Defect

by Kerekes, Ryann

  I reach the rope wall and without hesitating, I step into the first hold and begin pulling myself up. My arms quiver, and I look from the ground and then up to the top, trying to judge if I’ll have the strength to actually do this. I worry that I’ll fall to the ground and venture a glance down, but then squeeze my eyes shut. No. I push aside the thought and keep moving. After a few more feet of climbing, I’m nearly at the top. I cross one leg over, then the other, while I balance precariously at the beam on the top. I begin to climb down the other side and drop to my feet when I’m close to the ground.

  People push past me, and I follow, stumbling with one wet, heavy foot in front of the other. The faces around me are black with mud. There are guys – big guys – who sprint past me into another mud bog. This time, we have to get low and crawl on our bellies under crisscrossing ropes. I drop to my knees in the mud, get low and crawl on my elbows under the ropes. The girl ahead of me kicks her feet, splashing mud into my eyes. I blink away the muck and keep crawling. Sticks and gravel cut into my arms as I pull myself through the mud, but I keep moving.

  The shot of adrenaline they’ve given me is starting to wear off, and I’m almost out of energy, but I know the course is nowhere near done. And I don’t even want to think about what’s waiting for me at the end. Surely, they won’t make me fight anyone.

  Most of the crowd quickly makes their way ahead of me, which is fine with me. For the next hour, I crawl through dirt, swim through mud puddles, run up and down hills, hurdle logs, and climb ropes and makeshift walls until my fingers are sore and bleeding, my legs are trembling, and I’m covered from head to toe in mud. I even taste it in my mouth.

  All of the others are much faster than me, and I soon find myself so far back behind the pack that I’m confused about which obstacle comes next and which direction I’m supposed to go. I see a girl up ahead of me and keep my sights locked on her. Where she turns, I turn; where she jumps, I jump. I think of nothing else and propel myself after her. If I can just keep following her, I hope I’ll reach the end soon.

  Somehow, I reach the end of the course. We are the last two to finish. The girl stops at the ring, ducks under the rope to get inside and waits, looking at me. The others are gathered around the ring, drenched in mud and bloody, to watch the fights that happen at the end of the race. They’re grinning like this is the highlight of the night. O’Donovan, Kane and Will are all at the front of the ring, judging the fights, I presume.

  “Eve – get in there,” Will says, motioning me toward the ring.

  I swallow and wipe the mud from my face with the inside of my shirt. It does nothing to clear my eyes. I part the ropes as I saw the girl do and stand to face her. I size her up. She’s several inches taller than me and much bulkier. Plus, it’s clear she’s done this before. She cracks her knuckles and smiles at me.

  “Wait,” O’Donovan says. “Bryce, switch with her,” he calls to a guy standing on the sidelines. I breathe a sigh of relief and head to the ropes to get out of the ring. O’Donovan laughs. “No – you stay put, Sterling.”

  The girl scrambles out of the ring, and a guy twice my size maneuvers his body nimbly between the ropes. He flexes his large hands open and closed. There’s blood on his knuckles. It’s clear he’s already been in one fight tonight. He takes a step closer to me, and his eyes harden.

  I look to O’Donovan. He can’t mean for me to fight this guy. He only smiles back at me. Then I look to Will. He looks angry, probably at having his first match up for me overruled.

  I try to remember what I know about protecting myself, but my mind goes blank. I bring my hands up to block my face, like Sam told me. The guy, Bryce, is light on his feet and shuffles toward me, quickly closing the distance between us. He reaches out and knocks my hands from my face, then lands a blow on my left temple. Light flashes in front of my eyes, and I blink it away, stumbling, but not falling.

  I’m quick to bring my hands back up to cover my face again, but he takes a shot at my side this time, hitting me in the ribs. It knocks the wind from my lungs, and I hear it leave my body in a whoosh between my lips. I grab onto the ropes at the side of the ring for support, gulping down air. Will meets my eyes once and turns to leave. I watch him retreat into the night.

  I push myself back from the ropes and turn to face Bryce again. Before I’ve caught my breath, he takes another shot at my face, punching me directly in the nose and mouth. I instantly taste blood and see the ground shift beneath my feet. Blood flows freely from my nose and runs, warm and salty down my chin and coats the back of my throat. Tears sting my eyes. I can barely see, I can hardly breathe, and I’m shaking.

  A startled sob escapes my throat, and my resolve crumbles. I can’t do this. I drop to my knees and hold my hands up in front of me, in surrender. “I can’t. I can’t,” I pant, my voice trembling.

  They’ve got what they wanted all along. I know they’ve been counting my flaws and revel each time they find another. The smile on O’Donovan’s face exposes his secret – he not only wanted to see me fail, he needed it.

  Kane comes into the ring and pulls me up to my feet. When I falter, he lifts me over his shoulder like a sack of flour and heads for the building. “That was pathetic,” he says, as I bounce along his shoulder with each step.

  All the other recruits are lined up against the side of the building, being hosed down with giant fire hoses. Kane drops me amongst them, and instantly I feel the cold blast of water smack me in the face. The pressure from the hose blasts into my tender skin, and I bring my hands up to block the direct pressure against my nose and mouth. I wipe my eyes and look down. The water running away from my body is muddy and tinged red. After the mud is gone, I step away from the spray of water. My clothes cling to my body. I shiver in the night air and follow the group inside.

  Chapter 7

  Inside the gymnasium we line up in a row along the wall. We’re pressed shoulder to shoulder, trying to draw body heat from each other. I glance around for Bryce, the guy who just kicked the crap out of me, but now his face is calm, like – outside the ring – there’s no animosity.

  Kane steps forward, holding a data screen. The room falls silent as he prepares to read the results of the race. The first eight names, all but one, are guys. The seventh name on the list belongs to Sam. I am immensely proud of her. I catch her eyes down the line, and the people around her playfully shove at her, ruffling her hair. She cracks a smile.

  Kane prints the full list and goes to the wall to post it. People begin rushing toward it. I know my name will appear last and I have no desire to see it in print – that is, if my name is on the list at all. I’m not even sure what I’m doing here. I know they’re testing me, but this seems more like a try out to see if I have what it takes to be a soldier. And suddenly, I want this. I want to be part of this group, part of the camaraderie, even the brutality. I want to get strong, to try and figure out a way out of this place. And there’s zero chance of that happening while I’m chained to a hospital bed.

  I shove my way forward through the crowd, and though I’m not tall enough to see around people, I head straight for the list. I push my way past shoulders, and people begin to part for me. When I reach it, I see my name, Sterling 5491, dead last, at the bottom. I tear the page from the wall and crumple it. “Let’s go again!” I call in my loudest voice.

  I hear yells and whoops of encouragement from the crowd. They’re cheering me on. Someone slaps me on the back, as if congratulating my insanity.

  Will presses his lips together to keep from smiling, and seeing that expression on his face seems completely out of place. I realize for the first time, that despite his demeanor and position of authority, he’s a boy, only a few years older than me. I jump up and down, waving the crumpled paper in my fist.

  O’Donovan approaches from behind and rips the paper from my hand. “My, quite the feisty one we have here.”

  I stand still in front of him, hoping I haven’t done something else wrong.

 
; “The rest of you are dismissed.” He places a hand on my shoulder and squeezes, his fingers digging in. “But you stay put.”

  The soldiers, escorted by Kane, file out through the open doors. Will stays behind, and once the room clears, it’s just the three of us. The amusement on his face is gone. We both wait for O’Donovan to say something. Will gives me a quick look. His jaw is tense; the vein in his neck is throbbing. And suddenly I’m fearful they’ll actually make me repeat the course. But then I notice the dark circles under O’Donovan’s eyes and how he shifts his weight from one foot to the other. It’s the middle of the night and I can tell he’s tired. He won’t want to wait around another hour or more for me to finish the course.

  “Quite a scene you made,” O’Donovan breaks the silence.

  I bring my hand to my lip, wiping away the blood I can taste.

  “Let me take her into the training program,” Will says.

  O’Donovan studies him. “She won’t be able to catch up with the others.”

  “What’s the harm? If she doesn’t – I’ll send her back to the beds,” Will says casually.

  It’s clear neither of them believes I can actually do this – become a fearless soldier – but I desperately want the chance to prove them wrong.

  “Fine. It’s your choice. She’ll be your responsibility,” O’Donovan warns.

  Will nods once. “I can handle it.”

  And just like that, I’ve traded teams.

  “Sterling, come with me,” Will’s voice is stern, but I swear a see a small look of satisfaction on his face before he turns for the door. I follow close behind him.

  He leads me back to the bunker and when we go inside, it’s more deserted than it was last night. After tonight’s race, everyone must be changing into dry clothes and retiring to bed.

  He mutters a string of curse words to himself, and glances at his watch. “The supply desk won’t be staffed this time of night.”

  He leads me back out into the hall. I’m still soaking wet, bleeding and now also confused.

  “Come on – we’ll find you something to wear and get you sheets for a bed in the dormitory.”

  Again, his concern for me feels out of place here. It seems like any of the other guards would be fine letting me shiver in my wet clothes all night – or just bring me back to the hospital until this can be sorted out tomorrow. But Will won’t do that; I’m not sure how I know, I just do. We stand in the dim hallway while he decides what to do with me.

  I lick at the edge of my lip again and wince. The skin is raw and split open on the corner of my mouth.

  “Here.” Will untucks his T-shirt and brings it to the edge of my lip, gently dabbing at the blood.

  We’re so close that I can smell him. His scent is clean, yet musky and distinctly male. I look up and watch his eyes while he works, concentrating on my lip. His eyes flash to mine, and he quickly drops his hand, like he’s been caught doing something wrong. He takes a step back. “Come on.”

  He brings me back inside the bunker and heads for the dormitory. Girls are undressing, others are already in bed. No one stops what they’re doing, despite a boy being in the room. He moves with a sense of purpose and heads straight for the side of the room where Sam’s bunk is at. She’s sitting on her bed, reliving the story of her victory tonight to whoever will listen. When she sees Will approaching, her mouth snaps shut, and her shoulders go tense.

  “She’ll be here from now on.” Will puts his hand on my shoulder and thrusts me forward toward their group. “Can you find her clothes and bedding? The supply room’s closed.”

  I take a step toward Sam and her friends. They eye me curiously.

  “Of course. No problem,” Sam says.

  Will turns and leaves, and when I face the group again, Sam shudders at the sight of my face. “You all right?”

  I nod, not trusting myself to speak just then.

  “Will brought you here?” A blonde girl tosses her hair over her shoulder and scrutinizes me.

  “This is Lexi,” Sam says. I can tell by the way she says it, she’s not a fan. Lexi is tall, almost as tall as the guys are, with impossibly long legs, but her eyes are her most striking feature. They’re light green, almost yellow, they’re so light.

  “Eve,” I say, blinking at her.

  The look on her face says she’s either not impressed by my antics earlier, or there’s something she didn’t like about seeing me with Will.

  Sam doesn’t help matters. “Yeah, every time I see you, you’re either coming or going with Will. What’s up with that?”

  I shrug. I wish I knew.

  “He’s kinda scary,” Sam says. “I mean, he’s not bad to look at – don’t get me wrong …” Her lips curl up in a devilish grin. “There’s just something so intense about him.”

  I know just what she means – like his gaze could level you, and when he’s standing close, it’s like all the air’s been sucked from the room. Intense? Yes. But I’d never felt scared of him. Besides, intensity I understand. Anyone here that didn’t treat this insane environment with a healthy dose of intensity, I probably wouldn’t trust.

  “He’s not so bad once you get to know him,” Lexi says, just the hint of a smile on her lips.

  Sam rolls her eyes. There’s clearly a story here I don’t know. I find myself looking over at Lexi, suspicious of her implied familiarity with Will. And the look Lexi returns to me is the mental equivalent of a bitch slap.

  “Come on, you can bunk with Sabrina,” Sam breaks the silence of our strange stand-off.

  Sam loans me more clothes and strips her bed of its top sheet. “This is the best I can do, tonight,” she says, handing it to me.

  “This is fine.” I take the sheet and look around. I don’t see any open beds.

  Sam walks me over to the only open bunk in the far corner of the room.

  Sabrina – who turns out to be the girl I faced in the ring earlier – is sitting on the bottom bunk, digging the mud from under her nails with the tip of a pocketknife.

  “Top bunk still open?” Sam asks. Without waiting for a response, because we can all see that it is, she introduces me, “This is Eve.”

  Sabrina sets the knife down beside her. For a second, she just looks at me, but then she takes my hand, and a slow grin spreads across her face. “Damn. Bryce did a number on your face.”

  “Oh, yeah.” I bring my fingers absently to my temple.

  “Top okay with you?” she asks.

  ***

  I spend my first night as a soldier cowering under a thin sheet, shivering with wet hair. I remember the blow-by-blow of Bryce’s attack, Kane’s need to punish me, Lexi glaring at me, and I wonder if I can do this. I let a few hot tears slide silently down my cheeks. I decide I’ll give myself the night – only tonight – to be weak. Tomorrow I’ll be brave again. Then I remember the way Will dabbed my lip with the edge of his shirt, and Sam dressing me and combing my hair, and I slip into non-drug induced sleep for the first time since getting here.

  Chapter 8

  The mindscan itself creates a sense of calm. After the procedure, you will emerge with a peaceful sense of security. You will experience comfort, assured of your own sanity and confident of your place in society.

  - What to Expect During Your Mindscan Pamphlet Page Two

  Three loud blasts startle me awake. The high pitched alarm sounds over the intercom system at daybreak. The girls around me are already up and getting dressed. I have nothing else to wear, so I find Sam and follow her to the cafeteria.

  “How’d you sleep?” she asks, noticing my puffy eyes.

  “All right.” And it’s true. The physical effort of last night’s race exhausted me, in a good way, like I had used my body to accomplish something.

  “It gets better, you’ll see.” She hands me a tray and I follow her into the line. We load our plates up with bacon, eggs and buttered toast.

  Sam leads the way to a table where Sabrina, Lexi and a guy I haven’t met are sitting.
They’re in the middle of a story. The dark-haired guy – Alex , Sam leans over and whispers, is reliving an experience with one of the instructors. “When I told him I didn’t know if the gun was still loaded, he picked me up clear off the ground and nearly threw me over the table.”

  If we were going to swap horror stories about Kane, surely getting thrown in the pool with my hands tied behind my back would raise a few eyebrows.

  “I’m Alex, by the way.” He leans over toward me.

  I shake his hand. “Eve.”

  “Just wait, newbie, you’ll have a collection of stories about Will in no time,” he says.

  Wait. They’re talking about Will?

  Lexi’s expression dares me to try topping Alex’s story. An urge spikes up inside me at wanting to fit in, to impress my new friends, but mostly to prove Lexi wrong. I let the urge take over. “Actually, I woke up to him standing over my bed one night in the hospital.”

  Alex’s mouth falls open. “That’s kinda … rapey … don’t you think?”

  The table erupts in laughter, and instantly I regret telling them. I only wanted to fit in, but bringing up something so private – and something that I think was meant to be kind – gives me a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

  I stay quiet throughout the rest of breakfast while Alex dominates most of the conversation, and has everyone else laughing with his stories of Will’s odd behavior and demanding expectations. Maybe I’d read the situation with Will entirely wrong. He is only under O’Donovan’s orders – who declared me a special interest, a side project. That is all. He is not to be trusted.

  I see movement in the corner, and I follow Lexi’s gaze. Will stands just inside the doorway scanning the room, and Lexi watches him with unadulterated lust in her eyes. He’s in the same military issue T-shirt he was wearing yesterday, his muscular form accentuated by the way it stretches across his chest. My eyes scan the bottom for traces of blood, but there are none. He must have a million of those shirts. In fact, he probably threw away the one I tainted.