Secret Love-Child (Mills & Boon By Request): Kept for Her Baby / The Costanzo Baby Secret / Her Secret, His Love-Child

by Kate Walker

  ‘That’s fine. Thanks.’

  Alex scooped up the glass from the coffee table and held it out to her. Katrina crossed the room and took it from his outstretched hand. Their fingers brushed and a tingle of electricity zapped up her arm.

  She jerked, almost spilling the wine.

  Alex frowned. ‘Why are you so jumpy?’

  She shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I’m probably just tired.’

  Even as she said the words she knew they weren’t true.

  She was nervous. She knew it was stupid but she couldn’t help it. Sharing Samantha’s bath time with Alex made her feel as if she’d been suddenly stripped of all her defences.

  It had started with their close physical proximity; it had been impossible to ignore the heat radiating off his body straight into hers. Impossible, too, to ignore the smell of his skin or the scent of his shampoo.

  But what had really undone her was seeing the other side of Alex. She was used to Alex as he usually was. Confident. Controlled. Arrogant.

  This evening, he’d totally disarmed her with his willingness to be teased and his eagerness to please Samantha and the hint of vulnerability he’d shown.

  Alex patted the sofa beside him. ‘Well, sit down for a while and relax.’

  Katrina hesitated a moment before taking the seat opposite.

  Alex frowned and put his wine glass down on the table with a clatter. ‘This has to stop.’

  Katrina clasped her hands around her glass. ‘What does?’

  He stared at her through narrowed eyes. ‘Last night you accused me of avoiding you. Well, now it’s my turn. I’m going to accuse you of doing the exact same thing.’

  She folded her arms. ‘You can hardly accuse me of avoiding you when we’ve spent the last hour together.’

  ‘Actually, I can. You might be in the same room, but you’re doing your best to prevent me getting close to you. Every time I touch you, you jump. Every time I kiss you, you come up with an excuse to stop me.’

  ‘You said you’d let me set the pace,’ Katrina protested.

  ‘And I also said that I’d give the pace a nudge along every now and then. There is a halfway point, you know. Would it really have hurt you to sit beside me for a while? Maybe hold hands, share a couple of kisses?’

  Katrina didn’t want to answer him.

  She didn’t want to admit that she had stop him from doing those things because she was scared of what would happen if she didn’t.

  ‘You’re meant to be trying but you’re not,’ Alex continued. ‘You accused me of honouring diddley-squat but what about you?’

  Katrina clenched her hands into fists at her side. ‘I’m not the one who started this, Alex. You are. I can’t just wave a magic wand and forget all the horrible things you said to me. It’s not that easy.’

  Alex sat forward and splayed his hands wide, forearms resting on his knees. ‘What do you want me to say, Katrina? I should have believed you. I know that. I made the biggest mistake of my life when I said those things to you. And we’ve all paid for it.’ His eyes seared into hers. ‘I missed seeing you grow big with our child. I missed watching my daughter being born. As you pointed out yesterday, I can never get those things back.’

  He paused but only to draw breath. ‘And you. You were alone during your pregnancy and the birth. But it’s not the same as having the father of your child with you during that special time. And Sam…? She went without a father for the first weeks of her life.’

  ‘Alex—’

  He held up a hand, his face gravely serious. ‘No, let me finish. I want you to know that I haven’t taken any of those things lightly. When I apologised to you, I wasn’t just paying lip service. I wasn’t going through the motions just for the sake of it. I apologised because I meant it.’

  Katrina stared at him.

  She didn’t say a word. She couldn’t. She was stunned by what Alex had just said, and how he’d said it.

  His voice was so full of passion that each word had exploded inside her like a bomb detonating.

  She had no doubt he meant every word.

  ‘I can’t undo the past,’ Alex continued. ‘But what I can do is work on the future. I’m willing to do everything within my power to make us a family. The question is, are you? Or are you so bitter that you can’t ever forgive me? Because if that’s the case then you should tell me—right here and right now—and we’ll call it quits before we go any further.’

  Katrina felt as though the bottom had just dropped out of her stomach and her world. A vacuum formed inside her; anxiety clutched at the back of her throat.

  Much as she didn’t want to admit it, there was a lot of truth in what Alex was saying.

  She remembered the moment he’d apologised.

  I’m sorry, he’d said.

  And she, without a second’s hesitation, had said, apology accepted.

  Why? Because it had been the right thing to do—for Samantha.

  But that had been the mother in her talking, the part of her that would do anything for her daughter—including swallowing her pride.

  But she wasn’t just a mother.

  She was a woman too.

  And the woman in her had been thinking that Alex’s apology was way too little and way too late. The woman in her had clung to every little barb and every little jab of pain as if it were her lover.

  Alex said he hadn’t just been going through the motions when he’d apologised. Katrina was ashamed to admit that her acceptance of his apology had been exactly that: it had been expedient. A means to an end.

  But, deep down, she hadn’t forgiven Alex.

  There was a ball of bitter resentment inside her that hadn’t unravelled in the least. It was as tightly wound as the day it had formed.

  She dragged in a breath then met his eyes squarely. ‘There’s some truth in what you said. I must admit, I didn’t think your apology was genuine.’

  ‘And now that you realise it was?’

  She couldn’t lie. She couldn’t take something as pure as his honesty and as deeply felt as his regret and rip them to shreds. It would be like plucking the stars from the sky and trying to squash them under her heel.

  ‘It…it makes a difference,’ she said, unable to look away from him.

  Already she could feel the ball of resentment and bitterness unravelling, as if it was made out of string and Alex had taken one end and was slowly pulling on it.

  ‘Good.’ The fact that he didn’t hide his relief underlined the importance he was placing on their conversation. ‘But is it enough? Is it enough to allow you to really put the past behind you and move forward?’

  ‘I’m not sure,’ she said honestly.

  She hadn’t had a chance to think that far.

  She was confused, and scared. As if the world had spun into action and she was no longer sure of her place in it.

  There had been a certain security in clinging to those bad memories. Hanging on to them had had the same effect as placing a protective barrier around her heart. They’d made her feel safe.

  Realising Alex had meant every word of his apology had just torn that protective barrier to shreds. And spending the evening with him and Samantha had stripped her of her defences.

  It was a double whammy that left her feeling exposed and vulnerable.

  Alex leaned back against the sofa. Although his movement added only an extra foot to the distance between them, it suddenly felt like miles of wide, open space.

  Suddenly, Alex felt as out of reach as a man on the moon.

  And she…

  Well, she felt very alone and isolated.

  ‘Then I suggest you think about it,’ he said in a cool, clipped voice. ‘If you can’t let go of the past, then we don’t stand a chance. If you’re not prepared to try, we’re wasting our time.’

  Her heart thumped. ‘And Sam?’ she asked, knowing what the answer would be but needing to hear it anyway.

  ‘I told you before—I don’t intend to give up my right to be
ing a full-time father.’ He sounded as determined as a bulldozer ploughing through a brick wall. ‘Think about it: if you decide to call it quits now, everybody loses. You. Me. But most of all Sam.’

  Katrina stared at him. Thoughts were spinning with fevered intensity through her brain.

  Fear was beating on the inside of her skull.

  If she pulled the plug, she would lose Samantha.

  She’d rather cut out her heart than let that happen.

  Alex sighed, heavily. ‘Tell me something, Katrina. When you confronted me in the boardroom what did you hope to achieve?’

  It was a good question. It was just a shame that she didn’t have a good answer.

  ‘I’m not sure.’ She clasped her hands tightly together in her lap. ‘I tried not to have too many expectations because I was afraid of being disappointed. Obviously, I wanted you to accept Sam and be a part of her life, but I hadn’t thought as far as the practicalities of how we’d go about doing that.’

  Alex stared at her for a long moment.

  It felt as though he was looking right inside her. Into her mind. Her heart. Her soul.

  ‘You keep on telling me this is about Sam. But do you know what I think? I think you’re fooling yourself. If you were really putting Sam first you’d be going out of your way to make this relationship work instead of putting up obstacles at every opportunity. I don’t think this is about Sam any more. This is about you. This is about your hurt feelings, your wounded pride.’

  His words lingered in the room like the residue of gunfire, bouncing off one wall and then another. They rebounded inside her head with the same ferocity.

  Because he was right.

  It was about her and her hurt feelings.

  It was about the things he’d said to her when she’d told him she was pregnant, and it was also about the fact that she’d loved Alex with all her heart and he hadn’t loved her.

  But more than anything it was about trying to avoid getting on the slippery slide of emotions that would lead to her falling in love with him all over again.

  Alex could barely breathe as he waited for Katrina’s reply.

  He had handled this conversation like a rank amateur. For a man who negotiated multi-million-dollar contracts, and managed billions of dollars worth of investments, he had bungled one of the most important conversations of his life.

  He’d pushed too soon.

  It was a strategic mistake he never made when he was trying to land a big deal, but he’d made it now.

  With every second that passed his stomach muscles grew more and more rigid and his throat felt as if invisible hands were squeezing around it.

  All the while his eyes never left her face.

  Finally, after what felt like for ever, her chin came up. She looked beautiful, proud, grave and serious. ‘You’re right. This is meant to be about Sam, but I’ve let my feelings get in the way. For that I apologise.’

  The air rushed from his lungs so quickly he felt light headed.

  He’d been half-convinced she was going to tell him their relationship would never work. That she would never be able to forgive him for the things he’d said to her.

  What he’d have done then, he didn’t have a clue.

  He would not have wanted to take Samantha away from her mother, but nor would he have been prepared to abandon her.

  It would have been an impossible choice—and one he was glad he didn’t have to make.

  And Katrina? Well, he wasn’t prepared to let her go either.

  She was the mother of his child. She was also the woman he wanted more than he thought it was possible to want a woman.

  Relief and pleasure burst to life inside him.

  ‘Apology accepted,’ he said smoothly.

  She raised a delicately plucked eyebrow. ‘Just like that?’

  He inclined his head. ‘Just like that. As we keep on saying, this is about Sam. We’ve both forgotten that on occasion. We’ve let our feelings get in the way of what’s best for her.’ He stared at her, coiled tension strangling his insides. ‘Can I take it you’re prepared to give it a shot? To try to make us work?’

  Anticipation held him still.

  ‘I do want to make this work,’ she started carefully.

  ‘This…?’ he prompted.

  Her cheeks flushed with colour. ‘Us. My reasons for wanting both of us in Sam’s life still stand. And I have to admit that providing Sam with a real family is by far the best thing for her.’

  Alex sat as still as a statue for an entire minute, letting her words filter though his system.

  Then he moved.

  Rising to his feet, he rounded the coffee table until he was standing right in front of her. Reaching down, he grasped her hands and pulled her upright, straight into his waiting arms.

  Her hands went to his chest. ‘But that doesn’t mean—’

  Alex refused to let her go. His eyes drilled into hers. ‘Yes. That’s exactly what it means.’

  ‘Alex—’

  He kissed the words right out of her mouth. His mouth glided over hers, and one hand tangled in the silken length of her hair. Finally, heart pounding, he lifted his head. ‘Doesn’t it?’

  Katrina stared at him. A mixture of emotions flitted across the surface of her eyes like scudding clouds. ‘I don’t think…’

  ‘Don’t think,’ Alex whispered. His hand tightened in her hair, pulling her head back on the slender length of her neck. ‘Feel!’

  And then he kissed her again. And again.

  When he lifted his head Katrina was clutching his shirt front and her body was trembling against him.

  He ran a hand over the soft silkiness of her hair. ‘I’m going to make love to you,’ he warned softly.

  He gave her plenty of time to stop him.

  But she didn’t.

  Alex didn’t need a second invitation. He smoothed a strand of hair back behind her ear, his fingertips feathering against her cheek. He pulled her closer, so close the smell of female flesh wrapped seductively around him.

  He bent his head and claimed her with his mouth, softly at first and then with more intensity, prising her lips apart.

  This time when he lifted his head he rested his forehead against hers. ‘I want you to be sure,’ he whispered. ‘If you’re not, you’d better tell me now because in another minute or two it will be too late.’

  For a heartbeat she didn’t say anything.

  Alex could hardly breathe. He didn’t even think his heart was beating.

  And then she smiled. ‘I’m sure.’

  Not saying a word—he didn’t think he could utter a single syllable when she was looking up at him with desire-drenched eyes—he swung her up in his arms and carried her down the corridor.

  He was almost at his bedroom door when he hesitated.

  He’d always made it a practice to keep the women in his life out of his bed. It was a demarcation line that he had never crossed, a warning to his lovers that their position in his life was limited.

  But Katrina was the mother of his child. She was the woman he wanted above all others.

  She had just agreed to try and make their relationship work.

  Surely those old boundaries had no place in his life any more?

  ‘What is it?’ Katrina asked when Alex hesitated in the hallway.

  ‘Nothing.’

  Instinctively, Katrina knew that it was far from nothing. In fact, her heart soared when he pulled open the door, the significance of the action not lost on her.

  Alex had always found little—and sometimes big—ways of maintaining an emotional distance from her. Keeping her out of his apartment, and thus out of his own bed, had been one of them. If she’d wanted a sign that he was committed to making their relationship work, he’d just given it to her.

  They were both taking steps towards being a real family.

  Some were baby steps. Others as significant as man landing on the moon.

  Alex put her carefully down in the centre of the
king-sized bed. Straightening, he began unbuttoning his shirt before shrugging it off and dropping it on the floor.

  Katrina’s mouth ran dry. Alex had a fantastic body, the result of daily jogging and strenuous gym sessions. She watched as his fingers went to his belt buckle.

  She could hardly draw breath as Alex kicked his trousers aside, divested himself of his underpants and strode to the bed. Although his movements were economical rather than designed to arouse, Katrina couldn’t take her eyes off him.

  A pulse beat between her legs, and a dragging sensation pulled at her insides. Then she wasn’t thinking at all as Alex came down on the bed beside her.

  ‘Sit up,’ he instructed, his voice rippling down her spine.

  Katrina did as she was told, albeit shakily.

  Alex stripped her of her clothes with a speed that left her reeling. When his eyes focussed on her naked breasts, they grew heavy, desire tightening their tips into prominent peaks.

  ‘Back.’ His voice was hoarse.

  She did as she was told, this time collapsing back against the pillows, her breath coming in little gasps.

  Alex looked at her. Just looked at her.

  ‘I’d forgotten how beautiful you are,’ he murmured, his voice feathering down her spine. ‘You are truly magnificent.’

  ‘So are you.’

  He didn’t answer her.

  At least, not with words.

  But his touch told her a lot.

  He caressed her almost reverently, as if he were afraid she would disappear in a puff of smoke the minute he touched her.

  His hand flattened over her abdomen and his eyes flashed to hers. ‘What did you look like when you were pregnant?’ he asked huskily.

  Her breath hitched in the back of her throat. It was the last question she’d expected. ‘Like most women, I suppose—big and fat.’

  He shook his head. ‘I bet you were stunning. I would have liked to have seen you swollen with my child.’

  It was a beautiful thing to say.

  Her heart swelled until it was fit to burst. She wasn’t sure how to respond so she said nothing.

  And then she wasn’t capable of thinking at all as Alex bent his head and kissed her.

  His hands and mouth were everywhere, fire and silk. He knew exactly what drove her to distraction. Knew what made her cry out loud with ecstasy—and what made her thrash against the pillow.