More Than You Know

by Alexandria Rhodes

  By the start of dinner, my shoes were off underneath the table. Tyler had switched places with Miles and was now sitting between Charlotte and me. When Jason and Eva started their first dance, Tyler leaned over to me and kissed me on the cheek. “You look beautiful tonight, girlfriend.”

  I blushed and laughed as I kissed him back. “You look pretty handsome, too, boyfriend.”

  He pulled away and rubbed his eyes before taking a long gulp of water.

  “You okay?” I asked as I took a sip of champagne, my mind turning back to the pills I had seen him take earlier.

  I turned back to Tyler who still hadn't answered me. “Tyler?”

  He looked back to me. “Yeah, I'm fine. I guess I’m overwhelmed and tired. I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.”

  I nodded. “Yeah, we had one early ass day.”

  “You and I are going to sleep like babies tonight,” he joked as he took another sip of water.

  I kissed his cheek. “Want to stay at my house?”

  He laughed. “Do you even have to ask?”

  The song changed and Eva motioned for all of us to join her on the dance floor.

  “Want to dance?” I asked, standing up.

  He shook his head. “I think I’m going to stay here. I just need to sit down for a bit.”

  I felt bad leaving him alone, but he insisted I go have fun and that he would be out to join us soon.

  We danced to a funny song I had never heard before. Jason danced goofily with me and my cheeks hurt by the end of the song from laughing and smiling so much. All that was missing was Tyler.

  I looked back to the table and sighed as he was still sitting there with his head in his hands.

  A slow song came on then and I walked over to Tyler. “Dance with me?”

  He smiled and pulled me out to the dance floor and wrapped his hand around my waist. As gentle and romantic as this moment was, he seemed off, almost as though he was uncomfortable.

  I wrapped my arms around his neck and swayed with him to the song “Look After You” by The Fray.

  “Have I mentioned how beautiful you look tonight?” he said as he touched his forehead to mine.

  I smiled. “A few times. Have I mentioned how happy you make me?” I asked, kissing him softly.

  The song ended with a faster one following, and I quickly realized it was a line dance song. I saw that Charlotte, Miles, Jason and Eva had joined in and soon the whole dance floor was crowded.

  I followed Tyler back to the table, knowing that with my lack of coordination, it probably wasn't a good idea to partake in the dance. Tyler grabbed his water from the table and sat back down quickly, loosening his tie and unbuttoning the top couple buttons.

  “Tyler, what's wrong?” I asked, wondering why he was acting so worn out from one dance. “Seriously.”

  “Nothing…I'm fine. I'm just a little overheated.” He gulped down some more water. “I'm going to use the bathroom okay?” he said, kissing me before he stood up. I smiled meekly at him as he walked away.

  Eva came over and sat next to me. “This has been the most amazing day. You were so right that everything was going to work out.”

  As I watched Charlotte walk back out, I nodded to Eva. “Told ya!”

  We laughed and talked about the different dresses people were wearing. When Eva stood up to join Jason to greet guests, we heard someone shouting from across the yard. Miles was pushing through the crowd, trying to get over to us with a look of panic on his face, making my heart drop into my stomach.

  Charlotte ran over to him and he whispered something into her ear. Charlotte turned toward me and I immediately saw the tears rolling down her cheeks. I ran over to her and grabbed her arm. “Charlotte….what is it?” I asked, my body going into a state of panic. “What's wrong?”

  I shook her arms, trying to get her to look at me. Her big, green eyes met mine and that' was when I knew. She stood there in shock, before finally saying two words that would change everything in an instant.

  “It's Tyler.”

  Eleven

  ____________________

  A mixture of tears and mascara stung my eyes. I took a deep breath as I replayed Charlotte's words over again in my head: It's Tyler. It felt like someone had placed something large and heavy on my chest and I was waiting for my lungs to give out, unable to catch a full breath.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Tyler’s dad run to where Charlotte had come from.

  “What do you mean it’s Tyler? Charlotte? Please, tell me what’s going on!" I asked her desperately. My head was starting to spin with scenarios and I could barely stand upright.

  “I don't…know, Bryn, he's…” She sputtered through tears, Miles now at her side. I took off toward the bathroom, running, no longer able to wait.

  There was a small crowd gathered on the other side of the house, Eva and her mother were standing against the frame of the door as I pushed my way through. She grabbed my arm. "Bryn…"

  “I need in…please…I need to see him,” I begged.

  “We’re waiting for the ambulance to come. I don't think it's a good idea for anyone else to go in there,” she said with authority. I stood still for a second, contemplating my options. I could stand there with Eva and wait until it was okay, or, I could go inside to be with Tyler.

  I pushed around her and into the bathroom. I could hear Eva yelling after me, but I didn't care. I just needed to see Tyler...to see that he was still okay.

  When I walked in, my stomach churned. Tyler was on the floor, his head propped up on Marie’s lap who was kneeling on the floor along with Oliver who looked like he was checking his pulse. Jason was sitting on the floor holding Tyler's hand.

  I dropped to the floor next to Jason, feeling a few tears prick my eyes as I took in his appearance. His clothes were splattered with vomit and what looked like blood and my stomach churned, knowing something was horribly wrong.

  Jason looked at me sympathetically and he placed Tyler's hand in mine. As soon as I grabbed his hand, I could tell his temperature was off. He was burning up. He had obviously started to run a fever early in the night for it to be this high already.

  I didn't understand what was happening. I thought back through everything that had happened, wondering what could have caused him to get sick. He told me earlier that he hadn't felt good, right after I had seen him take those pills.

  The pills.

  “She shouldn't be in here, baby, it’s too complicated,” Eva said quietly to Jason. She had walked in and placed a hand on Jason's shoulder.

  Jason looked up. “Let her stay.”

  “Jay…”

  “I said let her stay,” Jason said strictly. Eva's hand tightened around his shoulder and he stood up, apologizing for raising his voice.

  Turning back to Tyler, I tightened my grip around his hand. “Tyler…I'm here. It's Bryn,” I said, kissing the back of his hand, the temperature still shocking me. His eyes were closed but I felt him squeeze my hand, letting me know he heard me.

  Looking at Oliver who had just ended a call, I asked, “What's wrong with him?” I had waited long enough without asking any questions. I just wanted to know if he would be okay.

  Jason looked down at Tyler, who hadn't acknowledge our conversation, and then looked back at me hesitantly. “Tyler had—”

  “Bryn!” I looked up surprised to see Ashton. The paramedics filed in behind him with a stretcher.

  All at once it was a flurry of motion, and so many things were happening.

  Ashton helped me off the floor, as the paramedics descended around Tyler. I started to resist Ashton's pull as he tried to guide me out of the room. “Bryn, come on, not here, okay?”

  He was pulling me away from the one thing I needed to help me breathe. I couldn't leave Tyler until I knew he would be okay.

  Just before Ashton pulled me out of the bathroom, I saw one of the paramedics slip an oxygen mask onto Tyler right as they started to lift him onto the stretcher.

&nbs
p; There were dozens of people still crowded around the bathroom, and Ashton yelled at them to move out of the way. I had stopped resisting, collapsing into him as they moved Tyler out of the doors.

  “We'll be at the hospital, sweetie,” Marie said, her hand on mine softly. How could she be so poised, so calm?

  I nodded as I continued out with Ashton.

  Ashton grabbed my hand and we ran to his car. We were on autopilot.

  A million thoughts were running through my mind as we drove through the streets of Savannah. I didn't know what was going to happen, and I was scared all over again, just like I had been the day of my dad’s accident.

  I felt guilty. I had noticed at different points throughout the day that Tyler wasn't feeling well. I saw the pills. I saw him acting weird at the reception. I shouldn’t have tried to push him as much or said something to Marie.

  I felt helpless. I remembered feeling this way lying in bed at the hospital unable to move. I wanted to save Tyler from whatever was wrong, just like I wished I could have saved my dad.

  I started to cry again. "Ashton…" I cried, not wanting to be in the car, but to be with the Wilsons.

  “Bryn, don't cry. Everything will be okay. He will be okay.”

  I nodded and took his hand that he held out. Opening my eyes, I saw the familiar driveway and I sat up. “What…w-why aren't we going to the hospital?” I said as I started to panic. Ashton turned the car off and unbuckled his seatbelt. He exhaled before looking at me with sad eyes.

  “Tyler’s probably just now getting there. They won't let you go back into the ER to see him since you aren't family. I thought you might want to change into something more comfortable and clean up a bit before I took you there,” he explained.

  We walked into the house and I ran up the stairs, wanting to get out of here as soon as possible to get to Tyler.

  I cried while I used makeup remover to scrub the smeared mascara and eyeliner off my face. It was in streaks and when I was finished my face looked red and blotchy. I pulled the pins out of my hair and ran a brush through it before pulling it into a ponytail.

  I cried while I pulled on a t-shirt I had borrowed from Tyler, and I hugged my waist, wanting to pull him close to me.

  Sitting against the foot of my bed for a moment, I pulled the shirt up over my nose and inhaled. The smell somewhat comforting but only for just a second until reality crashed down on me again. I wanted him. I wanted to feel him wrap his arms around me, holding me like he always did when I was upset about something. He seemed to know how to make all the bad disappear.

  I walked back downstairs to see if Ashton was ready to go. He was sitting at the kitchen table, talking to someone on the phone. I sat down across from him and waited until he was finished.

  “Okay... I'll let her know. We’ll be there soon.”

  He hung up the phone and walked to the counter to grab a steaming mug. He slid it toward me and took his seat.

  “Tyler’s going to be okay.” I looked up at Ashton instantly and waited for him to continue. “I just got off of the phone with Jason. Charlotte accidentally grabbed your purse during all of the commotion. Apparently she has your cell phone, and when she realized she couldn't call you, she had Jay call me.”

  “Did he tell you what happened?” I asked as I brought the mug to my lips. I didn't really like my coffee black, but I needed the caffeine.

  “Not really, he just explained that Tyler was stable and that you were more than welcome to come see him, so I think we should head there.”

  The ride to the hospital was pretty quiet. I played with the seam of the shirt as we drove, thinking about what could possibly be wrong with Tyler. He had to tell me now. There was no way he could put it off any longer after tonight. I thought about him on the floor of the bathroom and my stomach churned again at the image. I hated not knowing anything.

  We pulled into the parking lot and I opened the door before Ashton had even put the car in park. I attempted to walk at the same pace as him through the hallways, and I had to stop myself several times from sprinting.

  He led me to a nurses’ station, and I accidentally interrupted a nurse who was on the phone when I tried to ask about Tyler. I waited as patiently as I could, until she hung up.

  “What room is Tyler Wilson in?”

  The nurse clicked away at her computer. “He’s in 318.” She gave me a small smile and asked if I needed anything else. I told her no politely and started down the hall.

  318, here it is.

  I thought to myself, one hand around the door handle and the other against the wood. Ashton put his hand on the small of my back reassuringly as I opened the door.

  I blew out a deep breath when I saw Jason and Marie sitting in chairs next to Tyler. Tyler smiled at me and the tears started all over again. He was in a hospital gown with an oxygen tube in his nose and an IV bag suspended above his head. His skin was still pale but he looked more like Tyler than he had an hour ago…and he still managed to give me a huge smile.

  I was finally crying some tears of relief for once. He was okay. Everything is going be ok.

  “I think we should go down to the cafeteria to get something to eat before it closes for the night,” Marie said as she slid her chair back and stood up, motioning for Jason to follow. Marie put a hand on my shoulder. “Take all the time you need, Bryn.”

  I smiled back and hugged her, wiping away my tears before heading over toward Tyler.

  “Hey, you,” I said to him as I felt his hand wrap around mine. The feeling was indescribable. Every worry had momentarily left me. “You have no idea how much you scared me, Tyler.”

  “I'm sorry, baby. I should have been more careful,” he said, lying back against the pillows.

  I took in a deep breath out of frustration of not knowing and wiped my tears. “Can you tell me what happened?”

  He nodded. “I don't remember a lot. I know I went in to the bathroom to do something, anything that would help me feel better. I thought splashing water on my face would help. I got in there and before I could even reach the sink, I felt sick, I threw up and I blacked out.”

  Tyler reached up slowly and gently pulled me into him, kissing me softly as he traced his fingers along my lips. He pulled away, looking down at our hands. I took in a deep breath, preparing myself for the worst case scenario…thoughts of cancer racing through my mind.

  He was holding on to me, like he was scared that I would leave. He sighed and picked at the IV tape on his hand. And then he started to explain. “It all started the summer before going into college.”

  My stomach flip flopped as the hurt from that summer, particularly the month of August, resurfaced.

  “The symptoms weren’t consistent at first. I thought the breathlessness was from playing basketball with Jason, even when it hit me within the first few minutes and lasted after I would rest. It felt like my heart was fluttering inside my chest. Like something was trying to escape. I made it through most of the summer until my parents started to worry. Do you remember that weekend toward the end of June when my parents and I went away and I told you it was because I had a college visit?”

  I nodded, remembering it well.

  “We really went to the Cleveland Clinic in Florida. They needed to run some tests but it seemed like it was just a heart murmur. Something that could be managed easily."

  Tyler stopped for a second and took another deep breath. “It was pretty soon after that I was diagnosed with cardiomyopathy. I was told the symptoms would only get worse and soon my heart would give out. I was given tons of medications to take every day and told that I could lead a somewhat normal life as long as the medicine worked and my condition didn’t get severe.”

  My mind was racing with the knowledge he was throwing at me. All this time he had a severe heart condition and I knew nothing about it.

  “Okay,” I said, unable to come up with a better response.

  “There's more” he stated, grabbing my hand.

  Oh god.<
br />
  “The medications worked, for the most part. I wasn't able to do much outside of normal activities, but I was at that time okay. Until something went wrong. It was the day after you and I met in Forsyth Park. I had been getting worse that whole week and knew that it could be any moment that I would be transferred to the hospital. The next morning, I was so sick I could barely walk. I couldn't keep food down from the nausea, and is when I passed out. My mom found me that morning in bed, unconscious. They rushed me to the hospital and the doctors told my parents that I wouldn’t make it.”

  My eyes watered with fear and sadness. Fear for what he had to go through and sadness that I wasn’t there to help him. He hadn’t let me be there for him. He leaned forward and kissed me, holding my face against his. I could feel his own hurt through his actions.

  “Bryn…” he said, his forehead touching to mine. We sat quietly for a moment, before he blew out a heavy sigh. “I had a heart transplant.”

  “W-what?” I pulled away from Tyler, disbelief running through me.

  “Please, Bryn, just listen to me. I had been on the transplant list for a long time. It seems fast but I knew this was going to happen.” Tyler was frantic, grabbing my hands, trying to keep me there. His eyes shut, the wrinkles on his forehead showing his pain.

  “But, Ty—”

  “Please,” he begged. I shut my mouth as my tears continued to fall. “I'm okay now. I just had an infection. My medications for the transplant compromised my immune system, and if I get an infection it can be serious…but we caught this one early. I'm not dying.”

  Before I could say a word, a doctor came into the room, along with Oliver. I quickly moved off of the hospital bed and against the wall.

  “Tyler. How’re you feeling?” the doctor asked as he sat down on the opposite chair.

  “Better,” he responded, his eyes fixed on mine.

  “Good. Tomorrow we’ll take you in for some tests and maybe an echo. Your blood work looks good. I just want to check for any rejection.”

  I pushed myself against the wall, harder, wanting to melt into it.