Freedom

by Beth Maria

  “Well, I did tell you he was a good guy. You should have ended it with him weeks ago, Chloe. I knew one of you would end up getting hurt. That poor boy, it could have ended better. Things are going to be awkward between him and Jake now. You know that, right? I mean, they are best friends, Chloe, though I doubt they will be after this!” she scolds. Her face is scrunched up, like how it gets when she’s angry. I don’t blame her. I’m angry with myself. I’m such a freaking bitch!

  Just because my life is going to shit, doesn’t mean I have to drag everyone down with me. Maybe I should just hang around with Emerson and her lot…

  “I know. You have every right to have a go at me. Trust me, though - you’re not as angry as I am with myself. But what can I do, Maisie? I can’t do anything about it. It’s too late now. I can’t turn back the time, and if I could, I would have never gone to that party.”

  “You’re right. There is nothing you can do about it, except go and apologize to Evan. I think that’s the least you owe him.” I nod; she’s right. I do have to apologize. I just hope we can work things out and sort out the bad feelings. I don’t want to lose his friendship.

  “I will. Just give me a few days. I want to let him calm down first. Things are probably too raw for him right now.”

  “You wait till I get my hands on Jake. When I saw you last, you were wasted, Chloe! He should have known better than to take advantage of you. I mean, I thought you two hated each other?”

  “Well, I hate him. I don’t know how he feels, though,” I lie. I do know how he feels apparently. He said it earlier, though I don’t know whether to believe him. What good would it do anyway? I can’t forgive him for what he did to me months ago. We would never work.

  “I still don’t know why you hate him. When are you going to tell me?” she asks for the millionth time in the last few months.

  I look down to the floor, which is fast becoming my best friend, so it seems. “I will eventually. I just can’t right now, okay?” I plead with her to understand. I will tell her eventually, when the time is right.

  “Fine,” she huffs. “But I’m having words with Jake. This isn’t okay. He’s being a selfish jerk, hurting the people closest to him. I just hope him and Evan sort it out,” she says, leaving no space for an argument. I can protest and beg her not to speak to him, but she wouldn’t listen. She’s had enough of Jake’s actions recently.

  “I wish you wouldn’t,” I mumble, hoping she doesn’t hear. She does though. Sometimes I wonder if that woman has eagle hearing.

  “I know you wouldn’t. You’re all as bad as each other. I knew it was only a matter of time before somebody got hurt, but I just never expected it to be all three of you! Jesus Christ, this is a mess,” Maisie says, running her hand through her hair frustrated.

  It’s all too much for me. She’s right; we’re all hurt now. It didn’t have to be this way. The tears fall of their own accord, letting my weak side show. The tough exterior that I put up is crumbling more and more every day, allowing my vulnerable side to shine through. I hate this side. This side is a wimp. No matter how much I try not to let it show, it just happens.

  “Oh, I’m sorry, sweetie. I don’t mean to have a go at you. It’s just that this whole situation is so frustrating. I can’t help when people won’t let me in. I’m on the outside watching everything crumble around the people I care about, and there isn’t a damn thing I can do except watch. I really don’t mean to have a go at you. I just wish you would all listen to me, is all,” she says, moving to sit next to me, wrapping her arms around me and trying to comfort me. This is what I need; knowing that someone is there for me no matter what happens. I cry harder, letting out all of the stress from the last few months. Maisie doesn’t say anything else; she doesn’t need to. I know she is here for me and will wait for me to explain when the time comes. I just wish I were ready to tell her.

  I don’t know how long we sit there with Maisie comforting me. All I know is that when all the tears have dried up, my eyes are stinging and I’m so tired.

  Pulling back, I look up at Maisie, who gives me a weak smile, and tell her, my voice scratchy from crying, “I think I’m going to have a little nap. All this emotional drama has made me tired. Are you going to Jesse’s?”

  She nods her head. “Yeah, I will so you can sleep,”

  I feel bad that she feels she needs to leave in order for me to sleep. This is her room too.

  “Stop that train of thought right now. I don’t mind. I’m actually looking forward to going to Jesse’s. His mom is making spaghetti and meatballs.” She laughs, winking at me. I laugh at that. Everyone is always raving about her spaghetti and meatballs. I’m yet to taste it, so I wouldn’t know.

  “As long as you don’t feel like you have to leave,” I check.

  “Don’t be silly. I was going to see Jesse anyway until you told me what happened. You’re tired though, so get some sleep. I’ll see you tonight?” she asks, standing up and fetching her jacket and bag.

  “Yeah, fancy watching a movie or something? You know, having some girlie time, I could really do with it.”

  She smiles her beautiful smile, nodding. “That sounds like a plan, batman. If you need me, you know where I am.”

  We say our goodbyes, and then I’m alone. I don’t want to think anymore right now, so I change out of my dress from last night into yoga pants and a tee. I need comfy right now. Climbing into bed, I cuddle the duvet like it’s my lifeline. Thankfully, I fall asleep before the thoughts attack my mind, making it impossible.

  Chapter 5

  Jake

  When Chloe walked out, I didn’t chase after her, even though my body was screaming for me to. I just lay in bed and told the door that I loved her. I hope she heard me, and realized that I didn’t sleep with her just to get my kicks, like I’ve done to so many other girls. I need her to realize that she is worth so much more than the others. She’s the kind that you settle down and have a picket fence and two point five kids with.

  All day, my mind has been repeating when she told me that she loved me last night. I’m not stupid; I know it was probably the alcohol talking, but don’t they say that alcohol speaks the truth? I sure hope so because it was the best moment of my life, hearing those three little words come out of her beautiful mouth.

  The whole situation of Evan walking in on Chloe trying to escape from my room without waking me up didn’t kick in until I saw him this afternoon. He completely blanked me. I’d pissed on my best friend, totally going against the brother code. I know eventually he will be okay about it, but I just don’t know how long it will take, especially when he won’t listen to a word I have to say. If it gets too bad, then I’m going to have to explain the history between Chloe and me and hope that he understands. Nothing will excuse the fact that I slept with his girl, though. I know if it was the other way around, and he slept with my girl, I would kill him. I’m such a hypocrite.

  The front door flies open, slamming against the wall. What the hell? I’m just about to get up from the kitchen stool when I hear Maisie shout, “JAKE, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU, YOU WASTE OF SPACE?”

  I roll my eyes, already knowing that I’m about to get an earful for what happened last night, and wait patiently for her to find me.

  A few seconds later, she walks into the kitchen like a little spitfire, her laser beam eyes landing on me. I just give her a lopsided grin and shrug my shoulder.

  “Don’t you shrug your shoulder at me, Mr. I want answers, now!” Her voice is still raised, her arm pointed out toward me as she makes her way to the stool opposite me.

  “What do you want to know?” I ask exasperated, and she’s only just arrived. I’m really not in the mood for my annoying little sister right now, interrogating me and giving me a piece of her mind.

  “Why’d you do it, Jake? Seriously, are you really that stupid?”

  “You want to know why I did it?” I ask, stalling for time. I’m fed up of keeping this to myself now. I need to finally let my
feelings known before it’s too late. I’ve most probably lost Chloe anyway, but it can’t hurt for me to be announcing my feeling for her to other people. It might show her that I’m serious if word got back round to her.

  Maisie just looks at me like I just asked the stupidest question.

  Just say the words, dude. What have you got to lose, your player status? You don’t want that anymore, remember? You want that beautiful blue-eyed beauty.

  I sigh and just get it over with. “I love her, Maisie.”

  Her eyes harden. That’s not exactly the reaction I was expecting. “You better not be messing me around here, Jake Peterson! This is my best friend you’re toying with, and I don’t take to kindly to that.”

  I don’t laugh, even though I really want to at the expression on her face. “I’m not messing around with you, Maisie. I’m being serious. I love Chloe with all that I am. Do you know how hard it’s been, seeing her with Evan all these months? I don’t blame her though. I was the one who pushed her away when she needed me the most. I hate myself for what I did to her, but I can’t help the fact that I love her. It’s just too late I guess. So last night when I saw the first bit of affection from her in months, I took it. Do I feel guilty that I took advantage? Yes, but I’m not going to apologize for wanting to feel close to her when I didn’t know if I ever would again.”

  I didn’t look at her the whole time I spoke. This is too lovey dovey a conversation for me to be having with my little sister.

  “What do you mean, you pushed her away when she needed you?”

  My head shoots up, staring straight into her confused eyes. Shit, I wasn’t supposed to let that little bit of information slip. How the hell am I going to get myself out of this mess now? I was just supposed to say that I loved her, not give an insight into our past.

  “Erm… Err,” I stutter, trying to think of something to say.

  Maisie leans forward on the breakfast island, her eyes squinted. “Spill it, Peterson. I’ve had enough of people keeping secrets from me now. This is obviously something big, or Chloe would have told me by now. I know she isn’t going to tell me, so I’m asking you. Tell me what happened between you two, and tell me the truth.”

  “I can’t, Maisie. If Chloe doesn’t want to tell you, then that’s up to her.” If looks could kill, I would be dead on the spot.

  “Jake, she’s my best friend, and whatever you’ve done to hurt her is slowly eating at her. We can both see that. Now I suggest you start talking because I am losing my patience with you here. I don’t want to have to get Mom and Dad involved,” she threatens, raising her eyebrow in warning.

  No. No fucking way do I want them involved. They will string me alive.

  I swallow, giving myself a few seconds to compose myself and think about how I’m going to tell her. She’s going to kick my ass as soon as I’ve told her. I just hope she forgives me for breaking her best friend’s heart. I’m hoping a lot of people will forgive me today.

  “I don’t have all day, Jake. Jesse’s waiting for me,” she says, tapping her fingers on the counter in annoyance.

  “Fine, you know I told you that we used to sleep together?” She nods her head. “Well, I honestly did love her. You need to know that, Maisie, and you need to believe me. I was going to give up my player ways and make it official with Chloe. I’ve loved her since the first time I saw her.” I look down at the counter, swallowing the big ball of emotion that has lodged itself in my throat.

  “What does this have to do with anything? I know you two have always had a thing for each other. I just didn’t know you loved her…” she trails off, looking more confused by the second. I don’t blame her. I never gave any indication that my feelings were that strong. All I know is that her confused face is going to turn into one of pure anger in a few minutes.

  I swallow again. Here goes nothing. “The night I planned on telling her that I wanted to make us official, she dropped some life shattering news on me. I didn’t know what to do. All I thought about was running away, getting rid of her. I wasn’t ready, Maisie. I wasn’t ready,” I tell her, my body shaking, thinking of that fateful night that changed my life.

  I shouldn’t have told her to get rid of it. I shouldn’t. I should have been a man and stuck by her. I realize that now. I just wished I’d realized it sooner. That was as much my baby as it was hers, and I forced her to get rid of it. Fuck, I’m such an asshole. Not a day goes by when I don’t see her face when I told her to get rid of it, and every time it guts me more and more.

  “Hello, earth to Jake?” Maisie says, waving her hand in front of my face. I blink, noticing her worried face. “Where the hell did you go just then? You worried me,” she says, sitting back in her seat.

  “Where was I?” I ask, trying to get my thoughts back under control. I hate it when I have little blackouts like that, when all I can see and think about is the past.

  “You were telling me about how you weren’t ready for something?”

  “You’re going to hate me. I hate myself. Every. Single. Day.”

  “Well, you won’t know until you tell me, will you? But I can’t help anyone if nobody will tell me what’s happened.”

  I try and compose myself for the hundredth time in the last five minutes, savoring the feeling of having Maisie not hate me. It’s all going to change now.

  “I fucked up, Maisie. I met up with Chloe because she said she had something important to tell me. I never expected to hear what she had to say. As soon as she told me that she was pregnant with my child, I lost it. All that was going through my head was that I would have to drop out of college and get a job. I’d never get to go out with my friends because I would be tied down with a baby. I was too young, Maisie.” Her eyes have gone wide now, tears forming, ready to fall. “I didn’t give her a choice. I told her to get rid of it, then walked away and didn’t look back. I left her there crying and begging for me to listen to her. I didn’t though. She had the abortion a few days later, and I wasn’t there for her. I was nowhere to be seen.” I’m looking at the wall now. I can’t look at my sister now that she knows how much of an asshole I am.

  “You really are unbelievable,” Maisie whispers, her voice full of anger and disappointment.

  I finally look down at her, seeing what I suspected I would see after she found out. Pure hate fills her eyes, and it breaks my heart. I’m going to lose my little sister as well as the love of my life and best friend. I’m losing everyone around me because of my stupid mistakes!

  I don’t say anything. I know she isn’t done. She’s just calculating her words, trying to find the perfect ones.

  “I never knew that you could be so cold hearted, Jake. Even with your player ways, I always looked up to you, the way you would do whatever you wanted and always got it. You were never afraid of a challenge, which you always succeeded in. You were popular. I was always referred to as Jake’s little sister. All of my friends looked up to you in awe, especially Chloe. You knew that she has been smitten with you since the first moment she met you. I warned you on various occasions to stay away from my best friend. I knew you would only end up hurting her, but you just couldn’t leave it, could you? You saw her as a challenge, didn’t you? Then when you get her knocked up, you don’t take responsibility for your actions. If you didn’t want to be a father, Jake, then you should have fucking wrapped him up! You, YOU left my best friend to go through a traumatic experience all by herself, all because you were being selfish! She even felt like she couldn’t come to me, when she should have. I would have been there for her and given her a damn choice, not forced her into doing something that she obviously didn’t want to do. And if I had to, I would have helped support her with the baby. I would have stood up to the plate and been what you should have been. I never got a choice though, just like Chloe didn’t. I can tell you now, she would have kept that baby and loved it with everything that she is because that’s the kind of person she is. When she loves someone, she loves them with everything. You didn’t
even give her a chance to love her baby. Have you seen what your selfish ways have done her? She’s losing weight, drinking unbelievable amounts of alcohol, and I’m pretty sure she’s doing drugs, all because of you! I can’t even look at you. I need to leave. Stay away from Chloe and me!”

  The stool scrapes across the hardwood floor, and then a few seconds later, the front door slams shut. Well, that went better than I thought it would. I thought she would kick my ass for sure. I knew that she would hate me; it was inevitable. I mean, I hate myself. Even though it went better than I thought it would, it still doesn’t stop my heart from breaking in two. I’ve never had Maisie be this angry with me before. I mean, yeah, we’ve had our fights in the past, but nothing to this extreme. I’ve never seen such hate and anger in her eyes, and it frightens me. What if we can’t get past this?

  “Well done, bro. You’re an even bigger asshole than I thought.” My head snaps around, finding Evan standing there frowning. That’s the first time he’s spoken to me since he walked out of my room this morning.

  Why did he have to hear what I just confessed? It was hard enough telling Maisie. Evan hasn’t ever treated a woman wrong, not like me. He’s the perfect boyfriend, loyal and trustworthy.

  “Just leave it,” I tell him with no fight left in me. I’m too tired to get into an argument with him right now.

  He doesn’t listen to me though. He walks into the kitchen and situates himself where Maisie was a few minutes ago, staring at me intently, like he can find all the answers out. He isn’t going to leave without some - I know that. He cared about Chloe too much to just give up.

  “Why’d you do it, bro?” he asks, breaking the silence.