sweater. I hadn’t noticed him carry it in.

  “Seriously?” I asked, taking the sweater. “You came all the way here, climbed up my house just to give me a sweater?”

  “Yeah, for all I know you were dying without it. I was worried I would be too late in giving it back to you.”

  I smiled. “I have no idea how I survived without it.”

  He looked around my room. “Remember when I would come up here in the middle of
the night?” he asked. “Those nights were fun.”

  “Yeah, but I’m not sure coming up here every night through my window can be a reoccurring thing. They have a name for people like that you know—creepy stalkers.”

  “Funny. Do you remember that one night your dad had installed a new sprinkler system?”

  “Oh my God, yes! You had no idea, and mid-climb the sprinklers came on!” I said, laughing at the comical memory.

  “You laughed so hard I swore you had something to do with it.”

  “Oh, please! Me? I was all the way up here.”

  He glared at me and I broke down laughing, unable to hold in the secret any long.

  “Okay, okay. It was me,” I confessed.

  Tyler laughed. “I knew it!”

  The other events of that night came back easily to me. We were exactly where we were sitting now. Both nervous, both wanting to take the next step.

  “It was the same night we had our first kiss. Our first real kiss,” I said suddenly. I uncrossed my arms and played with the edge of the blanket. “A girl never forgets her first kiss.” Lying down on my stomach, I held my head up with my hands. “I’m just mad it had to be you.”

  He surprised me by getting off of the chair and crouching down in front of me. “I remember being nervous. Like ‘how the hell do I kiss her?’” He knelt forward so that our faces were close together. I could feel his breath, hot on my skin. “I remember sweeping your hair out of the way, like this.” His hands delicately moved my hair off my face and tucked it behind my ears.

  My eyes fluttered at the skin on skin contact, my insides shivering.

  “You closed your eyes like that the first time too,” he whispered. His hand moved along the back of my neck where he held it there, gently.

  “I don’t remember you doing this last time,” I said, my skin on fire. I wanted him so badly to kiss me again at that moment, and I was starting to get anxious.

  “That’s because this time things are different. We’re older…I have new moves.” He laughed, his hand never leaving my neck.

  “Show me,” I dared him. His soft lips crashed to mine driving me into a frenzy as he pulled me closer. My hands were brave as they found his face and hair, wanting and craving to touch all of him.

  He pulled away, his eyes wild. “Too fast?” I shook my head and found his lips again, not wanting to waste any more time on whatever was going to happen. I pulled on his back suggestively, and he came up slowly, pushing me back to the top of the bed. Our hands were everywhere in that moment as we seemed to want to make up for lost time by touching everywhere and anywhere we could. His tongue slipped inside my mouth, hungrily searching. I moaned as I felt myself slowly start to let go.

  “Bryn,” he said between kisses.

  “Hmm?” I asked, coming to the realization of how turned on I was so quickly.

  He sat up slightly, our breathing slightly erratic. “As much as I love recreating our first kiss and adding more to it, I don’t want to rush things.”

  We both sat up this time and I readjusted my shirt. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

  I smiled and he kissed me on the cheek lightly. “I should go” he said, getting up. “But before I do, I was wondering…think I could use the front door this time?”

  Laughing, I got up with him and he pulled me into a hug. I walked him down, the Savannah air assaulting me as I opened the door.

  “This town was never the same without you,” he said before he turned around and started his short walk home, disappearing into the black of the night.

  Six

  ____________________

  I submitted an online application for a waitress position at The Sixth Pense Pub in downtown Savannah and was surprised when I received a call back from them only twenty-four hours later. It was definitely not something I wanted to do for the rest of my life but for now it was at least something.

  When I got there, I was offered the job on the spot, handed an apron, a pad of paper and told to start. The pub had an intriguing set up that was adorned in British memorabilia that centered on the Queen. The ceiling had a beautiful crown molding in which the design made you feel as though you were in a palace. I had a feeling that no matter the craziness of working in a bustling, popular restaurant, I would love my job.

  My phone rang almost as soon as I got into my car just minutes after finishing my first shift.

  “Hey, Charlotte!” I said, seeing her name pop up on the caller ID.

  “Bryn! What’s up?” she asked.

  “Actually, just getting out of my first shift. I hadn’t been there five minutes before they put me to work.”

  She laughed on the other end. “That’s awesome, congratulations! That’s probably the best way to start anyway, just getting into it right away and learning as you go. I’m calling you because Eva and I are meeting at a coffee shop downtown, and we’re wondering if you wanted to join us.”

  “Uh, yeah, sure. Text me the address and I’ll be there as soon as I can,” I responded.

  “Great! See you in a bit!” She hung up and my phone buzzed seconds later with the address, the coffee shop not being too far from where I was now.

  Pulling into the parking lot, I saw the cutest, welcoming indoor/outdoor café. I spotted Charlotte and Eva immediately who were seated at a table in front of the glass window. The tables were small, dark and round with giant chairs around them. There were flower arrangements in pots hanging from the ceiling.

  “Hey, Bryn!” Eva said when I sat down.

  I took off my cardigan that I’d been wearing and folded it, sticking it on the top of my lap. “Thanks for the invite. I needed a pick me up and coffee is just the thing.”

  “So, just making sure, you do know you’re in Savannah, Georgia right?”

  I looked at her, confused. “What? Of course I know I’m in Savannah. What are you talking about?”

  They both laughed. “You really don't remember? Friday night we were trying to get you to stop drinking and you kept insisting you lived in New York still,” Charlotte said.

  I had to laugh at my own drunken words. “Are you kidding? Wow, I'm sorry about that.”

  Eva snorted. “Sweetheart, don't worry about it. You got to sleep with Tyler because of it.”

  I looked at Eva and then to Charlotte looking for clarification. “I slept with him?” How drunk had I been?

  Charlotte whacked Eva's arm with the back of her hand. “No, well according to him you didn't. He said he just helped you get in bed and get you some Advil.”

  “Would you like anything to drink, Ma'am?” a waiter asked.

  “Uh, yeah. Can I have a small coffee?”

  “Room for cream or sugar?”

  I nodded, and he left to go fill my order.

  I turned back to the girls. “Well he wasn't lying. That’s all that happened.”

  “I think it would be cute if things worked out between you two,” Charlotte said taking a sip from her water.

  I blushed and took the coffee in my hands that the waiter had set in front of me.

  “Okay well how about this, this Friday come over to my house before we go out, and I’ll help you with your makeup, outfit and hair. Only if you want.”

  “Really? Are you sure?” Intrigued at the thought of being pampered by someone else, it sounded fun. Or would it be weird…?

  “Are you kidding? Charlotte will fix anyone’s makeup if they let her. She loves it,” Eva interjected, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

  I shrugged, knowing I had nothing to lose. “Sure, I can stop by around six or seven if that's okay?”

  Charlotte nodded excitedly. “This is going to be like old times, only now we are finally old enough to go out and have fun.”

  At the café I got to know Eva a little more and she told me about her wedding that was coming up in a couple of months. She and Jason had decided that they wanted it at the church her parents were married in and the reception in the backyard of the Wilson’s beach ho
use.

  “Thanks again for the invite. It was great getting to know you, Eva. I'm looking forward to Friday!” I said as Charlotte gave me a hug.

  “Yeah, of course, we should do this again soon. What if we made it our thing? Every Wednesday let's meet here if we can,” Eva suggested.

  She was quickly growing on me. “Sounds good!”

  I walked over to my truck but heard Charlotte behind me, calling my name. “Hey, Bryn, hold on a second.” She reached my car and breathed out heavily. “I need to get back to exercising.” She stood up straight and adjusted her shirt. “I didn’t want to bring something up in front of Eva that you might not want to talk about, but I’m dying to know, how did your date go?”

  “It was fun! Although, for a few seconds I thought I was going to die a painful death by Ferris wheel.”

  Charlotte laughed. “I forgot about the fair this week. I’ll have to make Miles take me before it leaves Tybee.”

  I nodded. “You should, it was fun.”

  “I don’t want to pry, and seriously, tell me to shut up if I need to. But how are things with you and Tyler, really?”

  “No, you’re fine. It’s okay. But things are complicated, you know? There are a lot of things about the timing of you guys leaving town that makes it a million times worse.”

  “I’m so sorry, Bryn. I would take back that whole month if I could. How things played out with our families wasn’t fair. It killed me when I found out about your dad, and you have to believe me that all I wanted to do was to reach out to you. I owed you that at least. But with the hectic events that took place, it was literally impossible. By the time I could get a hold of you, I thought it might have been too late.”

  I sighed. “You still can’t tell me what happened that day?”

  “It’s not my story to tell. But I can say we had to move that day because of Tyler’s health.”

  “What? What happened?”

  She looked at me with sad eyes, and I knew what she was going to say. “I can’t say anything, Bryn. And it kills me. Tyler needs to tell you.”

  “Is he at least okay now?”