No Engagement Ring

by Julie Sewcharan

  However, that didn't make her feel any more capable. What if she botched up the whole production? What if she failed?

  Jonathan watching Hannah while the others spoke, saw all the fleeting emotions of fear pass over her face and knew that he would have to do something to allay those fears.

  The opportunity came when they all moved off in the direction of home now that the matter had been settled. All except Hannah who still had to pack up everything.

  “Here let me help you,” he said taking up a box.

  “I think you've helped me enough,” she said tightly busying herself with the task at hand.

  “Hannah, I know you are afraid of doing this...” he began but she cut him off.

  “Afraid? I'm terrified!” she looked at him with a heavy look. “I've never done anything like this before.”

  “I know but you have to believe that you are not doing this alone.” He was gentle.

  “How can I take on something like this? I know the others were being kind but do you really think they believe that I can? Or did they just say that so that they would be released from the task?” Agitatedly, she started moving around again, packing things back into the production box. “What did I do to deserve this?” She was close to tears.

  “Hannah, stop!” Jonathan called patiently but she either ignored him or didn't hear. She was mumbling again. “Hannah, stop! Look at me.”

  His forceful tone made her jump but she stood still and looked at him, eyes wide, strands of curls falling over her left eye. She had not noticed him getting so close to her. She moved a good few paces backwards. With a sigh, Jonathan remained where he was. Already distraught, he didn't want to upset her further.

  “Hannah,” his voice was more gentle, “Philippians 4:13 says 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me'. You are not doing this alone. Jesus will be at your side throughout the entire project. His angels will be given charge over. You don't have to be afraid. You can do this with Christ. Remember it's about Him and what He can achieve through us. We never do anything in our own strength.”

  As he spoke, he could see that she was processing the words. When he finished, her shoulders drooped and she let out a deep breath.

  “Will He help me?” she asked finally, doubtfully.

  Instantly, Jonathan knew she was waging a war in her spirit but his spirit told him not to engage in that war just yet. There was coming a time when she would be able to reveal what was on her heart. And then he would be able to help her or rather God will help her. He silently prayed that for now she would give God a chance to work on the production with her.

  “Remember, it's about Him; He doesn't care what we've done or where we've been. As long as we give Him our fears and discouragements, He will make all things work out. Nothing is impossible with God.” He smiled encouragingly.

  A thoughtful look appeared on her countenance. “I am so sorry!” she suddenly burst out humbled. “Off course, it is about the children too. I forget that He is more than willing to help us. Thank you!” She gave him a grateful look.

  “Good!” he said “And to assist you, I have just the person who could come on board.”

  A wary look filled her eyes as she said, “Oh?”

  “He isn't in the school but he does work in our media department. It could help take away the overwhelming feeling,” he pitched with raised eyebrows.

  “I'd like that, thank you.”

  Her simple acceptance and trust in him, made him soar. It was the first time, she had felt comfortable with him. And he had been exposed to her inner fears! He didn't doubt that she would be more comfortable around him soon for he was beginning to enjoy being around her. Her innocence and gentleness was soothing. And she was so beautiful! Jonathan pulled himself up short to stop his thoughts wandering where they shouldn't.

  A good while before practice began the next day, Jonathan, true to his word, introduced her to her 'assistant', whom she had to introduce to the rest of the team later as they were not present when Jonathan brought him to the main hall.

  Luke Keller was young, around Hannah's age, and full of fun, she would later discover and good looking too. They became instant friends. Luke made Hannah feel comfortable; he didn't assume charge but waited for her instructions even though she was younger than him and less experienced. She was thankful for his willingness to help.

  As members of the church, the others knew him and was not against him being there. A big relief for Hannah who could now go forward with the practise.

  “Won't this take up too much of your time?” Hannah asked Luke as they were clearing up after the practice.

  He shrugged his broad shoulders in that easy manner of his. “I don't have anywhere in particular to be and anyway it's my passion.”

  “What about your family?' she asked thoughtfully.

  “I don't live with my parents so they won't be affected. My room mate doesn't have a say at all,” he grinned a dimple appearing on his right cheek.

  “And what about a girlfriend, fiancée?” she raised an eyebrow.

  “Are you always this frank?” Luke laughed, his eyes filled with mirth.

  “Sorry!” she mumbled.

  “Hey, no sweat!” he smiled encouragingly. “It's nice to know you are working with someone who honours honesty. But to answer your question, I don't have a fiancée; maybe a girlfriend but we're not sure whether we're going into a relationship. She is a bit sceptical so I have to be patient and move slowly.”

  Hannah searched his face to gauge whether he was teasing or being serious as he had shared quite a bit with her on their first meeting. She herself was not open to sharing, and honest might be the last thing she was.

  Satisfied that he was not pulling her leg, she answered supportively, “I pray that it will all be settled soon. After all, a good looking, sweet guy like you is quite a catch, I am pretty sure,” she said without amusement or teasing.

  “Wow! You will give me a big head,” he laughed embarrassed. “But I am hoping our relationship will be settled soon!” he grinned. “In the meantime, we meet in the group.”

  “Group?” Hannah asked puzzled.

  “Yeah, it's a group for young, single people who want to have fun without the worldly influence. We meet on a Saturday afternoon. Hey you should join us,” he said suddenly excited.

  Not sure that she was ready to be a part of a 'group', Hannah didn't say anything.

  Picking up on her scepticism, he urged, “Just come see this Saturday and if you don't like it, then you don't have to attend ever again. I'll fetch you so you won't have to feel lonely.” His sincere plea washed over Hannah.

  She couldn't hide forever, she realised. So she agreed to give it a try. The first Saturday was actually not bad. Luke fetched her as promised and drove her to one of the group member's house.

  The group consisted of fifteen young adults between the ages of twenty and twenty five. Some of them she remembered from the discipleship course. They were very welcoming and friendly. Even Meredith, the woman Luke was hoping to start a serious relationship with.

  Hannah could see why he was hooked on her. She was a Godly person with the right values and a caring nature, as well as pretty, tall, almost as tall as Luke, and slender. Meredith and Hannah fast became friends. Hannah joined them every Saturday thereafter.

  The first Saturday, they played some board games as it was too cold to go outdoors. Everybody brought some refreshments and the day was delightful. Unaware that they had to bring refreshments, Hannah felt awful for coming empty handed but they soon dispelled her unease.

  “Luke tells me you're the new grade R teacher at the school,” Meredith stated conversationally.

  “Yes, I am and loving it,” Hannah filled in before she was asked. She was seated with Meredith, Cheyenne, Gloria and Beth.

  “He also said you were handling the school production,” Meredith continued.

  “I wouldn't say I was 'handling' it,” Hannah gave a small laugh. “I was made c
o-ordinator by default. The entire team is working on it so I guess I have a part to play,” Hannah said taking a deep breath.

  “I think you are very brave to be taking on such a responsibility,” Beth said with awe.

  “I do feel overwhelmed most of the time but then I remember what pastor Chandler told me,” Hannah said thoughtfully.

  They all leaned in a little closer at the mention of Jonathan's name, except for Meredith. It was Cheyenne who asked, “What did he say to you?”

  Hannah realised she should not have mentioned Jonathan; they were being far too curious. “Oh, he said that we never do anything for ourselves but for God and that in Christ we can do all things,” she answered dismissively, trying to be as devoid of emotions as she could be.

  They seemed disappointed. What were they hoping to hear? she wondered with disapproval.

  “Oh, was that all he said?” Gloria asked disappointed.

  Hannah looked at her confused. “Don't mind them,” Meredith said soothingly. “They are always fantasising about him – in a romantic way,” she added at the blank look on Hannah's face.

  It took a few minutes before she actually got what Meredith had said. Hannah blushed. She acknowledged that Jonathan was a very attractive man; he certainly received the greater portion of attractiveness with a very muscular, well toned body and she should expect females to gush over him but she just hadn't thought of him in that light. Or not allowed herself to. Anyway, she was far too intimidated by him to even think along those lines, she concluded dismissing the idea as ridiculous. And he probably thought she was too young and naïve. Good thing too! At present, her heart was not ready for a romantic involvement.

  She was glad when one of the others interrupted to do some joint activities. She did not want to hear the girls discuss Jonathan while he was not present. He was a wonderful pastor and a caring person, she'd come to realise and she didn't want to hear them turning him into something else. The afternoon ended with a delightful competition of games.

  Chapter 6

  With the support and help of everyone, Hannah was getting the production into place. She prayed every day for guidance and wisdom, something she hadn't done in a long while. And God did not withhold guidance and wisdom. He was superb in giving that to anyone who asked. She hadn't realised how much she'd missed out by not speaking to her Heavenly Father.

  Luke was a pillar and very supportive. More than once she told him that. And each time he would laugh; his smile lighting up his square, strong face, the blue eyes becoming darker, making his wavy, shoulder length hair seem blonder.

  She was grateful to Jonathan for lending her Luke. It must put a strain on the media department, though, she guessed. However, neither men seemed to mind. Not that she spoke much to Jonathan but when she did see him, he seemed quite happy that Luke was there for her. Hannah cherished the thoughtfulness but she didn't dare voice it to Jonathan...yet.

  All too soon, July was at an end. August was school holiday month. Usually, this holiday was taken up with practice which parents did not mind as they had some place to leave their children during the day while they were at work. And Hannah was not going to change that plan at all. Happily, she gave up her holidays, not that she had much to do in them anyway.

  In light of the practice, the school ran a spiritually uplifting holiday programme for the children and during the programme, groups were pulled out one at a time to practice. The school hired a professional company to run the holiday programme which was a relief to the teachers as they could spend it with their families. At least those not involved in the production would.

  The process worked very well. During this time, Hannah saw Jonathan more often but she maintained a safe distance between them. Often he would pop in during their practice session. But he never commented on anything.

  Jonathan enjoyed watching how the production was unfolding; he was ever so glad that Hannah was taking it on so well. She really put her heart into the whole thing. Often, he had seen her coming early into the hall to pray before practise began. It thrilled him that she would do that.

  It was a joy for him to, sometimes, see her working. She had an endearing way of gauging things; the movement of putting her head to one side when in thought, became familiar to him. He would sit at the back of the hall as the scenes unfolded before him but he never interrupted her.

  Even though she looked so young and vulnerable, she never let the students take advantage of her. Jonathan was amazed at the authority she displayed. He should know better than to judge by appearances!

  Several days later, thinking everyone should be gone home – it was well after practice – he went into the main church just to sit and pray. It had been a long, busy day and he needed some quiet time to replenish.

  He was quite surprised when he walked in to find Luke and Hannah still there, discussing the production he assumed. They were standing quite close to each other. Hannah was looking up at Luke and they were laughing about something. He noticed they were very comfortable in each other's presence. A pang shot through him and he reeled.

  What was that? he thought and almost instantaneously realised that he was jealous. Of Luke. The horror of his reaction engulfed him. He just stared at them from the back of the hall for several minutes until he could move.

  Quickly, he took himself off to his office and prayed for grace. But the words that came out were, “Lord, I love her!” With the realisation, came sorrow. He didn't just love her with an agape love but with a physical love too. He wanted her to be in his life as his wife! He reeled from the realisation since he had not wanted to remarry. Yet here he was ready to marry a woman he had only just met. A women who was soft, gentle and caring, beautiful not only on the outside but also on the inside and no doubt Godly!

  But she was so intimidated by him. Would she ever see him as anything more than her pastor? It was a torment he'd have to face until God revealed the truth to him.

  “Tell me what I must do? Is she going to love me? Am I going to get hurt?” His questions were full of anguish. He didn't want to get hurt...again.

  But the only answer he got was that he should love her as God loved her. It was so frustrating when God would not give him a full answer. But that was what it was all about; waiting on God. And that's what he would do as he always did.

  That evening, he decided to take Emily up on her offer of dinner. He always found Derrick's conversations soothing and soon he forgot his ailment. However, it returned quickly, when as they were sitting down, they heard the gate opening.

  “Do you have another dinner guest?” Jonathan asked perplexed, not wanting extra people joining them tonight.

  “No, that's just Hannah,” Emily said casually.

  “Hannah? What is she doing here?” he asked alarmed.

  “She lives in the cottage,” Emily said as if he should know.

  “She's living in the cottage?” he asked slow in comprehending.

  “Oh, didn't I tell you?” Emily realised suddenly.

  “No, you didn't. Not that it is any concern of mine.” He strived to keep his voice casual.

  “Mm, I wonder if she would like to join us for supper?” Emily voiced her thought.

  “Why?” Jonathan was on edge.

  “What is it with you?” Emily asked a little irritated.

  “Sorry, it's been a rough day.” Jonathan was striving to keep his voice normal but he could not face Hannah...just yet. This was the first time that happened. Normally it was she who was running away from him. He was thankful, Hannah had disappeared into the cottage.

  Letting herself into the cottage, Hannah just wanted to get some rest and try to write a few more lyrics. So when Emily knocked on her door and invited her to dinner, she was more than elated that her yawn was big enough to swallow Emily.

  “Oh, excuse me, Mrs Garrick,” Hannah said apologetically. “Been a tiring few weeks. I'm just gonna have something light and hit the bed. But thank you for the offer.” She smiled brilliantly.
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  Emily accepted her declination. “Next time maybe,” she smiled and went off.

  Hannah sighed with relief. She had seen Jonathan's Lexus in the drive and did not have the courage to see him in a social setting.

  By the time Jonathan left, he was feeling much less agitated and he was sure the next morning things would look much better. God had this and whatever was to happen, must happen in God's timing. Stressing about it won't make the situation better.

  After Jonathan left, Derrick helped Emily clean up. Jonathan had offered but both Emily and Derrick had declined saying that he needed to get some rest. Emily was thoughtful as she packed things away.

  “Alright, spill it,” Derrick said lightly.

  Startled, Emily's head jerked up. Seeing the knowing look in her husband's eyes, she sighed. “I get the feeling that Hannah is avoiding Jonathan and for some reason, he was avoiding her tonight.”

  “Maybe they had a falling out about the production,” Derrick soothed.

  “I doubt it. Sarah would have mentioned it and from what I hear, Jonathan has been a huge supporter of the production. Something he has never done in previous years.” Emily was thoughtful again.

  “Maybe because Hannah is new and pretty young,” Derrick explained away.

  “True. But it's not the first time she has avoided him. Almost every time they're in the same surrounding, she makes a fast get away. In the beginning she did admit that she was intimidated by him but I thought that was because she was new.”

  “Then what makes you feel that she is avoiding him?” Derrick puzzled.

  “I don't know. Just a sixth sense. But I think I am going to investigate further,” Emily resolved.

  “Are you thinking of playing at matchmaking?” Derrick asked fearfully.

  “Only God can do matchmaking,” Emily retorted. “Besides I learnt my lesson a long time ago,” she sniffed. “There is something between them and I intend to find out but only God can get two people together if they are meant for each other.”