I turn and spot Kai jogging towards us. Oh this is awkward. I don’t want to share a goodbye kiss in front of everyone. I thought that was what last night was for. But then I notice his backpack. He’s outfitted for a trip.
Maybe he thought last night meant something different between us. I thought it was a goodbye, thank you for everything type of thing. He apparently thought it was more of a let’s be together type of thing. I don’t have the heart to correct him. We all need our wits about us on this trip and I don’t want him mopey or any weird tension between us.
Kai argues with Wilson for several minutes about joining us. Kai eventually wins him over, claiming that the group will benefit from having a healer amongst them, just in case.
And so we set off at first light, twelve men, me and Kai like a puppy at my side. This is not good.
Chapter 34
“Sometimes the memories are worth the pain.”
-Unknown
When we reach the fence, it’s even larger than I remember it. We stop a safe distance back, checking for the positions of the guards that are sure to be roaming its perimeter. On the ten day walk here, I talked a lot about my experience living at the compound and it seems it gained me a healthy respect from my travelling companions. Kai’s wistful looks of adoration only got stronger with each story I told of my survival.
Just seeing the fence, standing so near where my heart still beats on the other side makes me lightheaded.
Wilson urges us into a huddle. “We’ve gotten word that someone named Will is now in charge.”
My heart drops to my feet. Will?
As they talk, I learn the compound is now being completely being run by Will. Rena is his second-in-command and all of the previous officials having turned-tail and ventured to the capital city to be spared any violence at the hand of those they’d kept locked away for so many years.
Wilson says we’ll be admitted into the compound as long as we can agree to keep the peace and show them we’re working on their side. He instructs us to keep our hands off our weapons and we make the trek closer to the fence, coming into plain view to whoever might be watching.
As we approach the fence, a group of patrol guards appear and beckon us forward. There are at least a dozen of them and I scan their faces, wondering if I’ll see one of my old friends. Kane is standing in the center and my skin crawls when I spot him. He grins a toothy smile and shakes his head slowly.
“Eve’s back. Send word to Will,” he says to the guy beside him. The young guard nods, and takes off in a jog for the compound.
Kane’s attention has turned all eyes on me. So many questions are unleashed in my mind. Has Will been expecting me? Will he be happy to see me? Will I be happy to see him, or will my heartbreak outweigh any chance at a happy reunion we might have had. But before I can even consider any of the this, Kane motions our group to the section of fence containing a padlocked gate and directs a guard to open it for us.
Being back inside the halls of the compound is completely surreal. It doesn’t seem quite so big, or nearly as menacing knowing that all the officials are gone and that this time I know how to protect myself. We’re led into a conference room that I’ve never been in before. It must have been used for official business – before this place became overrun. They offer us water and food. Most of the men, Kai included fill their bellies and their bags with food. I pick at a bagel, unable to stomach the idea of eating. I want to know where Will is, what his reaction was when he heard I was here. I want to know why he hasn’t shown up yet.
Kane returns over an hour later. Apparently Will is too busy to even make an appearance. The anticipation is killing me, but maybe this is better. I don’t know how I’d handle seeing him right now, especially in front of a roomful of people. I’d probably break down sobbing and make a fool of myself.
Kane leads us down a hallway where private dorm rooms branch off in every direction. “You can rest here.”
Kai takes my hand and leads me inside of one of the rooms. I can feel Kane watching us and my skin revolts at his inspection.
Once inside, Kai motions for me to take the bed. “Lie down. We should rest while we can.”
I know he’s right, and my body has been fighting the exhaustion, but knowing Will is so close makes it hard to relax. I don’t want to explain that to Kai though, so I just nod, slip off my shoes and sit down on the bed. Kai sits on the floor, his back to the wall and knees drawn up to his chest. He doesn’t need to stay with me in the same room, but rather than put up a fight, I lie down, facing away from him and stare at the wall.
What if Will doesn’t even care to see me? What if everything I thought we shared was nothing more than a military tactic designed to gain the upper hand. I was the capital’s most sought after possession, and Will undermined them by sending me away. Was I just a pawn in his games, or did he ever really feel something for me? Even if he doesn’t want to see me –he owes me an explanation.
I’m awoken later by a series of firm knocks against the door. When I roll over to face the door, I see that Kai has pulled it up just a few inches and is talking to someone.
“Now’s not a good time, she’s in bed,” I hear him say.
“Who the hell are you?” I hear the other voice ask. Its Will. My heart jumps and I leap up, pushing my hair back from my face and crossing the room on shaky legs.
“Kai, it’s okay.” My hand on his arm pulls him away from the door. I stand facing Will, my bleary eyes fighting to focus. Seeing him again steals my breath and my skin erupts in tingles. His jaw is tense, his eyes wavering between me and Kai in intense scrutiny.
“Eve?” His voice is soft , nothing like the look on his face which is currently scaring the crap out of me.
“Will,” I say simply. I refuse to break down at the sight of him. I will not throw myself into his arms, no matter how much I might want to. I stuff my hands into my pockets so I don’t reach for him, and I lock my knees together to remain upright.
His eyes go soft and he swallows down the lump in his throat, seemingly just as at a loss for words as I am. His gaze leaves me to glance down at my wrist. The last time we were together, he cut me open – literally and figuratively. He owned me. And in this moment, I want to pretend that he doesn’t, but we both know he still does.
I’ve forgotten Kai is still beside me and he steps forward, placing a hand carefully on my shoulder. “Is this him?”
Will flinches at his words and his mouth presses into a stark line when Kai touches me.
Good. I want it to hurt. I want him to wonder who Kai is to me. “Yes,” I say simply. “This is him.”
Chapter 35
“People think it is holding on that makes you stronger, but sometimes it's letting go.”
- Unknown
The slip of paper Will pressed into my hand before leaving is quite literally burning a hole in my pocket. Out of respect for Kai, I wait until he leaves to go talk to Wilson before reading it. It’s just three lines, hastily written in a messy scrawl.
Let me explain. Meet me tonight. My room.
~Will
I pace the tiny room. Why should I go to him? Why didn’t he just explain things when he stopped by earlier? I hate how he’s making me wait, turning this into some awkward game. But what choice do I have? Of course I’m going to go, of course I want to hear his explanation.
The only thing that doesn’t sit right is that he wants me to meet him in his private room. The two of us alone together might not be the best idea. I’m bound to either kiss him, or kill him – not sure which, but neither is a good idea.
Kai returns with dinner for us both and I eat in silence while he fills me in on Wilson’s plan. Apparently he and Will are in agreement that all the Defects should be released from their cells and together, we’ll march into the capital in an attempt to take over power. I should be paying attention, poking holes in the idea, plotting my own survival strategy, but all I can think about is my own poor shattered heart, and about
how and when I might get to see my mother.
After we eat, I make a bed on the floor and tell him to take the bed. He puts up a fight I insist until he gives in. I can’t have him sleeping on the floor if I plan to sneak out later. I don’t want to have to step around him and possibly wake him.
Thankfully, Kai falls asleep quickly, and I wait a little extra time just to be sure he’s out, but when I hear his soft snores, I know it’s time to go. Now or never.
I tiptoe from the room and like it was just yesterday, my body leads me to Will’s room. He could have moved into a bigger or better room with all the officials being gone, but apparently he didn’t. I knock softly at his door and a second later, I hear his footsteps pad across the room.
When the door opens, Will stands before me in his camouflage cargo pants, white T-shirt and bare feet. My heart kicks into overdrive at the sight of him. He opens the door further, urging me to enter and I see that Rena’s inside.
Oh. Because apparently we need a chaperone. Her gaze is curious as she looks me over. God, why are they both being so weird!
I stand beside the wall feeling odd and out of place. Why did he even ask me to come? They’re both looking at me like I don’t belong.
“We need your help,” Rena begins.
I roll my eyes. No hi, how are you? We’re happy you didn’t die. Just straight down to business. I clench my jaw, biting down hard to avoid screaming at them. “And why would I do that?”
Rena’s eyes narrow. “They would have killed you, Eve. Period. We saved you. We risked everything.”
Will holds up his hand stopping her. “Rena, you should go. Let me talk to her alone.”
Rena doesn’t say anything else, but she drops her eyes to the floor and stalks for the door. “Not everything has a happy ending,” she says, then disappears from the room.
I turn to Will, my eyes begging him for answers. He takes his time, urging me to sit. I refuse. I need to remain standing. I need to grasp onto the tiny bit of control I have left.
Will shrugs and sits down on the bed facing me. “I’m sorry about Rena.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I assume you’ve been briefed on the plan?” he asks.
I nod.
“And you’ll come with us?”
I nod again. If this is all we’re going to talk about, I’ll explode. I’m ready to run to him and beat my fists against his chest. Who is this cold, calculated man and what has he done with my Will? I pull in a breath and the words tumble from my lips before I can stop them. “Did you ever even consider coming with me?”
He hesitates, and it’s the longest ten seconds of my life. “I considered it,” he says finally.
“That’s not good enough.”
Will sighs, squeezing his eyes closed. “I had no other choice than to stay behind, Eve. It was more important than what I wanted, which was of course to follow you into the woods.” His eyes meet mine, and finally I see the real him. Longing and sorrow and just plain exhaustion are etched into his features. What has he been through for the past six months?
“Stephen?” I don’t know quite how to ask what became of his brother.
He nods. “He’s safe. Still at home with my parents. We were able to put a ban on all new mindscans just in time. I’ve checked on your mom periodically too. She’s doing well, Eve. She was happy I got you out of here.”
He’s checked on my mom? My knees buckle, and I slid to the floor, collapsing in a heap. Will comes toward me, kneeling on the ground beside me. I see now that he was acting selflessly, staying behind for Stephen, for future generations, for all of us. How can I stay mad? I thought he was being selfish, or that perhaps never felt anything for me. I clasp my hands in front of me. “Why was Rena acting like that?”
He closes his eyes. “She’s changed, Eve. Don’t take it personally. She’s been hurt and abandoned too many times by those she was close to. It’s easier for her to pretend to be all business. She missed you too, you know.”
I don’t respond, deciding it doesn’t really matter. Rena’s never been the warm and fuzzy type, but she always came through for me when it mattered. I suppose this is no different.
Will rubs absently at the back of his neck. “That guy you’re rooming with…”
“Kai,” I offer.
He nods. “Are you with him?” His expression is guarded, like he’s bracing for my answer. Part of me wants to make him suffer, but we’ve all suffered enough and my heart squeezes at the lost look in his eyes.
“No…I…” I don’t know how to explain my relationship with Kai. “He’s been helping piece me back together,” I say.
Will flinches at the implication that I’m broken. “But he thinks there’s hope for more.”
I nod. “Yes.”
He meets my eyes, tipping my chin up and stroking my cheek with his thumb. “Is there still hope for us?” he whispers.
I don’t answer, but apparently Will sees what he needs to in my expression, because he leans forward and presses his lips to mine. The pain and sadness of the past six months are driven from my heart in that one kiss, because in that one simple touch, I feel his love pulsing all around me. Will lifts me from the floor without breaking the kiss and places me in the center of his bed.
I want to ask him if he missed me, if he thought of me, but suddenly none of it matters. I know he did. He kisses my lips, my jaw, my throat like a man possessed and I tug at his shirt, working my hands underneath to feel his bare skin, if only to prove to myself that this is real. Will’s heartbeat thumps erratically under my palm and I wrap my legs around his back, tugging him closer, refusing to let go.
***
I sneak back into my room just before first light. My hair is an absolute mess, my cheeks are flushed and my knees are still shaky.
Kai is sitting up on the bed when I return. His blue eyes are full of sadness and it nearly crushes me. “You were with him, weren’t you?”
I merely nod. My hands attempt to smooth down my hair, and I can’t help but wonder if Will purposefully left me with bedroom hair for Kai to notice.
We don’t say anything else, Kai lies back down, and I take my spot on the floor. My lips still tingle from Will’s kisses, my heart is still tripping over itself, but I make myself lie still and try to get some rest. I will need it for whatever comes next.
Chapter 36
Will stands in front of the room, drawing on the large digital screen to depict our planned advance into the capital. His strategy is simple, yet it’s clear he’s thought of everything because when questions are raised, he’s ready with an answer.
I’m very much enjoying watching him in action. Everything about Will is in sharp contrast to Kai. Where Kai is soft-spoken, gentle and kind, Will is all hard edges, muscles pulling against his shirt and intense gazes. The physical ache of missing him has started to subside.
It doesn’t escape Will’s notice that Kai is sitting next to me, or that Kai brought me a cup of tea. He continues talking at the front of the room, but I noticed his shoulders stiffen and his fists clench when Kai sits down.
Rena is seated across from me, her eyes moving between the strange triangle I’ve inadvertently created. She looks pointedly at Kai and then at me, her eyebrow raising in question. I shake my head no. Is this why she was mad at me last night? She thought I was with Kai? I will have to explain to her that’s not the case. Because there’s no use denying that my feelings for Will have resurfaced and burn just as intensely as before. But I would be lying if I said there wasn’t something different. Last night Will clung to me like a dying man, holding me tightly against him, his mouth firm and insistent as we kissed. He’d never been that reckless when we were together before. But if I think about last night for too long, my cheeks are certain to turn pink and give me away in the roomful of people.
I lean toward Rena and whisper, “This isn’t what you think.”
Her mouth curves upward in a grin. “It better not be. It destroyed him when you left.”
; I had no choice but to leave, she knows that, but a tiny piece of me revels in the fact that Will was just as broken as I was.
I try my best to tune back in to Will’s speech. Wilson is growing more agitated, sighing and standing up to pace the back of the room. I know he wants to question Will’s plan, and I’m bracing myself to see how Will is going to handle it.
Wilson anchors his hands on his hips, letting out a huff. “What’s the hold up? We bring Eve to the capital with us, and they’ll be scrambling to talk to us just to get to her. We could settle this much faster and get back home. We just have to be willing to take a risk.”
Will pauses mid-sentence and turns to face him. He looks like he wants to tear Wilson apart, but his voice is low and even. “If you’re eager to get home, then go. We will do nothing before we’re ready. And we sure as fuck won’t be sending Eve to her slaughter.”
Whoa.
Even Kane grins at the insult Will’s lobbed over. Rena finds my hand under the table and gives it a squeeze. I don’t notice the roomful of eyes watching me, because all I can feel is Will’s steady gaze, communicating so much. He’s mine and I’m his. The nerves of our mission slide away, because I know if we’ve survived everything else, we can do this too.
Epilogue
Happiness is the art of never holding in your mind the memory of any unpleasant thing that has passed.
- Unknown
The history books are wrong. Because together with my friends, we rewrote the ending. There is no such thing as a mindscan any longer, no corrupt capital, and everyday more sections of the fence are removed and demolished.
It was three months before the entire affair was settled, before the capital conceded in defeat. In the end, it took many more than just those of us living at the compound. Thousands of people from hundreds of miles away journeyed to the capital to march with us, and together, we took the power back. I can’t believe that was two years ago now.
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