by Beth Maria
Then Boys II Men – Amazed, and last but not least is N-Sync – This I Promise You. I laugh at the last one. That is just not a song he would usually listen to, but nevertheless, the words are beautiful.
When the CD has finished, I put it on replay. It’s so romantic, and he was right; these songs do tell me how he feels. Now I know with all my heart that he loves me, cares for me, and wants me to be his. Like I said though - I don’t know if I will ever be able to forgive him. If we were together, this would most probably ruin us in the future, when I’m not able to let go of the grudge that I have against him.
Listening to the CD on replay, I quickly tap out a message to Jake, and then I fall asleep with a smile on my face and my heart feeling all warm and fuzzy, instead of feeling dead like it has for the past ten months.
Chapter 10
Jake
Last night was the best sleep I’ve had in a while. I’ve missed my childhood bed; there really is nothing like it. I stretch, yawn, and then reach for my cell to check the time. I have one new message from Chloe. My heart speeds up just from seeing her name on my screen. It’s been months since I’ve had a text from her, though I’m also scared about what this message says. She’s most probably read the letter and listened to the CD. This could either be abuse or a really nice message. I’m hoping for the latter.
I press to open the message.
I love you too xxx
That’s all the message says. She doesn’t need to say any more than that though. That’s enough for me, judging by the goofy smile that’s now taken residence on my face.
I feel the weight being lifted from my shoulders, happiness creeping into my bones. I’m so happy that I could jump out of my bed and do a little happy dance!
First, I reply back to Chloe.
It makes me happy to hear you say that. I was so nervous that you would hate it and take the piss out of me. I hope the songs helped you understand how sorry I am and how you make me feel.
My cell buzzes, signaling I have a text, straight away.
Never. It was so romantic. Thank you.
Can I see you today? I reply.
Yes, that would be nice. Come round in about an hour?
I’ll see you then, sweetheart x
I put my cell on my dresser, then get up and fist pump the air. Yeah, that’s right. I just fist pumped the air, and I’m not ashamed.
I turn on my iPod speakers. Michael Jackson – Billy Jean is blasting through my speakers. Everyone who says they don’t love a bit of MJ is lying. I moon walk into the bathroom, or try to moonwalk.
Half an hour later, I’m ready. What the hell am I going to do for the next twenty minutes?
“Where are you-” I cut Maisie off by grabbing her and spinning her around to Katy Perry’s – Dark horse.
“What’s put you in such a good mood?” She laughs.
“Life is wonderful, little sister,” I tell her, giving her a goofy smile.
She just shakes her head and carries on laughing at me. When the song finishes, I sit down on the edge of my bed, completely out of breath. God, I’m so unfit. I need to head back to the gym when I go back to college. With all this moping after Chloe I’ve done recently, the gym has been on the back burner. That’s about to change though, as I need to make sure my body is up to perfection.
Maisie plops down next to me on my bed. “What are you doing today then?”
“I’m going to see Chloe in a few minutes,” I sing-song.
“What the hell? When I asked if I could see her, she said she was too busy today and that she would see me tomorrow. How the hell is that fair, when she doesn’t even like you?” She squints her eyes, not impressed in the slightest.
I shrug my shoulders, giving her a cocky smile. “Well, what can I say? Chloe obviously loves my company more than yours.”
“Ha ha, very funny, asshat. Seriously though, what is going on with you two? I thought she hated your guts?”
“We made up. I showed her how much she means to me. She wouldn’t listen when I tried speaking to her, so I found another way to show her.” Please don’t ask how.
“How?” Oh fuck. Do I tell her the truth? I’m sure Chloe will tell her anyway, seeing as best friends tell each other everything. Might as well tell her myself.
I look down at the floor, fidgeting before looking back up at her. “I, um, wrote her a letter and made her a mixtape…”
She bursts out laughing, bending over holding onto her tummy. “Oh my God. You made her a mixtape? What songs did you put on it? Something cheesy like Whitney Houston – I will always love you?”
“No, but that would have been a good one!” Maisie just rolls her eyes at me. “Don’t laugh at me though. It worked, didn’t it? I’m the person who she wants to see today, and this time, I vow not to mess it up.”
“Well let’s hope you don’t because I swear the next time you do, I won’t be forgiving you.” Her face turns serious, no traces of laughter left on her face.
“I won’t be making that mistake again. I can promise you that.” It’s the God’s honest truth. I would rather kill myself than make Chloe’s life a misery again.
“Well, you best go then. Otherwise, Chloe will think that you’re not coming.”
I check my phone, seeing that I have ten minutes to get to hers. I should be on time if I drive a little faster than usual. I don’t want to keep my girl waiting for a second longer than she has to.
I stand up, giving Maisie a smile. “I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah, see you later, best friend stealer.”
I walk out of my room laughing.
Before I know it, I’m pulling up in Chloe’s driveway. Nerves hit me full throttle. Even though she told me that she loved me, I don’t know where we will go from here. Will she want to officially be mine, or just be friends? I don’t think I could cope with us just being friends, if I’m being honest. I want to own her heart, body, and soul. At the end of the day though, that is completely up to her. The ball is in her court.
“Chloe?” I ask when I open the front door.
Nobody replies. I quietly walk up the stairs to her bedroom. The door is closed. I knock, but nobody answers. Hmm. Should I go in or not? Why not? She knows I’m coming anyway. I open the door, and the smell of mint wafts through the closed bathroom door. The sound of running water lets me know that she’s in the shower. Oh, how I wish I were in there with her. My dick hardens, remembering what her incredible body looks like. Only this time, her body is going to be covered in water droplets. Fuck, I wish I were in there with her.
The shower shuts off, and a few seconds later, Chloe walks out with nothing but a towel wrapped around her. Fuck me. If this isn’t one of the hottest things I have ever seen.
She stops dead in her tracks the moment she sees me. “Jake, what are you doing here?”
“Erm, you told me to be here at eleven?” I try looking at her face, but I’m a red blooded male. When the woman you love has her body on display, you’re going to look.
“Jake, my face is up here.” She points to her face, her other hand holding the towel together. I just want to strip that towel off of her and worship what’s underneath.
“Er, sorry,” I say, giving her a sheepish smile.
A small smile graces her lips as she shakes her head, the water droplets from her hair falling onto her back.
“What time is it?” she asks, looking at her clock on the wall. “Oh, I didn’t realize it was that late. You’ll have to excuse me while I get dressed quickly.” She fumbles around her room, searching for some clothes.
“Or you could stay like that,” I purr, raising my eyebrow. Chloe stops what she’s doing and looks at me, not impressed in the slightest.
“Enough of that, Mr. Peterson, or I will punish you.” A smirk pulls up her mouth, and I gulp. My mind is running through all the ideas of how she could punish me, and I’ve got to say, I like the sound of it. “Get your mind out of the gutter, asshole.” She laughs when she kno
ws where my thoughts have gone to.
“Hey, you’re the one who said you would punish me.”
“I didn’t mean like BDSM punish. More like, I’ll chuck you out of my house.” Chloe stands up straight, staring at me with her eyebrow raised.
“Yeah, that doesn’t sound appealing.” I shudder, not liking that idea one bit.
“I’ll be out in a minute.”
I sit down on Chloe’s bed and wait for her to come out fully dressed. It’s a sad thought, but I still get to see her, which is more than I’ve been able to do for months. A picture catches my eye, so I get up and walk over to check it out. Well, I’ll be damned; she has a few pictures of the two of us. One of them is slap bang in the middle of the wall with a heart drawn around it. I can’t help the smile that takes over my face. This is so cute!
“Oh, dear God,” Chloe’s voice makes me turn around. She’s standing there with her hands covering her face in embarrassment. “You were never meant to see that.” Her shoulders are shaking from her laughter.
I walk over to her in two strides, gently removing her hands from her face and holding them in my hands. Her face is beetroot red. “You don’t need to be embarrassed. I think it’s cute, actually. You had pictures of me on your wall all along. I bet you used them for more than decoration, didn’t you?” I give her a wink, hoping she catches my drift.
“Eurgh, don’t be such a dirty bastard!” she shrieks, swatting at my arm.
I tip my head back and full on belly laugh. Even though she didn’t admit it, her cheeks are bright red, and not from the fact that she caught me looking at the pictures either. Oh yeah, my girl wants me.
I watch as Chloe moves past me and sits down on the edge of her bed, patting next to it for me to sit down too. All traces of laughter have disappeared. I have a feeling we are going to be having a serious conversation right now.
We’re both silent for a few minutes. I don’t say anything because I don’t know what she wants to talk about, so I’ll let her start when she’s ready.
“I wanted to talk to you about the letter that you wrote me…” My lungs constrict. This could either go really well or really bad. My mind is running through all the things she could possibly want to talk to me about. I hold my breath patiently, waiting to hear what she is going to say next. “Umm, how I do say this… Where do we go from here now, Jake?” I release the breath I had been holding.
Now’s my chance to tell her that I want her to be mine. Heart, body and soul.
“I know where I want us to go. I want us to be together. I want you to be mine. I want to have you on my arm and let everybody know that you’re taken, that the most beautiful woman on the planet is my girlfriend, and I don’t plan on letting go of her ever again. That’s what I want. The question is, what do you want, Chloe?” I take her hands and stare straight into the brightest pair of blue eyes that I have ever seen.
I see her swallow, and her body trembles slightly.
“Don’t be afraid to talk to me, Princess. Just tell me what’s on your mind.” I gently take hold of her hand, holding it in her lap.
“I’m afraid, Jake… Afraid that you’re going to hurt me again. You destroyed me when you left me to deal with the abortion all by myself, chucking me away like I didn’t mean shit to you. I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for that…” She looks down, trying to hide her trembling lips from me, but it’s too late. I’ve already seen it. I hate what I did to her, and I hate knowing that it’s still affecting her.
“I understand. I wouldn’t forgive myself either if it was the other way around. I just love you so much, Chloe, so much that it hurts to breathe when you’re not near. When I picture my future, I picture spending it with you. I couldn’t imagine spending it with anyone else, and I know I’m going to have to suffer the consequences of what I did to you, but all I’m asking for is a chance. Give me a chance to show you that I’ve changed, that I care for you, and that I want to give you the world. I’m not saying we aren’t going to have our fights, because we will baby. That’s just what couples do. But I promise I will show you how much you mean to me for as long as you will have me. I’m not expecting you to want to be with me now, a week from now, or even a few months from now. All I want is a chance to prove that I am worthy of you, a chance to make up for my mistakes.”
I watch closely for her reaction. She doesn’t say anything for a long time.
“You only have one chance, Jake. I’m not going to say we can be together yet. All you have is a chance. You blow it and you won’t be getting another one. God, I must be so freaking stupid,” she laughs the last bit sarcastically to herself. I want to prove to her more than anything that she’s not stupid for giving me a chance.
“You’re not going to regret this,” I tell her honestly, leaning forward and placing a kiss on her forehead.
Chapter 11
Chloe
It’s been just over a week since my father died, and today is the day I get to say my final goodbye. It’s been a stressful and difficult week; having to help my mom with the funeral arrangements, and making sure that everything is perfect and just how my father would have liked his funeral to be. It didn’t help that I couldn’t get more than two words out of my mother. She’s been a zombie ever since that fateful day, hiding out in her room. She hasn’t been eating properly, resulting in a huge weight loss. I just hope she will start becoming herself again soon. I miss my mom.
This morning has been a total rush. I woke up late, meaning I had to rush getting ready. Then I couldn’t find my mom, only to then find her sitting at the bottom of the garden, staring up at the sky. It took ages to explain to her that we had to leave or we would be late. As I expected, she got up as if on autopilot, not uttering a word to me the whole way to the church.
This isn’t easy for me either. I’m burying my father when he should have lived for many more years. He should have been at my wedding, giving me away, and he should have got to meet his grandchildren, though none of that will ever happen. I know my mom has lost the love of her life, but I need some comfort too. I still lost my father.
We walk into the church, and it’s all quiet as nobody except the vicar is here yet. We came early to make sure that everything is all as we suggested, and by the looks of it, everything is as perfect as can be for such an occasion.
“Nice to see you again, Tracy,” Father Daniels says to my mom, holding out his hand which she slowly takes.
“Thank you for having us,” Mom replies timidly.
Half an hour later, everybody slowly starts arriving. Maisie and her family are the first to arrive. As soon as I see Jake, I break down, allowing the hurt I feel about my father being dead to take over. He pulls me into his arms and just allows me to cry, whispering soothing words into my ear. He’s been a tremendous help to me this last week when I felt like everything was too much. He’s really trying to prove to me that he wants to be there for me, and I love him even more with every day that passes. I’m still not ready to let him completely in, but I hope that all changes with time.
When I’ve allowed myself time to cry, I pull back, stand up straight, and try to give him my best smile. It’s hard.
I didn’t look at him properly when I first noticed him, but wow. Now that I’m taking the time to look at him, he looks amazing. He’s wearing a black suit with a black tie. It fits him in all the right places. I shouldn’t be having the thoughts that I am about him right now in a church, especially at my father’s funeral, but he just looks so edible. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything so sexy in my entire life.
I dreamily stare into his eyes and lick my lips. “You look so smart,” I whisper, my voice clouded with lust.
Jake chuckles, putting his hands in his pants pockets and shuffling awkwardly. “Thanks, Princess. I feel quite uncomfortable wearing this actually. It’s not what I would usually wear under different circumstances.”
“Well, I think you should definitely wear this more often.” I give him a wink,
then turn around and leave him standing there. I’m evil. I should not be flirting with him in this church. Oh well, I’m already going to hell, so why not?
I’m standing next to my mom and Maisie, lost in my own world, when the music starts playing to signal my father’s arrival. Westlife – Flying Without Wings starts playing. I can’t face turning around like everyone else, to watch my father being brought down the aisle in a coffin. I can feel my chest tightening, stopping me from breathing properly. It’s so freaking painful.
Maisie grabs hold of my hand, and I know it’s not going to be long before the coffin is next to us. A few seconds later, I see it from the corner of my eye before it’s placed on the bier, and I have no choice but to look. I couldn’t look away even if I wanted to now. Though I know that my father is lying in there, cold and not breathing, I still can’t believe it.
Then they do what I hoped they wouldn’t, but my mom wanted. They take the lid off. I’m glad I’m short, so I can’t see in there, though I know I will when I have to give my speech; the speech that I’ve spent the last week preparing, then decided to just speak from the heart.
I listen to Father Daniels say what he has to say, and then it’s time for me to go up and speak. Oh God, I can’t do this. I don’t want to say goodbye to my daddy. He wasn’t supposed to leave me this early.
“You can do it, Princess,” Jake whispers in my ear from behind me.
Feeling his hot breath on my neck, and knowing that he is this close to me, gives me some of the strength I need to stand up and slowly make my way up front.
Everybody is staring right at me. I can feel my legs shaking. I make the mistake of looking to my left. There my father lies, wearing his best clothes. Looking at him, lying in that coffin, I know that I have to speak, for him and for myself. Everybody needs to know what a wonderful man my father was. I need to give him the best send off ever. First of all, I need him to know how much I loved him.
I clear my throat and look over at my father one last time, a smile gracing my lips.