Epic Lies (Epic Fail Book 2)

by Trudy Stiles

  I’ve been so fucking selfish.

  Death is what she wanted. She didn’t want anyone taking any extreme measures to prolong her doomed existence. When they found her body riddled with tumors, her death sentence became firm, so her parents honored her wishes. She wanted to die with dignity, something we debated a few months ago in front of our school. We were on the Debate Team together, and our position paper was the culminating moment of the assembly. She received the most applause while making her points, and now I fully understand why. She not only researched her position thoroughly, she had a personal interest in it. Her emotions took over that day, and she even convinced me that my opposing position was wrong. I became a supporter of dying with dignity that day, not realizing her personal and private struggles.

  And then I let it all fall apart. When I found out how sick she really was, it was too late for me to convince her otherwise. I needed more time with her.

  Saying goodbye to her today was awful. None of this seems real, and I just want to wake up to Lara, smiling and healthy.

  Someone kicks the hammock that I’m lying on, and I turn to see Alex, his head hung low, hands shoved into his pockets. “Hey,” he says.

  I swipe at my cheeks, trying to hide the evidence of my emotions.

  “Are you okay?” he asks and sinks into an Adirondack chair near the fire pit.

  “No,” I say, stating the obvious. And I doubt I ever will be.

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  I squint at the stars, trying to focus on something, anything to take my mind away from the past few weeks.

  “Nothing to talk about,” I snap.

  “Bullshit,” he responds.

  “What do you want me to say?” My grief is morphing into anger, and I’m about to take it out on Alex.

  “Anything. Everything.”

  “I wish she would have told me sooner,” I choke.

  “What would that have done? Would you have been angrier with her sooner? Broken up with her? You wouldn’t have enjoyed the time that you actually did have together. Cancer would have been hanging over you every single second you spent together. She wouldn’t have been able to see your true feelings, experience them the way that she did. Because you would have looked at her funny, acted differently, treated her with kid gloves. You would have started mourning long before she was ready for you to.”

  Holy shit. Where did that come from?

  “How do you even know any of this? You don’t know what I would have done if she told me months ago that she was going to die.”

  “The fuck I don’t. That’s exactly what you would have done. And you would have made it unbearable for her. You can’t be mad at her for giving you the short time that you had together. She gave you a gift by hiding her cancer from you.”

  “She lied to me, Alex. She fucking lied.”

  “Cut the shit. You act like she did it to spite you. She lied to you because she loved you. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you’ll forgive yourself for being so mad at her. And the sooner you’ll forgive her.”

  He’s so fucking right. I’m a selfish asshole.

  “It’s hard,” I say, snot building up in my nose. Alex has never seen me cry, and now the waterworks have started again.

  “I never said it wasn’t. Shit, it’s going to be hard for a long time. But you need to start thinking about this in a different way, or you’re going to destroy yourself.”

  I find his words and advice completely ironic, considering his situation. I don’t call him on his own past and issues with his father, because I know for a fact that he’s not over his personal hell. He lives his own nightmare every single day. I keep my mouth shut, because his advice for me is true.

  The hammock sways in the warm summer breeze, and I exhale deeply. I have to figure out a way to get past this anger.

  “Who was that girl puking at the church?” Alex asks, changing the subject.

  “I have no idea,” I say. “I didn’t get a good look at her, she was throwing up so much. She was a fucking mess.”

  “It was hard to see from the car. Was she bleeding?”

  I remember the blood on her forehead and the cuts and blood on her knees. She looked like she was in a street fight. “Yeah, I think she cut herself on the thorns from the rose bushes I pulled her out of.” I can’t imagine why she was even in them in the first place. Was she trying to hide?

  “I think that was the same girl who ran out of the church before the final procession was over,” Alex says, remembering something I didn’t even witness. I was too busy staring at Lara’s casket, wishing for a miraculous resurrection. I was practically willing the casket to open and Lara to walk out of it like nothing had happened to her at all. I didn’t notice anything until Alex pulled me out of the pew and out the doors of the church.

  That’s when I saw her, The Puker.

  “Whatever,” I say.

  “It was nice of you to help her. Tristan and Garrett ran to the car when they heard her retching. They couldn’t get away fast enough.”

  “It’s alright. I couldn’t not help her, you know?”

  Alex nods.

  “Now you need to start helping yourself,” he says and stands up. “You hear me?” he asks, and I close my eyes.

  I want to hear him. I want to believe what he told me tonight. I know that I need to accept Lara’s choice to end her treatments and end her suffering.

  “I’ll try,” I lie.

  Alex walks into the house, and I open my eyes, once again staring into the vast night sky. Now the stars are fully out and shining their brightest. I find the Big Dipper and trace the outline of Orion’s Belt with my hand in the air. I make an ‘L’ with the stars I can see and drop my hand to my side.

  My guilt takes hold of me again, and I want to scream into the darkness. I want to tell Lara everything in my heart and soul. I want to spill it all for her to hear. But I know I’ll get no response. I shouldn’t have made her feel like she had to lie to me. I should have been the type of person she could confide in without fear. She should have been able to rely on me for strength, not worry. She protected me from her illness because she didn’t want me to be sad while she was still alive. How could she have known how I would react when she didn’t give me the choice?

  I take a deep breath, my gut still twisting from my nerves. Alex’s words ring in my brain, and I need to get control of all of this.

  I have to let it go. I have to let her go.

  “I’m so sorry, Lara. I love you, and I’m sorry.”

  Giselle

  Past

  Age 18

  “WAKE UP. WAKE UP. WAKE UP,” my roommate, Mia, is chanting incessantly over me. I’m trying to ignore her. I fell asleep after dinner and was enjoying my nap, hoping to be able to sleep all night.

  I pop my eyes open and pull my blanket up to my neck. “I want to sleep,” I whine. She’s been relentless all week and has insisted we attend every single freshmen week activity as if our lives depend on it. I haven’t had a moment to rest.

  “But tonight’s the bonfire,” she whines as she rips my blankets off of my body. “And you need to get dressed,” she says, looking at me all super-judgy.

  “I’m comfortable in this,” I say. “Especially since I’m staying here. In. Bed.” I attempt to yank my covers back from her but she pulls them out of reach.

  “This is the last night of fun activities before the upperclassmen show up tomorrow. We need to take advantage of having dibs on the hot freshmen boys before the more experienced co-eds have their pick.” She’s constantly thinking about hooking up. Just this week alone, I swear she’s kissed–or done more–with at least six guys. One per night.

  “Mia, tone it down already,” I say as I sit up. There’s no winning an argument with her, and the sooner I relent and get dressed, the sooner she’ll stop badgering me. “I need to shower,” I say and grab my robe and shower bucket that’s filled with my toiletries.

  “Quickly!” she call
s after me as I let the door slam behind me.

  As I’m showering, my mind wanders to all of the fun we’ve truly had this week. Meeting Mia was certainly the highlight, although we’ve been communicating with each other for most of the summer. We decided that we couldn’t have been matched with anyone more perfect. We complement each other nicely. However, if she continues to be this much of a party animal and hook up monster, I’m going to have to draw the line. I can’t keep up with all of her wild energy.

  I’m also not as experienced as she is. After Troy raped me, I haven’t had a relationship or been with anyone else. I don’t trust freely, like Mia does. And I won’t ever trust another person with me or my body for as long as I live. Troy stole a lot from me, something that I’ll never get back. Mia is fully aware of my chastity vow, but I haven’t told her about Troy. She thinks I’m a virgin, and that’s the way I’m going to keep it. She doesn’t need to know about the ugliness of what Troy did to me. Besides, I like the thought of being a virgin again, even if it’s only in my mind.

  After my shower, I wrap a towel around my head, dry my body off quickly, and apply my favorite lotion to my body. It’s the same pink lotion my parents used on me when I was a baby. The fragrance makes me think of soft and fluffy things and keeps my mind at peace. It also makes my skin amazingly soft. I pull my robe on and grab my bucket. I’m sure Mia is pacing in our room, waiting for me to return so she can supervise me getting ready.

  When I open the door, I’m shocked to see our room full of people. The two girls who live next door, Cassidy and Tammy, and two guys I’ve never seen before. “Giselle!” Mia screeches. “We have company.” Her eyes are wide, and she’s sitting between the two unknown boys, her leg practically draped over the one to her right. Everyone’s eyes are on me, taking in my near naked state. What the hell?

  “Umm…” I stammer and can’t find my voice to say anything else. This is completely embarrassing and humiliating. She knew I was going to come back here as soon as I finished in the shower, and she knew I had no clothes with me. Anger rises in my chest, and my cheeks begin to burn.

  “We should go,” boy number two says. Boy number one can’t move because Mia has him pinned in the corner, and she’s still draped all over him.

  Tammy and Cassidy both stand up, and Tammy says, “We’ll get out of your way, see you at the bonfire.”

  Boy number two also stands up and looks at his buddy, “We need to leave so she can get dressed.” He smiles apologetically at me as he passes while Mia lets his friend follow him out.

  As the door closes, I say, “What the hell, Mia? Don’t you have any regard for my privacy?”

  She’s grinning ear to ear, ignoring my complaint. “That was HIM!” she says.

  “Who?” I ask as I towel dry my hair. “And how can you even keep track?” I’m so annoyed with her now, and she seems to have no idea.

  “Rob,” she says as if I should know.

  “Like I said, who?”

  “Rob, from Tuesday.”

  Her hookups this week have been so out of control that he’s associated with a day of the week. Lovely. Her family should be so proud.

  “Am I supposed to have a flash of memory, Mia, because I have no idea who ‘Rob from Tuesday’ is.”

  She walks past me to the sink in the corner of the room and begins inspecting her makeup. She applies lip gloss and fluffs up her already gigantic hair. “He’s the one from the soccer team.”

  Now I remember. On our way back from the freshmen social the other night, she broke away from me and wound up hanging out with a bunch of players from the soccer team. I never met any of them, just waved at her as she went off in another direction, and I went back to the dorm to go to bed.

  “Oh,” I say.

  “He must have remembered where my room was since he walked me back here the other night. I think I’m in love!” she exclaims, and I want to throat punch her. She’s seriously out of control, and I’m sure my advice wouldn’t be welcome at this early stage of our friendship. If she doesn’t tone down her promiscuity, she’s going to find herself in a heap of trouble. I make a mental note to chat with her about it during the week, when she’s distracted by other things, like actual school work.

  “Isn’t he so cute?” she asks.

  “I guess,” I respond and pull on my favorite pair of jeans.

  “You’re going to sweat in those,” she says. “You should wear a dress, or shorts, or something.”

  I love my jeans, and now they’re super-soft and stretched out since I haven’t washed them yet this week. I do have a maxi-length tank dress in the closet that I’ve been dying to wear, but I think I think it’s too dressy for a bonfire.

  “I’ll be fine,” I say as I pull my pink tank top over my head and fasten my hair in a ponytail.

  “Suit yourself,” she says, and her judgmental tone is back.

  “I’m perfectly comfortable and happy with what I’m wearing. So stop bugging me,” I say and point my finger at her nose. She pretends like she’s going to bite the tip of my finger off but smiles instead.

  “Yes, ma’am!” she cackles and swipes her student ID card from her desk. “I’m sorry for letting everyone hang out in our room while you were in the shower. That was insensitive of me.” She hugs me, and then smiles, “Let’s go already.”

  I grab a hoodie and tie it around my waist, then slide into my flip-flops. “I’m ready.”

  WE HAVE TO WALK all the way to the far end of campus where there’s a huge open field. Mia talks incessantly the entire way, mostly about Rob and what a great kisser he is. She babbles on about wanting to do more with him, but since she totally hooked up with someone else on Monday night, she didn’t want to overdo it. I drown most of her chatter out until she addresses me. “What do you think about Derek?” she asks.

  “Who?” I have no idea who she’s talking about.

  “Derek? His friend?”

  “You mean the guy in the room with him tonight?” I barely remember him because I was completely and utterly embarrassed.

  “Yes!”

  “I don’t know, Mia, I was trying to figure out a way to keep my robe from opening up and hide my naked body from the room full of people who so conveniently showed up when I was in the shower for five minutes!”

  “God, stop being so dramatic,” she says.

  She’s lucky that I like her, for now.

  “Look, the fire is already going strong.” I change the subject and point to the huge bonfire that’s right in the middle of the field. At least fifty students are here already, and I can only imagine how crowded it’s going to be before long.

  “Rob!” Mia ignores me and rushes toward boys number one and two. Derek sees me lagging behind and leaves his friend to walk toward me. Mia jumps into Rob’s arms and kisses him all over his face.

  Derek reaches me and looks just as embarrassed as I did back in my room. “I’m really sorry about earlier. Mia didn’t tell us you were in the shower.”

  “Figures,” I say, still embarrassed. “It was harmless. It’s a good thing I didn’t strut into the room naked, like I usually do.”

  His eyes widen, and his jaw drops. “Really?” he chokes out.

  I snort, “No! Not really. Oh my God, that would be insane and completely uncalled for.” I cover my mouth, embarrassed by my snorting.

  His face relaxes, and he smiles. “You’re funny, you know that?”

  “I try, sometimes, but most times I fail horribly. I’m usually the only one who laughs at my jokes.” This is a sad truth.

  We both look to find Rob and Mia, but they’ve disappeared.

  “Seriously?” I mutter.

  “Rob’s been talking about her all week. He finally got up the courage to come see her tonight.”

  If only Rob knew that Mia’s hooked up with at least three or four guys since, but I’ll keep that little tidbit to myself.

  “Yeah, Mia’s been going on and on about him,” I lie. “What a nice surprise that h
e came to see her.”

  She’s going to break his heart.

  “So, what is your major going to be?” Derek asks nervously.

  How original.

  “Business or Marketing. Something like that,” I say. “What about you?”

  “Chemistry or Biology. I’m hoping for Pre-Med. Something like that.” He smiles shyly.

  The crowds are really forming now, and we settle onto the grass in the field. Now I’m glad I’m not wearing that dress because I’m sure tons of bugs would be crawling up my legs at this point. I get itchy just thinking about it.

  “Where are you from?” he asks me.

  “My family lives in Radnor, Pennsylvania. That’s probably where I’ll live after I graduate.” I can’t see moving far away from them.

  “That’s cool. I live in Yardley.” Someone else from Pennsylvania.

  “You’re the first person I’ve met from PA,” I say. Our school is in Virginia, and so many kids in our class are widely dispersed. Mia’s from Vermont, Tammy’s from South Carolina, and Cassidy’s from Ohio. “We’re practically neighbors.”

  “I’m hoping to continue the Pre-Med program at either Penn or NYU.” Apparently, he’s really smart, too.

  “Wow, impressive,” I say.

  “My father’s an orthopedic surgeon, and my mother’s a gastroenterologist. It kind of runs in the family.”

  “What made you apply for undergrad in Virginia?” I ask, curiously.

  “This is where my father went to school. So, I guess it’s our legacy or something like that.” He shrugs, and I can tell he’s getting uncomfortable.

  “Oh, nice.”

  I scan the crowds to see if I can spot Mia and Rob, but I don’t have any luck. I want to go back to my room, but I feel bad leaving Derek here, stranded.

  “I’m not really into this bonfire,” I admit and hope he isn’t bummed.