You Belong to Me

by You Belong to Me (NCP) (lit)

  Shadows were gathering outside her window when Julie decided to try standing. She slid to the side of the bed and put her feet on the floor. Splinters of pain shot through her head.

  "Mamma?"

  Joy mixed with Julie's pain when she lifted her eyes to see her daughter standing in the doorway looking anxious and unsure. "May I come in?"

  "Shannon!" Julie wanted to run to her daughter and hug her tight. Instead, she swallowed over the lump in her throat, lay back on the bed and motioned with her hand. "Yes. Please do."

  Shannon was obviously not sure of where she stood with her mother. "I didn't know about your accident until I saw the paper this afternoon."

  Julie raised her bed to a sitting position. "That account's an exaggeration." She nodded toward a chair. "Would you like to sit down?"

  Shannon shook her head. "I can't stay long." She looked ready to bolt from the room at the slightest provocation.

  How pathetic they both were Julie thought as she watched lines of tension crease her daughter's young face. Each of them wanted to make amends and neither of them knew quite how to start. "I can go home tomorrow."

  Shannon twisted her hands together. "That's good. I'm glad."

  Finally Julie could take no more. "Will you for heaven's sake sit down and stop looking like I'm going to bite your head off?"

  The shadow of a smile played around Shannon's lips. "I know you'd like to, and quite frankly, I don't blame you. I've behaved like a spoiled brat."

  Julie held out both arms. "What I'd really like to do is hug you."

  With a sob, Shannon fell into her mother's arms. "Oh, Mamma, I'm so sorry."

  Julie stroked her daughter's hair as she spoke words of comfort and love. "It's all right, baby, it's all right."

  Finally, Shannon pulled herself from her mother's embrace and perched on the side of the bed. "I've wanted to call you or come to see you so many times but my pride wouldn't let me."

  The tears in Julie's eyes distorted Shannon's dear face. "I know, baby. I've been just as stubborn and just as miserable."

  Moving to a chair, Shannon perched on the edge and wrapped one of her legs around the other. "If you're up to it we need to talk."

  Julie wasn't, but then she probably never would be. "I'll listen to anything you have to say."

  Shannon fastened her teeth over her quivering bottom lip. "I love Brett, Mamma, and we're very happy. I know you think I made a mistake but I didn't." She paused and waited expectantly for Julie to speak.

  A harpy little voice in the back of Julie's head reminded her that she was in no position to find fault with her daughter's poor judgment. Who but a fool would have unprotected sex in the back of an automobile with a man who had deserted her after just such an episode ten years before?

  Shannon wiped at the tears that ran down her cheeks. "Mamma please say something."

  Julie asked, "Are you planning to attend college in the fall?"

  Shannon refused to let go. "We can talk about college later. First we have to settle this matter."

  Julie asked, "What matter?"

  "You know what matter, Mamma. I'm married to Brett. I want you to accept that."

  Julie began her retreat. "Do I have a choice?"

  Shannon's mouth twitched. "No." Then she smiled, "Mamma, please."

  Julie asked, "Where is your husband?"

  Shannon's smile broadened. "He's outside in the waiting room."

  Julie inched a little nearer toward surrender. "Maybe you'd better go. You don't want to keep him waiting."

  Shannon pouted, "You don't want to see him, do you?"

  "I'm sure the feeling's mutual."

  "No, Mamma. It's not. Brett would like to come in and see you."

  Julie procrastinated, "Maybe in a few minutes." A sudden fear pushed its way into her mind. Maybe Shannon was pregnant. Despite the gravity of the situation, she smiled. "Are you about to make me a grandmother?"

  "No, Mamma. I'm not." Shannon unwound her legs and sat back in her chair. "I'm on the pill. Brett and I don't want a family until we're both out of college which should be in about three years. We're both enrolled for the fall semester."

  Julie's joy at those words made her capitulation complete. "Did you say your husband was outside?"

  "His name is Brett, Mamma, and he's in the waiting room."

  Julie knew even as she spoke that she would probably regret this later. With a touch of irony, she reminded her self that she was good at committing monumental blunders and then repenting. "Why don't you ask him to come in?"

  "Are you sure, Mamma?" Half rising, Shannon turned to go and then paused before asking, "You won't embarrass me by saying terrible things to him, will you?"

  "I won't embarrass you. Ask him in."

  "Do you promise?"

  Julie could have said so many things. Instead, she smiled and nodded. "I promise."

  Chapter Seven

  Another month passed and Julie's secret was about to reach the point of telling itself. She had begun to wear her blouses on the outside because none of her skirts fastened around her middle anymore. Half a dozen times over the past two weeks she had searched for an opportunity to break the news to Royce. She could never quite find the right moment. This was Saturday night. She had all day tomorrow to plan exactly what to say. She vowed to herself as she donned a battered old chenille robe. "I'll tell him first thing Monday morning."

  Julie picked up a paperback novel she had started the night before, sank into an easy chair and put her feet up. It felt so good to relax. She opened her book and had succeeded in becoming totally engrossed when the doorbell sounded.

  She marked her place and laid her book on the low table beside her chair. Who could be calling at this hour? Brett and Shannon had left the week before for college. Royce was out of town visiting relatives. She called out as she headed for the door, "Who's there?"

  "Julie?" The sound of that voice sent shivers down her spine. "It's me, Max. Open the door."

  Julie froze in her tracks, too surprised to retreat and too petrified to answer. Then a terrible fear took her. Shannon! Something had happened to Shannon! Racing to the door, she flung it open.

  Max stood on the other side with his hat in his hand and a grin wreathing his handsome face. "Hi, Julie, long time no see."

  It was just as it had always been. At the sight of him Julie's knees turned to water and her heart began to race. "Has something happened to Shannon?"

  Max shook his head. "No."

  "Then what's wrong?"

  "Does something have to be wrong for me to come calling?" There was a lilt in his voice and a twinkle in his eye. Without waiting for an invitation he stepped around Julie and into the house.

  Julie tied the belt of her robe a little tighter. "Come in, Max."

  "Thanks." He was definitely in a happy mood and neither Julie's caustic remarks nor her stiletto stare seem to dampen his high spirits. Tossing his hat onto the couch, he sat down in Julie's easy chair. "I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd stop by."

  Julie pulled her gaping robe together and held it with her hand. "What are you doing here?"

  "I just came from visiting Shannon and Brett. Shannon told me you'd been in an accident. Since it's on my way I dropped by to see how you were."

  "That accident happened a month ago." Julie laid his hat on the floor, sat on the couch and folded her arms across her stomach. "On your way to where?" She was angry with him for coming here without bothering to check with her first. "How did you know I'd be home?" Beneath that anger ran a quicksilver thread of joy; the same joy she always felt when he was near.

  "I didn't." Max leaned back in his chair and put his feet on Julie's footstool.

  "You could have called first."

  "I apologize for not asking your permission to drop by." He didn't sound at all repentant. His eyes narrowed as studied her pale face. "You look a little under the weather. Are you sure you're fully recovered?"

  Julie hunched forward. She did
n't want--couldn't afford his close scrutiny. "I'm fine. How's Shannon?"

  Smugly Max replied, "Happy--in love, on cloud nine, just like I said she'd be."

  Julie snorted her disgust. "For how long? What are you doing in Summerville?"

  Max laced his fingers behind his head. "Why shouldn't I be in my old hometown?"

  He could be the most infuriating man in the world. "You hate this place."

  "I'm just passing through." He was studying her with a strange look in his eyes. "I bought a ranch over in Atascosa County." His hands fell to his lap as from out of the blue, he added, "Shannon said Robert Morgan drove the two of you into a tree."

  "You bought a ranch?" Julie had never dreamed he would really do such a thing. "My lord, Max, what ever for?"

  "For a home." Max's eyes dropped from her face to scan her tense body. "Were you getting ready to go out?"

  Maybe if he thought she had plans for the evening he'd leave. "This is Saturday night."

  That seemed to put a damper on his high spirits. "Ah, yes that small-town mentality that makes Saturday night and going out synonymous. Do you have a date with Robert?"

  Julie arched an eyebrow. "And if I have?" This man had more audacity than any one she had ever known.

  Max picked up the book Julie had laid on the table and began to thumb through the pages. His smile returned, spreading from his mouth all the way to the twinkling blue of his eyes. "You aren't planning to go anywhere." He laid the book back on the table. "Admit it, Julie you're alone on a Saturday night. What happened to Robert?"

  For no reason she could explain, tears stung the backs of her eyes. She had never felt more vulnerable. "Robert's no longer around." Much more of this and she would be weeping openly. "So I don't have a date--so what?"

  He surprised her completely by asking, "So would you like to go out with me?"

  Julie knew this man as well as anyone ever could know the enigma that was Max Anderson. He hadn't just happened by on his way to some newly purchased ranch. He was here for some definite reason. She tilted her head to one side. "Did Shannon ask you to come by to see me?"

  Max tried to look surprised and failed. "Why would she do that?"

  Julie snapped, "Can you just answer the question?"

  He refused to look her in the eye. "Shannon's worried about you."

  So Max was here at Shannon's behest. She should have known. "You can go back and tell Shannon that I'm fine."

  Max tensed and sat up in his chair. "I didn't come just because Shannon asked me to."

  "Then why did you come, Max?"

  "Damned if I know. The last time I was here you made it more than plain that you didn't want me around. Maybe in spite of that I wanted to see you again?" His statement was in reality, a question.

  "But you aren't sure?" Her voice held a little touch of venom.

  "Where you're concerned I'm never sure of anything." Max was on his feet and striding across the room.

  That was a strange statement to make. Julie's eyes followed him as he swept across the floor and then turned and began to retrace his steps. Realization brought a touch of pity. Max would do anything to stay in Shannon's good graces, even visit Summerville and Julie. "Shannon shouldn't impose on you. I'm not your responsibility."

  Max stopped in the middle of the floor and stood staring at her. "I told you it wasn't all Shannon's idea."

  Julie's stubborn chin lifted. "What have the two of you hatched up now?"

  Max slid one hand through the side of his hair. "You haven't fooled her, you know."

  Julie's heart beat a little faster. Did Shannon know? Of course not--how could she? "About what?"

  "Shannon's concerned about you. She says you haven't been well since your accident."

  A sardonic smile twisted Julie's lips. How could she be well? She'd been suffering from morning sickness not to mention an overload of anxiety and a steady diet of stress. "All I need is a little time." Six more months to be exact she thought with a touch of irony.

  Before Julie could move or protest Max was beside her on the couch. "You don't look well. Have you seen a doctor?"

  She dropped her eyes, unable to meet his probing gaze. "I'm managing very well, thank you." She had to get him out of here and fast.

  Max moved nearer and pulled Julie into his arms. "Julie, there's something...."

  He was too close. Julie scooted toward the end of the couch. As she moved her robe fell open revealing her too-tight satin slip, and beneath that the slightly convex curve of her abdomen.

  Max's mouth dropped in sheer disbelief as his nimble fingers began to explore the contours of her waistline and then moved with lightening speed across her stomach. "My God," He almost strangled on his own words. "You're pregnant!"

  So her secret was out. Maybe it was for the best. If Max planned to live within a stone's throw of Summerville sooner or later he would have to know. Pushing his hands away, she asked defiantly, "So what?" She added with a belligerence born of anxiety, "That's no concern of yours."

  Max's hands seemed useless appendages. He stared at them for several seconds as if he couldn't believe the message they had so recently conveyed to his startled brain. Then he let them fall into his lap. "And just who should be concerned, Robert Morgan?"

  She was shocked and hurt that he would jump to such a conclusion. "Is that what you think?"

  He looked like a man who had recently been belted in the mid-section. "I don't know what the hell to think." Leaping to his feet he stared down at her. "How far along are you?"

  She could almost see the wheels moving in his clever brain as he assessed the situation. "Three months. But that doesn't mean...."

  Max lifted one hand. "Be quiet, I'm thinking." Then he rubbed that hand along his chin. "Three months ago we made love in the back seat of a rental car."

  Julie let her hands fall away from her stomach. There was no use trying to hide what he already knew. "That doesn't prove the baby's yours."

  An expression she couldn't decipher spread across Max's face. "Don't bother lying to me, Julie. If you'd been sleeping around, you'd have been protected."

  "Damn it, Max, will you listen to me?"

  Heedless of her plea he went on, talking more to himself than to her. "You hadn't been with anyone in years. I could tell." His eyes glowed with the dawning of insight. "It was almost like the first time. You were just as tight, just as warm." His voice hung on the snag of a shivering sigh. "My God," Falling onto the couch, he whispered, "I should have known." A quiver ran through his soft words." It took only one time in the back seat of a car and we had Shannon." He was staring in fascination at her stomach. "I'm surprised you weren't pregnant ten years ago after our little episode in the back seat of your Toyota."

  Sudden, bitter tears sprang to Julie's eyes. She averted her face, afraid he would see the truth revealed there. She moved quickly, but not quickly enough.

  A low guttural moan escaped from deep inside Max's throat. "You were!" A white line creased around his taunt mouth. "That's why you were looking for me!"

  All the heartbreak of that terrible time came rushing in to inundate Julie. Bowing her head, she closed her eyes.

  Max uncoiled like a broken spring. "What happened to the baby, Julie?" He stood glaring down at her. "Did you give my child away?"

  "I wouldn't do that." She whispered brokenly.

  He slipped his hands into his pockets and frowned in puzzled confusion. "I know you didn't have an abortion, not a good little Catholic girl like you."

  Those words struck her like a body blow, releasing all the pent up anger and guilt of the past decade in one rush of blinding pain. Her head lifted, her mouth thinned. "You don't know a damned thing about me. You've never hung around long enough to find out."

  He sank back onto the couch. "My God, you did! You flushed my baby down the sewer?"

  Julie screamed in anguish. "Stop it!" In her mind's eye she could see the little room where she had lain. She could hear the gurgle of the suction tu
be and the sound of running water. For the first time since that terrible, irrevocable moment, Julie was forced to admit a truth she had run from for years. She had murdered her own child. Great gulping sobs shook her body as she collapsed on the couch and gave vent to her long pent-up agony.

  Max pulled her into his arms. "Don't cry, Julie. Please don't cry." When it became evident that stopping her tears was not an option, he held her in a loose embrace until her sobs began to subside, and she gained a measure of control.

  She was still sobbing when she slipped from his embrace and wiped her nose on the edge of her robe. In a voice as cold as death, she said, "You're right, I killed my baby."

  With keen insight Max observed, "You've never allowed yourself to think about this, have you?"

  Julie was too emotionally raw to disguise her emotions. "I knew if I wanted to keep my sanity I couldn't dwell on what happened so I conveniently pushed it to the back of my mind, and tried to forget."

  "But you couldn't, could you?" Max's voice was heavy with compassion. "You must have lived through hell."

  For some unexplainable reason his sympathy angered her. "I deserved everything I got."

  Softly, he questioned, "Do you want to talk about it?"

  She didn't, not to him anyway. "No. It's too painful. But you have to know one thing. I didn't want an abortion. I had no choice. Mamma was dying, Shannon was at such an impressionable age and I had no money. I was enrolled in college and working full time. I couldn't handle a baby too and I knew it." She also knew that no amount of rationalization would ever take away her guilt.

  Max's mouth twisted at the corners. "I should have been here."

  She could almost believe he meant that. "Don't feel guilty. You didn't know and it's over now." In her heart she knew it would never be over.

  "And this baby?" A muscle twitched along Max's jaw line.

  Julie shook her head. "Relax, Max. I'm not asking you to claim the baby or make any kind of a commitment. I can handle this alone."

  "How?" he bit out caustically, "By having another abortion?"