The Series that Just Plain Sucks: The Complete Trilogy

by Charissa Dufour

Mikhail stood up, brushed my hair behind my ear, and kissed me on the cheek.

  “I’m glad you’re in my seethe, in spite of everything that has happened,” he said by way of parting before leaving my room.

  I sat, petting my cat, for a long while. I tried to think through my current dilemma, but Tereus didn’t give me a chance to sit in silence for too long.

  “I think you have an admirer.”

  “What are you talking about?” I asked, looking down at him. He head-butted my hand in a bid for more scratching. I obliged.

  “That man, the top dog. I think he likes you.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. I’m sure there are better women out there that interest Mikhail.”

  Tereus shook his head. “I’m older than that, love, and trust me, if I weren’t a bloody cat, I’d be after you faster than a fat boy goes after a bag of Cheetos.”

  “Classy,” I said as I increased the pressure of my scratching behind his ears. He tilted his head until my fingers shifted to under his chin. “But I don’t buy it for a minute. I know how you got turned into a cat. You impregnated some poor woman. You’d be after some super model or movie star.”

  “You may not look like the knock-outs we see on T.V., but you have a rather unavoidable charm that draws men to you.”

  “You mean my ability to draw the vengeful attention of every supernatural group within a thirty mile radius?”

  “Portland is farther away than thirty miles.”

  “Jerk,” I murmured.

  Tereus climbed halfway up my chest and began licking my cheek. His rough tongue tickled.

  “Damn this cat body. If I were a man, I’d show you just how truthful I’m being,” he said as he returned to my lap.

  I kept petting him so that he wouldn’t realize how confused I was by his statement. It was just wrong to be hit on by your cat.

  I also struggled to believe him, but considering how Nik had recently acted, I had to admit he just might be right. Maybe these men, and one cat, really were interested in me. Before I could think of a witty way to tell him he was crazy, I heard a gentle tap on the door.

  “Come in,” I said, unwilling to get up.

  Josh poked his head in and waved a blood bag as though it were a white flag. “I bring a peace offering.”

  I smiled.

  “I thought you might still be thirsty.”

  “Desperately so!”

  He smiled as he handed me the bag and took a seat on the edge of my bed.

  I slurped half of it as quickly as I could before slowing down and looking up at him. He was watching me intently, a look I couldn’t fathom on his features.

  “So… you and Nik, eh?”

  “That… umm… I don’t know what that was.”

  “So you’re not together?”

  “No! Definitely not.”

  Josh rose, a different smile pulling one side of his mouth up into a half-smile. “Then allow me to officially put my name in the hat.”

  Oh great! Mikhail was right! Was my undead-life really going to play out like one of my books? Well, hell if I’m gonna act like one of the bimbos I had created.

  Josh leaned down and kissed me on the same cheek Mikhail had just kissed before leaving me in shock.

  I go from zero action—well, negative action really when you consider the fact Isaac was just after me for my sacrificial-lamb capabilities—to multiple guys all at once? Yep, just like a smutty romance novel.

  I looked down at Tereus, my face still a mask of astonishment and confusion.

  “Told you so,” he grumbled before moving away from my hand and curling up on the foot of my bed, his butt pointing at me. “I’m not the only one who sees it.”

  I ignored him as I carefully shifted down into my bed, perfectly willing to sleep in my clothing. It seemed like too much work to change while not damaging my foot further.

  I slept through the rest of the night and the next day without waking up.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  I woke the next night, still feeling tired. This was getting really old, really fast.

  Tereus began walking all over me in an effort to find the highest point on my body. He finally landed on my shoulder, his claws digging into my skin in an effort to balance himself on the precarious perch. I swatted at him, half hoping to get back to sleep.

  Evidently, he realized what I was trying to do. He walked across my face and turned back to sniff my mouth. When that didn’t work he batted at my ear and licked my eye lids. I pushed him toward the foot of the narrow bed and pulled the covers up over my head. Clearly, he had had enough. He found my toe, which was poking out from under the covers, and bit it.

  “Ouch,” I said, sitting up and kicking him, all in one motion.

  He toppled off the bed.

  “Just because you’re in the body of a cat doesn’t mean you have to act like one.”

  He began licking his paw as if he hadn’t just annoyed the crap out of me. “I thought you would like to be more presentable before they come searching for you. I’m staking my money that it will be this Nik guy who comes to get you.”

  I grumbled as I stumbled my way out of bed. Thankfully, my ankle felt completely healed. I’ll admit, there are a few advantages to being a vampire.

  I opened one of the two boxes that hadn’t been emptied for me and found my desk supplies and my antiquated laptop. Well, at least my writings had survived the fire. I opened the other box to find my entire stock of underwear and bras.

  I glanced around my room, wondering what to do. I knew I had another pair of jeans and a sweater in the bottom drawer of my dresser, which I was currently using as a dirty-clothes hamper, but nothing else. I didn’t even have a hair brush.

  Before I could think up a plan, I heard a tap on my door. I turned and opened it to find Jim, Mikhail’s assistant and a human standing on the other side. Both of them held a number of plastic bags in their hands, each bag bulging full of basic necessities.

  “Mikhail asked me to get you some supplies since your place burned down,” Jim said.

  I opened the door wider and stepped out of their way. They entered and dumped their burden on my bed and left me to unpack.

  I began digging through the bags, finding everything from bathroom supplies to jewelry. In the end, Mikhail had provided me with all the bathroom essentials a girl would need, three pairs of pants, one skirt—don’t know why he thought I might need that—seven shirts, two sweatshirts, a winter jacket, and three pairs of durable shoes ranging from boots to tennis shoes. The only thing missing was underwear and bras, which had been saved from the fire. How had he known?

  I was starting to believe Mikhail had some sort of sixth sense for normally useless information that resulted in him appearing all-knowing.

  Once I was dressed in one of my new outfits, I headed up toward the main room. Tereus chose to join me. We reached Josh’s level to find him and his ghost dog just exiting his room. Tereus hissed, his cat-spit flying right through the incorporeal image of the dog. It yipped and danced around the cat before running ahead of us.

  “New outfit?” asked Josh.

  “Yes, Mikhail got me some clothing since I didn’t really have any left after the fire.”

  “Oh. That was… thoughtful of him.”

  Josh was frowning, and I realized he was probably berating himself for not thinking of my need before Mikhail. Did he, like Tereus, think the primus was interested in me?

  This was getting too weird. Clearly, it was time to go fight a warlock.

  I started walking up the stairs with Josh and Tereus following me. At the doors to the main room, we spotted Jim. He was just ushering a few people in when he spotted us.

  “Mikhail would like to see you in his office,” said the primus’ assistant.

  I glanced into the main room to see that they had moved the furniture aside and appeared to be preparing to project a movie onto one of the blank walls.

  Josh, Tereus and I, not to mention the dog with no n
ame, continued on to Mikhail’s office. Inside we found Nik, Emma, Samuel, Mikhail, Edith, and Lauren. We stopped just inside the doorway and looked around.

  Acting as though he owned the place, Tereus prowled forwards, ignoring the ghost dog, and finally stretched out in front of the fire.

  “After much thought, I have decided I do not want the seethe to know about our attempt at killing Sedgrave. If this should fail, I do not want the general population to know we took such a risk. Samuel has agreed to stay behind and keep them distracted from our absence. At present, they are going to do a vampire movie marathon.”

  Everyone nodded, and I felt a little sad to be missing the movies, but then I thought of the men who might want to go with me as a date. Attacking Sedgrave sounded like a good alternative.

  “Ah, our last ally,” Mikhail said as the door opened behind us. Josh and I scooted out of the way. Helen, the wizard who had helped us a few months ago figure out what Sedgrave wanted, entered the room. She had also been a key participant in my recovery after the sacrifice.

  “Helen,” I said before running up and giving her a hug. I hadn’t seen her much since the first few weeks of my convalescence.

  She hugged me in return before looking into my eyes and patting my cheek. “You look better.”

  I smiled. “Still tired all the time, and my memories aren’t fully back, but over all I’m doing much better.”

  I let her go and she scanned the room, her gaze resting on Edith. Her face melted into a dark glower.

  “What is she doing here?” asked Helen.

  “Helen,” began Mikhail. “We need all the help we can get. Edith and Lauren have already helped us. They want to see Sedgrave put down as much as you do.”

  I glanced between the two women, seeing the vaguest hint of a family resemblance; not in their looks or features, but in how they held their head and how they glared at each other.

  “I take it there’s some history,” I said tactlessly as I glanced between the two women.

  “She’s my sister,” said Helen.

  Edith turned away and stared resolutely at the fire.

  “What happened?”

  “Edith thinks I sabotaged her chances at true love,” said Helen. I could have watered a garden with the amount of sarcasm dripping from her statement.

  “Thinks?” demanded Edith, turning back to look at her sister. “Are you denying you told Mother and Father about me and Thomas walking out together?”

  “You went out without a chaperone. You would have told Mother and Father if our roles had been reversed.”

  “You ruined my chances at happiness.”

  “No. I told Mother and Father that you were acting improperly. You ruined your chances with Thomas because you chose to make that mistake.”

  “Hold on,” I snapped, cutting into their argument. “You’re telling me all this is over some guy. How long ago was this?”

  “The summer of nineteen ten,” said Helen as she crossed her arms.

  “You mean nineteen eleven,” said Edith with a mighty sniff as she turned back to stare at the fire.

  “You guys are still arguing over an incident that happened over one hundred years ago?”

  I was dumbfounded. Completely baffled. Did men really have this sort of power?

  Both women turned away from me, unwilling to look at anyone.

  “Okay. I don’t care that you two are on the outs because of some dude whose likely dead,” I said, breaking into the silence, when it seemed no one else would. “The issue at hand is a warlock, very much alive by the way, who could bring the Summer Court to the forefront of power. No one in this room wants that to happen. We ALL need to set aside our differences,” and here I glanced around the room. I hoped the men understood I was also talking to them too. “And fight against a common enemy. When Sedgrave is dead we can all go back to enjoying our petty bickering.”

  Helen and Edith looked at me, each waiting for the other to be the first to concede. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted Nik and Josh giving my words serious consideration. Finally, when I thought I might need to say more, Helen nodded once. Edith copied her.

  “Good. Now, Mikhail, what do you want us to do?” When I turned to look at the primus leaning against his desk, I saw a bemused smile playing at his shapely lips.

  “Thank you, Miss Hawn. We have learned that Sedgrave will be at the capitol with Governor McMorris. McMorris is addressing the senate on the most recent crisis as we speak. The senate will continue to meet, giving us a chance to attack. McMorris and his security team should be the only humans there. We can easily lure Sedgrave away. Emma will approach Sedgrave as though she is a reporter wanting to schedule an interview, let it slip that she knows he’s a warlock, then leave. Sedgrave will follow to silence her. We will ambush him. Pretty simple plan.”

  My mind ran to all the ways this plan could go wrong, resulting in Emma’s death. I smiled. I’m a horrible person. We all know that already.

  “All right. Let’s get out of here.”

  Mikhail led the way out of the seethe and onto the side street. A caravan of black SUVs waited for us. I chose to go with the wizards, thinking my peace-keeping skills might be needed, which felt odd considering how often I was the cause of people’s fighting—physically and relationally.

  The other vampires rode in the other van, and I felt relieved not being in the vehicle full of men, not that mine was full of fun and finger-nail painting. I sat in the back with Lauren and Helen. Edith took the front seat. I’m not sure if our human driver felt the tension escalating between us women folk, but I was about to squirm right out of my seat. Lauren didn’t look any more comfortable.

  It was a short drive to the capitol and our drivers, without asking any questions, parked the vehicles around the corner at the Insurance Building. We all climbed out of the vehicles. I was proud to see Josh helping Edith out of the car. Point for him.

  What was I doing?

  I forced my mind to stop thinking about the men in my life, and to definitely stop thinking about them as though they were competing for my affection, because that is just messed up! I refused to think either of them could win my affection. If I ended up in a relationship, it would be purely due to mutual affection. I refused to be with a man because he saved my life more times than another man, or he smiled at me in just the right way. Even in my second attempt at life, I would only be with someone because I loved him.

  I felt a frown form on my face as I thought back to Isaac. I had liked Isaac, but I hadn’t loved him. In fact, if I was being honest with myself—something I try not to do too often—I was with him because I found him attractive and because he pampered me. I felt sick as self-realization struck with all its finesse.

  Emma immediately took off, and I watched her hurry toward the front side of the State Legislation Building, looking directly at her for the first time since I entered Mikhail’s office. I was much happier pretending she didn’t exist.

  She wore a black pencil skirt, which accentuated her perfect curves, with a white button up blouse, and a black and silver silk scarf wrapped around her long neck. Her long, dark brown hair was pulled up in a business-like ponytail, its curls falling down her back in perfect waves. I turned away before I could get so annoyed that I ran after her and broke her neck—stupid, fashionable, curvy wench.

  I’m not usually like this! Really, I’m not.

  The rest of us followed her until we were at the edge of the huge Legislator Building and carefully tucked ourselves into the dead bushes. Olympia’s Legislator Building is the fifth tallest dome building in the world, the tallest in the United States, and has survived three major earthquakes. How do I know this? I took a stupid state history class in high school. How I still remember it is a mystery.

  We only had to wait a second before we heard Emma let out a mighty scream. I’m not sure which of us made it around the corner of the building first, Mikhail, Nik, or myself. The men, I’m sure, were worried about her well-being. I wa
s just worried about missing her take-down.

  That’s it, after this I’m seeking a vampire therapist.

  Lauren, Josh, and Helen were just a few steps behind us. Edith, being considerably older, hobbled as fast as she could.

  Sedgrave, still dressed in his tacky, off-the-rack suit, was pouring waves of mystical sunlight down upon her. I had experienced the same spell, and knew just how badly it hurt. Nik didn’t hesitate like us, he rushed forward, ready to tackle the young man.

  It was then that I realized Sedgrave hadn’t followed Emma away from Governor McMorris. The pudgy man was standing a few feet behind his intern, his face blank of any emotion other than fear. The governor’s security team ran forwards, and as they ran they transformed. One minute they were men in nondescript suits, the next they were warrior women, sitting astride skeletal horses.

  I took a step back. I couldn’t help it. The warrior women brandished enormous swords, but that wasn’t what had me so freaked out. Their clothing was not made of cloth; it was the skin of humans, as though they had skinned their victims and made armor out of the proceeds. Blood dripped down their long arms from the small flaps of skin that acted as their sleeves. More blood dribbled down their legs from the tiny skirts they wore. For once, the site of blood didn’t make me thirsty; I wanted to vomit as I watched the warriors charge at us.

  Thankfully, Edith was not trapped in shock. She stretched out her hand and a gust of frigid, wet air slammed into the oncoming steeds. Some were able to keep their footing, but the two nearest us were flung backwards, the horses landing on the riders. From where I stood, I heard the crack of bone, though I couldn’t tell if the broken bones belonged to the horses or the women.

  This brought me out of my haze and I ran forward, having no idea how I was supposed to fight mounted soldiers with very long swords, while I had nothing but my wits. I decided to ignore the women and raced toward Sedgrave. Nik was almost to the warlock, but I knew that the young man could easily take Nik on. I wasn’t so sure if he could handle multiple assailants.

  Nik was three steps away when Sedgrave turned his gaze on him and said “stop.” Nik obeyed.