No Engagement Ring

by Julie Sewcharan

  Thankfully it stopped by the afternoon. By then all the senior pupils were gearing up for exams. A part of which, Hannah and the other teachers of the younger grades were not. But those teachers would be busy with year end reports soon and that was work enough.

  That afternoon she was on her way to Madeline's office when she literally bumped into Jonathan right outside the school office. Breathless, she apologised moving as fast she can to the other side of the narrow corridor.

  “Hi, Hannah!” he greeted professionally. “Sorry, didn't see you coming along there.” He held the door open for her, wondering if she would go through. It would cost her dearly to have to be so close to him, he smiled inwardly. He had seen her confusion at the electrical spark that ignited between them when she bumped into him.

  “Oh, are you going into the office too?” she asked dazed not moving toward the door.

  “I was coming to see Sarah,” he affirmed.

  He was still holding the door open, Hannah realised. She had to either go through it with him standing just outside the door or walk on past. The latter would look ridiculous, especially since she had already made him aware what her destination was.

  Just as she contemplated running through the door, Genevieve called out, “Miss Wilkens, I am so glad I ran into you.”

  “Hi, Genevieve!” both Hannah and Jonathan greeted.

  After greeting them, Genevieve rushed on in a bubbly tone. “My mum was so impressed with my singing in the production. And when I told her that you coached me, she wants me to take singing lessons. That's if you are willing to give them,” Genevieve added hopefully.

  Stunned, Hannah answered, “Er...sure!”

  “What a wonderful idea,” Jonathan chipped in.

  “I think so too,” Genevieve bubbled. “I have always wanted to sing and now with you training me, Miss Wilkens, I can. Off course, I'll never be as good as you,” she added ruefully.

  “You will be better,” Hannah soothed encouragingly. “I'll get your mum's contact number from the office and make arrangements.”

  “Thank you Miss Wilkens,” Genevieve responded excitedly.

  Hannah smiled as the girl ran off.

  “That was a lovely thing you did for her,” Jonathan observed. He had let go of the door while they were chatting with Genevieve.

  Hannah looked at him blankly.

  “Giving her hope,” Jonathan stated with a raised eyebrow.

  “Oh!” Hannah said simply. “She has a good voice and with that amount of enthusiasm, she will become a fantastic singer.” Hannah shrugged. “Besides, God will be the judge of her talent.” She quickly moved past him, opened the door and got inside the office before her nerves could fail her.

  Feeling, bereft, Jonathan followed at a slower pace. Hannah was already at the other end of the room in the opposite direction of Sarah's office, ignoring him. Madeline was not in the office. No wonder she didn't rush out to see why they were standing in the corridor, a habit, Madeline hated.

  Hannah was glad when Jonathan disappeared into Sarah's office. She breathed a sigh of relief. It was already four months and still she was not able to stop trembling in his presence. And she could not figure out that electric spark that struck her when she bumped into him. It was so confusing!

  “Hi, Hannah!” Madeline greeted as she breezed into the office. “Ready to push off for the day?”

  “Hi, Mrs Camp! Almost. It just feels so wrong to leave at the usual time,” Hannah mused.

  “I know what you mean. For so many months, you were here such long hours, you might as well have slept here and then poof! you are no longing holding wads of papers and costumes and lining pupils up,” Madeline recounted what Hannah was going through.

  “I guess it's the same every year,” Hannah replied foolishly.

  “Every year,” Madeline agreed. “You should give yourself a pat on the back, Hannah. You did not experience burn out,” Madeline added at Hannah's quizzical expression.

  “I almost did but the support was overwhelming,” Hannah smiled.

  “You've got a lot of talent, kiddo,” Madeline encouraged.

  “Thank you,” Hannah said feeling blessed. “I couldn't have done it without God.”

  “Amen!” Madeline approved. “Well, I'm off. See you tomorrow.”

  Hannah nodded making her way out behind Madeline. But her escape wasn't so easy. Sarah called out to her, “Hannah, can I speak to you a moment?”

  Hannah squeezed her eyes shut causing her face to bunch, but she couldn't very well disregard her boss. Schooling her features, she turned around and stepped towards Sarah's office. Standing in the doorway, she asked innocently, “Yes Mrs Hart?”

  “Firstly I would like to thank you again for the superb job you did with the production,” Sarah began.

  “Thank you,” Hannah mumbled humbly. She realised that no one was going to give the thanks elsewhere so it was easier just to accept the praise graciously.

  “Jonathan and I were just discussing starting up a music class next year,” Sarah continued. Hannah looked at Jonathan surprised but his expression gave nothing away. “Would you be up to the challenge? That's if you are still here next year,” Sarah added hopefully.

  Stunned, Hannah just looked from the one to the other. They thought she was capable of running the music class. Phew! No pressure. “Can I think about it?” she asked at length.

  “Off course, Hannah,” Jonathan said gently. “Maybe we should meet during the week to run over the requirements and if you don't like it then you don't have to take it on. But we would like to give you first opportunity for the post before looking externally.”

  “Sure,” Hannah said uncertainly.

  “How about Wednesday? After school?” Jonathan prompted.

  “Yes, that will be fine,” Hannah said hesitantly.

  She was not keen on meeting in Jonathan's office alone with him but she couldn't very well decline the meeting in front of Sarah who was looking at her hopefully. It was settled.

  As she walked back to her classroom to fetch her bag, she suddenly wondered why she was meeting Jonathan to discuss the post and not Mrs Hart. Tomorrow, she would ask Sarah that question.

  However, tomorrow did not allow for the question to be asked. Sarah was not available the whole day and neither was she available on Wednesday. Which meant that she would have to ask Jonathan himself. And to make sure she attended the meeting, Sarah had Madeline remind her of it.

  The front office was empty when Hannah got to Jonathan's office. Laura had left it seemed. Knocking first on the open door of Jonathan's office, she entered.

  “Hi, Hannah!” Jonathan greeted gladly.

  “Hi!” Hannah greeted stiffly.

  Jonathan came around to close the door and Hannah sidestepped him to move further right. Ignoring his frustration, he said pleasantly, “Please sit down.” Hannah obeyed, stiffly. “Would you like something to drink?” he offered hospitably.

  Hannah shook her head. She was too nervous to hold anything in her hand. She wanted to bolt but she knew it would be rude to leave before the meeting even started. “You wanted to share the post of music teacher,” she cut to the point.

  Looking at how stiff she was, he decided it would be best to get right to the subject of the music teacher. He explained what that would be all about and as he spoke he could see her relax. She really loved music and already ideas were forming in her mind. She asked lots of questions which he was only too willing to answer. He was elated that she was conversing with him in a relaxed manner, even if it was on an impersonal subject.

  When the discussion was over, he looked at her hopefully. “Do you think you could take on that responsibility?” He really wanted her to; she was so talented. And music was her language. Evidence had been her rapt face when discussing the post.

  At first she seemed to be ready to answer but then he saw a questioning look come into her eyes. “Before I answer that, I would like to ask, why is this discussion not taking pla
ce with Mrs Hart but with you? Is it not a school matter?”

  Jonathan realised he had been caught out but honesty was always the best policy and Hannah would not appreciate anything less than honesty.

  “Actually all school posts come through me,” he said simply.

  Hannah took a few moments to process that. “But the day I brought my CV, you said that it was a school decision,” she stated non-accusatory.

  “I know,” he agreed. She stared at him waiting for an explanation. But her eyes held no animosity. “When you appeared in my office asking about the job, you were so timid and fearful, I was certain you would not be able to fill the post. Besides, we require our teachers to be over a certain age.”

  She narrowed her eyes thoughtfully but didn't say anything. He continued. “Not wanting to cause you any more distress, I took the easy way out. However, after you left, God said we had to hire you. I was still not convinced but when God speaks, we must obey,” he finished lamely.

  “That's why the panel interview and all those requirements,” she stated looking down at her hands.

  “I apologise for that.,” he said humbly. “Back then I thought I was protecting the school but actually I was protecting myself.”

  Hannah's head jerked up, fixing him with a puzzled stare.

  “In these few months, I've realised that I cannot run away from God's plan. And Hannah you are part of that plan. I want to spend my future with you,” he said it so gently that Hannah didn't quite comprehend at first.

  After a few moments, comprehension dawned and she looked at him wide eyed. He loved the way her eyes widened when she gained understanding of something. So innocent.

  “I love you Hannah and want to marry you,” he said with the utmost gentleness and meekness, trying not to scare her.

  Hannah froze! He was saying that he loved her? Marry her? Her mind was whirling. How could that be. It was not possible. She just stared at him idiotically until panic settled in. He should not be asking that of her at this point in time, she wanted to scream.

  But all she could do was run. Jonathan saw the agonised look she gave him before bolting out of his office. However, by the time he was able to get to the door, she was no where in sight.

  Chapter 13

  What had just happened? He had been so gentle in his approach, even if it was very unromantic but he had been thrown by her question. It hadn't been his plan on revealing his feelings in this manner. Actually, prior to now, he had no idea how he was going to do that. Maybe this was how God created an opportunity?

  A scouring of the grounds revealed that she wasn't there. He would try and catch her at class tomorrow, early in the morning, or between breaks. Try, he must. Success, however, was not his and neither was it over the next week. He just could not get hold of her. She was being very elusive.

  She must be looking out for him, he decided, because every time he walked into her classroom, she was not in it. But she was at school, he knew from Madeline. By the end of the week, he was so desperate that he sought Emily's help.

  Explaining what had happened and ignoring the excitement at his proposal to Hannah, he asked if Emily had seen or heard from Hannah.

  “Sorry, son,” Emily said soothingly massaging his shoulder. “She never mentioned your talk but that will explain why she was not very keen on spending time with us. She isn't here right now and I doubt she would give you ear even if she was. Let me talk to her, okay?”

  Jonathan nodded defeated. What else could he do? He only hoped that he had not sent her running forever.

  Hopeful, Emily waited for Hannah to come back and although it was already nine thirty at night, she didn't give Hannah a chance to hide. As soon as Hannah unlocked her door, Emily opened the kitchen door and called out, “Hi, Hannah!”

  “Mrs Garrick! You startled me,” Hannah quivered.

  “Sorry, dear! I didn't want to miss you,” Emily said frankly.

  The hair on Hannah's neck prickled. “Why is that, Mrs Garrick?” she asked innocently.

  Emily gently shoved her into the cottage and closed the door. “Jonathan tells me you are avoiding him,” Emily, to the point, stated emphatically.

  Shamefully, Hannah hung her head. Denying it to Emily, would be useless, but she couldn't divulge her reason to Emily either.

  “Now, I don't need to know why you are avoiding him as it does not concern me but I do firmly believe that you owe him an explanation,” Emily said sternly but not unkindly. “No matter what it is, it can be said. We are children of God and we forgive each other, no matter what the outcome is. Correct me if I'm wrong but I think you hold Jonathan in high esteem. And the same for him toward you. Trust me, he does not go around giving people he comes into contact with that high a rating, they have to be special to him.” Emily's eyes held sincerity.

  Hannah knew that Emily spoke wisely and was instantly ashamed for treating Jonathan that way. She owed him an explanation and an apology. What gripped her though was Emily's kind words about Jonathan holding her in high esteem. Did he? Well... he did say he loved her even though he hardly knew her. That was something to smile about but instead she had become scared.

  “You are right Mrs Garrick. It is thoughtless of me to leave him feeling as if he's done something wrong. I will make right tomorrow.” Even if it kills me, she added silently.

  Emily knew that Hannah was struggling but whatever it was, she also knew that Jonathan was strong enough to handle it. For now she nodded satisfied. Before she left, she prayed with Hannah.

  Once Emily was back in her house, Hannah sat down heavily on the sofa. No matter how weak or scared she felt, she would have to make good on what she told Emily she would do.

  “Please dear Lord, give me the strength and wisdom to speak the words I must,” she prayed earnestly.

  Puffy eyes, in the morning, were indicative of her fitful sleep but some cucumbers soon helped to lessen the hideousness. She avoided as many people as she could for the day and was glad when the school day was over.

  Her nerves were taut as she contemplated how she would approach her business. Finally, she just walked up to Jonathan's office, hoping he would be there. Laura had fortunately left already.

  Composing herself by taking a deep breath, Hannah walked into Jonathan's office. A sigh of relief escaped her as she saw that he was there. Quivering, she closed the door quietly and just stood against it.

  “Hannah!” Jonathan greeted pleasantly surprised but his eyes were gently probing. He had given up hope that she would come out of hiding. Quelling the urge to jump up and hold her just so that he could feel she was really there and not a figment of his imagination, he remained seated so as not to distract her.

  “I owe you an explanation,” she came straight to the point, moving to stand in front of his desk. “But first I would like to apologise for running out on you and for hiding from you,” she said quietly looking him directly in the eyes with those big, brown, frank eyes that he had come to love.

  He didn't say anything just nodded slightly. She sat down in the chair opposite him, clasping and twisting her hands. then suddenly shot up as if the chair had ejected her. He could see she was nervous and uncertain.

  He remained where he was, giving her the space she needed. Still he didn't say anything. Patiently, he waited.

  After a lengthy pause, she breathed deeply and began, her head bowed. “I was the keyboardist in the band. I loved playing for the band and helping my father out wherever I could. He was the guitarist. He came to our church four years ago. He is a very good guitarist. And very good looking.”

  She stood still taking another deep breath. “My dad made him leader of the band which he deserved. He was very kind and encouraging. Always good to everyone.” She paused, her stance contemplative. “I cannot say exactly when we became more than friends,” she continued with a tremor in her voice, “a huge surprise for me, but I can tell you we got engaged a year ago.”

  A tear slipped down her cheek and she sat dow
n again. Still she didn't look at him. Taking another deep breath to steady her nerves, she continued. “We planned to have our wedding in June. I did not question the date or timing. As with everything else, I pushed aside my doubts and just accepted it.”

  She stood up again, restless but still did not look at him. Jonathan felt the struggle she was experiencing. Realisation that she had not told anyone what she was telling him now, pained him. His heart was breaking for her even though she had not completed her story. Quietly, he came around to the other side of the desk and stood behind her, a good length away, though, waiting for her to come to complete restoration.

  Twisting her hands, she continued with a voice that belied her anguish. “With the help of my mother I began planning the wedding.” Her voice caught on a sob.

  As much as Jonathan wanted to take her in his arms and rock her, he stayed where he was.

  “Thankfully, everything was still in the planning stage, when two months before the wedding, he walked into the church with his wife. She was the lead singer.” Hannah closed her eyes as if to blot out the painful memory. “I was still wearing my engagement ring.”

  Jonathan closed his eyes as her pain washed over him. Coming around to stand in front of her, he gently, lovingly took her hands in his.

  Hannah looked at the hands covering hers but they were not the hands of the man standing in front of her although the hands were just as gentle, soft and warm but the nail piercings were very vivid. Hannah just stared at them. These were the hands she had seen in her dream where she walked down the aisle to her bridegroom. Her heart raced.

  The voice coming from above was ever so sweet and comforting. “I'm so sorry, Hannah!” A gush of love flowed from the voice.

  She knew that Jesus had not abandoned her. He had been with her all along, never leaving her side even though she felt like He had. Now He was encouraging her to voice that question that burned in her heart; the question that had cut a hole so big in her heart that she often wondered if it could be healed. A question once voiced, would bring her freedom.